MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT
February 2, 2001
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"A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it's a
whisper." - BARRY NEIL KAUFMAN
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Policefamilies.com
http://www.policefamilies.com
Developed by Lorraine Williams Greene, PhD, and Ellen Kirschman, PhD,
and funded through a grant from the National Institute of Justice
and Metropolitan Police Department of Nashville and Davidson County,
this site provides online support for police families. Greene and
Kirschman created the site to promote resiliency among law
enforcement families. Visitors can "talk" via message boards and
chat rooms, find useful links for police partners and the concerns
of police survivor families.
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February 15-17: Society for Consumer Psychology Winter Conference,
Scotsdale, AZ.
This meeting is held concurrently with the American Marketing
Association Winter Educators' Conference and will address the
fields of psychology, marketing, advertising, communication and
consumer behavior. CONTACT: Stewart Shapiro, Department of
Business Administration, University of Delaware, Newark, DE 18711;
(302) 831-2516; EMAIL: sshapiro@udel.edu or Susan Heckler,
Georgetown University, G-04 Old North, McDonough School of
Business, Washington, DC 20057; (202) 687-8372; EMAIL: seh2@msb.edu
WEB SITE: http://www.consumerpsych.org
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March 16: Countering Violence, Aggression and Hostility in Our
Schools, Boston.
Sponsored by the Association for Supervision and Curriculum
Development (ASCD), the program is targeted at educators of all
levels and specialties. CONTACT: ASCD, 1703 N. Beauregard St.,
Alexandria, VA 22311-1714; (800) 933-2723; FAX: (703) 575-5400;
EMAIL: member@ascd.org; WEB SITE: http://www.ascd.org
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ASSERTIVENESS
Assertiveness means:
"the active process of obtaining your personal goals
and rights as an individual in a positive and personally
effective manner."
Essentially, this definition describes the ability to
deal effectively on a day-to-day basis and in a variety
of situations. Assertiveness is a style of acting that
allows you to reach personal goals and defend your rights
while causing as little anger and hurt feelings as possible.
We call successful self-assertion PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS.
The greater your Personal Effectiveness, the more capable
you will be in a new or threatening situation and, of
course, the less likely you are to experience significant
stress reactions when you interact with other people. In
fact, the point is to learn when, where, and how to be
effectively self-assertive.
One of the most common mistakes made in talking about
self-assertion is to confuse it with a very distant cousin
called Aggression. Self-assertion is not Aggression.
Aggression implies hostility and even force, neither of
which is a necessary part of a self-assertive response.
Remember, self-assertion depends on using positive and
personally effective behaviors --- reaching goals with
a minimum of hostility on either side.
However, self-assertion does require that a person
overcome or change a PASSIVE approach to important
situations. Although Passivity does protect a person
from much aggression, it also protects the person from
really being Personally Effective, since the Passive
style trades most goals and individual rights for a
non-threatened existence.
Personal Effectiveness is not the only reason for
looking to become more assertive. The fact is that each
time a person "gives in" to someone else's aggressive
behavior, or flares up and becomes hostile or angry,
stress is produced. Hence, since we encounter many
interpersonal styles each day, the potential for
contributing to overall distress is tremendous. However,
when we are able to handle a significant portion of the
stress-producing situations by asserting our personal
rights and goals, the probability of a DISTRESS reaction
is measurably lower.
All of us assert ourselves and try to exercise control
over others in individual ways. Some are comfortable
expressing themselves directly. Others find indirect
paths more comfortable. There are many different types
of assertive responses, none of which is right for
everyone. Keep your personal goals in mind and match
your goals to an assertive style that suits you.
CATEGORIES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR
There are many ways in which one can be self-assertive.
However, a large number of the situations in which
assertion is required can be grouped into one of the
following categories:
* Protest
* Requests for Change
* Opinions and Convictions
* Denying Others
These four categories are easy to remember if you use
the first letter of each to P-R-O-D your memory when
necessary.
PROTEST. It is difficult for many people to PROTEST
actions they feel are unjust or unwarranted in certain
situations. Protesting involves speaking or acting in
a positive but firm manner against things you believe
to be unfair or "out of line." Some examples of
situations in which Protest is appropriate are:
* You tell your boss that his or her criticism
of your work is inappropriate and you then
support your statement with evidence that you
are performing adequately.
* You inform your spouse that he or she is spending
too much money on home hobbies and suggest that
the two of you put a spending limit in the budget.
REQUEST CHANGE. A Request for Change is simply asking
that some present object or act be replaced with
another object or act more suited to your personal
goals. Ideally, a Request for Change should always be
accompanied by a reason for the change itself. An
Assertive Request for Change occurs, for example,
when you:
* Find you dislike the table assigned to you in a
restaurant and ask the waiter to seat you at a
vacant table because you are too near the doorway.
* Ask an instructor to change your mark in a course
or training session and demonstrate why you feel
your work in class deserves a higher grade.
OPINIONS AND CONVICTIONS. Probably the most frequent
form of self-assertion behavior is expressing a personal
Opinion or Conviction. Most people have strong Opinions
and Convictions, and it can be very stress provoking
not to be able to communicate them, especially when
others are doing so. However, a statement of Opinions
and Convictions should avoid any element of insistence
or attempt to convert, since neither approach is
positive and both increase the chance of a hostile
reception. An Assertive Opinion or Conviction occurs
when you:
* Tell a group of friends that you clearly favor
a certain political candidate without comparing
your choice to another contender they might favor.
* At a convention, state your conviction to a group
meeting about social laws without condemning those
that fail to agree with your point of view.
DENYING OTHERS. One of the hardest assertive behaviors
to perform is the act of Denying someone else something
that you could give. One of the best ways to state a
denial is to respond immediately with a firm "No", and
then follow with at least one reason for turning down
the request. An Assertive Denial occurs when you:
* Tell your teenage daughter she can NOT borrow
the car, and then support your denial with a
non-personal reason such as insurance, mechanical
problems, etc.
* Tell your mother that she can NOT visit during
the coming week and offer the main reason for
your Denying (other company, too busy, etc.).
The first step in increasing self-assertion and reducing
stress is to understand the elements of the stress-
producing situation. The second step is to work at
controlling the situation by applying a series of
stress-reducing principles. Remember, the goal of
self-assertion is to reduce stress by increasing
Personal Effectiveness.
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For further information, go to the search engine below and begin
by entering the following descriptors: Assertiveness, Personal
Effectiveness, Self-assertion, Assertive Behaviors, etc.
https://www.angelfire.com/biz/odochartaigh/searchbooks.html
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Contact your local Mental Health Center or
check the yellow pages for counselors, psychologists,
therapists, and other Mental health Professionals in
your area for further information.
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George W. Doherty
O'Dochartaigh Associates
Box 786
Laramie, WY 82073-0786
Mental Health Moments online: https://www.angelfire.com/biz3/news
