Why They Suck: A Scientific Analysis
I have set up this section of
"I Hate Guy Groups" to be an ongoing
scientific analysis of just why boy bands suck, and
why so many other groups are better.
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LYRICS
One reason why these boy bands suck so much are the
no-brainer lyrics. A good example would be the
chorus line to "Quit Playin' Games":
"Quit playin' games with my heart,
My heart, my heart,
I should have known from the start,
from my heart, my heart, my heart."
Come on! These are the kinds of lyrics a
five year old could have written. Now compare these
with the chorus line of "Carry On" by Kansas:
"Carry on, my wayward son,
Ther'll be peace when you are gone,
Lay your weary head to rest,
Don't you cry no more."
Those lyrics had some actual
thought put into them. To me, there's no
comparison. Now, I'll look at actual verses.Example: Verse 2 of "I Want
It That Way":
"Am I your fire?
Your one desire?
Yes I know
it's too late
but I want it that way."
Again, who writes this crap??? It couldn't
have taken whoever wrote that lyric more than five
minutes to do it (hell, the whole song probably didn't
take more than five minutes to write!). Now, compare
with verse 2 of "Hook" by Blues Traveler:
"There is something amiss,
I am being insincere,
In fact, I don't mean any of this,
Still, my confession draws you near
To confuse the issue, I refer
to familiar heroes from long ago
No matter how much Peter loved her
What made the Pan refuse to grow
was that the Hook brings you back"
Tell me: Are John Popper's words pure poetry,
or what?
You could tell
these lyrics
took some time
to write! The sad thing is that most boppers judge
musicians on looks and not on talent. That's why
they don't like bands like Kansas and Blues Traveler!
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COMING SOON: A deeper look into the poor
musical quality of the boy bands: How does
recycled beats+tired, old chord changes+whiny
voices=success??? We may never know the answer.
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