Steffi |
@ YOUR SCHOOL
Before You Proceed: If you have a low tolerance level, heed my forewarning. My sense of humour often knows no boundaries; it can be downright hilarious [A/N: maybe wishful thinking] , embarrassingly pathetic, repulsively insensitive, or all of the above. >>>>>
Clairol is sponsoring a contest where you can win an “NStink Concert @ Your School.” Is that considered a prize? What happened to all the real prizes in contests nowadays? I do not want some insecure posers who cannot sing to come to my school for a concert. I would probably be shot because people would go to class rather than hear those pansies sing.
Principal: All classes report to the auditorium immediately. There will be a special presentation starting shortly.
Students: Whoo hoo, we get to miss class!
Principal: Welcome students of Reagan High School! [A/N: ever watch Jaw Breaker?] Today we have a special performer at the school. But before we bring them out, let’s give a warm welcome to the student who brought them here. Fern Mayo, please come and give us a few words. Everybody, give a round of applause. {Fern walks up to the stand}
Fern: Hi everdody. Sawy, I just got brases and I con’t speek too well. [A/N: no offense to people with braces; just thinking of a certain 20 something year old who had braces *cough* Chris] Guess wat I did? I won a fee konsert to our skewl. It’s my favortist band in da hole wide wurld, NStink! {all the ten-year old teenyboppers cheer (keep in mind this is a high school)}
Principal: Ok, presenting NSync, or is it Stink, or is it Stync? Um… {whispers to the VP}
Alright, the name has been confirmed as NStink. {looks around nervously and stops after 2 claps} {bunch of girls walk onto the stage}
Student1: I thought NStink was a boy-band.
Student2: They are.
Student1: Then why do they all look like that?
Student2: I guess they were a cloning project gone bad. Very bad.
Student1: Oh yah, I heard about that. Some fat bastard named Louser Pearlman tried to clone the Backstreet Boys. The BSB freed themselves before the process even began, but Louser was too busy molesting that guy with pubic hair on his head to notice. He pushed the big CLONE button, and left the room. Little did he know that NStink’s mothers were hiding in the room, waiting to free their sons. Let’s just say the resemblance between NStink and their mothers is astounding...
Student2: So basically they've got some things they shouldn't have.
Student1: Exactly. {suddenly, the lights turn off}
JCine: I may run and hide when you’re screaming my name all right.
Crowd: Boo, that’s not your song! Don’t ruin a perfectly phat song by the BSB!
Justine: Sorry, we’ll try again. {whispering to the side}
Ok guys, take out the BSB CD and put in LFO.
Christine: New Kids On The Block had a bunch of hits, Chinese food makes me sick, and I think it’s fly when the girlies stop by for the summer, for the summer.
Crowd: {throwing anything they can get their hands on, including other students}
Boo, stop, go away, we’d rather go to class.
Lancecine: Let us try, baby one more time! Get it, baby one more time!
Justine: Hahaha! Lancecine, you’re so funny!
Lancecine: {whispering to the side}
Ok, take out the LFO CD and put in um… you know those guys who sing our songs, and we lip synch to the song and pretend we’re singing it? Yah, put them in.
Josephine: Ok, we’re ready now.
Christine: Lying in your arms, so close together. Didn’t know just what I had. Tell me why, ain’t nothing but a heartache, tell me why ain’t nothing but a mistake. Summer girls come and summer girls go, so are pretty fly and some are so so. Baby when the lights go out, I’ll show you what it’s all about. Step by step, oh baby, gonna get to you girl. It’s the hardest thing I’ll ever have to do, to turn around and walk away pretending I don’t love you. {Christine is frantically trying to keep up with the songs, so that the crowd does not realize he’s lip synching}
JCine: What’s wrong with the CD player man? Why does it keep mixing up all of the songs? I thought Lancecine told you to put in that CD were some guys sing our songs and we lip synch and pretend to sing. {ever so bright JCine Chasez does not realize that the microphone is still on} {half the school leaves}
Lancecine: Wait people, don’t leave, please! My mom always told me I was a really, really talented girl and that I could do anything I set my mind to. Please, let me live my dream, or I’ll break down and cry just like a child.
Justine: Lancecine, yo. Quit actin like a damn girlie. Whoops, you are one. I mean, stop actin so sappy yo. Me gots an idea. Why don’t we just jump around and pretend we’re dancing?
Lancecine: Oh Justine, you’re so smart. I’ll have to reward you later tonight. {he winks at Justine}
Justine: I’ll be looking forward to it. {Lancecine rips off his jacket to reveal a white body suit and puts on his tutu. He starts prancing all over the stage. JCine rips his shirt off to reveal a hairy, monkey chest. He waves his arms in the air like a gorilla. [A/N: LMAO, he already looks like one] Justine tries to break dance. The key word here is tries. Josephine whips out a Burger King, Mac Daddies and a Carls Jr and shoves it in his mouth all at once, while swaying from side to side. Christine lets his dreds lose and starts head banging the stage. Literally.}
Justine: When I say N, you say Sync. N…
Crowd: {dead silent}
Lancecine: {sobbing} You’re supposed to say Sync! Please, say Sync! I’m having a mental breakdown. {he curls up into a ball} Everything will be ok Lancecine, Mommy loves you and thinks you can do anything you want to do. Rock a by Lancecine on the tree top, when the wind blows, the cradle will rock…
{suddenly, in the gym entrance, there is a beam of light; Backstreet Boys show up in their leather Matrix jackets}
BSB: What is that horrible racket? And who are those girls up on the stage?
Crowd: BSB, that’s NStink. They’re trying to sing and dance, but my ears and eyes can’t take it no more. Please save us!
BSB: Don’t fear, the Millennium is here. {all whip out their Millennium CDs}
NStink: Oh no, it’s the Backstreet Boys. And look, they have those deadly Millennium CDs. You know, the CD that shattered the first weeks sales record in the US. The CD that has sold over 7 million copies in a few short months, just in the US alone. The CD that is guaranteed diamond status. The CD that opened a can of whoop ass on us! Run now!
{NStink tries to run, but the BSB have quicker reflexes. As each BSB flings a disc, a member of NStink gets knocked unconscious.}
Crowd: {cheers}
Hip hip hooray! Let’s make this Backstreet Boys day!
BSB: Thank you, no applause please. It’s all the day’s work of the world’s biggest pop group. We are not a boy band, we’re a vocal harmony group. And wherever there is an awful group of guys, trying to be like us, you can be sure the Millennium will be upon them. Until next time America, same bat time, same bat channel.
FANFICTION.NET REVIEWS
Even though most of these are negative, I am an honest person and will still post them. Besides, you cannot possibly please everyone.
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optimistic 2002-08-26:
nsync just acted all girly and that by itself isn't that funny. good try though. i understand why u would write this as it shows how biased u are in saying bsb are the heroes. i do admit that i am a nsync fan, but i don't go around giving statistics out about how much better they are bsb. i giv both a fair go and u should that too.
- Anonymous 2002-08-20:
whatever
Copyright 1999
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Steffi |
