VERONI: Lexie?? Come here for a minute!!

LEXIE: (hops over) Sey?

POUNCE: Sey?

VERONI: (whispers) Yes.

POUNCE: Oh.

VERONI: (pushes Pounce away) I was just going to ask if you'd set up for the big Wedding scene yet.

LEXIE: Yup! All set to go!

VERONI: Did you set it up... personally?

LEXIE: YUP!

VERONI: Thanks. (smile drops) Tantomile?

TANTI: What?

VERONI: Go check on the wedding scene stuff, will ya?

TANTI: What should I be looking for?

VERONI: Anything.... backwards.

(When we last left off Munkommy and Jeff had followed Cassiona to meet the schoolmaster and town historian for Briga-mewin', Mr. Skimdie.)

MUNKU: (sitting down) I understand you're the only one who can tell us what's going on around here, Mr. Skimdie.

SKIMBLE: (having thickened up his brogue ONCE again) Nay. Mr. Forsythe coulda told ya too.

MUNKU: I've heard about him, but I haven't met him.

SKIMBLE: Likely not. I think 'e's dead.

TUGGER: Well, that WOULD stand in the way (takes ANOTHER slurp from his flask)

SKIMBLE: (getting more than a little lost in the part) What 'appened in Briga-mewin' t'was a miracle. An' at da time, most folks dinna believe in miracles. An' faith itself was as daide as....

TUGGER: Mr. Forsythe?

JENNY: Aren't you going to stop him, Veroni?

VERONI: Why?

JENNY: Tugger is RUINING the scene!

VERONI: (rolls her eyes) Those side comments are IN the script!!

JENNY: Color me surprised.

POUNCE: (sticking his paws in a box of crayons) No "Surprise" in here. There's a nice shade of politically incorrect "Indian red" though...... (gets several glares) I know, I know.... "Shaddap Pounce".

SKIMBLE: Y'see around 200 years ago, tha miracle began. At tha time, Scotland was plagued with witches an' black magics. (rolling his R's like crazy) They were terrible creatures, corruptin' people's souls an' blindin' them ta the teachin's o' tha Evalastin' Cat. I dinna s'pose ye 'ave THOSE in yer times....

MUNKU: Witches?

TUGGER: Oh, we have them alright. We pronounce it a little differently---- AUTHORS.

VERONI: TUGGER!!!!

TUGGER: Sor-ry!

(To make a long story short, Munkommy discovers that to save the village from corruption, Mr. Forsythe prayed for a miracle from the Everlasting Cat to save his people. The wish was granted so that Briga-mewin' would dissapear into the mists only to return once every 100 years for one day. The cats would continue to live their lives, but every day that they woke up to would be a hundred years later than the previous one. He also mentions how if anyone in the town were to ever leave Briga-mewin', the enchantment would be broken and the town would dissapear-- forever. However, if someone from the outside world wished to stay, he could.)

SKIMBLE: Aye, whaddya think yer doin' cuttin' out me dialogue?

VERONI: Saving time and HTML.

SKIMBLE: (stomps off, grumbling)

(Knowing all this important background stuff, let's skip ahead to the wedding now, shall we?)

POUNCE: (mumbles) Not that they have much of a CHOICE in the matter....

(The wedding procession begins--- led by five cats holding bagpipes--- er, footballs with straws sticking out of them)

QUAXO: (blowing hard, face turning blue)

PLATO: (making various sounds.... none of which resemble the song which is supposed to be playing)

POUNCE: (gleefully pokes at Plato's bagpipes with a long needle)

SKIMBLE: (eyes Admetus) Aye, laddie! That tisna it a-tall! (snatches the bagpipes away and starts playing and dancing a jig) This *pants and blows* is..... what we..... did.... back in tha day......

TUGGER: Killed yourselves?

SKIMBLE: (throws down the pipes with a honk) Aye, I'm sick and tired-a you pokin' fun at me her-r-r-r-r-ritage!

POUNCE: (sticks his needle into Skimble's bagpipes on the word "poke". The pipes deflate quickly) Ooops.

SKIMBLE: "Ooops." IS THAT ALL YE CAN SAY??

POUNCE: Well..... I could say.... (yelps and runs) SEE YA LATER!!!

(Since our bagpipe band and subsequent dance are pretty much cut to ribbons at this point... let's get on with the wedding vows.)

MISTO: (kisses the ring and places it on Demeter's paw) I shall vow to love ye and cherish ye an' ta be a good husband.

DEM: (tears in her eyes) An' I too shall vow to be a loyal and true wife to ye.

MISTO: (looks up anxiously) Are we married now, Mr. Skimdie?

SKIMBLE: Aye, lad. That ye are. Ye may kiss the bride.

KITTENS: *giggle*

(Misto and Dem look at each other for a moment and back off)

SKIMBLE: Or not. (throws his paws up in the air) I give up I tell ye!

(A long wedding dance insues.... during which time Macavity slips in and snags Demeter by the waist..... this is all scripted. What's not scripted is for Demeter to start screaming at the top of her lungs..... causing Munkustrap and Alonzo to spring into action.)

VERONI: Oh no! I was afraid of this!! (hollars at the top of her lungs) KNOCK IT OFF!!!!

(Munkustrap and Alonzo fall in mid-spring)

MUNKU: What?

VERONI: Don't harm Macavity! Last thing I need is a lawsuit like poor Matt!

POUNCE: That would stop the parody writing?

VERONI: YES! It would be aweful!

POUNCE: Would it REALLY be that aweful?

VERONI: (hisses at him)

MAC: (attempting to stay in character) All I did was ta love 'er too much. (rushes out to the edge of the stage) I'LL LEAVE BRIGA-MEWIN' THAT'S WHAT I'LL DO!!! T'WILL BE THE END OF ALLLLL OF USS!!! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

VERONI: I don't recall a manical laugh in the SCRIPT.

MAC: So I can't improvise?

(Macavity rushes off, pursued by a bunch of singing villagers)

ALL: RUN AND GET 'IM!

PLATO: GET HIM!

ALL: RUN AND GET 'IM!

ADMETUS: GET HIM!

ALL: Get 'im lads or we won't see another mornin'

Run and stop 'im!

PLATO: STOP 'IM!

ALL: RUN AND STOP 'IM!

ADMETUS: STOP 'IM!

ALL: Run ye Highland toms,

Or we won't see another daaaay....

(The cats are starting to get a little TOO into chasing Macavity around and a few "Kill da wabbit"s can be heard as the ensamble chases Mac through the audience. Realizing this is no staged chase by this point, Macavity speeds up, practically plowing over the entire production staff on his way.)

VERONI: (holding her head in her paws)

(Macavity climbs the stage curtain in despiration and we soon have re-created a nice image of a cat up a tree, waiting for the firemen to arrive and get him down)

(Tugger, staying in character, walks on with a prop gun that fires blanks. His character is supposed to be so drunk that he can't see too clearly infront of him and is out hunting for quail. In his drunken stuper, he fires at something moving in the trees.... or in our case, clinging onto the curtain for dear life.)

TUGGER: (fires and falls back onto his butt) *HICCUP*

MAC: I'VE BEEN SHOT!!!! (tumbles off the curtain and lands backstage with a thunk)

TUGGER: But this thing fires BLANKS.

MAC: (wailing backstage) I'm dying! I'm dying! You are SO sued, Veronikitty!

VERONI: (grabs the gun from Tugger and examines it) Waaaaait... they ARE blanks! (stomps backstage to find Mac wailing from his place on the stage floor) Get up, you baby.

MAC: (stops) I could sue you for THAT one too---

VERONI: ---But you won't.

MAC: --but I can't. (stops) Hey! Why can't I?

VERONI: Because I know for a fact you're not hurt.... AT ALL.

MAC: (gets up sheepishly) Stage Manager broke my fall anyway. (crawls out onstage, er quote, "dead")

VERONI: (looks down at a very flat Lexie) Spatula anyone?

(At the sound of the gun going off, everyone in the search party comes running.)

SKIMBLE: The poor lad must've hit 'is 'ead on a rock!!

MAC: (eyes open and sticks his head up for a moment) That's what they'd LIKE you to think. (puts his head back to down)

(Hairy's father comes running in......)

VERONI: RUMPUS CAT!! Get out here!!

RUMPUS: I am NOT playing his FATHER.

VERONI: Oh yes you are. (waves a box of catnip in his face)

RUMPUS: I AM SHOCKED AND APPAULED!

POUNCE: I'm Pouncival. (scampers away before he can be kicked)

RUMPUS: You cannot BRIBE an officer of the law!

VERONI: Even for THREE boxes?

RUMPUS: (grabs them greedilly)

MAC: And they wonder what's wrong with the law enforcement in this country these days.

RUMPUS: (leans down, speaking through gritted teeth) Oh, Hairy. My.... poor.... (makes a face) son.

SKIMBLE: Now listen all of ye!! There's been enough sadness fer one weddin' night. Dinna tell anyone dat he's dead, only dat 'e's been stopped.

(Meanwhile, Munkommy returns to find Cassiona, who at the same time was searching for him. They fall into each others arms, afraid something had happened to the other.)

MUNKU: Oh, Cassiona! When I think what could have happened. Your whole world could have ended!

CASS: Aye, that it almost did. I thought you'd left.

MUNKU: Without saying goodbye to you? Oh, how could I? (they kiss)

KITTENS: Eeeeeew!! *giggle*

MUNKU: (clears his throat a little TOO loudly and sings)

This is hard to say, but as I wandered through the lea

I felt for just a fleeting moment that I suddenly was free

Of being lonely.

Then I closed my eyes and saw the very reason why....

VERONI: (whispers) Time to attach the standard "author's favorite song warning". Anyone who may find it necessary to speak may now come and claim a GAG from me.

CATS: (inch away nervously)

MUNKU: (chest puffed out in pride, sings tenderly)

I saw a tom with his head bowed low,

His heart had no place to go.

I looked and I thought to myself with a sigh,

There but for you, go I.

I saw a tom walking by the sea.

Alone with the tide was he.

I looked and I thought as I watched him go by,

There but for you, go I.

Lonely toms around me, trying not to cry.

Till the day you found me,

There among them was I.

I saw a tom who had never known,

A love that was all his own.

I thought as I thanked all the stars in the sky-YY!!

THERE BUT FOR YOOOOOOOU GOOOOOOOO I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I!!!!!

VERONI: (applauding loudly, tears in her eyes)

SKIMBLE: Why did 'e get tha touchin' song?

POUNCE: Because he can SING?

SKIMBLE: (swipes at Pounce with his claws)

(Munkommy decides then and there that he will remain in Briga-mewin' forever and as he and Cassiona rush off to inform Mr. Skimdie, the action cuts back to the village. In an attempt to save what little is left of the festive mood, the village gossip, Meg Grizokie sings a song about HER mother's wedding day.)

POUNCE: A good three hundred years ago....

GRIZ: (hisses and sings)

Now if ye think this weddin' day went just a wee amiss

Then I will tell ya 'bout a weddin' far worse off than this!

The lad involved turned out ta be no other but my Paw...

JEMI: She married her paw? I knew Griz was a little..... different.... but really!

VERONI: Never mind, never mind.

GRIZ: And by the strangest bit alack,

The queenie was my Ma!

MacGregor, McKinna, McCow an' MacCraw

MacBetty, MacNeil an' MacCray

Aye all of the folk in the village were there

On me mother's weddin' day!

For Paw had asked his friend MacFee,

And Mac had come with Mae McGee

And Mae invited ninety-three to my mother's weddin' day!

(All the background cats are onstage to act out this LONG song)

GRIZ: Then up the road came Ed McKean with half the town of Aberdean!

ALL: Aye, everyone was on the scene

At me mother's weddin' day!

(A wedding scene assembles with cats milling about everywhere)

GRIZ: At quarter to five everybody was there,

A-waitin' around in tha room.

McBicker, McDougal, McDuff and McCoy

EVERYBODY BUT THA GROOM!

An' as the hours trickled by, the toms got feelin' kinda dry

An' POP they take a nip o'rye while a-waitin' for the groom!

(The toms gleefully drill into a large keg)

GRIZ: An' while the toms were dippin' in, tha ladies started on the GIN!

ALL: And soon the room began to spin

On me mother's weddin' day!

LEXIE: (watching with Veroni) You sure this is such a doog aedi?

VERONI: Doog Aedi? Oh! "Good idea!" I think they'll be fine.

LEXIE: Don't lie to me, I've READ "Sunset Meowlevard"!

GRIZ: (with a tankard in her paw by this time) Then all of a sudden the liquer was gone,

The gin and the whiskey an' all!

An' all o'a sudden tha weddin' affair,

Had become a bonnie brawl!

(Toms start to swing at each other in time with the music)

GRIZ: For Pete McGraw and Joe McFee began to fight for Mae McGee

(Alonzo and Plato start throwing swings at each other)

GRIZ: While Mae McGee and Sam McKee where a woo-in' in the hall!

So cold and stiff was John MacFay, they used him for a servin' tray!

(Mungojerrie picks up Pounce and holds him on one paw with a vase balanced on Pounce's tummy)

ALL: Oh everyone was light an' gay

At me mother's weddin' day!

GRIZ: McDuff and McBiddy were playin' a game,

An' usin' MacCoy for the ball!

(Macavity squooshes a VERY tipsy Carbucketty into a ball and rolls him across the floor into a pile of beer bottles)

MAC: *HICCUP* Stee-rike!!

GRIZ: McKinna was eatin' the bridal bouquet

(Victor looks up with flowers sticking out of his mouth)

GRIZ: An' MacNeil hung on the wall!

(Admetus runs across the stage in a velcro suit and does a flip onto a velcro covered wall, sticking there like a fly to a spider web)

GRIZ: Then finally me father came,

His eyes were red, his nose a-flame,

He dinne even know his name,

He was drunkest of 'em all!

(Bustopher rolls in toting a bottle of vodka)

LEXIE: Veronikitty, this is getting DAB!

GRIZ: The kitties were lyin' all over tha room,

A-lookin' as if they were dead,

Then mother uncovered the minister quick

An' she told him, "Go ahead!"

(Gus climbs out from under the table cloth in minister's robes)

GRIZ: Then Paw kneeled down on Bill MacCray,

(Bustopher uses the unfortunate Tumblebrutus for a stool)

GRIZ: And Mother kneeled on Jacque McFay,

(Jellylorum uses Rumpus Cat for HER stool)

GRIZ: The preacher stood on John MacKaye

(Gus gets ontop of Mistoffelees)

GRIZ: And that's how my Ma was wed!

Until today the folks declare it t'was a mess beyond compare!

How do I know? Well, I was there!

ALL: On *HIC* my *HIC* mother's weddin' *HIC* day!

(The cats collapse into a very large group nap.... think the middle of the Jellicle Ball only with a lot more booze)

LEXIE: I told you OS!

VERONI: (holding her head in her paws) I think I'm seeing why this was such a lousy idea.