THIS REAL WEIRD PSYCHOLOGICAL THING HAPPENED TO ME AT THE BERLIN ZOO WHERE THE MONKEYS HANG OUT.











THERE WAS THIS LITTLE GUY. A LITTLE CHIMPANZEE GUY OR MAYBE HE WAS A BIG CHIMPANZEE GUY. I HAVEN'T MET MANY BUT HE LOOKED LITTLE. 'BOUT THREE FOOT, DARK EYES. HE WAS SWINGING AROUND UP THE TOP OF HIS DEPRESSING CAGE WHEN HE SPOTTED ME. OBVIOUSLY HE KNOWS A NICE GUY WHEN HE SEES ONE AND HE SUAVELY SWUNG ON DOWN TO SAY G'DAY.

THERE WAS A BIG THICK SHEET OF GLASS BETWEEN US, HE AND I. WE HAD THIS MONKEY MIND MELD THING HAPPENING THROUGH THE GLASS. HE WAS TELLING ME HOW LIFE REALLY SUCKED AT THE ZOO. I AGREED THAT IT PROBABLY WOULD AND IF I COULD TALK HIS KEEPER INTO GIVING HIM A WEEK OFF, MAYBE WE COULD BOTH BUGGER OFF TO PRAGUE TOGETHER, GET DRUNK A LOT AND MAYBE GET SOME WOMEN. HE DIDNT THINK HE'D BE ALLOWED, WHAT WITH HIM BEING A CHIMP AND ALL, BUT HE THANKED ME ALL THE SAME.

THEN HE GOT REAL INTERESTED IN MY NOTE BOOK, THIS NOTE BOOK, IT'S GOT RED BITS. HE POINTED AT IT AND SAID CAN I HAVE A LOOK AT YOUR LITTLE NOTE BOOK PLEASE. I WOULD HAVE HAPPILY GIVEN IT TO HIM, I REALLY WANTED TO BUT WE HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH THE GLASS. THEN A WHOLE STACK OF DUMB HUMANS TURNED UP AND SPOILT EVERYTHING. HE EXCUSED HIMSELF, SAYING THAT HE HAD TO ACT LIKE A ZANY CHIMP FOR THESE PEOPLE AND THANKED ME ONCE AGAIN FOR THE PRAGUE INVITE.

MAYBE PEOPLE WILL READ THIS AND POINT OUT THAT CHIMPANZEES ARE PRIMATES NOT MONKEYS BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE A TAIL BUT I LIKE THE SOUND OF A MONKEY MIND MELD.