Veroni: (walks into the room) So, how are my troops doing?
Lec:(tallying the injuries on a notepad) Well, we have been bruised... cut.... bashed in the head.... oh, yes
and put through the spin cycle--- I’d say other than that we’re fine and dandy!!
Veroni: Sarcasm noted.
Tanti: Uhhh. Could you possibly get someone else to work backstage for a little while? The room’s still
spinning around me. (says this and collides with Tugger, who is holding his head).
Tugger: OWWW! Careful Tanti! Watch where you’re going! Tanti?
Tanti: I...uh, didn’t see you there. Sorry Tugger, and Tugger, and Tugger, and Tugger, and... (hits the
ground with a thud).
Veroni: Someone put Tanti in the newly designated ‘unconscious room’ with Alonzo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE 1
The curtain rises and the rebellious cats run out in the streets in excitement.... alright they don’t exactly run out. The best they can manage is a few who jog out with arms in slings and others who limp out on crutches. But they try to do so enthusiastically!
Mungo:
‘Ere upon ‘ese stones
We will build ‘a barricade!
In da ‘eart of the city we claim (throws a fist in the air in triumph) as our--- OUCH! (lowers his arm in
agony).
(aside) Fro’ now on tri’mph will be shown widda small but meanin’ful nod of da ‘ead!
Cori: But I’ve got whiplash!
Mungo: Winer!
Skimble: (who hobbles up on crutches)
I can find out about the government!
I know their ways! Fought their wars!
Served my time in the days of my youth!
He hobbles off to collect information and Misarius enters with a slight limp. Lecronine wobbles over, (disguised as a tom so that she can stay on the barricade with Mistarius).
Misto: What are you doing here?
Lectra: I couldn’t bear to live without you so I’m staying here to protect you. (she winks at him).
Misto: (oblivious to the wink) Then you can help me out here. Take this letter to Jemette and tell her that I love her!
Misto: Are you taking a swipe at males who can’t pick up on female signals?
Veroni: Well, if *that’s* the way you want to interpret it... then yes I am.
*****************
SCENE 2
Lecronine is left alone to find Jemette’s house. She arrives, and instead of Jemette, she runs into Munkjean.
Munku:
Give me that letter here, my boy.
Lectra:
He said to give it to Jemette.
Munku:
You have my word that my daughter will know what this letter contains....
Tumble: After he reads it himself, of course.
Veroni: Want me to knock those crutches right out from under you?
Lectra: Eponine’s really a lost case, huh?
Veroni: Less complaining, more singing!
Lectra:
I love him, but everyday I’m learning
All my life I’ve only been pretending!
Without me, his world will go on turning!
A world that’s full of happiness
That I have never.. KNNNOOOWWWNNNNN!
Jelly: AHH! My ears! My ears are ringing! I’m getting worse....
Veroni: You’re fine! It’s just Lec getting real milage on that last note.
Lectra:
I love him...
I love him...
I love him, but only on my owwwnnnn!
SCENE 3
The barricade assembles, but since automation isn’t an option for us... it consists of a few chairs, some boxes, a tire or two, an old car, and back issues of “Modern Kitten”...
Cetera: MY MAGAZINES!
Veroni: Get over it, ‘Cet. Besides which, you haven’t read those things in years.
Ahem! Which are hauled onto the stage by the cast and thrown in a heap. The smoke effect is accomplished by a few backstage cats running around squeezing baby powder bottles. The rebels rush out and triumphantly
mount their barricade...
Admetus:
Let them come if they dare!
We’ll be there!!!!!
Skimbert appears to inform his ‘friends’ of the information that he has gathered. Pouvroche eyes this cat with suspicion. He makes hi----
Veroni: POUNCE! Where are you?
Pounce: Sorry! Sorry! Where’s my script?
Veroni: You should have taken the break in action to learn your part! What were you doing anyway?
Pounce: (blushes awkwardly) Let’s just say that I had to deal with a small problem....
Jemi: (whispers in Veroni’s ear)
Veroni: OH! Well, eh.... ,(tries to stifle a giggle) it doesn’t look so bad! Don’t feel bad Pounce, (laughs).
Pounce: Hmmph!
Pouvroche uncovers the spy...
Pounce:
Good evenin’ dea inspecta!
Lovely evenin’ my dear!
I know this cat my friends!
His name’s Inspector Skimbert!
The rebels collect a struggling Skimbert, tie him up and deposite him in a heap on the junkpile-Barricade. Suddenly there is a burst of.... hoofbeats?
Veroni: Wrong sound effect tape!
Tanti: Whoops! Here, this one looks correct...
Gunfire is heard and Lectronine climbs over the junkpile-Barricade. She is fatally wounded from a bullet and collapses in Mistarius’ arms.
Lectra:
Don’t you fret M’sieur Mistarius!
I don’t feel any pain!
A little fall of rain can hardly hurt me now.
Misto:
But you will live ‘Tronine-- dear Everlasting Cat above!
If I could heal your wounds with words of love...
She dies in his arms and he cries into her lifeless body... (Lec sneezes)
Veroni: ELECTRA! You’re dead, remember? Dead cats don’t sneeze!
Lectra: Sorry, Veroni.
White lights illumine the dead body of Lectronine which grow steadily brighter.
Misto: (squints) Lay off the lights! Some of us have our eyes *open* here!
Tanti: (paw on light switch) Sor-ry!
SCENE 4
Munkjean appears in an army uniform to help out the rebels...
Plato:
Approach and show your face!
Asparagus:
You see that prisoner over there? He’s a spy... calls himself Skimbert.
Before the pleasantries can continue, the government attacks the junkpile-Barricade and they quickly decide to trust Munkjean.
Mungo:
Foiah!
Because we’re against violence to a point here, (and the fact is that we couldn’t afford real prop guns) our rebels attack with pistols that shoot out little signs that say, “BANG” and the government soldier background cats throw a packet of ketchup on their shirts as they fall forward so that they look like they’ve been hit.
Tanti: Now I know how Misto felt when you criticized the special effects department before! (fakes sobbing) There’s nothing I could do about it.... it’s all we can afford.
Misto: And the Emmy for best dramatic presentation from the stage crew goes to... Tantomile!
Bomb: Was that sarcasm I heard in your voice?
Mungo:
See ow dey run away!
Asparagus:
By the Everlasting Cat! We’ve won the day!
Mungo: (turns to Munkjean)
Fur da presence o’ mind!
Fur da deed ‘ya’ve done.
I wioll thank ‘ya M’sieur when tha battle is won!
Munku:
Give me no thanks M’sieur!
There is something you *can* do.
Give me the spy Skimbert and let me take care of him.
Skimbert is shoved in the direction of Munkjean and they are left alone. Munkjean pulls out a knife and uses it to free Skimbert from his bindings.
Munku: Get out of here!
Skimble:
Once a thief forever a thief!
What you want you always steal!
You would trade your life for mine?
Yes, Munkjean! You want a deal....
Shoot me now for all I care!!
Munku grabs out a gun and aims at Skimbert. He pulls it up at the last second and fires at the sky instead. Skimbert stands shocked, but turns and leaves.
Munkjean returns to the students who think he has killed the spy. They settle in for a sleepless night on the barricades.
Veroni: Alright, is Alonzo sober?
Vicky: I guess he’s as good as you’re gonna get him on such short notice....
The students gather together to offer companionship in the XYZ Cafe. They get a few drinks and sing together.
Veroni: How are you Lonzo?
Alonzo: Mommy? Is that you Mommy? The other kids are bein’ mean to me!!
Veroni: Oh good grief! Um... here (shrugs shoulders) Honey? Can you sing this for Mommy?
Alonzo: Yes Mommy. But why is the print all blur---
Veroni: Don’t worry.. just sing!
Alonzo: (woozily sings)
Driiinnk wittth meee... to dayss gone byyy.
Siiiingggggwwwwwuith me thessssongs weeknewww!
Plato:
At the shrine of friendship never say die!
Admetus:
Let the wine of friendship never run dry....
SCENE 5
The students go to sleep and Munkjean makes his way over to Mistarius.
Jemi: Tissue time cats!
Munku:
Everlasting Cat on high! Hear my prayer!
In my need you have always been there!
He is yo-o-o-oung! He’s afraid!
Let him rest, Heavyside blessed...
BRING HIM HOME!!!
BRING HIM HOME!!!
Bring him home....
Everyone off-stage starts sobbing....
Jemi: How lovely!
Veroni: QUIET! Let him finish!ACT II
Munku:
If I di-i-i-i-ie, let me DIE!
Let him live...
Bring him home...
Br-ing him home!
BR-R-R-R-RING HI-I-I-I-I-IM......
HO-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-ME!!!
Jelly: That was great, Munku.
Munku: (gasps for air)
Veroni: Long last note eh?
Munku: (doesn’t have enough air for a witty response, but manages to emit a squeak of annoyance)
SCENE 6
The students awake to the realization that no one has come to help them. They resign themselves to the fact that they will die in the onslaught to come.
Mungo:
The people have not heard!
Yet we will not abandon those who cannot hear!
Alonzo:
Drink with me to days gone by.
Sing with me the songs we knew.
All:
At the shrine of friendship raise your glass high!
Let the wine of friendship never run dry.
If I die, I die with you.....
The sentimental moment is broken up by government soldiers, who storm the barricade. They all prepare to fight.
Mungo:
How do we stand? Plauilly make your report!
Plato:
We’ve guns enough but ammunition short!
Misto: I’ll go into the streets and get more!
Munku: They’ll kill you! Let me go!
Pounce:
You need somebody quicker
And I volunteer!
He rushes over the barricade and begins collecting the ammo off the dead soldiers. He is shot and killed before he can return and the others look on in shock. Before they can grieve the loss, the government soldiers attack...
Mungo:
Loit othas riose to take owa place!
Until the earth is free!!
They are all killed in turn. Munkjean races over to Mistarius who has fallen in a heap. Munkjean is hit in the leg and collapses on top of Mistarius. Everything falls silent.....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Plato: Oh, my head! Gosh I must’ve landed harder than I thought.
Veroni: What part of silent don't you guys understand?
Misto: The silent part?
Les Misérables is the property of a whole lot of people who aren't me, and Cats belongs to Andrew Lloyd Webber and RUG, so don't sue me!! I'm not claiming to have any connections with any of them. Thankies!
This fic is © Veronikitty
