Steffi

GRAMMAR SCHOOL

I am very concerned with the recent decline in English writing ability among NStink and Bitchney Queers fans. I am even more concerned that these youth are supposed to be the backbone of society in the next 10 to 20 years, although they cannot even write a grammatically correct paragraph. Therefore, I have decided to provide at my website, free of charge, a grammar school for mentally challenged NStink and Bitchney fans. Thank-you, no applause please. (author’s note: The hate mails are real and can be found in my guestbook.)

HATE MAIL #1

you said that britney spears or should i say bitchney spears You called her Bitchney, not me! lip off her song on stage right ? To lip off means to talk back to someone in a disrespectful manner. Lip sync means to play a pre-recorded version of a song and pretend to sing it live. Get a dictionary. well at least she sings in the studio and make a great album. And your definition of great is cat screeching on CD? Unlike you you just know to hate her. I “know” more than you do, for example, how to write properly in the English language. let me ask you one simple question......have you ever have a great album like Britney Spears? If yes,you can go on and hate Britney Spears.That's all i wanna say.I'LL BE BACK. No T2000, do not get Bitchney Queers to shoot at me with her silicone bullets LATER...............
Grade: F-

GRAMMAR LESSON #1

To the little teenybopper who wrote hate mail #1, do not fret! Keep sending hate mails in and I will correct your grammar and in the process, you may learn to write a decent English paragraph! Does that not send your mind into a fury of excitement? In grammar lesson #1, I will teach you the basics of the English language. Firstly, each sentence and person’s name begins with a capital letter like so: “You said that Britney Spears…” Secondly, do not use the wrong verb with a sentence, or you will confuse people: ”lip off” and “lip sync” are two entirely different actions, so do not use them interchangeably in a sentence. Thirdly, your subject and verb must agree in a sentence: ”makes a great album” not “make a great album.” Do you understand the fundaments of English now? My heart is overcome with a sense of optimism; I knew I could make a difference. If you have any English problems in the future, be sure to send me some hate mail and I would be delighted to correct it for you.

HATE MAIL #2

HELLO BICTHNEY Sorry, my name is not “Bicthney.” WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM !!! This bothersome red rash on my ass, could you have a look at it? HAVE YOU EVER MET THEM??? I have met many people in my life, I can give you a list and you can tell me if I have met the “them” that you are referring to. WELL I HAVE AND THEY ARE REALLY DOWN TO EARTH PEOPLE SO KISS ME &#@!! I would rather not, but thank-you for the offer. 1 OH AND BY THE WAY JUSTIN HAPPENS TO BE ONE OF THE BEST PEOPLE ON EARTH AND FOR THIS WEBSITE I SHALL SEND IT A VIRUS!!!!!! You are not smart enough to write a proper paragraph, but you are smart enough to send a virus, I am thoroughly impressed. GOOD LUCK BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!
Grade: D

GRAMMAR LESSON #2

If I charged a $1 fee for each grammar tip, I would be a millionaire after reading this passage. However, lucky for you little teenybopper, I am generous and I will not charge you a fee for my services. Your English is slightly more developed than the previous teenybopper, and thus, I will not have to reiterate the basics of English. Instead, for your case, we will learn more advanced skills, Grade 2 English skills. For starters, when you want to irritate someone, address the comments to the person you want to irritate: “Bicthney” is not my name. As well, do not use pronouns before you have stated what you a referring to. I have no clue who “they” are. Do you feel smarter already? I know you probably want to thank me for my grammar correction service, but put your precious Barbie doll away, I repeat I will not charge for this week’s lesson.

HATE MAIL #3

hi i love britney and n´cync You love them so much you spelt their name incorrectly. because ncync is the best grup You mean, “bunch of gropes?” in old the worl Okay… and britney i´ts At least you are not confused about IT’S gender. so cute to my´bye bye bye like n´cync bye bye bye...
Grade: F-

GRAMMAR LESSON #3

Since this teenybopper claims that she is from Mexico, I will try to be civil during Grammar Lesson #3. For starters, this young delusional lass must re-read Grammar Lessons 1 and 2, since she has made many of the same mistakes. For example, sentences and names start with capital letters like: “Hi, I love Britney…” Also, spelling seems to be her major problem, as she has mis-spelled ‘NSync (multiple times), group and world. If I were her, I would pull out those old Grade One spelling lists from under the No Strings Attached CD. Who knew that those types of words would come in handy later in life??

HATE MAIL #4

I think that you are a skank. Because your thoughts are just SO important to me. You betta shut up b/c Bsb SUCKS ! Just because you hate nsync doesn't mean everybody does Did I ever say that?! If you haven't noticed, BSB hasen't done ANYTHING in a month I’m so sorry-they’re living their lives right now. But I should call them up off their lazy asses so that they can work to please people like you..You just really need to keep your stupid opinions to yourself,SKANK And you shouldn’t be coming to ‘NSync hate pages. ! GOd, no wonder you think Lance is The best nsyncer, you have no taste at all ( also considering you like bsb)Bye Skank!
Grade: C-

GRAMMAR LESSON #4

This C- is the highest mark that I have ever handed out at my refined grammar academy, so Teenybopper #4 should be proud of herself! However, mistakes are nevertheless apparent. The contraction of has not is not spelled “hasen’t” but rather “hasn’t.” And TB4 should learn to control her erratic finger movements (from listening to all that ‘NStink shit...) so that the caps lock button does not play tricks on her: GOd.

HATE MAIL #5

It's pretty sad when some one likes one boy band and DIPISES Tsk, tsk. It is DESPISES. the others. They're all the same talentless pieces of bull crap. BSB suck cock, and 'N Sync... all the same. Backstreet sucks just as much as any other of the boy bands. And Britney's garbage.
Grade: C

GRAMMAR LESSON #5

Naturally, I cannot consider this wonderfully dedicated supporter of my work to be a teenybopper, as she hates both NStink and Bitchney Queers. However, for including her unpleasant comment about the Backstreet Boys, I will correct her grammar as a reward! When attempting to emphasize a word (ie. see DIPISES...), please spell it correctly or you will be thoroughly ridiculed by me.

HATE MAIL #6

You are so lame Why, thank you, that is a compliment to me! ! nsync is way better then bsb they are all fags and have no talent. nsync rules and dont be jealous of their fame. justin is cool And so is my freezer. and lance is not a girl But he sure looks like one. . but i do have to agree with you on the britney spears thing, she is a hoe and i do hate her.
Grade: C-

GRAMMAR LESSON #6

Three C range marks in a row, I must really be making a difference! Although TB5 has some trouble with capitals as well, her overall grammar is satisfactory. However, she must be careful not to confuse words such as “then” and “than,” since “then” is used to indicate some sort of order and “than” is used for comparisons. And at least we agree on Britney Spears…

HATE MAIL #7

You are such a stupid skank. How dumb can you actually be!?!? You see, I smoke the same weed you do... You sit there and say you hate Nsync but love Back street fags??? give me a break you skank. bsb have no talent or looks nsync looks good performs good I guess pubic hair "looks good" on your planet. and are much better then bsfags. Also ever wonder why they have all the fans and all the records they sold over 1.1 million reacords of nsa bsb sold not nearly as many of their gay millinium album. just to let younow you suck and bsb suck! NSYNC RULES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Grade: C

GRAMMAR LESSON #7

Teenybopper #7, who so lovingly referred to me by the name of “stupid skank,” will be flabbergasted when I reveal the difference between the words “good” and “well.” They cannot be used interchangeably! Since adjectives are used to modify nouns and pronouns (I’m sorry, did I lose you already...let me try again, only slower this time...A-d-j-e-c-t-i-v-e-s m-o-d-i-f-y…), your sentence should read “performs well” instead of “performs good.” As well, "millinium" is spelt incorrectly; it should be "millennium." Nevertheless, do not distress, as even the best of us make errors. People on weed just make more of them...

HATE MAIL #8

U LOSER DONT U EVER SAY NSYNC COPIED THEY DIDNT U ASS HOLE BAN ME FROM UR DAMN GUEST BOOK I never ban anyone from my guestbook. The proof? Queers like you are still allowed to post messages. THATS SO DAMN GREAT OHHHHHHH SCREW U!!!! UR A H*O*E!
Grade: C-

GRAMMAR LESSON #8

Is it just me, or is the first half of the paragraph a run-on sentence? Try a little something called punctuation teenybopper #8, it works wonders when you are attempting to communicate intelligibly ! “U LOSER, DONT U EVER SAY NSYNC COPIED! THEY DIDNT U ASS HOLE. BAN ME FROM UR DAMN GUEST BOOK.” What a mind-boggling difference!

HATE MAIL #9

Well, hello there. Nice site ya have here. Guess what? I'm an *N Sync Interesting... , but I don't plan on going all teenyboppish on your ass :) But, my friend, you are a teenybopper! And don't deny it! You are! You complain about *N Sync, but totally love BSB, and you also WrItE LiKe ThIs I WrItE LiKe ThIs because it gives my site a nice break from the everyday. , and that is being a teenybopper. I also think that your humor sucks. No offense. It's not very bad, well, actually it is Make up your mind. You either love me or hate me. No in-betweens. . My friend Sarah who usually isn't funny can come up with better humor than that shit. My god all you do is just sit on your ass and complain It is my forte. Learned about it in Law 101. . Well, I better go, bye now. Oh if you want to be immature and hate mail me or whatever. Go ahead Sorry, I do NOT hate mail people; I have a life. . I'll be waiting, and if you want to diss my site(which I know isn't really good) go ahead. Have fun, and have a great day.
Grade: C

GRAMMAR LESSON #9

Grammar lesson #9 will not be a grammar lesson in the traditional sense. Instead, it is more of a tutorial on the art of persuasion. If you want to persuade someone to believe the validity of your viewpoint, do not be a hypocrite! Hypocrisy is the deadly sin when dealing with the persuasive form of writing! Teenybopper #9 spent an entire paragraph attempting to portray yours truly as an immature teenybopper, while contrasting herself as a mature debutante. Yet, at the conclusion of her guest entry, she states: “Oh if you want to be immature and hate mail me or whatever…” Has she not just broken her own code of conduct then, by participating in the act of “hate mailing?” TB #9, do not be embarrassed, for people like you are the reason that selectivity exists at Harvard’s Law School admissions department.

HATE MAIL #10

Um okay.I have absolutley no problem with you making fun of *NSync and Britney.I just don't see why you have to make fun of their fans,though.We can actually write a paragraph or two *surprise,surprise* and we don't need dictionarys Really? I want you to look over the first two sentences in your paragraph. Go on. Look. .But I do hate those so called *NSync "fans" that start rumors about them and stuff like that.Fortunatly,not all fans are like that!I hope you find help because you need to open up your eyes and see,that yes,not all fans are stupid. Actually, some *NSuck fans are very scholarly. Unfortunately, you are not one of them.
Grade: C

GRAMMAR LESSON #10

When attempting to distinguish yourself as an academic, elitist writer, please do not make spelling and grammar mistakes in the first few sentences of your paragraph. Firstly, you have exchanged the “e” and the “l” in “absolutely.” Secondly, you have mistakenly written the plural of dictionary as “dictionarys,” when it should be “dictionaries.” As well, you have missed the “e” in “fortunately.” However, your English mistakes are not what I find most intriguing. It is the underlying irony in your passage. You are trying to display the scholarly qualities of NStink fans. Yet you yourself do not possess the qualities that you have listed. Try again next time.

HATE MAIL #11

OK I HATE TRASH BSB AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS A HATE SITE FOR *NSTINK AND BITCHNEY QUEERS! Do you not read the site descriptions? BUT ALL U DO IS DISS NSYNC BECAUSE YOUR JEALOUS THAT THEM HAVE MORE TALENT THEN U! AND YOUR STUPID BSB THAT ARE GOTHIC Gothic? Have they all gone out and pierced their tongues, lips, eyebrows and navels? Are they wearing white makeup and black lipstick? !!! YOUR STUPID AND MY FRIEND HAS BETTER JOKES THEN U! SO SHUT UP AND SUCK IT UP THAT NSYNC HAS MORE TALENT!
Grade: C-

GRAMMAR #11

Have all my toiling efforts been in vain? Why has this teenybopper composition taken a turn for the worst? I am essentially back at the beginning for TB #11. For brevity’s sake, I will only point out 2 of the major mistakes. The contraction of “you are” is “you’re,” not “your.” The word “then” is used to denote some sort of order, while “than” is used for comparisons. I shed some heart-felt tears for you struggling teenybopper writers. Mastering the use of 26 letters is just so difficult…

HATE MAIL #12

Im sorry, but I failed to see the humor in this site. Sorry, I'll try to make the humor more explicit for you next time. I don't see anything funny about reading your biased comments. So then what possessed you to visit my HTML heaven? I find it hard to believe that you bash *Nsync because you 'really don't like them'. People do it all the time in the real world. But of course, you live in NStink land, where ugly, untalented popstars can rape unsuspecting females of their fortunes. I think you're jealous of everything that they have achieved, such as breaking record sales. You're just mad because Backstreet is in second place. Sorry babe, but *Nsync is second to none! Oh yeah, there are 'teenyboppers' who ARE intelligent and can write full, error-proof sentences. So, that's another one of your opinions that you can throw out! Hope you learned something, good-bye!
Grade: C+

GRAMMAR LESSON #12

Again, another teenybopper has not been trained in the art of persuasion! I find it mind-numbingly amazing that these NStink fans claim to be scholarly, yet they continue to make the same fundamental grammar mistakes as the rest of the unscholarly folk. For starters, when “I am” is expressed in a contraction, it should be written as “I’m.” Secondly, the phrase “breaking record sales” is slightly awkward. It should read “breaking sales records” instead. Finally, the term “error-proof” implies that you are somehow a perfect machine capable of writing sentences that are immune to error. Since this is definitely not the case, perhaps a term like “error-free” would be more appropriate in this context. For curiosity’s sake, I am wondering which school these so-called academically elite fans attend; I would like to commend the teachers on their superb teaching. Well done.

After being subjected to poor grammar and spelling, let me reward you with a properly written paragraph:

Can I just say that great minds think alike? :) Thanks for the laughs, girl! By the way, I linked you to my site:) It's still a baby but hopefully, it'll grow up into something that'll make me proud:) Now send Ju-Ju's ghetto booty ova hea so I can pop a cap on his wanna-be ass!
Grade: A+

My Comments

This fan has certainly been educated in the syntax of English. Not only is her grammar correct, her choice of vocabulary is fresh and sassy: “Now send Ju-Ju’s ghetto booty ova hea so I can pop a cap on his wanna-be ass!” Keep up the good work.

Any NStink or Bitchney teenyboppers wishing to have their grammar corrected are welcome to send all hate mail to me. Steffi’s Grammar School is a non-profit organization dedicated to making a difference in the lives of the mentally challenged. Together, we can fight illiteracy, bad grammar and incorrect spelling! May the force be with you.

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Steffi