Bomb: Reading the title, I'm already freaked out.

Tugger: That's alright, babe! With this big furry mane of mine, I'm a shoe-in for the role of the Beast.

Veroni: Actually, Tug? You're playing Gaston.

Tugger: Then who's the Beast?

Veroni: We-elll......

(There's a loud crash and Demeter screams "MACAVITY!")

(Macavity enters with a flourish, something hard to do when still bandaged from his catapult episode in "The Tom and I")

Misto: Do you always have to enter like that?

Macavity: Aren't you impressed?

Misto: Well.... actually..... no.

Veroni: Let's start here guys! Sooner started, sooner finished!

(The overture strikes up. Soon, the narrator speaks....)

Old D: Once upon a time in a faraway land, a Young Prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.

(Macavity appears with his substantial mane slicked and tied back in a ponytail at the base of his neck.)

Munku: Kudos to the makeup and hair folks. How did you EVER manage to get Mac's mane tamed for that?

Tanti: (not telling the WHOLE truth) We.... just did. (heads back over to the makeup department.... basically consisting of Tanti, Exotica, and Cassandra's relatives, who STILL haven't left for home)

Fortune: Did you tell her?

Tanti: What? That that rubber band on Mac's ponytail is strained to the breaking point? Do you want me to loose this job?

Amethyst: You get PAID to do this?

Tanti: No, but if I work backstage, I don't have to be ON stage.

(All of Cass' relatives nod knowingly and go back to putting makeup on the rest of the cast and tweaking with their fur)

Old D: (continuing) Then, one winter's night, an old beggar woman came to the castle and offered a single rose in return for shelter from the bitter cold. Repulsed by her haggard appearance, the Prince sneered at the gift and turned the old woman away. But she warned him not to be decieved by appearances, for beauty is found within. And when he had dismissed her again, the old woman's ugliness melted away to reveal a beautiful enchantress.

(The backstage cats swing Victoria out on flying ropes. She looks a little "green around the gills, but is managing alright..)

Old D: (quickly continues before Vicky has time to loose her lunch all over the stage) The Prince tried to appologise, but it was too late for she had seen that there was no love in his heart. As punishment, she transformed him into a hideous beast and placed a powerful spell on the castle and all who lived there.

Jenny: Too bad he already WAS a beast to begin with.

Mac: (who, as soon as Old D said he turned into a beast, made a grand show of shaking out his fur and untying his mane so that it could flow free) You'll get yours someday...

Old D: (trying hard to continue) Ashamed of his monsterous form, the Beast concealed himself inside his castle, with a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world. The rose she had offered was truly an enchanted rose which would bloom for many years. If he could learn to love another and earn their love in return by the time the last petal fell, then the spell would be broken. If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast for all time. As the years passed, he fell into despair and lost all hope. For who could ever learn to love a Beast?

(The cats snore loudly)

Veroni: Ahem. (clears throat and bellows) WAKEY! WAKEY!!!!!!

Munku: YIPES! We're up! We're up!

Misto: I... I wasn't sleeping! I was....

Tumble: Checking the inside of my eyelids for holes.

Misto: Hey. Not bad.

(The music of the next song strikes up and the scene changes to the busy main street of a quaint little village.)

Bomb: (exits her house with a basket and her nose in a book)

Little town, it's a quiet village.

Every day like the one before.

Little town full of little people

Misto: I prefer the term "Vertically Challenged"

Bomb: (continues after throwing a MURDEROUS glance at Misto)

Waking up to say....

Tumble: Bonjour!

Quaxo: Bonjour!

Lec: BONJOUR!

Cet: Bonjour!

Bustopher: Bonjour!

Bomb: There goes the baker with his tray like always

The same old bread and rolls to sell!

Every morning just the same

Since the morning that we came to this poor, provintial town...

Bustopher: (interrupts) Good morning Bomb!

Bomb: OH! Good morning, M'seiur!

Bustopher: And where are you off today?

Bomb: The bookshop! I just finished the most wonderful story about a beanstalk and an ogre..

Backstage Cats: (laughing like crazy)

Bomb: What did I do now?

Tugger: No offense, Bomb babe, but the whole idea of you not only reading a book, but ENJOYING it? I mean, it's just too funny!

Bomb: grrrr....

(Skipping ahead now since most of the song for awhile gets WAY monotonous....)

(A gun goes off and Lefounce rushes on to catch the game just shot out of the sky)

Pounce: I got it Tugston! (misses the bird and brushes it off quickly) GEE, you didn't miss a shot Tugston! You're the greatest hunter in the WHOLE WORLD!

Tugger: I know.

Pounce: No beast alive stands a chance against you! And no queen for that matter.

Tugger: It's true Lefounce! And I've got my sight set on THAT one (points at Bomb)

Pounce: The inventer's daughter?

Tugger: SHE'S the one! The lucky queen I'm going to marry!

Pounce: But she's--

Tugger: The most beautiful queen in town!

Pounce: I know, but---

Tugger: That makes her the best! And don't I DESERVE the best?

Pounce: Well, of course you do, but---

Tugger: (starts singing in earnest)

Right from the moment when I met her, saw her

I said, "She's gorgeous!" and I fell

Here in town there's only she

Who's as beautiful as me!

So I'm making plans to woo and marry Bomb!

(Three kittens are making goo-goo eyes at Tugston as he heads off after Bomb)

Cet, Lec & Jemi: Look there he goes!

Isn't he DREAMY?

M'Seiur Tugston! OH HE'S SO CUTE!

Be still my heart! I'm hardly breathing!

He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome BRUTE!

(The kittens trample after Tugger, knocking over scenery, background cats, and several members of the orchestra in their relentless pursuit of their obsession.)

Veroni: I knew there was a reason I was a wee bit skittish of casting those three as Gaston's mindless followers...

Misto: Yeah. Too close to type.

Cet: (stops running long enough to say) HEY! (continues running)

Veroni: (rubs her head and has the cast skip ahead to the next scene)

(Bomb and Tugger have a scene together where he approaches her and she turns him down flat. As she is defending the fact that her father in NOT insane, their house is rocked by an explosion and she rushes off to see what's wrong. She arrives to help her father, Gusurice, up and cleans him off as they talk)

Bomb: Poppa? Do you think I'm odd?

Gus: (with his big spectacles sitting cock-eyed on his face) MY daughter? Odd? Now where did you get an idea like that?

Bomb: I don't know. It's just that... well, Jellicles talk.

Gus: They talk about me too.

(starts to sing)

No, we're not odd, it's true

No family could be saner

Except one Uncle, who well maybe...

Let that pass

In all you say or do

You couldn't make it plainer

You are your mother's daughter,

Therefor you are class!

Bomb: So I should just accept I'm simply not like them?

Gus: They are the common herd.

But you can take my word.

You are unique! Creme de la creme!

Pounce: (batting his eyelashes) OH! This is so sweet! (face drops) Can I go sick up somewhere?

Veroni: FINE! FINE! FINE! We'll skip ahead...

(They finish singing and Bomb helps her father clean up his invention for the big show that weekend. He plans to make a name for himself at this big important event, and she wishes him well as he heads off on their horse.)

Gus: (singing as the background cats move around the scenery for a scary forest in the middle of the night)

First prize is nearly mine!

It's quite my best invention!

So simple, yet complex,

So massive, yet so small,

This triumph of design will be my old-age pension

(realizes he's lost)

That is providing I can find the fair at all.

(getting more uneasy)

I must have missed a sign...

I should have paid attention...

RATS!

(Several cats backstage howl)

Veroni: What happened to the wolf sound effects?

Tanti: SOMEONE broke the tape...

Cori: I'm sorry, alright???!!

Veroni: (sigh) Let's just move on then, alright?

(Gusurice races on horseback, pursued by wolves until he discovers the gate to an old castle. Pushing his way inside, he closes the gate in the nick of time and hides inside. We could waste more HTML space, but since I think most people saw Disney's animated version and nothing is different in the dialogue, we'll summarize. He is befriended by the enchanted objects of the castle, who were once the Prince's servants and they treat him with the very definition of hospitality, all except Munksworth though..... HE'S freaked out that the Master will find them being nice to an intruder. His fears are soon realized when the Beast storms in and throws Gusurice in the dungeon.)

Munku: Why do I play the worry-wort mantle clock? I should be Lumiere! I'm calling my agent!

Veroni: (grabs away his cell phone) OH NO YOU DON'T! I read what happened in "The Tom and I". No way am I going to let that happen here!

(Back in town, Tugston has organized a grand wedding for him and Bomb. Now all he has to do is propose to the bride. She is inside her house, reading a book when he barges in and they have a VERY cute scene with a really cool song added to the stage version.)

Dem: (reading the lyrics) Oh, boy. Here we go again with the Tugger ego.

Tugger: (grabs Bomb around the waist) You've been dreaming just one dream

Nearly all your life!

Hoping scheming, just one theme

Will you be a wife?

Will you be some he-tom's property?

Good news! That he-tom's me!

(she tries to break away, but he only holds on tighter and continues)

This equation, queen plus tom

Doesn't help just you!

On occasion, queens can have their uses too!

Mainly, to extend the family tree

Pumpkin, extend with me!

Misto: You've done it again, V.

Veroni: Thank you.

Misto: Not a compliment. I was referring to the inflation of the Tug's ego.... We'll never get his feet back on the ground after this one.

Tugger: (shrugs, and continues) We'll be raising sons galore!

Bomb: Inconcievable.

Tugger: Each built six-foot-four

Bomb: Unbelievable.

Tugger: Each one stuffed with every Tugston gene!

Bomb: I'm not hearing this!

Tugger: You'll be keeping house with pride!

Bomb: Just incredible.

Tugger: Each day, gratified

Bomb: So unweddable!

Tugger: That you are part of this idyllic scene!

(starts to speak, his ego on a one-way trip to Inflation Land) Imagine this.... A rustic hunting lodge. My latest kill roasting over the fire. My little wife massaging my feet! While the little ones sit on the floor, playing with the dogs... oh, we'll have six or seven.

Bomb: Dogs?

Tugger: No Bomb! Strapping boys! Like me!

(singing again)

I can see that we will share

All that love implies!

We shall be the perfect pair!

Rather like my thighs!

You are face to face with destiny

All roads lead to the best things in life are

All's well that ends with me!

(she tries to run off, but he grabs her again)

Escape me, there's no way!

Certain as do re

Bomb, when you marry--- (speaks) So Bomb, is it yes, or is it "Ohhhh, yes!"?

Bomb: I.... uh, I just don't deserve you!

Tugger: Who does? (sings) MEEEEE!!!!!

Bomb: But thanks for asking. (kicks him out the door)

Veroni: I think I'm going to call a break here.... Tugger won't have anything resembling concentration after THAT one.

Bomb: I dunno.... he's cute and the bigger his ego, the bigger the smootchies!

Tugger: You know it baby. (they both growl sensually)

Veroni: OH JUST GET A ROOM, WILL YA?