MENTAL HEALTH MOMENT February 2, 2001 ********************************************************************* "A loud voice cannot compete with a clear voice, even if it's a whisper." - BARRY NEIL KAUFMAN *********************************************************************
Policefamilies.com http://www.policefamilies.com Developed by Lorraine Williams Greene, PhD, and Ellen Kirschman, PhD, and funded through a grant from the National Institute of Justice and Metropolitan Police Department of Nashville and Davidson County, this site provides online support for police families. Greene and Kirschman created the site to promote resiliency among law enforcement families. Visitors can "talk" via message boards and chat rooms, find useful links for police partners and the concerns of police survivor families. * * * * * * * * * * February 15-17: Society for Consumer Psychology Winter Conference, Scotsdale, AZ. This meeting is held concurrently with the American Marketing Association Winter Educators' Conference and will address the fields of psychology, marketing, advertising, communication and consumer behavior. CONTACT: Stewart Shapiro, Department of Business Administration, University of Delaware, Newark, DE 18711; (302) 831-2516; EMAIL: sshapiro@udel.edu or Susan Heckler, Georgetown University, G-04 Old North, McDonough School of Business, Washington, DC 20057; (202) 687-8372; EMAIL: seh2@msb.edu WEB SITE: http://www.consumerpsych.org * * * * * * * * * * March 16: Countering Violence, Aggression and Hostility in Our Schools, Boston. Sponsored by the Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development (ASCD), the program is targeted at educators of all levels and specialties. CONTACT: ASCD, 1703 N. Beauregard St., Alexandria, VA 22311-1714; (800) 933-2723; FAX: (703) 575-5400; EMAIL: member@ascd.org; WEB SITE: http://www.ascd.org **********************************************************************Assertiveness means: "the active process of obtaining your personal goals and rights as an individual in a positive and personally effective manner." Essentially, this definition describes the ability to deal effectively on a day-to-day basis and in a variety of situations. Assertiveness is a style of acting that allows you to reach personal goals and defend your rights while causing as little anger and hurt feelings as possible. We call successful self-assertion PERSONAL EFFECTIVENESS. The greater your Personal Effectiveness, the more capable you will be in a new or threatening situation and, of course, the less likely you are to experience significant stress reactions when you interact with other people. In fact, the point is to learn when, where, and how to be effectively self-assertive. One of the most common mistakes made in talking about self-assertion is to confuse it with a very distant cousin called Aggression. Self-assertion is not Aggression. Aggression implies hostility and even force, neither of which is a necessary part of a self-assertive response. Remember, self-assertion depends on using positive and personally effective behaviors --- reaching goals with a minimum of hostility on either side. However, self-assertion does require that a person overcome or change a PASSIVE approach to important situations. Although Passivity does protect a person from much aggression, it also protects the person from really being Personally Effective, since the Passive style trades most goals and individual rights for a non-threatened existence. Personal Effectiveness is not the only reason for looking to become more assertive. The fact is that each time a person "gives in" to someone else's aggressive behavior, or flares up and becomes hostile or angry, stress is produced. Hence, since we encounter many interpersonal styles each day, the potential for contributing to overall distress is tremendous. However, when we are able to handle a significant portion of the stress-producing situations by asserting our personal rights and goals, the probability of a DISTRESS reaction is measurably lower. All of us assert ourselves and try to exercise control over others in individual ways. Some are comfortable expressing themselves directly. Others find indirect paths more comfortable. There are many different types of assertive responses, none of which is right for everyone. Keep your personal goals in mind and match your goals to an assertive style that suits you. CATEGORIES OF ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOR There are many ways in which one can be self-assertive. However, a large number of the situations in which assertion is required can be grouped into one of the following categories: * Protest * Requests for Change * Opinions and Convictions * Denying Others These four categories are easy to remember if you use the first letter of each to P-R-O-D your memory when necessary. PROTEST. It is difficult for many people to PROTEST actions they feel are unjust or unwarranted in certain situations. Protesting involves speaking or acting in a positive but firm manner against things you believe to be unfair or "out of line." Some examples of situations in which Protest is appropriate are: * You tell your boss that his or her criticism of your work is inappropriate and you then support your statement with evidence that you are performing adequately. * You inform your spouse that he or she is spending too much money on home hobbies and suggest that the two of you put a spending limit in the budget. REQUEST CHANGE. A Request for Change is simply asking that some present object or act be replaced with another object or act more suited to your personal goals. Ideally, a Request for Change should always be accompanied by a reason for the change itself. An Assertive Request for Change occurs, for example, when you: * Find you dislike the table assigned to you in a restaurant and ask the waiter to seat you at a vacant table because you are too near the doorway. * Ask an instructor to change your mark in a course or training session and demonstrate why you feel your work in class deserves a higher grade. OPINIONS AND CONVICTIONS. Probably the most frequent form of self-assertion behavior is expressing a personal Opinion or Conviction. Most people have strong Opinions and Convictions, and it can be very stress provoking not to be able to communicate them, especially when others are doing so. However, a statement of Opinions and Convictions should avoid any element of insistence or attempt to convert, since neither approach is positive and both increase the chance of a hostile reception. An Assertive Opinion or Conviction occurs when you: * Tell a group of friends that you clearly favor a certain political candidate without comparing your choice to another contender they might favor. * At a convention, state your conviction to a group meeting about social laws without condemning those that fail to agree with your point of view. DENYING OTHERS. One of the hardest assertive behaviors to perform is the act of Denying someone else something that you could give. One of the best ways to state a denial is to respond immediately with a firm "No", and then follow with at least one reason for turning down the request. An Assertive Denial occurs when you: * Tell your teenage daughter she can NOT borrow the car, and then support your denial with a non-personal reason such as insurance, mechanical problems, etc. * Tell your mother that she can NOT visit during the coming week and offer the main reason for your Denying (other company, too busy, etc.). The first step in increasing self-assertion and reducing stress is to understand the elements of the stress- producing situation. The second step is to work at controlling the situation by applying a series of stress-reducing principles. Remember, the goal of self-assertion is to reduce stress by increasing Personal Effectiveness. ******************************************************************** For further information, go to the search engine below and begin by entering the following descriptors: Assertiveness, Personal Effectiveness, Self-assertion, Assertive Behaviors, etc. https://www.angelfire.com/biz/odochartaigh/searchbooks.html ******************************************************************** -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Contact your local Mental Health Center or check the yellow pages for counselors, psychologists, therapists, and other Mental health Professionals in your area for further information. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- George W. Doherty O'Dochartaigh Associates Box 786 Laramie, WY 82073-0786 Mental Health Moments online: https://www.angelfire.com/biz3/news ASSERTIVENESS