....................*The Tommy statuettes are a combination fake fur, the highest quality gold plated statues you can buy for
....................$5.99, and pencil lead (where we stencil in the winner's name after they are called foreward).

....................*Statuettes are hand crafted by blind Tibetan monks who immigrated to the US from Cuba.

....................*Official ballot entries are guarded my Mel(tm). Mel is a fully artonomous and mobile automated security system
....................designed to withstand rain, snow, sleet, forced entry and accidental ingestion.

....................*Nominees were selected on merit, content and a time-honored tradition known as "Eeeny, meeney, miney, mo".

....................*Voting members of the Tommy Academy met for three long weeks to determine who would win. They were not
....................allowed to leave this small, isolated room until a winner was decided. In cases where there was not a unanimous
....................decision reached? They... uhm... well to answer that question, just read the Tommy 2000 Academy Obituaries
....................(available wherever Award Show obituary books are sold)

....................*No Old Deuteronomies were harmed in the sculpting of the Tommy Award.

....................*Votes were not 'bought'. They were picked on MERIT alone. I would also like to take this time to thank the very
....................generous Rum Tum Tugger for the new red Jaguars with tinted windows which he bought for each of the voters as
....................they were selecting the winner in his category.

....................*And finally, to all winners, we congradulate you with this surgeon general's warning....