Several weeks ago, I declared that the US had entered a war that it couldn't win in Yugoslavia. Several weeks ago, I was a naive fellow, and I believed that Clinton, Cohen and Albright had fired a losing volley.
I was wrong, dead wrong. Were I not a vegetarian and an abstainer from consumption of fowl, I'd be eating crow at this very moment.

I had mistakenly believed that Yugoslavia couldn't be defeated without a ground-force invasion; I was wrong. Clinton proved my erroneous beliefs to me. I naively thought that NATO would strike at the military of Yugoslavia, had wrongly thought that MIGs and SAMs would be the targets, and, because of this stupid belief, my judgment was quite clouded. I am told that rarely do I give Clinton his due, when due he is. Let this be my proof of honor and tribute to the chief.

Too often does the evil that men do live after them, while the good is oft interred with their bones. I have told you that Clinton was ambitious; if it were so, it is a grievous fault. But, Clinton has proven he is not ambitious; that he has the welfare of the Kosavars at heart, and, Clinton is an honorable man.

I had thought that American bombs would be destined for Serb military targets, for their tanks and guns and planes; I was wrong. Clinton taught us that the most effective use of bombs is to drop them on factories, schools, hospitals, bridges, power stations, radio and even television transmitters. Clinton was right to so strike these targets; his plan was well laid because Clinton is an honorable man.

I now condemn my naiveté and praise Clinton for showing me how war in this world really works; for as he killed many civilians and destroyed the civilian economy and civilian hospitals and civilian factories, so did he bring the Serb military to its knees. To stop rapes of defenseless women in Kosovo, Clinton rode hard his charger, and well did he the White Knight feign to be as he killed many innocents in his path, with the enormous ego that only pseudo valor can bring, because Clinton is an honorable man.

Clinton learned well from history, for it was Cicero who said: "Let war be so carried on that no other object may seem to be sought but the acquisition of peace." And, did not Clinton enter Kosovo with great arms and burn all the bridges over the Danube in the name of peace? So he did, because he is a erudite student of history, and Clinton is an honorable man.

While some might think that it was cowardly to bomb civilians who were defenseless; they are the fools who understand not the ways of irregular warfare. I was one of those fools until Clinton showed me the error. I, like them, used to demonstrate my foolishness by not seeing Clinton's perfect strategy of bombing hospitals and schools. It was Virgil who said: "Who asks whether the enemy were defeated by strategy or valor?" Clinton used a winning strategy that shows not valor, and, Clinton is an honorable man.

Some might say that Clinton deceived us, that we would not have allowed the bombing hospitals; they might protest that the victory wasn't worth the compromise to our morals, but they would be very wrong. Goethe said, "We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves." Clinton allowed us to deceive ourselves, and Clinton is an honorable man.

Yet another German philosopher proved Clinton right in his prevarications that led us to victory when Schopenhauer said, "We deceive and flatter no one by such delicate artifices as we do our own selves." Clinton has taught us the niceties of lying, and Clinton is an honorable man.

In "The Art of War," Sun Tsu described competent generals and strategists as those who had the most spies, those who planned the most devious schemes, those with no human hearts, those of abominable morals. Our commander in chief radiates the highest dreams of Sun Tsu in the field combined with a fountain of political talent that would shame Niccolo Machiavelli's "Prince." With lies and lawyers, he is creating for us, "the best of all possible worlds." Therefore, we must excuse the canards and carousing of Clinton, for he has brought us a great victory, and Clinton is an honorable man.