Alex sat next to Nick in the limo and nervously rung her hands. Nick didn’t see to notice how nervous she was, and that didn’t make anything better. Kristen smiled at her trying to reassure her that everything would be fine. The limo came to a stop and Alex wanted to bolt more than anything. She didn’t want to be here, she didn’t know why she was here. She wanted to go back to her own little world where Nick was just Nick and not a Backstreet Boy. As Alex stepped out of the limo and Nick took her hand. Cameras flashed and reporters started to line up. Kristen smiled and whispered, “Smile, and act like you are worth a million.”
Alex looked around, she saw all kinds of people she knew from music and movies. She was not star struck, but uncomfortable. She didn’t belong and she knew it. Kristen, Leighanne and Alex stepped back as photographers yelled at the guys to look one way and then another.
**
Amy sat on her bed, she had the popcorn and she was watching the post awards. “Where’s my Nick?” She asked as she watched intently. Then she saw him, she squealed and then realized he was holding someone’s hand. “Who is that?” Amy asked looking at the girl in leather. She laughed, “Well, I wonder if Alex knows about her…” She looked at her posters, she should have been mad that Nick wasn’t with her, but she was happy because Nick wasn’t with Alex.
**
Alex sat between Nick and A.J. she watched the opening act uncomfortably. Chris Rock made cracks about everybody, including the boys. Alex didn’t think it was funny but smiled anyway because of the cameraman in the isle that was filming them, and bugging her. The show went on, half way thru the boys left to go backstage to change for their performance. Kristen scooted over, “So, what do you think?”
Alex didn’t look at her, “It’s all fake Kris.”
Kristen looked thoughtful, “I know what you mean. Nobody’s who they seem, just who people want them to be.”
“Do you ever regret it?”
Kristen didn’t answer right away, “Sometimes.”
“This isn’t for me.”
Kristen smiled, “You’ll get use to it.”
Alex looked at her, “No, I won’t.”
Something about Alex’s answer made Kristen feel uncomfortable. She knew what she meant, she knew that Alex felt she didn’t fit in, but the way she said it was strange. The guys took the stage then and Kristen tried to concentrate on watching them.
Alex smiled as she watched Nick and the guys perform, they were good, but she hated Nick’s outfit. When it was over Alex and Kristen clapped wildly, “They never stop amazing me.” Kristen whispered. Alex didn’t say anything and just smiled.
“There you are, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” Nick said when he finally found Alex. “You having a good time?”
“Yeah.” Alex lied.
“This is great, did you see Korn? Their over that way.”
Alex nodded over the loud music, “cool.” Once they had gotten there she had been separated from Nick and wound up talking to some guy who was determined to make her a star. It had taken her a half an hour to convince him that she didn’t want to be a “star”. She was tired of all the make-up, finding the ladies room she wiped it off and let down her hair. She had then spent the next hour trying to find Nick or one of the guys. She hadn’t been successful in her search and ended up sitting down at a table. She was miserable, she didn’t fit in, and she knew it. She wasn’t cut out for this and it was obvious.
**
“I’m ready to head back to the hotel, what about you?” Nick asked
Alex just nodded. They found the other guys soon after and proceeded back to the hotel well after midnight. Alex hardly made it into the room before she clasped on the bed exhausted. “Don’t you guys have an interview tomorrow?” She asked
Nick groaned, “I forgot about that. I think it’s at noon.”
“Well, don’t expect me to be up.” She said pulling off her boots, “Can I have the bathroom first?”
“Yeah, go ahead.” Nick said throwing his jacket over a chair.
Alex grabbed her stuff and went into the bathroom. She shut the door and then turned to look at her reflection. She didn’t have any of the dark lip-gloss on anymore and only a little of the eye make-up remained. She sighed, it just wasn’t here. Hollywood was not her style, the spotlight wasn’t her thing. She was just Alex. Nothing special, just a pitcher from Orlando Florida. That’s who she was and who she planned to be. Tonight all her stomach did was turn as she watched people trying to be something else. Alex had always sworn she would never do that or be like that. Tonight she had considered it, she wanted to be something she wasn’t, and she wanted to fit in. She was now disgusted with herself for even entertaining such thoughts. She finished changing and walked out of the bathroom, “It’s all yours.”
“Okay, thanks.” Nick answered getting up off the bed. He was wondering if Alex was going to sleep in her bed tonight or his. He wasn’t going to push her or anything, “Alex…”
Alex looked at him, waiting for him to finish, “What?”
“Oh, never mind.”
Alex crawled under the covers and tried to fall asleep, but she just couldn’t.
Nick came out of the bathroom only to find Alex in her bed, asleep. He sat down on his bed and looked at her for a long time. He finally turned out the light and fell asleep almost immediately.
Alex heard Nick come out of the bathroom but didn’t move, she kept her eyes shut and waited until he turned out the light. She waited until his breathing even out before she opened her eyes. She had a million things racing thru her head, and she didn’t know what to do. She loved Nick, but she was beginning to think she wasn’t the best thing for him.
