Misto: It's been awhile... she's planning something.

Kel: I wish that were the case, but the fact of the matter is that there weren't any new episodes to play with for THREE WEEKS!

Lec: (very sarcastically) How did you ever survive?

Kel: Don't make me hit you.

Alonzo: I still wanna know WHY I have to be a regular!!! Can't we get Skimble back here?

Kel: Until Joss Whedon figures out a way, you're stuck here.

Back with the brand new stuff now. It's about a week later and Alonzo is still hanging around like a major looser---

Alonzo: I am not a looser!

--waiting for Misto to either hire him into the buisness or discreetly remove him from their lives.

Misto: Ya mean it? I can hit Alonzo and pass it off as an accident?

Kel: On second thought-- no. After seeing what you did in Spoofing Beauty, making that kitty moshpit--

Misto: It was Jenga.

Kel: Oh. Terribly sorry.

Vicky goes out to retrieve the mail, stepping around the new Alonzo lawn ornament.

"Vicky?"

"Wha--? Oh morning!" *slams the door in Alonzo's face.*

"I don't think I'm being assertive enough here..."

While Alonzo was busy trying to be noticed, Misto is tossing and turning in his sleep in the basement. He is having dreams about back when he was mortal and lived in Galway---

Misto: I still say that no one believes I'm Irish.

Kel: And cats that sing and dance *are*?

Munku: Point. Game. Set. Match. You lost on that one, Misto.

--- He is running rampant in the streets as Mistoffelees.

Misto: I will repeat what I said to Mooky when this came up before.... I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MISTOFFELEES!!!!

Kel: Sheesh. Tension. Issues much? I KNOW that. I was just playing around with your name 'cuz of the fun.

He chases after a queen and eventually traps her. Before he kills her though, he slaps a UPC symbol on her cheek and THEN kills her.

Vicky: Um, Kel? If I remember correctly, Angelus would scratch a cross into his victims to mock God before he killed them. THAT was scary.... THIS is, just, weird.

Alonzo: Who is he mocking with a UPC symbol?

Kel: Grocery store clerks?

He wakes up in a cold sweat and heads up the stairs to get some coffee. He stumbles into the main room to meet Vicky. As he plops down in the chair, we can see Alonzo with his face pressed to the glass of the window, trying to get the attention of the two cats inside the room. Vicky gets up and closes the blinds with a *shoonk*.

"Morning sunshine." Vicky said as she looked through their mail. "Gosh, you look half-dead." after a beat "Which for someone who is fully dead... would be moving up?"

"I've had a long night. I'll um, get on that new case after breakfast." he got up and walked back downstairs to get started on the new case.

"Gosh. Moody this morning." Vicky watched him leave. She opened up the curtains over the window looking out on the city, (now that she was certain she wouldn't be lighting up her boss like a duraflame log if she did so). Sitting back down to work, we see Alonzo lowered into the window frame by a window washer lift. He bounces up and down with a sign in his hands that says "HIRE ME!" but the lift turns out not to be all THAT sturdy, and after some creaking, it finally gives way. Since the window is closed, we can't hear Alonzo scream, but his mouth does turn to a nicely shaped 'O' as he plummets several stories to the pavement below.

Alonzo: Ouch..... Mother.

Jemi: Steal from the Roadrunner and Coyote cartoons much?

Kel: Oh just here and there and... okay mostly the whole scene we just had, but no matter.

Meantime we cut to a shot of the downtown police department where Misto's police gal-pal Tantomile is examining a detective file in detail.

"Get me a 411 on that 576." she called over her shoulder to the police station background cats.

Tant: I would tolerate being in this thing if it didn't look like all my lines were in code. WHAT THE HECK AM I SAYING HERE?

Kel: I don't have a clue, but do your best to make it sound official, 'k? Thanks. You're a doll.

Tant: No I'm not.

Kel: Not LITERAL--- Never mind.

She is deep in thought when Misto enters and plops down infront of her.

"Hey there short dark and brooding guy. What's up?" Tantomile said without even once glancing up from her work.

"Just thought I'd stop in to see if you had an ID on that license plate we asked for awhile ago."

"Didn't you hear me just ask for that?"

"Not in English."

"Cute. But I don't have time. We're chasing some serial killer and I have to figure out more about him."

"Let me have a look." MIsto pulled the file from Tanti's paws and leafed through the photos, quickly realizing that the queen he had dreamed about killing was the victim of the 'mysterious killer'.

Cats: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!

"I... um... have to be at an elsewhere now so.... LATER!!!" Misto raced out the backdoor and into the sewers before Tanti could say a thing.

"He is the strangest guy I've ever met." Tanti mused as she watched him leave. "He doesn't seem quite.. normal."

Lec: Maybe that's because he ISN'T quite normal? And paws off girly... he's my pollicle!

Tanti: You wanna make something of it?

(they hiss and Kel pulls them apart just in time to avoid a potentially ugly situation)

Back at the office, Vicky has let Alonzo in (or he managed to sneak in somehow). When Misto arrives, he is quickly pinned to the wall by Alonzo and Vicky.

"You're evil!" Vicky said, grabbed up her Anne Rice novel, and pressed it to Misto's chest.

Dem: There's a joke I thought had died...

Lec: What? The whole Goth Vamp novel thing repelling pollicles?

Kel: What's wrong with that? Those things scare me.

Misto screamed with the pain and managed to pull away before he permanently had the author's forward seared into his chest hairs. "I'M NOT! Look, I have no idea what's going on here... I don't remember killing anyone."

"Seriously?" Vicky turned and smacked Alonzo upside the head. "Told you he couldn't have done it!"

They sit down to sort things out and decide that the only way to proove Misto didn't do it would be to chain him down for the night so that he couldn't run around killing people. That way, if a murder happened they would know that Misto wasn't the killer. After a heafty chaining job, they sit back and wait.

"Sleep tight." Alonzo said as he picked up the Anne Rice novel for a quick read.

"Pretty much a given." Misto said in his 'ironic humor' tone.

He nods off and once again has a killing dream, only this time he speaks after he kills her.

"There now. Isn't that better?"

Skimble: Kid, give up the accent. It just isn't happening for you.

Misto: (trying a bad brogue) Wha? Is it somethin' I said?

Kel: More the way you DIDN'T say it Misto.

Jemi: Yeah. Heck knows we don't want a bunch of irish folks running in here crying 'racist stereotype'.

Kel: Look what happened to Joss.

Misto: Who?

Kel: Whedon.

Tugger: Joss is weeding?

Kel: I GIVE UP!

Misto wakes up, still chained down and a murder has occured.

"Great news sports fans! There's been another murder!" Vicky then added after a moment. "Well, not so great for the, you know, dead person. But that means Mr. 'I'm so Torchered' didn't do it!"

"Yes I did." Misto looks up from his chained position on the bed.

Before he can explain further, we have a.... FLASHBACK!!

Bomb: Dizzy time! WHEE!!!

Cass: I knew I shouldn't have eaten that second slice of pizza---

Misto: Watch out! She's gonna blow!!

(Cass turns green and flops on the floor)

All: E-EE-EE-EE-WWW!!!

As our backstage cats get a mop and a rather heafty dose of Lysol, we see the dead queen, only the killer isn't Misto, rather a cat that he TURNED INTO a pollicle, named Admetus.

"There now. Isn't that better?" Misto came up behind his 'student' and clapped him on the back.

"Yes. She was my sister, but I feel nothing." Admetus looked up with blood on his lips.

"Nothing?"

"Maybe a bit hungry now, but--"

Cass: Okay, I'm going far away from this conversation. GROSS!! (runs for the bathroom and we hear a flushing sound)

Munku: (grabs a PA system microphone) Backstage cats to the little queen's room. BRING THE SPRAY!

To make a long and brogue-intensive scene short and sweet, we now know that Misto made the Pollicle who is commiting all the murders and our main character isn't an axe murderer.

Misto: Dang.

Kel: That's supposed to be a GOOD thing!

Back in present times, Misto goes to visit Tantomile (after they un-chained him, of course). He supplies her with enough information so that she can find Admetus before he attacks his next victim. Of course he doesn't expect her to be able to catch the guy, he just wants to use her as bate so that he can lure Admetus out into the open.

Tant: Gee thanks, Misto.

She and her little squadron of expendable extras dressed in police uniforms show up to an abandoned warehouse where they were able to trace a cat of Admetus' description. She goes in by herself---

Bomb: Big mistake #1.

Kel: Are you telling this story, or me??

Bomb: Sheesh. Touchy!

"POLICE! Put your paws in the air where I can see 'em!" Tantomile comes in, armed with a nice little water pistol.

"Oh. I, am, so, scared." Admetus emerged from the shadows with his shoebox on and attacked Tant. As they roll around on the floor, Misto arrives and throws Admetus off Tant.

"Mistoffelees? Is it really you?"

"Hey look who. Apt pupil boy." Misto turned on Admetus with his shoebox now on.

"Come join me in a drink."

Cass: (from the bathroom) I hear you guys!!! EW-EW-EW-EW-EW-EWWWWWWW!!!!!

Kel: I could have sworn she had a stronger stomach than this.

Bomb: She's passed the legal blood/parody limit.

"What the heck?" Tantomile couldn't see very clearly in the dark but---

Cats: SHE WILL!

The two get into a rather PG-13 type fight so we'll just skip ahead to the part where Tant finds herself a splintered wooden board to stake the Pollicles with. After some pretty stealthy dodging and running around, Misto trips on a pipe and falls on Tant, knocking the board loose.

"Stealthy. Um, Misto this is police buisness so if you don't---" the light shifts, (with PERFECT dramatic timing) and she sees that he is a Pollicle. "EEP!"

"Tantomile! Let me explain!"

"What? We've known each other for months now and you never even mentioned this stuff in passing? What do you think I am? Stupid?" Tant fumes and then realizes that she is now in a warehouse with two Pollicles and no backup. "Don't answer that."

"Hey? Remember me? Homicidal killer pollicle?" Admetus pipes up and snags Misto around the neck.

They get back into the rather large fight ending with Tantomile holding the splintered board to Misto's chest, with Admetus directly behind him.

"If you want to stake me, you have to get through your boyfriend first!"

Lec: HEY! He's MY boyfriend!!!

Tant: I'm a bit BUSY right now, Lec. I'll hit you later though.

Lec: Thanks. I think... ?

We have an angsty moment where Tantomile is caught in quite the predicament. She finally plunges the stake through Misto---

Misto: -- And this parody ends with our main character bursting into a pile of dust!!!

--'s stomach, missing the heart by quite a bit, but shoving it in at such an angle that she DOES get Admetus' heart. HE explodes into dust.

Misto: Lucky.

Admetus: Meantime, you have quite the ouchie, Misto.

Misto: (looks down at the stake running through his mid section) Oh yeah. That.

Tantomile pulls the stake back out and Misto faints onto the ground, (well wouldn't you if you just had a 4x4 run through your gut?). They stare at each other and we have an awkward silence.

"So..."

"So..."

"How long have you been... you know, GRR?"

"Doing a bad mime-routine of a growly animal?"

"NO! A pollicle you--- you--- pollicle!"

"Tant.... we have to talk."

(LOOOOONG silence)

Cet: That's it?

Kel: Until next time.

Munku: Kel.. that's not how that episode ended.

Skimble: Yeah... I seem to remember that ended the 'Buffy' episode last week instead.

Kel: Well it seemed to fit here too.

Tant: So I know he's a pollicle and then the big *BOOM!* "To be continued"?

Kel: In a nutshell? You bet.

Tugger: I'm begining to long for 'Catsalot', here.

Misto: Don't talk like that!!!!!!!!!

Kel: Oh that's right!! Veroni wanted me to deliver you guys to her once we were done here! Thanks for reminding me, Tug!

Cats: (to Tugger) Way to go, Tugsalot.