On the Line: The Soundtrack Review
(NOTE: I suggest you read my review of the movie first, or some things in this won’t make sense.) The soundtrack was the best part of what I’m calling the “On the Line Experience.” (Sounds like a new Disneyworld ride, huh? I wouldn’t be surprised if that happened. Could you imagine? You sit on this faux train thing & ride through Chicago trying to shoot the target of the girl you’re shown a picture of. I see gold mine…) Alicia and I both had the soundtrack within the first week it was out, so we learned all the songs and were singing along obnoxiously loud when we finally saw the movie. Here’s a track by track breakdown.
1. On the Line: The On the Line All-Stars f/Lance Bass, Joey Fatone, Mandy Moore, Christian Burns from BBMak, & True Vibe First of all, who the fuck is True Vibe? I’ve only seen part of the video, totally missed the Making the Video (yes I am pissed about that) so maybe it was more evident in those, but I don’t even hear them singing. That’s beside that point Sarah, just review the song. OK, very cute, very teenybopper. Aw, hell, who am I kidding? In a bad mood? Put on the “On the Line” theme song. It’s just too damn cute, guaranteed to make you smile. Lance gets a solo, Joey gets a solo, it’s got the hot blonde guy from BBMak, and Mandy Moore, who, as much as I wish she annoyed me, is just too sugary sweet to anger me. Rating (out of 10): 9
2. That Girl (Will Never Be Mine): *N Sync
The beginning of this song that just didn’t quite make the cut for “Celebrity” is a tribute to all those “50’s doo-wop” bands Joey’s always talking about. This song’s okay, and *N Sync actually had no hand in producing or writing so it’s different than a lot of things they’ve done lately. The best part of the song though, is the bridge, the part you hear on the On the Line preview: “That girl - tearin’ up the big screen/ That girl - fillin’ every day dream.” This is one of those lines that you roll down all the windows in your car, wait until the very beginning of that line, then turn the stereo up full blast, and, as people in the others cars stare at you, reply with an “I am listening to *N Sync, what’s it’s you bi-otch?” look. Rating: 7 (Would have gotten much lower, had it not been for that one little part that brings up the whole quality of the song.)
3. Under You: Trickside
I really have nothing to say about this song. It’s really random that it’s on this soundtrack, because it’s also on the Serendipity soundtrack, which just proves my point that somebody ripped off someone else with these two films. You have to be in a certain mood to sit through this song. Most of the time I just become annoyed with it and click over to the next song. Rating: 4 (I’m being very generous here.)
4. Don’t Look Down: BBMak
I love this song. Slow, but very BBMak, very cute. There’s not much to say about it, except this: When is BBMak coming out with their next CD? I love their first one, and if this song is any indication of what’s to come from these Brits I’m excited. Rating: 8
5. Let’s Stay Together: Al Green
This song is so retarded. The only part that saves it from sucking hard (which it still does, but) is GQ’s little rap in the middle. I know Al Green is supposed to be really cool and whatever, but I’m just not feeling it. Rating: 3 (All of those points are for GQ, not Al Green.)
6. Let Me Be: Britney Spears
I have virtually nothing to say about this song either. I don’t hate Britney Spears, in fact I’m quite partial to her music, but this just wasn’t doing it for me. Rating: 6 (For effort.)
7. Falling: *N Sync
First of all Chris wrote this song, and let me tell you that it was really refreshing to read the liner notes (no I’m not a dork) to an *N Sync song and find that the song wasn’t written by JC, Justin, Wade, or Max Martin. This song is straight up a sappy, corny love ballad…And I love it. Maybe it’s the fact that Chris wrote it, but I like it a lot and I’m not completely sure why because the part of the brain that desperately wants me to be cool is telling me not to like it. Rating: 9.5 (Yes, I like it that much.)
8. Do You C What I C?: Vitamin C
I was unimpressed. Vitamin C has some decent songs, but this isn’t one of them. The usage of it in the movie was good though. (It’s playing in the background when “Kevin” arrives at work the day that the first article about him is published and the ladies in the office are looking at him like he’s just the cutest thing ever. Which he is, ‘cuz it’s Lance, but anyway…) Rating: 6
9. Ready To Fall: Joey Fatone Aw, Joey. I don’t know if I’ve explained this already or not, but Alicia hates Joey, so I have to love him to piss her off. (Although when we were sitting in the theater and “Rod” goes on a date with that girl from Felicity and he’s being sweet, she leaned over to me and said “Aw, Joey.” She’ll cross over to my side one day…) Very cute. Joey can actually sing. Maybe he never gets solos ‘cuz Justin and JC are afraid he’ll take one of their places as lead singer of *N Sync, because the boy has some pipes on him. This song is random in the movie, but one of the best on the soundtrack. Rating: 9
10. To Be Able To Love (Jonathan Peters Radio Mix): Jessica Folker
I have absolutely no idea who this Jessica Folker chick is, but I’ve decided she’s very cool. This song is good. Not just teenybopper good, but good song good. One of the best songs on the CD. Rating: 8.5
11. My Hit Song: Melissa Lefton
This is definitely Alicia’s favorite song on the album, and one of my favorites too. We’ve decided it’s our theme song. It’s cool and just extremely teenybopper, but underground teenybopper, like drawing half the fish was for the Christian, so you can listen to this song and no one but other teenies will know you’re listening to the On the Line soundtrack. Rating: 9.8
12. Say You’ll Walk the Distance: Robyn
Anyone care to tell me how the hell Robyn got involved in this project? Hasn’t she been on the one hit wonders list for the past five years? This song sucks. Rating: 0.1
13. Take Me On: Richie Sambora
This song is good, but how did they get someone from Bon Jovi’s band in on this? Was he that desperate for work? I thought Bon Jovi was doing pretty well, but I guess not because not only is Richie on the soundtrack, but he plays Ron’s (Joey) rock star idol in the movie. ?Que? Anywhoo, this song is actually decent. Rating: 8.0
14. Can’t Trust Myself: Blaque
Blaque sucks. I haven’t heard all of this song but the beginning sucks and it’s Blaque, so why bother? Rating: 0.05
15. Ready To Fall: Meredith Edwards
Lance is just whoring this girl out to no end. First she opens on N Sync’s tour, now she’s on the On the Line soundtrack. This song is cute, and Wedgie has an unnatural obsession with it, but it can’t compare to Joey’s version.
Go Home PooFu, Go Home!
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Part Uno - The Movie Review