by Mattethias
(Matt is standing by one of those cool TV sets with a built in VCR, addressing the audience.)
MATT: As you well know, the ending to "Little Junkyard of Horrors" has been deemed by some as "too sad". I know there are actually two endings, one from
the play and one from the movie, but I decided to go by the stage play ending. What you DIDN'T know was that we actually videotaped the happy movie ending, in case this issue came up. So ladies and gentlemen (whips out a videotape) I now give you the Lost Ending to "Little Junkyard of Horrors".
(we see the "Little Junkyard footage from where Audrumple II--manipulated by Bustopher Jones and voiced by the Tugger--tries to eat Audrumple. Seymunku comes in at that moment.)
MUNKU: Get off her. GET OFF HER!
TUGGER: (laughs)
(Seymunku pulls Audrumple out and takes her to a back alley.)
MUNKU: Audrumple...are you OK? Please don't die! I should have stopped it when I found out what it ate, but it looked so cute and innocent and we were making money and you liked me and...
RUMPLE: Wot? Oi alwaiys loiked ya, Seymunku...all Oi ever wanted wos you...and a nice little house...
BACKSTAGE CATS: Awwwwwww.
MUNKU: Then we're gonna do it. Tomorrow I'll go on TV and get the money and...
(A reprise of "Suddenly Seymunku" is then sung, but they're interrupted by Coricopatrick Martin, who does the same shpiel he does in the sad ending...trying to market the plant. Seymunku drives him away and decides to have a showdown with his plant.)
TUGGER: All right! I get a cool song here!
MUNKU: World domination! Hundreds of you eating!
TUGGER: Nooooo...
MATT: PG RATING, TUGGER!
TUGGER: ...er, diggady! And I wanna thank YOU!
POUNCE: No diggady, no doubt...
MUNKU: You'll never win. YOUR KIND NEVER DOES!
TUGGER: (sings) Better wait a minute
Ya better hold the phone.
Better mind your manners
Better change your tone.
Don't you threaten me son,
Ya got a lotta gall.
We're gonna do things MY way
OR WE WON'T DO THINGS AT AAAAAAAALLLLLL!!!!!
(Orin--who was played by Macavity but is now played by Mungojerrie, you remember, Mac escaped--and Gusnik's heads pop out at the center of flower buds. Both cats wear miniature plant puppets on both front paws to add to the effect and the chorus...)
TUGGER: Ya don't know what you're messin' with, you got no idea
Ya don't know what you're messin' with, well you lookie here
Ya don't know what you're up against, no, no way, no how
Ya don't know what you're dealin' with, well I'm gonna tell you NOW...
GUS AND MUNGO: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...
TUGGER: I'm just a mean green mutha from outer space, and I'm bad!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean, green, bad!
MUNKU: Outer space?
TUGGER: I'm just a mean green mutha from outer space and it looks like you've been had!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, so get off my back, get out my face
'Cause I'm MEAN AND GREEN, and I am BAD!
Wanna save your fur, boy?
You wanna save your hide?
Wanna see tomorrow?
Better step aside!
Better take a tip boy,
For some good advice.
Ya better take it EEEASY
'Cause you're walkin' on thin ice!
SKIMBLE: Well, he finally got to sing the bad boy song he wanted to sing!
ETCETERA: Can you blame him? THIS song is cool. Why should Mac get all the bad guy songs?
TUGGER: You don't know what you're messin' with, no you never did
You don't know what you're up against, well that's tough...
(Matt bleeps out the next word)
TUGGER: ...kid!
The lion don't sleep tonight, and if you pull his tail it ROARS!
You say that ain't fair, you say that ain't right, you know what I say?
(Matt bleeps out the next line)
GUS AND MUNGO: Aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...
TUGGER: WATCH ME NOW, I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm baaad!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean, green, bad!
TUGGER: I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, and you got me violent and mad!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, I'm gonna trash your butt, I'm gonna rock this place, I'm MEAN AND GREEN, and I am BAAAAAAAAAD!!!!!
(Bustopher Jones is still inside the puppet, trying desperately to get a perfect lip-sync.)
TUGGER: (continuing, his enthusiasm mounting by the moment)
Don't ya talk to me about old King Kong, ya think he's the worst, well you're thinkin' wrong.
Don't talk to me about Frankenstein, he got a temper? HA! He ain't got mine!
CET: You are BAAAAD, boy! EEEEEE!
(The next part of this song has some pretty harsh words, so we'll just cut to the chorus...)
TUGGER: I'm just a mean green mother from outer space and I'm bad!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean, green, bad!
TUGGER: I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, you're in deep dish trouble, lad!
I'm just a mean green mother from outer space, so just give it up, it's all over ace, I'm MEAN AND GREEN!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean green mother from outer space
TUGGER: I'm MEAN AND GREEN!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean green mother from outer space
TUGGER: I'M MEEEEEAN AND GREEEEN!
GUS AND MUNGO: Mean green mother from outer space
TUGGER: AND IIIIII...AAAAAAAM...BAAAAAAD!
Bye bye, Seymunku!
(Gus, Bustopher, and Mungojerrie move their front and hind legs so that the entire set is knocked down, burying Seymunku inside.)
MATT: Uh, Misto, we need your techie skills...think you can do the happy ending?
MISTO: Sure thing.
TUGGER: (still in character) OH SNAP!!!!!
(Misto pulls his front paws back as far as he can, then thrusts them forward to create one of the biggest explosions ever seen in the Jellicle junkyard. The plant is kaput.)
BUSTOPHER: Thank the Everlasting Cat I got the heck out of that thing, otherwise I'd be in a million easy pieces!
(Audrumple is waiting outside, and a slightly battered Seymunku comes out of the store. They run away to their little house in suburbia, and the three doo-wop queens walk on the lawn, wearing pink bridesmaid dresses. But if we look closely in the garden, where Tumblebrutus is hiding with the green sock he wore on his hand in the beginning of the play, we find out Audrumple II isn't really dead...)
THE END?
MATT: And that was it. Hope you liked it. Now back to some new parodies with the same old jokes.
This author does not claim any connection to the creators of the real "Little Shop of Horrors". This is just the product of a slightly wacky mind- No Copywrites were harmed in the creation of this fic!
This fic is © Mattethias
