Steffi

OOPS SHE DID IT AGAIN

In a recent interview, Bitchney Queers has affirmed that her new album Oops I Did It Again showcases her significant growth as a musical artist and as a person. However, to me, the words growth and Bitchney are somewhat oxymoronic, unless we are describing her bust thrust. Has Britney’s self proclaimed change actually occurred? And if so, are these changes worthwhile enough to mold her into an artist that people take seriously?

Although Bitchney asserts that both her vocal abilities and her songs have developed during the year or so between the release of Baby One More Time and Oops I Did It Again, I believe she still has a ways to go before catching up to her counterparts Christina Aguilera and Jessica Simpson. Both Christina and Jessica have powerful voices and amazing vocal ranges, and their soulful songs perfectly showcase their talent. While Bitchney is trying to pant through another performance of the lyrically weak “Oops I Did It Again” where she can barely lip synch and dance at the same time, Jessica is belting out “Where You Are” for the Here On Earth soundtrack with such sultry ease, that her vocally difficult high notes seem to be of no challenge; and Christina is at "VH1’s Men Strike Back" concert, crooning to a jazzy soul number, proving that pop is not her only forte. Since Bitchney was not blessed with the ability to sing, she must mask her lack of talent with media-smart, catchy pop tunes, which often lack the maturity and depth of Christina and Jessica’s tunes. Even though she thinks her songs have matured, I personally do not see a difference between the bubble gum pop of Baby One More Time and Oops I Did It Again. For example, compare lines from the songs:

You drive me crazy
I just can’t sleep
I’m so excited
I live too deep
Whoa crazy
But it feels alright (“Drive Me Crazy”)

Oops I did it again
I played with your heart
And lost in the game
Oh baby, baby
Oops, you think I’m in love
And I’m sent from above
I’m not that innocent (“Oops I did it again”)

Aside from the fact that the songs have opposite underlying meanings, they have the same type of lyrical weakness in the chorus, in the form of short, incoherent lines that rarely span over 5 words. Compare these lyrics to those Jessica Simpson’s “Where You Are.”

When you wrap me in your wings
And take me where you are
Where you and I could breathe together, once again
We’ll be dancing in the moonlight just like we used to
And you’ll be smiling back at me
Only then will I be free
When I can be where you are

Jessica’s song has so much more lyrical depth, in the form of imagery: wrap me in your wings and dancing in the moonlight. Just for sake of further evidence, compare the lyrics of the upbeat Christina Aguilera song “Genie In A Bottle:”

If you wanna be with me
Baby, there’s a price to pay
I’m a genie in a bottle
You gotta rub me the right way
If you wanna be with me
I can make your wish come true
Just come and set me free
And I’ll be with you

Although “Genie” is an upbeat song like “Oops,” the lines on “Genie” are longer and they have more depth. The entire song is a metaphorical reference to the concept of genie in a bottle. In short, Bitchney is more a phenomenon in a sense that she proves how media-smart marketing of shallow pop tunes can bring an artist from the trenches to the top. But as for actual singing and worthwhile songs, leave that to the experts.

As a person, the most shocking announcement that she has made has concerned her views of chastity before marriage. She now claims that she will remain pure before marriage, coincidentally after Jessica Simpson first revealed her plans for waiting. However, does a virgin prance around in dresses with plunging necklines, sing suggestive lines and carry herself in a unchaste and shameless manner (ie. rubbing her hands all over her body while she dances to "Baby One More Time" at the Grammys...)? If she is trying to change to appease critics condemning her image as too sexy , then her efforts come too late. She should have thought about her image before she decided to pose half nude for Rolling Stone and every other teenybopper centerfold, well aware that little girls would be watching her every move.

In general, Bitchney claims that she has changed herself. But I am unconvinced. Until she learns that flaunting everything at her age is wrong, and she actually listens to her own voice and decides to get some voice lessons, I will still regard her as just another person trying to succeed at something she just is not good at.

On a lighter note, this is exactly what I thought of when I first heard the title of the song Oops I Did It Again:

• Bitchney forgot to use a condom with Justin again , therefore illegitimate child JuBitch #5 is running chasing Bitchney around with a diaper, trying to smear shit on her face.
• She mistook her Justin Timberfake lip gloss for vaseline yet again (you decide where she put that vaseline...).
• When she recently got hit on the head by a falling camera and went to the hospital, she came out with bigger boobs, again . Dr. Timberfake, when are you going to realize that Bitchney’s health comes before bigger boobs?
• She again tried to lip synch and dance at the same time. Wittle Britney Whitney, when are you going to realize that your pea-sized brain is incapable to performing two actions at the same time? I would not want to see you in the hospital for brain overuse, and again come out with bigger boobs. If that happens, historians would wish that you were aboard Titanic so you could have floated everyone to safety on your buoyant boobies.
• She let Daddy bounce her on his knee even though the ceiling was too low.
• She forgot where Australia was and thought she was overseas when she performed in Vancouver, Canada.

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Steffi