by Veronikitty

MUNKU: Wow. We haven't gone this long since "Cat-time".

VERONI: 20th Parody privilages.

SKIMBLE: (walking by with another rack of clothing for Act 2) Brought to you by the same folks that gave me THIS lovely honor.

LEXIE: (rushes in) HE LIKES IT!

SKIMBLE: Who "he"?

VERONI: (throws her a warning glance)

LEXIE: Oh. Uh, nobody.

SKIMBLE: Nobody likes it?!! Wait, why should that bother me? Not MY director fat in the fire. (walks off)

VERONI: You wanna spill the beans and let him know that Andrew Lloyd Webber's here!?

LEXIE: Sor-ry! It deppils. (goes over to pick something up)

VERONI: (confused) Deppils? (shakes her head) Never mind. At any rate, I don't need attention to keep doing what I love. Bringing culture to cats all around the world in the form of musical theater! That's reward enough for me.

LEXIE: Flowers for you from "friends in the audience".

VERONI: (grabs them eagerly) Goodie!!!

BOMB: (walks out wearing a pink dress and a large heart shaped blue necklace around her neck) So I married Skimbal du Val, and lost Noble. The war in France was over, and as most of you know, the Allies won. Skimbal taught me the old act, and together we toured the continent doing that dang "Boom Boom" song. But after five years of "Boom Boom" and foreign food, I was despirate to get home and see baby. She must have been seven? Eight? Nine and a half? Who knows? We booked passage on the maiden voyage of the SS GIGANTIC. The ship they said would never sink.

(Pouncival and Exotica climb up onto the prow of the ship, he stands behind her and she spreads her arms wide)

POUNCE: I'm King of the World!!

LEXIE: Well?

VERONI: Well, what?

LEXIE: Aren't you going to YELL or something?

VERONI: Nah. I told Pounce to do that.

LEXIE: You encouraged him to goof off? I suddenly feel faint...

BOMB: (pushes Pounce and Exotica out of the way and into the water) Skimbal and I were as happy as two cats could be--- considering we were both in love with two OTHER cats.

TUGGER: (walks on deck in a fake moustache) Ah, good evening Signorina! We are coming into some-a very-a thick-a fog this evening.

SKIMBLE: Heck, *I* could do a better Italian accent than that.

TANTI: And take on ANOTHER role? You feeling okay?

SKIMBLE: Granted, that could have been the delirium talking..

BOMB: There isn't any danger, is there captain?

TUGGER: Of course not. That is unless... we hit something. (walks off)

POUNCE: Gosh, you put it that way and----

VERONI: Shhhhhhh!

(While strolling around on deck, Belle backs into none other than Noble.)

SKIMBLE: Belle? What a wonderful surprise! BANGING into you like this!

BOMB: Oh Noble... isn't there some way we can go on seeing each other?

SKIMBLE: Oh Belle! What's the matter with you? You wanna go sneaking around back alleys? Checking into cheap hotel rooms? Lying to our families and friends? Is THAT what you want?

BOMB: No, of course not.

SKIMBLE: Oh, well it was just a suggestion.

CATS: (groan)

BOMB: Noble, you've got to help me! If Skimbal hears us talking---

PLATO: (hops out onstage holding a piece of paper) A note for you, Ma'am. It's from a gentletom on A-Deck.

BOMB: (cringes) It's in Skimbal's handwriting---- "Dear Lady, Who am I? Where am I?" OH NO! He's lost his memory again!

SKIMBLE: I'd help you if I could, but I have to get all the queens and kittens into the lifeboats.

BOMB: Lifeboats? Why?

SKIMBLE: Because we're going to hit THAT iceberg.

(*CRASH*)

SKIMBLE: (as the ensemble crowds the stage) Belle, I may be busy for the next hour or so, but whatever happens, I want you to know---

(sings) I love you! As much as I am able!

POUNCE: Couldn't they have written an original song here?! First we have three million refrains of "Boom Boom" and now---

CASS: AHHH!

POUNCE: What's the matter?

CASS: Don't ever say the BB word!

CORI: Mister Skimbleson, we can't find the Captain anywhere! What'll we do?

SKIMBLE: Don't panic. I'll take over! (to Mungo) You, lower the lifeboats. (to Cori) YOU send out an SOS. (to Tumble) You get a LARGE icepick!

BOMB: Oh, Noble! You're wonderful!

SKIMBLE: That's because I love you!

As much as I am able!

Considering we're sinking---

CORI: Mr. Skimbleson! There's not enough room in the boats! What'll we do?

SKIMBLE: Well, there's plenty of room in the water! Bring all the nonswimmers to me!

CORI: Aye aye, sir!

BOMB: Oh, Noble, no matter what happens, I want you to know...

(sings) I love you! As much as I am able!

(The nonswimmers file onstage)

SKIMBLE: Alright, everyone. I only have a few minutes to teach you all how to swim. You only get ONE lesson, so pay attention!

LEXIE: (pacing backstage) Did you tell them?

VERONI: With our record with water? Pffft. You're kidding, right?

LEXIE: Okay, so I know it's a small amount of water-- but it's still water!

VERONI: A few squirt guns in the audience isn't a significant amount of water!

LEXIE: Wait and see.... wait and see...

(After a brief lesson, he sends them into the "water" (aka-- lolling about onstage, looking like idiots, but we can't help that since the cast was going to stage an armed protest if we even thought about flooding the REAL stage. Don't blame ME if this looks really hokey and)---)

ALL ONSTAGE: AW SHADDAP!

VERONI: (whispers to Lexie) Suddenly I don't feel so bad about the water gun thing. You wouldn't happen to have a Supersoaker anywhere, would you?

BOMB: (sings) How grand it is to be with you!

SKIMBLE: Considering that we're GO-ing UN-der.

CORI: It's the non-swimmers sir! They're all rotten swimmers!

SKIMBLE: Well, don't just stand there! Throw them a lifesaver!

CORI: (digs into his pocket and pulls out a small roll) Who wants the red one?

VERONI: Gotta love a show where I don't have to write my own jokes.

LEXIE: (hands her a double barrelled SuperSoaker2000) Have fun.

VERONI: (sneaks in the back and sits down in an empty seat) This is for 20 parodies worth of "slip ups" and blown lines...

SKIMBLE: (holding the tow lines out to the cats in the "water") I love you!

As much as I am able!

Considering I'm saving

The passengers and crew!

CORI: We're all set now, sir. Is there anything you'd like me to do before I leave?

VERONI: That's our cue.

SKIMBLE: Yes, Dick! Radio the Mayo Clinic and the Supreme Court and tell them I may be a TAD late.

(sings) As Noble---

BOMB: Reliable and stable!

BOTH: As much as I am able--

I LOVE YOOOOOOOOU!!!!

(The "plants" in the audience toting water pistols jump to their feet and start spraying the stage with good ol' H2O as the ship sinks...)

CATS: (SCREAM!)

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Wow. Such a realistic sound!

VERONI: (walking by) What can I say? They were REALLY inspired. (walks out and back into the backstage area grinning from ear to ear)

BOMB: (soaking wet and miserable) Well, the ship went down. But thanks to Noble Skimbleson, every one of the passengers and crew were saved- except one. Poor Skimbal du Val lost his memory---

GRIZ: (warbles, unseen, from backstage) MEM'RY! ALL ALONE IN THE MOONLIGHT!!

BOMB: (clears her throat) POOR SKIMBAL DU VAL lost his memory again, forgot the word for help, and drowned.

SKIMBLE: (backstage) Whoo-hoo! He's de-ead! He's de-ead!

JELLY: *gasp* What an awful thing to say!

SKIMBLE: (facing a check list on the wall) Let's see... we've bumped off Mr. Pinchley (makes a check mark), we've bumped off Fred (BIG checkmark), and now Skimbal. (cackles)

JENNY: I really fear for that poor cat's mental condition.

JEMI: On the plus side I know what to get him for Christmas--- treatment for a multiple personality disorder.

BOMB: I sued the steamship company and won three million dollars for loss of my husband and luggage. I had achieved the first of my goals--- wealth! But where to find my next goal, culture. That question was answered with one ting-a-ling of the phone. The Munksbaum Brothers, who had recently turned their chubby little talents westward to the silver screen!

(After accepting a spot in a new film or two or.... seventeen.... an older and wiser Bomb walks back out onstage, tailed by an entourage of adoring fans.)

BOMB: Hollywood! But oh the loneliness of public adoration!

(sings) Once you were an ordinary,

Average little queen from Illonois

Once it was an ordinary, average little life

And what a joy!

Sudden success caught you, I guess,

High on it's glittering bow!

Lithe and merry, ordinary

Average little queen.

Where are you now?

JELLY: Her? Ordinary little queen? You must be kidding me.

TUGGER: (grins) Thank you.

JELLY: Oh, I didn't mean that in a GOOD way.

BOMB: Carefully dressed, carefully coached,

Diamond braceleted, emerald broached.

Just to be loved from afar

Poor little Hollywood Star!

One of the rare, one of the great!

Everyone's idol, but nobody's mate!

VERONI: And if you even THINK of commenting on that line, Tugger, I'll rip your lungs out and do the mexican hat dance on them.

TUGGER: (rubs his chest) Visualizing. Ouch!

JENNY: (grins) OLE!

BOMB: Poor little fairytale queen!

How do you fill the void under that celluloid sheen?

POUNCE: Well, why don't we ask Bustopher? He knows everything there is to know about celluloid!

BUSTOPHER: Why I oughta-- *BURP*

POUNCE: You oughtta burp?

BUSTOPHER: Terribly sorry.

VERONI: Don't even tell me! He's already dipping into the post-show dinner, isn't he?! (groans)

BOMB: Smile for your fans, live for your art!

What if nobody gives that for your heart?

This is the very last stop!

Where can you go from the top?

So never relax, never give in!

Pull in those longings

And stick out that chin!

Loved and adored as you are!

Your melacholy would seem just a trifle....

BI-ZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE!

TUMBLE: Gah! Bomb! My ears!

BOMB: (quietly)-- in this Jolly-wood

Poor little shiny, secure

Little Hollywood..... Star.

VERONI: (sniffles)

JELLY: Gee, didn't think it was THAT great, Veroni.

VERONI: Not the song...

JELLY: What, then?

VERONI: We're heading into end and the last part of the 20th parody!

CATS: GLORY HALLELUJAH!

VERONI: An event like this only comes once in a lifetime.

POUNCE: Thank the Everlasting Cat!