MATT: Feel better after that rather large lunch?

MISTO: Oh, you bet.

BUSTOPHER: *BURP!* Excuse me.

MATT: I'll interpret that burp as "he was satisfied".

JULIE: But back to the parody at hand! Griz gets some more really cool songs in this one and you don't want to keep the diva waiting...

POUNCE: If the songs in this musical are what you consider cool, Juliet...

JULIE: Funny, I remember Vicky saying something to that extent in "Oklahomeow!".

(A loud groan is heard.)

GUS: ACK! Watch how loud you yell, what with this hearing aid...

JULIE: What's wrong?

MATT: I just remembered there's a courtroom scene in this act and we don't have a prop gavel! Hey Rumpus Cat, could you go to the Bricklayer's Arms and get the gavel from "Phantom Cats"?

RUMPUS: Why ME?!

MATT: Because I know you have some pull with the landlady of that particular establishment...she'll let you have it.

RUMPUS: I'm on it... (runs off)

(We go outside a fancy New York hotel. Cornelius, Barnaby, Jemmie Fay, Mrs. Molloy, a coachtom (played by Coricopat), and the horse are outside.)

JENNY: Mr. Munkl, we've just loved looking at the lights of Fourteenth Street these past four hours, but now perhaps you'd better call a hack or we won't get to the Harmonia Gardens on time. Oh, there's one! Yoo hoo!

MUNKU: Oh, we couldn't do that, Mrs. Molloy. It's not the money or anything like that...

TUMBLE: Oh, yeah right.

MUNKU: (hisses at Tumblebrutus and continues) ...it's just nowadays elegant people never take hacks.

TUGGER: Hacks is out.

MUNKU: They all go by street car.

TUGGER: Street cars is in.

JEM: Just think, I've been elegant all my life and never knew it.

CASS: Of course, you're not pedigreed like I am...

GRIZ: Ah, put a sock in it, Cass! Just because you're a purebred...

MUNKU: Of course, if you want to be REALLY elegant...

JENNY & JEM: We do!

MUNKU: You walk.

(starts to sing with Barnaby...)

MUNKU & TUGGER: Yes, New York

It's really us

Barnaby and Cornelius

JENNY & JEM: All the guests of Mr. Munkl are

Feelin' great and look spectacular

POUNCE: Matt, I'm guessing you couldn't get the actual rhyme to work in this one.

MATT: Pouncival, if YOU want to go ahead and write this thing, be my guest.

POUNCE: Ummmmm...no.

ALL: What a knack there is to that

Acting like a born aristo-cat

(The cats offstage groan at that last line)

MATT: What? It worked!

JULIE: Yeah, it did, but...but...

POUNCE: It sounded really corny.

CET: Yeah, and expect a lawsuit from the Disney people now...

MATT: Oh boy.

(Well, since we blew that song to itty bitty pieces, let's move on. Cornelius, Barnaby, and their dates go into the restaurant just as Mistambrose and Etcengarde walk on. Mistambrose is still practicing some dance steps and Etcengarde is crying as usual.)

CET: You know, I am starting to resent playing a whining little brat.

LEC: But if you think about it, it's a good part for you, given how often you screech when you're within a close distance of the Tugger.

CET: What do you mean?

LEC: (grabs Tugger and shoves him in front of Etcetera)

CET: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

GUS: THAT'S IT, I've had it with this hearing aid! Someone turn the volume control down or something!

(Jellylorum and Asparagus Jr. adjust the settings on the hearing aid so their father won't hear everything as crystal clear as he has.)

JELLY: There you go, all better.

GUS: What did you say?

MISTO: May we continue with the scene, please?

GUS: But I don't like string cheese!

MISTO: AURGH!

(Somehow we get our kitty thespians back in character...)

CET: ...But I don't waaaannaaaa be on the stage! I just want to get married!

MISTO: You heard Mrs. Levi! This is the only way to show your uncle we mean business! Now can you weep a litle faster? You're throwing me off step! FASTER!

(As they walk off, Bustogelder meets up with Demestina, the queen from the very first scene of the parody.)

DEM: Rats. Here I thought you'd forget about me.

(When she sees Bustogelder, she strikes a seductive pose and sings an Irish folk air to him, and they walk inside the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant...)

MATT: Uh, has anyone seen Skimbleshanks since the first act?

POUNCE: You got me there.

MISTO: Haven't seen him.

MATT: Great. Just great. We need him for this scene and he disappears. WHERE'S SKIMBLE?

ALL: (sing) Has he gone to hunt the thimble, we must find him or the train can't start...

MATT: Funny.

(Skimble runs in the junkyard, practically out of breath)

SKIMBLE: Sorry I'm late...railway emergency. I had to chase the cast of "Starlight Express" off again...acting like the train yard is theirs. Sheesh!

MATT: Never mind that now, just get into your costume! This is a very pivotal scene and I hope no one goofs it up...

(loud scat singing is heard)

What the heck was THAT?!

JULIE: It's Old Deuteronomy getting warmed up for the big number.

VICKY: Oh boy. And we thought he freaked us out during "Everlasting Cat Superstar"...

(We go inside the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant. Skimbolph, the head waiter, is standing in between two private dining rooms, which are curtained off. He speaks in a German accent.)

SKIMBLE: You always have to give me characters with accents, don't you?

(Gets into character and gets about twelve background cats playing waiters into line)

...Und it is my order, as head waiter of the Harmonia Gardens, und your supreme commander, that tonight, of all nights, our usual lightning service will be twice as lightning as ever, or else!

(He blows a whistle, and the waiter cats start setting tables at rapid fire speed...all is well for about a minute until Pouncival missed a cue and crashed into Tumblebrutus, who threw Admetus off course...you get the picture here. In the end, there's a kitty pile-up.)

MATT: I KNEW IT! I knew they were going to mess that part up...

(Needless to say, poor Skimbolph gets his crew back in line when Cornelius, Mrs. Molloy, Jemmie Fay, and Banaby enter...)

SKIMBLE: I trust you are finding this table satisfactory, sir. The private dining rooms cost a bit more but they do afford the best view of the entertainment.

TUGGER: (counting money) One dollar, Cornelius, that's all that's left.

MUNKU: Are you sure? Count it again.

JENNY: Prepare yourself for a big night, Jemmie! We're out with two of New York's best known sports!

TUGGER: I did make a mistake, Cornelius. It's only ninety cents. I'll count it once more.

MUNKU: No, don't! We can't afford it.

(More music and waiters buzzing around, and then we see the other dining room open. Bustogelder and Demestina are coming out.)

SKIMBLE: I hope this table will be large enough, Mr. Bustogelder. You see, Mrs. Levi told me nothing about your bringing your...your...

BUSTOPHER: My personal physician!

(Long story short, we follow the meals of both parties, and Demestina wants to dance with Horace, and Cornelius wants to get the band to play a song too. However, as Barnaby goes to take Cornelius's request to the bandleader, he drops his wallet just as Demestina drops Horace's purse, since Horace doesn't want to dance to her kind of music and yanks her back inside. All this confusion leads to Tugger grabbing Horace's purse and Horace grabbing Barnaby's wallet by accident.)

VICKY: Whoa. Brain strain!

(...and a waiter shouts to Skimbolph that Mrs. Levi has arrived...)

MATT: Please, do NOT goof this up!

SKIMBLE: What's this? Shouting? How many times have I told you not to shout, boy? This is the Harmonia Gardens Restaurant, not one of those...

QUAXO: But, sir, she's here! The queen!

SKIMBLE: What? Are you sure, boy?

QUAXO: Like you told me, sir...eight o'clock on the nose up pulls a carriage and out steps a tall queen with red fur and...

BOMB: What? I'm not even IN this one!

MATT: NOT YOU!

JULIE: Although Bombalurina's walk-on will definitely get more of the men reading this to pay attention...

MATT: CAN WE GET BACK TO THE SCENE HERE?

SKIMBLE: It's she! Mrs. Levi! She's back!

(The wait staff and cooks get all excited, and Grizzy enters from the top of the stairs, and starts to sing, greeting the waiters...)

GRIZ: Hello, Pouncy

Well, hello, Deuty,

It's so nice to be back home where I belong

You're looking swell, Billy

I can tell, Georgie,

You're still glowin, you're still crowin'

You're still growin' strong

I feel the room swayin'

For the band's playin'

One of my old favorite songs from way back when

So...bridge that gap, fellas

Find me an empty lap, fellas

Grizzy'll never go away again!

(One of the waiters, Deutis, goes to the head of the procession from the back, and starts singing in a warm and raspy voice, much like Louis Armstrong...)

OLD D: Hello, Grizzy, well hello, Grizzy,

It's so nice to have you back where you belong

Yeeeeessss, you're lookin' swell, Grizzy, I can tell, Grizzy

You're still glowin', you're still crowin', you're still goin' strong

(starts getting into the song and starts dancing a Dixieland-style stomp)

We feel the room swayin', for the band's playin'

One of your old favorite songs from way back when, yeeessss...

(starts scat singing)

GRIZ: So here's my hat, fellas

I'm stayin' where I'm at, fellas

TOMS: Promise you'll never go away again!

GRIZ: I went away from the lights of Fourteenth Street

And into my personal haze

But now that I'm back in the lights of Fourteenth Street

Tomorrow will be brighter than the good old days

TOMS: Those good old days...

Hello, well, hello, Grizzy

Well hello, hey look there's Grizzy

GRIZ: Glad to see you all, let's thank my lucky star

TOMS: Your lucky star

GRIZ: You're looking great, Cori

Lose some weight, Cori?

Grizzy's overjoyed and overwhelemed and over par

TOMS: I hear the ice tinkle

See the lights twinkle

And you still get glances from us handsome toms

So...

GRIZ: Golly gee, fellas

Find me a vacant knee, fellas

TOMS: Grizzy'll never go away again!

(A dance follows, which ends in Admetus, Tumblebrutus, Pouncival, Plato, Bill Bailey, and George dancing on one side of Grizzy, and Knuckles, Nunzio, Big Vito, Quaxo, Carbucketty, and Coricopat on her other side. Skimbolph stands off the the side, and Deutis dances with Grizzy and sings again...)

OLD D: (now really into it) Well well hello Grizzy

It's Big Deuty, Grizzy

It's so nice to have you back where you belong, yeeessss,

You're lookin' swell, Grizzy, I can tell, Grizzy,

You're still glowin', you're still crowin', you're still goin' strong

I hear the ice tinkle, see the lights twinkle

And you still get glances from us handsome men, so...

(starts scat singing)

GRIZ: Wow wow wow, fellas

OLD D: (scats some more)

GRIZ: Look at the old girl now, fellas

Grizzy'll never go away...

OLD D: Grizzy'll never go away...

ALL: GRIZZY'LL NEVER GO AWAY AGAIN!

OLD D: OOOOOOHHHH YEEEEEEEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

(grins and wipes his forehead with a napkin, and notices the cats are looking at him with weird looks on their faces) What? Why are you all looking at me funny?

LEC: It's just that...well...

VICKY: Um...

CARB: Er...

POUNCE: The thought of you singing and acting like Louis Armstrong just doesn't sit right with us?

TUMBLE: Not to mention that this performance you just did was scarier than what you did for "Everlasting Cat Superstar".

POUNCE: Big time.

OLD D: Well, at least I had fun.

MATT: So did I! And let's face it, Ken Page was in "Ain't Misbehavin'", the Fats Waller tribute musical, and Louis Armstrong sang a lot of Fats Waller songs...so for some reason I knew you were the one to pull this number off, Old D.

OLD D: I'd like to do it again sometime! (strolls off, scat singing all the while)

(ANYHOW, to make an already long scene short, let's just say that there's more cute dialogue between Horace and Grizzy, and he's finally wise to the fact that his clerks and his niece are all in New York with him. In the ensuing chaos, the cops come and everyone has to go to court...)

POUNCE: There's a courtroom scene? Well I'll be! Hey Matt, you can plead temporary insanity!

MATT: Ha ha, WISETOM.

(We go to the courtroom. All our leads are in the prisoner's dockets, and the judge comes out and takes his place behind the bench.)

MATT: Psst! Where's our judge?

MAC: (running on, zipping up a black robe) I'm coming, I'm coming!

ALL: MACAVITY'S PLAYING THE JUDGE?!

POUNCE: No wonder the legal system gets a bad rap, with guys like HIM on the bench!

MAC: Relax, I can play a...*shudders*...member of the law enforcement community!

ALONZO: Oh, yeah, right. You're better off playing a crooked cop!

MUNKU: Or a Dan Fielding on "Night Court"-type...

MAC: Don't make me hurt the two of you.

ALONZO: I'd like to see you try!

MATT: GUYS! Can't the three of you go two seconds without fighting?

MAC, MUNKU, ALONZO: NO.

(Anyhow, the judge gets some order in the court...everyone quiets down except for Grizzy, who is still eating her dinner.)

MAC: Quiet! Quiet! That's better. Now, you're all charged with disturbing the peace, assault and battery, inciting a riot, and several other equally serious violations off the law of this city! (breaks character) Not bad, for amateurs!

MATT: MACAVITY! PLEASE try to stay in character in here! Is that asking too much?

MAC: Yes.

MATT: (bashes his head against the car trunk repeatedly)

MAC: (back in character) Is there anyone here to speak in your behalf? I say, is there anyone here to speak in your behalf?

(Grizzy Levi hands a card to the court clerk, played by Alonzo, who hands it to the judge.)

MAC: (reading the card) Mrs. Grizzy Levi, Counsellor at Law!

GRIZ: Your Honor...the defense rests!

POUNCE: Woo-hoo! That's the shortest argument I've ever heard in a courtroom scene!

MATT: Uh, Pouncival, if you read the script, you'll find this scene is still pretty long.

POUNCE: RATS!

GUS: We're cats, not rats!

MATT: Why me? WHY ME?!

JELLY: Here, Gus, let's adjust the settings on that hearing aid again...

JULIE: (who along with Griz is making an "I'm waiting" gesture) Are you all done now?

(No answer, so we continue.)

GRIZ: ...In fact, the defense does more than just rest, it abdicates! Ub favor of the only real culprit, Horace Bustogelder of Yonkers, New York!

BUSTOPHER: GRIZZY!

GRIZ: The one tom responsible for these grievous charges of cruelty to a poor unfortunate minor!

CET: WAAAHHHHH!!!!!

GRIZ: Would you mind repeating that, dear?

CET: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!

MISTO: Etcetera, turn the decibels down a bit!

TUGGER: Although you would think we'd all be used to it, given how she screams over me!

JULIE: Tugger, sometimes I wonder how you get through doorways with that oversized ego of yours.

MUNKU: (still in character) Begging your pardon, Mrs. Levi, but if it pleases the court, I have something to say.

GRIZ: The very person to sum up for the defense. Go right ahead, Mr. Munkl, and I'm certain you'll find no more imparial and unbiased listener than the tom I see before me on that bench. Good night, Your Honor.

MAC: Good night, Cousin Grizzy!

(Griz puts her claw to her lips as she exits.)

BUSTOPHER: Cornelius Munkl, if you dare to testify against me you'll be discharged!

MUNKU: You've already done that, Mr. Bustogelder.

BUSTOPHER: I'll do it again!

MUNKU: You've done it again, too. But even if you hadn't, I'll still say what I have to say. I don't know much about disturbing the peace or inciting to riot, but I do know that what happened to me today, which is the most important thing that can happen to a tom, might never have happened if I'd obeyed your orders and stayed in Yonkers, New York. Your Honor, I am talking about none other than...Love!

POUNCE: (rolling around on the ground, laughing hysterically) What a WUSS! (starts laughing again)

LEC: You know, Pouncival, now I see why you don't have a queen...because you keep doing things like that!

BUSTOPHER: WHAT?! You're trying to tell me that after 33 years you've fallen in love because you take one evening off?

MUNKU: Oh no, Mr. Bustogelder, I didn't fall in love with Mrs. Jenirene Molloy of this city in just an evening. An hour! Even that's too long! What's less than a minute?

JEM: A second!

MUNKU: Less than that!

JEM: A...a moment!

SKIMBLE: (sings) This is the moment...

JULIE: Now how did I know THAT running gag was coming?

MUNKU: (still trying in vain to stay in character and not lose his temper) That's it!

(music starts) I'll go slowly so you can get it all down...

(sings)

It only takes a moment

For your eyes to meet and then

Your heart knows in a moment

You will never be alone again

I held her for an instant

But my arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved a whole life long...

(speaks here) ...Isn't the world full of wonderful things? There I sat cooped up in Yonkers for years and years and all the time wonderful cats like Mrs. Molloy were walking around in New York and I didn't know them at all! I don't know whether you can all see from where you're sitting...well, for instance, the way her eye and forehead and cheek come together up here. Can you? I tell you right now, a fine queen is the greatest work of the Everlasting Cat on Earth! You can talk all you like about Niagara Falls and the Pyramids, they aren't in it at all. Of course, I've seen queens before, but today I talked to one equal to equal, and they're so different from toms! And they're awfully mysterious, too. I bet you could know a queen a hundred years without ever being really sure whether she liked you or not. Today I've lost so many things. My job, my future, everything that people think is important, but I don't care. Even if I have to dig ditches for the rest of my life, I'll be a ditch digger who once had a wonderful day.

(looks and sees that he's made all the queens cry with that monologue)

VICKY: That was *sob* beautiful!

LEC: Yeah! *sniff*

MUNKU: I still got it! (grins)

POUNCE: *GAG!*

ALONZO: I missed a few words back there, Mr. Munkl. Right after 'it only'...

ALL: ...Takes a moment

But his arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

JENNY: (too moved by Cornelius's monologue to complain about the anti-feminist lyrics) He held me for an instant

But his arms felt safe and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved a whole life long

MUNKU: And that is all

That love's about

JENNY: And we'll recall when time runs out

MUNKU & JENNY: That it only took a moment

To be loved a whole life long!

MAC: Small problem here. I'm going to need a gavel soon, and the Rumpus Cat hasn't come back with the one from "Phantom Cats" yet!

MATT: Just be creative and use your head, Mac!

ALONZO: I can do that! (he jumps up and grabs Macavity by his mane. However, before he slams it onto the judge's desk, the Rumpus Cat comes back with the prop gavel, out of breath and looking a bit worse for wear.)

MATT: And where have YOU been?

RUMPUS: Trying to fend off young queens at the Bricklayer's Arms. I forgot how big of a crush their landlady had on me...but here's your gavel... (collapses into an old recliner)

(The judge bangs his gavel down, and he's in tears.)

MAC: Dismissed, dismissed! All dismissed! All except Horace Bustogelder of Yonkers, New York! You're all dismissed! You're free, my kittens! And bless you! Go, go... (he leaves, as well as everyone except for Horace. A police cat--Victor--enters with Mrs. Levi.)

VICTOR: You can see the prisoner now, Mrs. Levi.

DEM: What would Griz want to do with Macavity?

VICTOR: NOT THAT PRISONER---sheesh!

MAC: Besides, name ONE TIME where I got caught!

GRIZ: Well, Horace, there's your life. Without niece, without clerks, without bride, and without your purse. It looks like there's only one more thing to say...

BUSTOPHER: If it's to ask me to marry you, Grizzy Gallagher, NEVER! Not in a million years! UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WILL I EVER MARRY YOU!

GRIZ: Oh, that wasn't it at all, Horace, all I wanted to say to you was...

(sings)

Goodbye!

BUSTOPHER: What?

GRIZ: Goodbye!

BUSTOPHER: Now hold on, Grizzy...

GRIZ: It's too late, Horace. I've failed.

POUNCE: So has Matt. He's failed to keep his sanity.

GRIZ: (hisses at Pouncival and continues) And when a queen fails, there's nothing else she can say...

BUSTOPHER: Wait!

GRIZ: But...

BUSTOPHER: Hey!

GRIZ: (sings again) Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye

POUNCE: Words I've been hoping these insane directors will say to us VERY soon!

GRIZ: (hisses and continues) Don't try to stop me Horace please

Wave your little paw and whisper

So long dearie

You ain't gonna see me anymore

But when you discover that your life is dreary

Don't you come a knockin' at my door

For I'll be all dolled up

And singin' that song

That says "you Pollicle, I told you so"

JULIE: Go Griz!

GRIZ: (grins and continues) So wave your little paw and whisper

So long dearie

Dearie, should have said so long

So long ago

Because you've treated me so rotten and rough

I've had enough of feelin' low

So wave your little paw and whisper

So long dearie,

Dearie would have said so long

So long ago!

(she grabs Horace's hat and cane and starts up with the "Follies"-type dancing)

LEC: Both Griz AND Old D like this? Now I'm REALLY scared.

GRIZ: (continues) FOr I can hear that choo choo callin' me on

To a fancy new address

Yes, I can hear that choo choo callin' me on

On board that happiness express...

TUMBLE: Starlight Express, Starlight Express

Are you real, yes or no?

MATT: WRONG SONG! WRONG SHOW! SHEESH!

GRIZ: (continuing) I'm gonna learn to dance and drink and smoke a cigarette

TUGGER: WOO HOO! Griz can be added to the list of cats who have to go to AA meetings now!

GRIZ: (going on) I'm goin' as far away from Yonkers as a queen can get!

(speaks here)

And on those cold winter nights, Horace...

You can snuggle up to your cash register.

It's a little lumpy but it rings!

(sings again)

Don't come a knockin'

I'll be all dolled up

And singin' that song

That says "You Pollicle, I told you so"

So Horace, you will find your life a sad old story

When you see your Grizzy shuffle off to glroy

Oh, I should have said so long...

(speaks)

By the way, the wedding's eleven o'clock tomorrow morning.

(sings again)

SO LONG AGO!!!!!

JULIE: WOO-HOO! GO GRIZ! (encourages the other cats to applaud)

POUNCE: For the millionth time, I don't...

(Juliet scratches him)

POUNCE: OK, OK... (gets up and applauds)

(We go back to Bustogelder's feed store. Horace is mumbling to himself...)

BUSTOPHER: ...And I wouldn't marry you, Grizzy Levi, if you were the last queen on Earth! Not if you asked me a million times. I didn't need you before and I don't need you now. Grizzy Levi, you go your way... (points in one direction)...and I'll go mine. (realizes he pointed his other paw in the same direction, and realizes...) Grizzy...GRIZZY!!! (he bangs on the startrap. Cornelius pops out.)

MUNKU: You stamped, Mr. Bustogelder?

BUSTOPHER: What? Oh, so it's you, is it, Mr. Munkl?

POUNCE: No, it's Old Deuteronomy. WHO DO YOU THINK IT IS?

MATT: POUNCIVAL!!!!

BUSTOPHER: (still in character) Come crawling back, have you?

MUNKU: No, Mr. Bustogelder. I just stopped by for my $146.35. You see, I've decided to go into business and since the only business I know is hay and feed, I'm opening my own store.

(Mrs. Molloy enters)

JENNY: And Cornelius has found the perfect location, Mr. Bustogelder. Right across the street from you!

BUSTOPHER: So, you think you can compete with Bustogelder's, do you? Well, just you try!

(Barnaby Tugger enters.)

TUGGER: Ahem!

BUSTOPHER: Aha! Another one come crawling, is it? What do you want?

POUNCE: Personally, I'd like to get out of this parody...

JEM: And I'd like world peace...

MUNGO & RUMPLE: An' we'd loike it if people didn't maike fun of our accents...

PLATO: And I could go for a new Ferrari...

BUSTOPHER: WILL YOU ALL GET OUT OF HERE?!

TUGGER: (still in character) My back salary for the past four months...$6.12.

BUSTOPHER: You can't do this to me, any of you! I'll go to the courts! I'll get lawyers! I'll...I'll...

VICKY: Wow, Bustopher looks like he's about to have a heart attack!

LEC: Good thing he's only acting!

(Grizzy comes into the store)

GRIZ: Why, Horace Bustogelder, as I live and breathe, if you aren't handsome in that outfit! So few toms nowadays have the courage to wear faun yellow and puce!

MUNGO: Naow kiddin'! (puts on a pair of sunglasses, to block out the loudness of Bustopher's costume)

BUSTOPHER: Grizzy Gallagher!

GRIZ: I know just what you're going to say, Horace, you're not satisfied with Demestina. Well, I have another queen for you, the ideal wife, but don't let me interrupt you, you were doing something, what were you doing?

POUNCE: I don't know about you, but I was planning on how to make myself scarce the next time Matt comes around asking us to do parodies!

JENNY: Getting Cornelius' money, Grizzy, one hundred and forty-six dollars...

MUNKU: ...And thirty-five cents!

MISTO: (starts singing "Seven And A Half Cents" from "The Pajama Game")

That's enough for me to be

A Sultan in a Taj Mahal

In every room a different doll...

MATT: WRONG SHOW! WRONG SONG!

MISTO: Well excuuuse me! I like plays with Bob Fosse choreography!

MATT: I'm glad you do, BUT THIS ISN'T ONE OF THEM!

(But Cornelius isn't the only one who wants money...)

TUGGER: Plus six dollars and twelve cents of mine!

CET: (upstairs with Mistambrose) And the money my Mamma left me...

MISTO: Fifty-two dollars and forty-eight cents!

BUSTOPHER: Thirty-eight!

MISTO & CET: FORTY-EIGHT!

BUSTOPHER: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT! If it's the money you want, the safe is upstairs.

(Everyone except Grizzy leaves, arguing over money. Grizzy then goes into another long monologue...basically going on about the evils of money, how her husband Gussaim said it was like manure, not worth a thing unless helping young things grow, and hoping Gussaim will give her that sign that she's ready to be the second Mrs. Bustogelder. Horace comes down the stairs, then some worker cats come in through the door...)

BUSTOPHER: (to a worker cat) Well, don't just stand there! That goes upstairs!

GRIZ: Well, Horace, as I was saying, I've found you the ideal wife!

VICKY: YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER!

MATT: No foreshadowing, Victoria!

BUSTOPHER: (cheesed off because Vicky gave away the plot) Grizzy Gallagher, I don't want you to find me no ideal wives. If I want an ideal wife, I'll find one of my own, and I've found her, and it's you, dam...er, DARN IT!

GRIZ: Why Horace...

BUSTOPHER: I know I've been a fool about Mrs. Molloy and that other queen, but Grizzy, forgive me and marry me!

GRIZ: Horace, stop right there!

BACKSTAGE CATS: (sing) I WANNA KNOW RIGHT NOW...

Before we go any further, will you love me, will you love me forever...

MATT: While I'm sure Meat Loaf would be happy that you guys are plugging his song, we're really close to being done and I'd appreciate it if you kept the side comments to a minimum!

BUSTOPHER: (still in character) What do you mean?

GRIZ: You know as well as I do, Horace, that you're the first citizen of Yonkers. And your wife would have to be a somebody. Answer me, am I a somebody?

JULIE: YOU KNOW IT, GRIZ!

BUSTOPHER: (in character) You are, wonderful queen!

GRIZ: Oh, you're partial. No, Horace, it won't be enough for you to load your wife with money and jewels, to insist that she be a benefactress to half the town...by the way, it's bad business letting Cornelius open a store right across the street from you. Better take him back and let him be your partner.

BUSTOPHER: Partner?

POUNCE: (wearing his "Oklahomeow!" costume) Howdy, pardner!

MATT: POUNCIVAL!

GRIZ: And Barnaby can have Cornelius' old job!

BUSTOPHER: Now see here, Grizzy...

GRIZ: That way we'll all be together so we can dance at Etcengarde's wedding!

BUSTOPHER: THAT DOES IT! You've gone too far, Grizzy! I'll dance at no weddings! Besides, I don't know how and it would take me weeks, months, YEARS to learn...

(Grizzy gives him a card and he reads it)

All right, I'll dance.

GRIZ: HORACE! I never thought I'd hear you say a thing like that!

(A worker cat appears upstairs)

BUSTOPHER: That front room, idiot! Well, go on! What are you waiting for?

GRIZ: Horace Bustogelder, what is going on up there?

(The Tugger and Bombalurina poke their heads out)

TUGGER: Wouldn't you like to know?

BOMB: Me-OW!

MATT: While I appreciate that you got a room, could you have at least waited until AFTER the parody was over?

BUSTOPHER: Oh, nothing. I just thought I'd have that front room done over in blue wallpaper.

GRIZ: Horace...

BUSTOPHER: I know the old paper ain't worn out yet, but that tom just set up in business and needs a good start. You see, Grizzy, I've always felt that money, pardon the expression, is like manure. It's not worth a thing...

TUMBLE: If it ain't got that swing!

MATT: TUMBLEBRUTUS!

(Grizzy realizes what he's about to say, and looks up to the Heavyside Layer)

GRIZ: Thank you, Gussaim!

BUSTOPHER: (sings) Hello, Grizzy

Well, hello, Grizzy

It's so nice to have you here where you belong

(takes her paw and kisses it)

JENNY: Lucky he's only acting.

BUSTOPHER: I never knew, Grizzy, without you, Grizzy

Life was awfully flat and more than that, was awfully wrong

GRIZ: So here's my hat, Horace

I'm stayin' where I'm at, Horace

Grizzy'll never go away

BUSTOPHER: Wonderful queen!

GRIZ & BUSTOPHER: AGAIN!

(Griz punches the cash register, and a spotlight goes up on Mrs. Molloy and Cornelius, upstairs.)

JENNY & MUNKU: Hello, Grizzy, well hello, Grizzy

It's so nice to have you back where you belong

(Mistambrose, Etcengarde, Demestina, Barnaby, and Jemmie Fay enter, followed by Skimbolph, Deutis, and the waiters)

ALL: You're lookin' swell, Grizzy

We can tell, Grizzy

You're still glowin', you're still crowin', you're still goin' strong

(Whatever cats weren't on stage enter)

ALL: Take the someone whose arms you're in

Hold on to her tight and spin and

One-two-three, one-two-three, one-two-three

Look, I'm dancing

As around and around you go

Your spirits will hit the top and

Now that I'm dancing who cares if I ever stop...

He held her for an instant

But his arms felt sure and strong

It only takes a moment

To be loved a whole life long...

(Cassandra's relatives come out in their "Sunday Clothes" outfits)

Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out

Strut down the street and have your picture took

Dressed like a dream your spirits seem to turn about

That Sunday shine is a certain sign that you feel as fine as you look

Beneath our parasol the world is all a smile

That makes you feel brand new down to your claws

(The lead cats come to the center of the stage one by one, with Bustogelder standing off to the side. He joins them after they've all come to center stage. Some of the waiters are seen jumping up and down, to be seen above Bustogelder's rather large frame.)

BUSTOPHER: You couldn't go one parody without a fat joke, huh?

MATT: Just keep singing, OK? We're ALMOST done!

ALL: (keep singing) Get out your feathers, your patent leathers

Your beads and buckles and bows

For there's no blue Monday in your Sunday clothes!

(Grizzy Levi enters and stands in front of the other cats, as Deutis leads everyone in a reprise)

OLD D AND ALL: Well well, hello, Grizzy

Well, hello, Grizzy

It's so nice to have you back where you belong, so...

GRIZ: Wow, wow, wow, fellas

Look at the old girl now, fellas

ALL: GRIZZY'LL NEVER GO AWAY...

GRIZZY'LL NEVER GO AWAY...

GRIZZY'LL NEVER GO AWAY AGAIN!

OLD D: OOOOOHHHHH YEEEEAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

*END OF ACT 2*

MATT: Awesome job, guys! Just AWESOME!

JULIE: Uh, Matt, you're talking to an empty stage.

POUNCE: (singing as he heads for the food at the wrap party)

We're bailing out, fellas

We're going to get about, fellas

Hope we won't have to parody,

Hope we won't have to parody,

Hope we won't have to parody again!

TUMBLE: Oooh Yeah!!!!!

MATT: While you're dreaming, guys, you may as well ask for a Ferrari too.