Veroni: Well folks, Catsalot resumes...

Cats: Awww... I mean! YEA!!

Veroni: So incredibly convincing. Again, a lack of a font named 'sarcasm' is deplorable.

Jemi: Dep who?

Veroni: Forget it. Um, Tugger? What in the wonky world are you doing?

Tugger: Examining my chic visage in the looking glass.

Veroni: Is he STILL hung over?

Jemi: Sheek vice?

Jenny: He's a leetle bit too excited to be back playing Tugsalot.

Alonzo: Well, after his itsy-bitsy role in "Sunset Meow-levard" he figures he needs to make up for lost time, I guess.

Veroni: And we thought we had to worry about Griz...

Alonzo: DON'T say her name!! Lest the diva emerge and we are sucked into the warm place.

Jemi: A less diver submerged?

Lec: I gave up trying to understand adults a long time ago, Jem. They speak a whole different language from us.

Cet: We are cursed to the vocabulary knowledge of a sperm.

Jelly: YOUNG LADY!! WASH YOUR MOUTH!!

Veroni: Okay, before things get ugly here, let's continue our story... PLEASE!

The time is a few months later and Jenivere's attempts to avoid Tugsalot have failed drastically. He brings news to her that he is to leave on a quest immediately, but after a fair amount of blubbering, he decides to stay realizing that he could never leaver her. They kiss---

Alonzo: You could say that again. Look who's necking over yonder. (begins chanting) Tugger and Jenny sittin' in a tree---

Veroni: Shhh! The show's trademark song is coming up! And if any of you say ONE word during it, I will seriously rip out your rib cage and wear it as a hat!

Munku: Hello to the imagery... YIKES!

Tugger:
If ever I would leave you,

It wouldn't be in summer,

Seeing you in summer I never could go

Your hair streaked with sunlight

Your lips red as flame

Your face with a luster that puts golf to shame...

Veroni: GOLD you ninny!

Tugger: Sorry! Couldn't read the cue cards very well from up here!

Veroni: Someone get a light on those cards, please!

Cori: I can't handle a flashlight and--

Veroni: I don't want to hear excuses, JUST DO IT!

Cet: Nike.

Veroni: What?

Cet: This would be my turn to say: Never mind.

Tugger:
If ever I would leave you

It wouldn't be in Autumn

How I'd leave in Autumn I never would know!

I see how you--- huh?

(Cori has dropped the cards in a pile while trying to balance the flashlight and he is despirately trying to put them back in order--- he's terribly far off the mark, though)

Tugger:
How you--- nip the air?

No never could I--- see you in Autumn?

And I must be there...

And could I leave you running merrilly to the 20 yard line?

When Dion Sanders scores a touchdown and the Cowboys win the--- WHAT THE HECK IS THIS??

Cori: I got the cards in the right order again, but I must have mixed in the sports page.. SORRY!

Veroni: Let's just move on before someone gets hurt---

(Cori falls backwards down into the orchestra pit with a CRASH as he attempts to remove the sports page from its mixey placement in the cue cards)

Veroni: ----worse.

Meantime, King Munkurthur has problems, (besides the extra-marrital affair goin' on behind his back...). He and Gusinore are hanging out in the throne room..

"Munkurthur... I hate to tell it to you like this, but something must be said. If you do not acknowledge that this 'thing' is going on between Tugsalot and Jenivere, your Kingdom is doomed," Gusinore attempts to talk some sense into the King.

"I ca-an't here you.. nya nya nya nya!"

Veroni: Script, much, Munku?

Munku: Ah for the lost art of Ad-lib..

(works himself into quite the state of ANGER)

"Gusi.. you will either retract that treasonous statement, or prepare to defend it with your life!"

"Fine! Fine! Fine! I didn't say a thing..."

"Better."

"Tiny impotent--" Gusi mumbles as he heads off to do some more 'not seeing' of the affair taking place just outside.

"Bravo father." a short, dark figure approaches and stands in behind Munkurthur. "Never was there such a grand portrayal of a man in denile."

"Who the heck is tha--- Mistordred!"

Misto: Dang. Why me? Everlasting Cat why me??

Veroni: You get to play the bad guy... be happy! (Misto looks a little happier, but still shakes his head no). You'll get to set things on fire!

Misto: REALLY?? You're not just saying that?? (sing-song voice) I get to play the baddie! I get to play the baddie!

Tugger: Ah. The things you learn in a parody--- Misto's a pyro!

Misto: Am not! I just... like to see things burn it's... pretty.

Veroni: Just sing, 'k?

So we can skip ahead to one of this author's favorite songs, let's just give you the Cliff's Notes of the situation... Mistordred is Munkurthur's son via a liason he had with a sorceress named Rumple LaTeaser and Mistordred is bent on taking over Catsalot from his 'father' (read: Kill the old geazer and parade around as the new king). The King tells Mistordred that he could be a good and noble man, but after his father leaves, Mistordred responds with a song, which this author loves and is therefor performing the ENTIRE song...

Misto:
The seven deadly virtues

Those ghastly little traps

Oh, no, my liege, they were not meant for me!

Those seven deadly virtues

Were made for other chaps

Who love a life of failure and---

Jemi: Why is he prancing around?

Jenny: Mordred is making a point in this number, and I think Misto is also more than a LITTLE happy not being a techie or the goodie two shoes 'white hat' in this fic...

Misto: Dang straight.

Veroni: SING!

Misto:
Take courage!

Now there's a sport...

An invitation to the state of rigamort

And purity? A noble yen

And very restful every now and then

I find humility means to be hurt

It's not the earth the meek inherit,

It's the dirt!

Honesty is fatal, it should be taboo

Diligiance, a fate I would hate!

If charity means giving, I give it to you

And fidelity?--

Veroni: Whoops! Forgot about that part...

Jelly: (paws clapped over the kittens' ears) Apparently.

Misto:

Let others take the high road!

I will take the low!

I cannot wait to rush in where Angels fear to go!

With all those seven deadly virtues,

Free and happy little me has not been cursed!

He departs to cause a little mayhem and mischief among the knights, (you know, stir up old rivalries and all that jazz). King Munkurthur reappears at this point and flops down in his throne. The recent events, (Jenny taking a love interest in Tugsalot, his illigitimate son being back in town, etc.. etc..) have driven him into a nice state of depression, but he tries to pick up the happy a little when Jenny comes in.

"Munkurthur." Jenivere stutters, afraid that her husband has picked up on her cheatin' ways.

Dem: (singing) You're cheatin' heart... will make you weak... you try and try...

Veroni: Someone's in a counrty-music-'Oklahomeow' mood already! Matt will be so happy!

Dem: Huh? Oh, in that case... I didn't say a word.

Jenivere is akwardly trying to avoid the subject of where she's been, and so they both wind up in a section of nervous silence. To lighten the mood, they both segue like ol' pro's---

Munku: We SHOULD be after all these parodies!

-into a song about what the simple cats do.

Jenny:

What do the simple cats do?

To help them escape when they're blue?

The pollicle who is ailing, the pumcat who is glum

Our techie who is wailing, from nailing her thumb.

Tanti: (from the tech booth) OW!

Jenny: (skips ahead in the song to get through this thing...)

However do they manage to shed their weary lot?

Oh what do the simple cats do we do not?

Munku:

I have been informed by those that know them well

They find relief in quite a cleaver way

When they're sorely pressed? They whistle for a spell...

(tries to whistle, but finds he can't)

(drops the singing) Forget that.

(The two again jump FAR ahead in the song, not wanting to tempt the fates by singing a countermelody thing seeing all the trouble they're having with just doing THIS melody)

Jenny:

What do the simple cats do to forget?

Munku:

Often, I am told, they dance a fiery dance

And whirl till they're completely uncontrolled

Soon the mind is blank, and all are in a trance---

Tanti: They were reading too much parody.

Tugger: THAT'LL put 'em in a trance right quick!

Veroni: (Throws the script up in the air and sighs) There goes the song... Misto? YER ON!

Next scene now. Mistordred has gotten the peaceful knights to begin yening for questing around the country again, killing and breaking things, and--- chest bumping?

Mungo: Ya baby! We bad! (thud)

Mac: Welcome to the dark side.

Veroni: Okay, weekly Star Wars reference out of the way-- can we please continue?

Lec: Whee! Testosterone on parade!!!

Kittens: EEEEEE!!!

Misto and Knights:

Fie on goodness!

Fie!

Fie on goodness!

FIE!

Eight years of kindness to your neighbor

Making sure that the meek are treated well

Eight years of philanthropic labor

Dary down dell, debit is---

Veroni: CENSORED!

Toms: No fair.

Misto: It's been depressing all the way dary-dow

Toms: Dary-dow

Misto: And getting glumer every day dary-dow!

Toms: Dary-dow!

Mac:

I want to burn a little town or slay a dozen cats!

Anything to get my laughs! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Lec: Creepy laugh, but rotten rhyming.

Skimble: Ah we roared and brawled in Scotland!

Misto and Others: (immitate a bag pipe)

Skimble: Not a law was 'ey obeyed!

Misto and Others: (imitate a bagpipe again)

Skimble: And we wooed and culled in Scotland!

Misto and Others: (same as before)

Skimble: We'd grab any passing made!

Misto and Others: Aaaahhhhh....

Skimble:

'Ey my heart is still in Scotland

Where the lassies woo the best

On some bonnie hill in Scotland

Stroking someone's bonnie---

Misto and Gang: (cut back in to save our skins in the ratings department)

Fie on Scotland!

Fie!

Fie on Scotland!

Fie!

No one repents for any sin now

Every soul is immaculate and trim!

No one is covered with chagrin now!

Nanni-no-nim

*beep* it, it's grim!

Things reach a PG-13 rated frenzy, so we'll send in Tugsalot before we shoot our PG rating apart at the seams. He arrives and they have a pretty heated exchange about being disloyal to the Round Table.

"You should talk!" Mistordred spat in response and turned to the assembled knights. "You're having an affair with the Queen behind the King's back!"

Cori: Touche.

Quaxo: Gotcha good.

Skimble: Now what's he gonna do about that?

Veroni: If you sports announcers are QUITE finished, I'd like to continue.

Sensing he's hit a tender spot, Mistordred continues to press his advantage. "And it would be so disasterous if the King were to-- Oh, I don't know. Maybe FIND OUT about it?" he chuckled evilly.

"You wouldn't!"

"I would!"

"You couldn't!"

"I could!"

"Why should you?"

"I should!"

Bomb: Enough with the rhyming couplets already!

Mistordred, now knowing exactly what he has to do to destroy Catsalot, lets Tugsalot leave, (read: run to his lover so that he can catch the two in the act, and according to the laws laid out by Munkurthur himself-- Burn the Queen at the stake and kill off the arrogant Tugsalot. Not to mention distroy his father's will to go on living by emotionally crushing him.

Misto: Wow. I'm a real bad kitty here. GO ME!

Tugsalot, unaware that he is walking into a trap, returns to Jenivere and the two of them share one of those songs which is so incredibly sentimental that you know something really bad is going to happen in the next five minutes because things are getting just TOO bitter-sweet.

Jenny:

I loved you once in silence

And misery was all I knew

Trying so to keep my love from showing

All the while not knowing you loved me too

Yes loved me in lonesome silence

Your heart filled with dark despair

Knowing love would flame in you forever

And I'd never ever know the flame was there

Tugger:

Then, one day we cast away our secret longing

The raging tide we held inside would hold no more

"This is really cute and sentimental... Can we please fight now?" Mistordred approaches from the rear. "Not that this isn't the best warm fuzzy moment I've witnessed in a long time-- It's just that I forgot my Dramamine!"

Dem: Wow. I don't think I've ever seen Misto quite this saddistic.

Mac: Ah! *snifs and wipes away a tear* A heartless villian after my own heart!

Cet: Yeah. And that was only slightly bordering on an oxy-moron.

Mistordred prepares to arrest Tugsalot and send Jenny down to dance with the flames, (literally), only Tugsalot manages to escape. Jenievere ain't so lucky though, and she is brought before the King. Unable to go against his own laws and unable to stay in that Egyptian River any longer, (denial. Get it?) Munkurthur agrees that Jenivere burn at the stake. He however sets it at a time so that Tugsalot could rush in and rescue her if he wanted... lucky break, huh? I could continue to narrate this, but let's let the song fill in the blanks from here.

Old D:

Oh they found Jenivere

With her bold cavalier

And as swords rang through the hall,

Tug escaped then, one and all

On a day dark and drear

Came to trial Jenivere

Ruled the jury for her shame

She be sentanced to the flame

Cet, Lec, Jem and Exotica:

Burning Dawn was the time

She would pay for her crime

Or would Tugs'lot reappear?

Come and rescue Jenivere?

Tumble:

I'd wager the King himself is hoping he will return

Why would have chosen 5am for the Queen to burn?

When the world is black and gray what time would be more ideal

For Tugsalot to come and steal Jenivere?

(the cats gather around a makeshift stake-- A yardstick stuck to the ground with silly puddy)

Same Queens from Before:

As the dawn filled the sky on the day she would die

There was wonder far and near... Would the King burn Jenivere?

(singing halts for a moment as the crowd parts and Munku stands on a ledge high above the stage with Misto in counterpoint on another high ledge- the opposite side of the stage)

Misto: Veroni... this is scary!

Veroni: Don't tell me you're afraid of heights!

Misto: Alright, I won't tell you, but AURGH! (looks down and starts to sway)

(tries to slip back into character, but keeps one eye on the ground far below)

"What will you do now Munkurthur? Save the Queen or uphold the law, huh?" Mistordred said mockingly. "You're people are awaiting the decision! Which will it be my King? My King?"

"It is written. Let it be done." Munkurthur intoned with despair

Cass, Jelly, Bomb and Dem:

She must burn, she must burn...

Said the King, "she must burn!"

(Veroni has several Toms enter with live fire on torches)

Cats: AAH! FIRE!

Veroni: Calm down. They're under control. For the most part.

Misto: FOR THE MOST PART? What's that supposed to mean?

Veroni: Never mind. Just sing fast and you won't have to worry.

Old D:

Then suddenly earth and sky were dazed by a pounding roar

And suddenly through the door and army began to pour..

(nothing happens)

AN ARMY BEGAN TO POUR!

(five cats race in, then realize they're it for the 'army' and loop around backstage to enter again and again and again and again... each time grabbing a slightly different shield on their way through the backstage to make it look different)

(unfortunatly, as they go, they are bushwhacked by waiting 'guards' loyal to Munkurthur and each time they loop around, they look slightly more beat up than before. By about the seventh circuit, they aren't charging anymore, more of a limp with one cat holding another on his back as they 'run')

Old D:

And lo, ahead the 'army' holding a lofty spear

Came Tugsalot to save his dear Jenivere

All Queens:

By the score fell the dead

As the yard turned to red

Countless numbers felt his spear

As he rescued Jenivere!

Skimble: I don't think it was Tugger's spear.. those guys were dragging long before you got into the mix Tug.

Plato, Quaxo, Admetus, Bill Bailey and Carbucketty: (moaning and bruised) We'll vouch for that!

All:
In the dawn, in that gloom

More than love met its doom.

In the dying candles gleam

Came the sundown of a dream

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

In that din, mourned the year

Saw the toms she held most dear

Go to war for Jenivere!

(Tugger scoops up Jenny and runs out)

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

Saw the toms she held most dear

Go to war for Jenivere!

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

Jenivere!

(the cats break apart for the last scene in which we are back in the forrest where everything began)

The heart-broken Munkurthur knows that he must declare war upon Tugsalot and his followers. As he wanders about in disbelief about how much things have changed in a few short weeks, Tug and Jenny slip in silently to bid him farewell.

"Munkurthur, Jenny is not at my castle. She will go to be cared for by the holy sisters."

They have hugs all around and Jenny departs for the convent where she will live out the rest of her natural life.

Vicky: Okee, I'm starting to get depressed here.

The two toms stay a moment longer, for they both know that they will most likely die in the battle to come and want to remember each other as friends, and not as enemies. Tugsalot leaves and Munkurthur is left alone once more to prepare for his death. Just then a twig snaps behind Munkurthur and he turns to see a little male kitten standing there with his small bow and arrow.

"Who are you?"

"Pounci, m'lord! Pounci of Jellicle, m'lord!" the young tom spoke nervously.

Jenny: That's not a very inventive title...

Veroni: Shhh! You're a nun now! Go do something nun-ey while we finish up here.

Jenny: Nun-ey?

Tugger: (chanting)

Hey nun-ey nun-ey nun-ey!

Ho nun-ey nun-ey--

Veroni: Done now? (taps her foot)

Tugger: (looks up guiltilly) Completely.

"Why have you come here my boy?" the King leans over to see the kitten better.

"I came to be a knight of the round table, m'lord!"

Jelly: *sob* How beautiful!

Pounce: (drops character for a moment) Oh put a cork in it! I have to be cute here AND YOU GUYS KEEP INTERRUPTING!

Cats: Touch-ey!

The King is moved almost to tears as he realizes that the memory of what he had hoped to accomplish will not be forgotten, but live on in the memory of the children and their children's children, and THEIR children's children, and---

Cats: WE GOT THE IDEA, ALRIGHT?!

Munku: (sings slowly and emotionally)

Each evening, from December to December

Before you drift to sleep upon your cot

Think back on all the tales that you'll remember

Of Catsalot

Ask every tom if he's heard the story,

And tell it strong and clear if he has not

That once there was a fleeting whisp of glory

Called Catsalot

(the cast begins singing softly and in the meantime Munkurthur knights Pounci. But instead of sending the boy to battle, he sends him back home to continue on the legend of Catsalot so that the world will never forget his dream of Catsalot) Cats Offstage:

Catsalot!

Catsalot!

I know it gives a person pause

But in Catsalot,

Catsalot

Those were the legal laws

Oooooo Oooooo Oooooo

Munku:

Where once it never rained 'till after sundown

By 8am the morning fog had flown

Don't let it be forgot that once there was a spot

For one, brief, shining moment.....

All:

THAT WAS KNOWN AS CATSALOT!

Jelly: *sniff* How sentimental! WAH!

Jem: (puts Jelly's head on her shoulder) There there. Everything will be alright.

Veroni: Nice job all! Remember to hang up your armor and stuff before you go.

Cats: (mumbled 'yes's' and 'whatever's')

Veroni: OH! And one more thing....

(hums to get in tune and begins singing)

Each evening from December to December...

Before you drift to sleep upon your cot

Think back on all the work that we put into

A parody called Catsalot

Ask everyone if they've read this story

And tell them that they must if they have not

For here there is a fleeting whisp of parody

Called Catsalot.

Cats: (all silent)

Tugger: (after a moment) Uh... 'k. Bye?

The cats all leave and Veroni is left on the empty set, feeling nastolgic over her completed parody. She sits down with a prop sword and sighs.......................