Pounce: Now *this* is a cool story!!!
Munku: And what’s even better is that I don’t have to play the lead again.
Veroni: Well, I figured you deserved a break after all the work you put into ‘Cat Miserables’!
Skimble: So who gets the lead, then?
Veroni: You.
Skimble: HUH? And why am I the last one to find this out?
Veroni: I figured it should be a surprise! Aren’t you excited?!
Skimble: I can’t express the feeling I get from that news. REALLY!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A bell tolls in the distance and a dark figure approaches. The figure speaks.....
Pounce: In each of us there are two natures. If this primitive duality of cat--good and evil--can be housed in separate identities, life will be relieved of all that is unbearable. It is the curse of felines that these polar twins should be constantly struggling....
Skimble: That’s not in the Broadway show!
Veroni: No. But it is in the second recording!
Munku: You forget, Skimble. She owns all three J&H recordings.
Jemi: (looks at Veroni with a “You’ve got to be kidding me” look) ALL THREE?
Skimble: (turns to Veroni) So I’m guessing this will be like a combination of the three?
Veroni: Yeah! You see there are some really good songs on all three and I can combine them into a really cool J&H parody!
Munku: I get goosepimples just thinking about it. (rolls his eyes)
The curtain parts and we see Dr. Hairy Jellicle sitting at his desk. He has long pondered the thought of how to separate the good and evil in a cat’s soul.
Skimble:
To be things that others can’t be
Give me the courage to go where no angels will go
And I will go!
I.... NEEEEEEEED TO KNOWWWWW!
Jemi: And which recording would that be from?
Veroni: Number two which had Anthony Warlow as Jekyll and Hyde, Carolee Carmello as Emma, who was actually named Lisa at the time of that rec---
Munku: Just forget that she asked, okay?
SCENE 1
In London, we observe the goings on of a typical evening... Cats going to parties, Cats begging-- most anything you can imagine on a stormy night such as this one. The lower class begins singing about the high and mighty upper crust of society...
All:
They don’t mean what they say!
They don’t say what they mean!
They don’t ever come clean
An’ the answer is it’s all a Facade!
Jemi: Oh, no! I’m getting flash backs to “Cat-time!” What does facade mean?
Cetera: Don’t bother trying to understand, Jemi. Just sing it like you know exactly what you’re talking about!
All:
They are evil and good!
And they walk the fine line we’d all cross
if we could!
Dr. Hairy Jellicle is seen rushing through the streets of London. He is late for his Engagement Party to Sir Deutanvers daughter, Jennemma. On the way there, he is greeted by his friend and colleague, John Tuggerson. He laments to Tuggerson about being denied the help he needs to finish his research by the Board of Governors at the St. Jude Junkyard.
Jemi: And all you Jekkies will know that we have changed around some of the events...
Veroni: Only because it’s necessary so that I can fit in the songs from all the recordings!
Jemi: Excuses! Excuses!
Veroni: Watch out there, Jemi or you may end up in this fic too...
Jemi: (panics) NO!! I mean, no thanks. I have to go... get my... fur painted and claws styled! (slams into the wall). I---I mean fur styled and claws.... forget it! I’ll see you later. (runs out quickly)
Veroni: (writes something down on her clipboard with a sly grin on her face).
Skimble:
John! How can I pursue the truth when they can block each step I take?
Tugger: Well if I were you I wouldn’t worry about pursuing the truth when you’re going to be late for that engagement party. The only thing you’ll be pursuing is a safe haven away from the wrath of your intended.....
Skimble: The party!!! Clear the way!
SCENE 2
Jennemma stares impatiently at the clock.....
Jenny: Where could he be?
Mistimon Stride strides over, (sorry, couldn’t resist!) to Jennemma and takes her hand. He has always loved Jennemma and despises Dr. Jellicle for taking her away from him.....
Misto:
What kind of tom is this you’ve taken?
Jenny: Save the singing, lover boy! I only have eyes for Dr. Jellicle.
Misto: But, Jennemma I could offer you so much! Why, I would gi--
Skimble: (taps Misto on the shoulder) Can I help you with something?
Misto: (jumps about a mile) Oh, no that’s alright.....
Jellicle and Jennemma are left alone. He explains to her that he must continue with his research, but that he loves her just the same......
Cori: *sniff, sniff* Beautiful!
Tanti: How romantic!
Skimble: Are you mocking me?
Cori and Tanti: Who? Us?
Skimble: Ahem!
Jenny:
Skimble:
Jenny:
Both:
SCENE 3
To unwind from his unproductive trip to the Board of Governors, Tuggerson suggests that they take a trip to the docks where they can have a few drinks and see some hot queens at the ‘Red Hat’...
Demi: Hey! Sounds just like you Tugger!
Tugger: Oh, be quiet!
Among the girls there is the young disillusioned queen named Etcety who wants to make something of her life. She sings a sly and sultry song for the crowd.
Cetera:
That silk and lace and black and red,
Will drive a Tom right off his head!
It’s easy....
So many Toms... So little time..
I want ‘em all!--- Is that a crime?
Lec: So she’s a little Tom-crazy... Can we cut to the chase??
Cetera:
Others: (Victoria, Cassandra, Exotica, Bombalurina, Demeter and Rumpleteazer)
Short Toms, Tall Toms
I guess that means almost ALL Toms!
Long as they are TOMS!!!
When Etcety gets into a fight with the seedy owner of the bar, he beats her. Dr. Jellicle intervenes to save her and tells her to come see him if she ever has any other problems.
Skimble:
You need a friend....
Etcety accepts the invitation and walks off.
SCENE 4
Dr. Jellicle dismisses his friends and gets ready to test his formula on himself. He has some fears, but pushes them aside in favor of his wonder of the unknown...
Skimble:
My final test!
This day or never, I’ll sit forever with the Everlasting Cat!
When I look back, I will al-WAYS recall...
This was the moment... The sweetest moment of them AL-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L-L!!!!
Jelly: First Munku, now Skimble! What is up with these long and LOUD last fading
notes, anyway?
Veroni: It really adds to the moment.
Demi: DON’T say that word!
Veroni: What? ‘Moment’?
Demi: NOOO!
Skimble:
Veroni: The song’s over, Skimble...
Skimble: Ooops! Sorry....
Dr. Jellicle injects himself with the formula and collapses in a heap.
Demi: Cue the sinister organ music.
(Accordion music starts to play a Polka)
Veroni: TANTO! Wrong sound track again!!!
(Organ music begins to play)
We hear screaming and agonizing gasps for air...
Skimble:
Suddenly... AGONY!!! Filling me, KILL-ing ME!!!!
The evil Mr. Hide appears in the doorway--
Veroni: SKIMBLE! Now would be good...
Skimble: How do I manage to look like an insane maniac?
Veroni: Makeup department!!
Asparagus: Yes ma’am.
Hide appears. He has mussed fur and wears a cloak and top hat, (as most insane villains do in these types of shows). He cackles evilly and races out the door.
SCENE 5
Jellicle regains control sometime later and is confronted by his friend Tuggerson and Jennemma when he comes from his laboratory. He dismisses them and continues with his work. Suddenly there is a rap upon the door....
Cetera: Docta Jellica? Soir?
It is Etcety...
Cetera: No, duh.
He ushers her in and is appalled to see that she has been injured.
Skimble: Who did this to you?
Cetera: It was a man they called Hide.... Edgar Hide.
Dr. Jellicle drops the ointment can with a clank and scrambles to retrieve it. Ignoring this, Etcety moves to embrace this kind cat and express her love to him---
Dr. Jellicle dismisses her in confusion and also in the process manages to save this author from having to answer to the authorities about some explicit stuff....
Cetera: Hey I wasn’t gonna take it *that* far!
Etcety is left to wander the streets alone and dreams of a life with the good doctor.
Cetera:
Someone like you
Found someone like me,
Then suddenly nothing would ever be the same!
There’d be a new way to live... A new life to love.
If someone like yo-O-O-O-O-OU.... LOVED ME!
Loved me...
Loved me...
Loved me...
Loved me....
A long hooked cane pulls Etcety off stage as she continues with the “Loved me’s”. Meanwhile, Hide has taken over Dr. Jellicle again and goes on a rampage around the streets. As the Act closes we hear screams...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jenny: I need a break.
Veroni: No. We *must* keep going!
Skimble: (using his Hide voice) We WILL take a break! Bwahahahaha!!!
Munku: You heard the madman!
Cori: Let’s go!
Skimble: (Still using his Hide voice) And I promise you my *dear*, we will return to complete what you have begun....
Veroni: (aside) Gosh he is good at that. You can stop now, Skimble.
Skimble: Heh heh heh....
Veroni: Skimble?
Skimble: (flings cape around himself) BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!! Fear me you cowards!!!
Veroni: Ugh. I’ve created a monster...
I need to see! The truth other cats cannot see
At the end of the day
Cats are not one but two!
Jennemma Carwho, can this be you?
You know who I am!
You know who I am!
This is who I.....
This is who I....
..am. TA-A-A-KE ME AS I AM-M-M-M-M!!!!
I always knew, I always said
BR-R-R-R-RING ONNN THE T-O-O-O-O-O-O-M-M-M-S!!!!
Big Toms, Small Toms
If any time, you never know,
THIS IS THE MOMENT!!!
THIS IS THE MOOOOMENT!!!
Suddenly! Uncontrolled! Something is taking hold!
BUUUT Ifffff...
or
Ahhhh! my head! I can't take it!
