Some Guy: Now back to the Anime Awards! Now, here's your hosts . . . Hey? Where are they? Ummm, now put your hands together for the Backstreet Boys!

     Back in the mall in the alternate universe . . .

Crystal: Well?

Amy: Where's my Rowey-Pooh?

Crystal: Rowey-Pooh?

Amy: Did I just say that out loud?

     Crystal bursts out laughing as everyone nods their heads. Amy gives Crystal the ‘look'.

Amy: Dare you laugh? I have some dirt on you!

     Crystal stops laughing.

Crystal: Huh?

     Amy begins to talk in a high pitched voice.

Amy: Oh, Sagey-Wagey . . .

     Crystal's anger is rising. She lunges at Amy. Trunks and Goku ignore the fight.

Trunks: Try again, Goku.

Goku: Argh! I can't sense their power levels. But that's impossible, they have to be in this mall!

Trunks: I know I sensed them for a moment. But then I lost the trace. . . . . I got it, Goku. If there was a large electric disturbance, do you think that could affect the traceability of their power levels?

Goku: I guess.

     Goku gets that confused look.

Goku: So, what does that mean?

Trunks: It means that wherever these guys are, is where there are a lot of electronic devices.

Goku: OH!

     Goku get's the girls attention. They stop fighting.

Goku: We have an idea of where they are!

Crystal: Really?

Amy: Where?

Trunks: Somewhere where there are a lot of electronic devices.

     Crystal whips out a map of the mall. It opens up to cover the entire walkway.

Crystal: I wonder . . .

Amy: There!

     Amy walks over and points at store Z49. It's next to boiler room BR15.

Amy: They're probably in the boiler room under this store. That would explain the disturbance!

All: Let's Go!

    They run down the entire length of the mall 26 times, because there's only one flight of stairs to a side per floor. They run down an additional five flights of stairs and burst into a room outside BR15.

Trunks: Whoever designed this mall was insane!

Goku: Are all malls like this?

     Suddenly, screams are heard from behind the door.

Duo: NO!!! NOT THAT!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!

Sage: Please put that down . . . Come on! Stop!

Rowen: NO! I DON'T WANT TO BE A DUMB BLOND!

Mia: Shut up and hold still, you two. I'll be done in a few moments!

     Evil laughter escapes the two girls' mouths.

Hirde: Come on Duo, I only want a souvenir!

     Scissors snap meticulously.

Crystal: Time to transform!

Amy: Right!

Crystal: Director 1 Crystal Power!

Amy: Director 2 Crystal Power!

Trunks and Goku: What the?

     Amy transforms into Sailor Director 2, in a sailor suit with blue accents. Crystal transforms into Sailor Director 1, in a sailor suit with purple accents.

Crystal: We'll yell if we need help.

Goku: Right.

Sage, Duo, Rowen: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

     Mia and Hirde laugh evilly, until they are started by voices.

Mia and Hirde: Huh?

Crystal: Stop right there, girls! We're the directors!

Amy: And the show must go on, you fashion rejects!

Crystal: So, in the name of the show . . .

Crystal and Amy: We shall punish you!

Mia: Yeah right! Computer Microwaves!

     Black C's fly through the air.

Crystal: Ah!

Amy: Watch it!

Hirde: Evil Girl Syndrome!

     Waves of black energy fly through the air.

Crystal: Ah!

Amy: Watch it!

Mia: Now to . . . what?

Hirde: Huh?

     Two explosions cause Mia and Hirde to back off. They look up to see two men with gold hair and green eyes.

SSJ2 Trunks: Hold it right there, Hirde and Mia. These Directors are important to the success of the show!

SSJ2 Goku: Right! And so are the hosts. Now, Sailor Director 2!

    Amy pulls out a gold megaphone. Imitating Rini . . .

Amy: Please help our show. Director Yelling Megaphone!

     Heero appears in the sky and lends Sailor Director 1 his gun. Pegasus music begins to play.

Crystal: Director Firing Shot!

     Energy slams into Mia and Hirde.

Mia and Hirde: We don't want to die!

     Mia and Hirde break into tiny pieces. Crystal and Amy return to their regular states. Trunks and Goku return to normal and teleport away.

Heero: Hi Duo.

     Duo is dressed in a black cocktail dress with loads of makeup on his face.

Duo: Oh Heero, help me out of here! Please, get me down!

     Heero pulls out a camera, snaps a picture and puts the camera away.

Heero: Ok.

Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Sage: Hey, Crystal. Get me down, please?

     Sage is in a green cheerleading outfit. His hair is pulled into pigtails and he is wearing a ton of make-up.

Rowen: C'mon Amy! Pu-lease get me down?

     Rowen is in a blue mini skirt and tube top. He has a ton of jewelry and make-up on. At his feet is a puddle of blonde dye. Amy looks at Crystal evilly.

Amy: One . . .

     Amy whips out a camera.

Crystal: Two . . .

     Crystal whips out a camera.

Amy and Crystal: Three!

     They snap pictures. Sage is staring blankly ahead and Rowen is in a frenzy.

Sage: You're cruel.

Crystal: I know.

Rowen: NO! NO! NOT FAIR! DESTROY THE PRINTS! DESTROY THE NEGATIVES! I'LL HURT YOU AND KILL YOU TEN TIMES OVER, AMY MARNE! YOU'RE GONNA PAY!!!

Amy: Oh, brother. Time to go home.

     Amy snaps her fingers and everyone returns to the stage in their original condition.

COMMERCIAL

     From the rafters . . .

Amy: 15 seconds . . . 10 . . . 5 . . . 4 . . . 3 . . . 2 . . . 1. . . and you're on!

     Back on stage.

Sage: Miss us?

     Flips hair and the girls in the audience swoon.

Duo: Hiya! Promised we'd be back!

     Sage looks backstage, before continuing.

Sage: Oh, and we forgot to introduce the third host!

     Duo crosses his arms, muttering something about blackmail.

Sage: Welcome, Rowen Hashiba!

     Rowen walks on stage to applause. Meanwhile, up in the control room . .

Crystal: Hey, Heero. Are you finished yet?

Heero: Yeah. You better hurry up and get on stage.

Amy: Right. Thanks for helping us.

Heero: No problem.

     Amy and Crystal leave. Heero barely smiles. Back on stage . . .

Rowen: And here to present what the hell?

     The stage is pitched into darkness.

Sage: Whoa! What the hell?

Duo: Huh? What's going on?

     Spotlight appears on Crystal and Amy, who are walking across the stage.

Crystal: Here's a little present from us to you.

Duo, Sage, and Rowen: Present?

Amy: Enjoy!

     The lights flicker on. On the backdrop, the pictures of the guys from earlier are projected. The audience is laughing uncontrollably.

Sage: I can't believe this . . .

Rowen: You promised!

Duo: Where are they?

    Voices yell from the rafters.

Crystal: Up here. Enjoying your present? I'm sure the audience likes it!

Amy: Aww, we're just little devils, aren't we?

     Crystal and Amy look at each other before cracking up.

Sage: They asked for it.

     The guys go offstage, unnoticed. Amy and Crystal stop laughing when they realize the guys are no longer there.

Amy: Where did they go?

Crystal: I dunno . . . wait, listen!

Amy: Jump!

     The girls jump down to the stage just before Rowen and Sage can grab them.

Rowen: Dang it!

Sage: How did you know we were creeping up behind you?

Crystal: You were too noisy.

Amy: Where's Duo?

     A man dressed in black robes with a white mask walks on stage.

Man: Hey girls. What's your favorite color?

Amy: Blue!

Crystal: Purple!

Man: Wait! That was the wrong question! Um, oh yeah, what's your favorite animal?

Sage: Duo, give it up.

Rowen: Yeah, it's not working. You didn't get the line right.

     The man pulls off the mask to reveal Duo. He rips off the rest of the costume. He was wearing his regular clothes underneath.

Duo: Blast it!

Some guy from the audience: CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG?

Crystal: Um, I don't think they're listening to that guy.

Amy: Look out! Run!

     Amy and Crystal start running around the stage, followed by Sage, Duo, and Rowen. They keep running in circles.

Rowen: Oh, hair dye isn't that bad, Amy. Trust me on this one!

     Each guy has a Super Soaker 500 filled with hair dye. Rowen's has blond. Sage's has brown and Duo's has blue. They're squirting it everywhere.

Duo: Oh, come on, it's not so bad.

Amy: I think we really ticked them off this time!

Crystal: Ya think?

Heero: Goodnight.

All: Huh?

     A misty smoke fills the stage. Everyone (except Heero whose wearing a gas mask, and the audience) falls to the ground, asleep. After the smoke clears, Heero rips off the mask and walks to the podium.

Heero: Mission complete. They're out like a light. The memory erasing gas should have done the trick. Hmmm . . . The award for Best Move. The nominees are

Sailor Mercury/Sailor Mars - Water Arrow Attack

Ayeka - Jurai Powers

Tenchi - Light Hawk Wings

Sakura - Clow Card Powers

Ryo Sanada - Flare Up Now

Heero: The winner is Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars with their water arrow attack.

     Heero blasts a hole in the ceiling and uses a rope gun to exit. A man in a tuxedo walks on stage. He pauses, looks at the people on the floor, shrugs, and walks to the podium.

Tuxedo Mask: I'm Darien, a.k.a. Tuxedo Mask. Amy and Raye, otherwise known as Sailor Mercury and Sailor Mars, couldn't be here tonight. Serena got her tongue stuck on the freezer door again and they're helping to remove it. So, I accept this award on their behalf.

     He exits. Cameraman looks at sleeping hosts before signaling for a break.

COMMERCIAL

Crystal: So, what happened?

Amy: Who knows. Guys, continue.

     Amy and Crystal jump back up to the rafters.

Duo: Ok. The next award is presented to someone very special. The Best Supporting Actress. These nominees are girls who affect the plot without being a major character. They are

Sailor Saturn, Sailor Neptune, Sailor Uranus, and Sailor Pluto

Lady Kayura

Bulma

Sage: And the winner is . . . Bulma! No, wait. That's a misprint.

Bulma: What? You mean I walked all the way up here for nothing? Well, I don't think so, buddy! My name is Bulma!

     Bulma pushes Sage out of the way.

Bulma: Ahem . . . Oh my gosh? Really? Wow! I'd like to thank Trunks, Goku, Vegeta, Piccolo, Kami . . .

     30 minutes later . . .

Bulma: And last, but not least, the dragon!

     Bulma leaves the stage and everyone wakes up.

Sage: As I was saying, Bulma wasn't really the winner.

     Screaming heard offstage . . .

Bulma: Hey, you with the braid, give that trophy back to me! Hey? What are you officers doing? I didn't steal anything! He did! Where are you taking me? Hey? Hey!

Duo: Here ya go, Sage. Thought the real winner should get it.

Sage: Thanks Duo. The real winner is Lady Kayura!

Kayura: Wow . . .

     Kayura walks on stage.

Kayura: Ok. Umm, stop asking me what age I am. The next person who asks is going to get there ass kicked.  To the warlords, thanks for trying to steal the spotlight every time I was on, so that everyone thought I deserved this! Well, I have to go. See ya!

Amy: Finally.

Crystal: Do you have the feeling we're forgetting something?

Duo: Yeah.

Sage: I know what you mean.

     A man walks toward the stage, before flipping up onto it.

Trowa: You should. Heero wiped out your memories.

COMMERCIAL

Amy: What exactly do you mean, Trowa?

Trowa: Exactly what I said. Heero wiped out your memories.

Duo: You're talking!

Crystal: No, really? Buy why?

Sage: And how do we still know that we're award hosts and directors and all this other stuff?

     Washu jumps on stage. Sage, Duo, Crystal, Amy, and Trowa sit in chairs.

Washu: Oh, I am so glad that you asked. You see . . .

Crystal: I remember that she never makes any sense . . .

     30 minutes later . . .

Washu: Understand?

     Everyone had fallen asleep.

Washu: Ahem!

     Everyone jumps awake, falling out of their chairs.

Crystal: Couldn't you explain that . . .

Duo: IN ENGLISH????

Washu: He erased the part of your memory that was associated with the incident, which I thought was very funny indeed, to be used as blackmail later.

     She looks at Sage, Duo, Amy, and Crystal in this weird way.

Washu: Aww, you were soooooo cute!

Crystal: Cute?

Sage: Really? Er, Trowa?

Trowa: Yes, really. You, Duo, and Rowen were dressed up as girls and pictures were taken of you.

Sage: I think I'm gonna be sick . . .

Duo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Amy: So what does this have to do with Crystal and me?

Trowa: Come here.

     Amy and Crystal slink over to Trowa, who whispers to them.

Trowa: Because you two helped take the pictures and then Heero betrayed your scheme and they found out and nearly dyed your hair before Heero but you guys asleep.

Amy: I can't believe it.

Crystal: Where is he now? Wait until I get my hands on him!

Sage: Violence isn't the answer . . . (to himself) He's gonna pay.

Duo: Look!

     Duo points to the sound booth.

Amy: Heeeee-rooooooo! Come down from there this very instant!

Duo: She's mad.

     Heero jumps out of the sound booth window. He uses a zip cord to reach the stage. He lands on his feet.

Crystal: One question: Why Heero, why?

Heero: Hmmm . . .

Amy: Don't just stand there, say something?!

Sage: I think he's had enough time. Time to fight. On my mark. 3. . 2. . 1. Go!

     Three Gundams and an armor appear on stage. Causing a big hole. One, Deathscythe, is moving around in circles.

Crystal: You really can't maneuver that thing, Duo, can you?

Duo: It's not my fault. The balance device is busted again!

Amy: You were supposed to get that fixed eons ago! You'll bring the whole place down! As for you, Mr. Yuy. I think you have some major explaining to do.

Heero: Thanks for the entrance, Duo.

     Heero blasts through the ceiling. The other Gundams follow.

Sage: So much for a pacifist show . . .

     He jumps up to help.

Amy: Um, well, I guess we'll go to a commercial now . . .

     Fighting continues. Explosions are sending fireballs down on the stage.

Crystal: We said, go to a commercial!

COMMERCIAL

Crystal: Welcome back! Umm, our hosts are busy trying to kill Heero, along with Trowa.

Amy: Right, so we'll be hosting for a while.

      Loud explosions heard from above.

Sage: Ha! Your Gundam is made of metal, Mr. Yuy. I have the advantage!

Heero: Hmmm. . . .

Sage: Thunder Bolt Cut!

     An electrical fireball slams into the Wing Zero, but nothing happens.

Sage: What?

Heero: You fool!

     Heero blasts Sage with his buster riffle. Sage slams into a several cars in the parking lot, including a Porsh, a Mercedes, and a certain black limo owned by a certian co-host.

Duo: Blast it.

Trowa: Let's go.

     Trowa and Duo attack Heero. All 3 Gundams crash.

Amy: As we were saying . . .

Crystal: Here's the presenter . . . Quatre!

     Quatre walks on stage and politely waves to the audience.

Quatre: Hello.

Amy: Hiya. . . .

     Amy has little hearts flying about her head and her eyes have gone all big. Crystal grabs Amy's collar and starts dragging her offstage.

Crystal: Yeah, hi . . . Go on.

Quatre: Ok. I'm here to present the Laziest Person Award. The nominees are

Rowen Hashiba

Mihoshi

Relena

Mimi

Quatre: And the winner is Mihoshi!

     In the audience . . .

Mihoshi: Oh, wow! Hey, Kiyone, he called my name!

Kiyone: Yeah, I know, Mihoshi.

Kiyone is obviously annoyed. Mihoshi is too stupid to notice.

Mihoshi: Umm. . . . so. . . . what do I do?

Kiyone: YOU GO UP THERE!

     Mihoshi looks at Kiyone like she's on drugs or something before starting to walk up.

Mihoshi: Oh, ok. Geez, Kiyone, you don't have to yell. Wow, it's so pretty! Hey, little boy, what's going on up there?

     Mihoshi points up. Quatre begins to tell her he's not little, but instead shoves Mihoshi off the stage.

Mihoshi: Owww . . .

Quatre: WE SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING AT ALL!!!!

     Trowa's Gundam takes a severe hit.

Quatre: NO, TROWA!!!!!

     Quatre's eyes start looking weird and he goes insane.

Quatre: No, Trowa . . . I'm going to get you, Heero!

     Quatre gets his Gundam and begins to fight Heero.

Heero: Not again. . . . I'll stop you, Quatre.

Quatre: Not this time!

     A large fight follows for a few minutes. Both Gundams crash outside. Trowa pulls open Quatre's hatch.

Trowa: You didn't have to do that, Quatre.

Quatre: Trowa?

     Quatre goes normal again.

Quatre: Trowa! Can we watch the show now?

     Quatre and Trowa begin to walk back to their seats before a figure blocks their path. It walks out to reveal Relena.

Relena: Wait just a minute.

     She runs to Heero's Gundam and rips open the hatch to reveal an injured Heero.

Relena: Lucky for you, he's still alive!

Quatre: Huh? What did I do?

     Relena pulls Heero out and Trowa explains to Quatre what he did.

Quatre: But, I . . .

Relena: In Heero's place, I am going to press charges!

     Heero is injured and he can only whisper, so no one can hear him.

Heero: No. . . charges. . .

Relena: Quatre, if you would come ever so quietly.

     Relena pulls out a small revolver.

Amy: No!

     Amy runs between Quatre and Relena.

Amy: Over my dead body.

Crystal: Not again. . . .

     Crystal shakes her head as if Amy always does this. She talks in a bored tone, while Amy talks with emotion.

Crystal: Get away from there. You'll get hurt.

Amy: No, this is my choice.

Duo and Sage:(they are oblivious to the fact that Amy does this a lot) NO! LISTEN TO CRYSTAL!

Amy: Too late. I'm listening to my heart.

Relena: Move!

     Relena cocks her gun and shoots the ceiling. Amy doesn't move.

Relena: Well, then. I wasn't planning to do this . . .

     Relena points her gun at Amy and prepares to shoot, when a brown-haired boy jumps on stage.

Sai: Wait! Relena, you don't even have a good bloody reason to persecute Quatre. We all saw him do something bad, but for bloody hell, we all do wrong things sometimes.

Relena: Hmmm. . . .

Duo: What the brit said! And besides, you're a sicko-stalker!

     Relena points the gun at him.

Duo: Never mind, I never said that.

Relena: Ok, that's it. Quatre, come with me.

Amy: Take me instead! I know it will be more interesting for a director to serve time anyway!

Relena: I think something finally clicked in your puny brain. Come on.

    She motions with her gun and Amy starts to walk.

Relena: And come to think of it, Crystal, you can come too.

Crystal: WHAT??

Relena: You created Heero's near death situation.

Crystal: You can't make me go.

     Relena points gun at her.

Crystal: Ok, I guess you can.

Sage: That's it.

    Sage tries to run to Crystal but Sai stops him, shaking his head.

Duo: Why?

Sai: Just watch. Fish and chips, anyone?

     Rowen helps Heero up and Relena points the gun at him.

Relena: What do you think you are doing?

     Rowen ignores her and gives Heero some medicine.

Rowen: Drink this. It'll give you enough energy to get to the hospital without fainting.

Heero: Thanks.

Relena: Heero, your ok!

     Relena drops her gun.

Heero: Of course I am. He saved me.

     Heero takes a step forward, but winces in pain.

Rowen: You have to give it a minute.

Relena: Heero, huh?

Heero: Relena . . .

     Heero picks up Relena's gun and points it at her.

Heero: You've messed up everything. It's not even their fault. AND I DON'T WANT TO PRESS CHARGES!

Relena: But Heero . . .

     Relena backs ups, and runs into Kiyone and Mihoshi.

Kiyone: We'll take it from here, Heero. Mihoshi! Arrest her!

     Mihoshi brings a shocked Relena to Kiyone, who handcuffs her and reads her the Miranda rights.

Crystal: Whew . . .

     Mihoshi and Kiyone take Relena to prison and Sai and Trowa take Heero to the Hospital.

Amy: It's not your fault, Quatre. We all did something . . .

Quatre: I guess you're right. I think we should all take a break.

Sage: Yeah. We'll be right back!

Duo: What he said.

     Cameraman watches as everyone falls to the ground, asleep, before cutting to a. . .

COMMERCIAL