Cilla: You all had enough caffeine yet?

Pounce: (while twitching all over) Y’think?!

Cilla: All right then, you guys are ready for the second installment of Miss Jellicle.

Munku: Nothing could prepare us for that.

Cilla: Oh, c’mon you guys! It’ll be fun!

All: *groan*

Misto: I hate it when she says that.

(When we last left our story, Christoffelees and the Skimbleneer had just struck a bargain for Jekima.)

Skimble: Yeah, after he aimed a banana at my head!

(Yes, well, ahem…Anyway, Christoffelees returns to his room, and Jekima holds a traditional wedding ceremony as she moves her things there. Her bar-queeen friends are helping her move, while singing, of course!)

Queens: Dju vui vay yu doi my

Dju vui vay vao nyay moy

Bomba: This makes no sense whatsoever.

Cilla: Thanks for the commentary, Bomb, but if everyone hasn’t realized that yet, then they obviously misplaced their brains.

Pounce: Realized what?

Cilla: …or their name is Pouncival.

Jemi: (singing to a photograph of her parents) Will you who gave me life

Smile today?

Look with favoring eyes on this tom

Show your daughter’s heart your forgivness

And send to us from your home above

Your blessing on our love

(So everyone’s having a grand ol’ time, when guess who shows up-Jekima’s betrothed!)

Cilla: That would be you, Tug.

Tugger: Why me? I’m not evil.

Alonzo: Because you’re always trying to steal everybody’s girlfriends.

Cilla: You gotta admit he has a point, Tug. Now sing.

Tugger: *grrr* You’re here. It’s true

It is as I was told

This tom and you

For how much were you sold?!

Misto: This queen is mine!

Jenny: That is so male!

Tugger: (getting into it) When?

Misto: Now!

Tugger: What!

Both: Who are you?!

Jemi: Stop!

Tugger: What’s this I find?

You have joined with the blind!

And do none of you see what’s ahead?

What’s this I find?

I see losers and wh-

Cilla: Hold it right there, mister!

Tugger: (ignoring her) Who will soon all be gone, or be dead!

Demi: Oooh, we’re so scared!

Jemi: You have no right to be here

I’m not a prize you can claim

We were promised at thirteen

In human years, that is.

The queen that I’ve become is not the same

(Tugger gets impatient, and pulls the all-too-familiar banana on the group.)

Cassie: Aah, he’s got a g-er, banana!

(The queens leave in an awful hurry.)

Tugger: (really into it) ‘Kim, leave this tom behind!

Jemi: (giggling uncontrollably at the banana) Go on, hee hee, and shoot! Hee, hee, ha, ha!

I will not change my mind!

Tugger: You are still mine!!

Jemi: Not anymore!!

(Anyway, Thugger finally leaves in a fine temper, vowing to come back to get Jekima. Since their party has been effectively crashed, Christoffelees and Jekima sing (well, duh!))

Misto: In a place that won’t let us feel

In a life where nothing seems real

I have found you

I have found you

Our lives will change when tomorrow comes

Jemi: Tonight our hearts drown the distant drums

Misto: And we have music, all right

Tearing the night

Both: A song played on a solo saxophone

Misto: A crazy sound

Jemi: A lonely sound

Both: A cry

That tells us love goes on and on

Played on a solo saxophone

It’s telling me to hold you tight

And dance

Like it’s the last night of the world

(Fast-forward three years to 1978. Outside in the streets on Ho Cat Mihn City, formerly Saigon, a festival is being held to commemorate the third year of Viet-cat domination of the city.)

Cilla: Alright, I’ll need some extras for this. Plato, Admetus, Mungo, Cori, and Pouncival, you don’t look too busy.

Pounce: But we are busy! We’re busy pretending we’re busy!

Cilla: I see. Well, here. (She hands him a script) You don’t have to play make-believe anymore.

Pounce: Great. Thanks.

Toms: On silent feet it came

Breathing a sheet of flame, it came

Closing in on its rightful prey

Burning a hundred years away

The morning of the dragon

Truth lit up the street

The tiger we were stalking walked on paper feet

And in the clear white heat of dawn

Was gone

Cilla: There now. That was fairly painless, wasn’t it? Jem, you’re on.

(Alone in a filthy room, Jekima sings of her trust that Christoffelees will come back for her.)

Jemi: I take it my character is something like Electra’s in Cat Miserables: a lost cause?

Cilla: That’s the idea.

Jemi: (alone in her room) Last night I watched him sleeping

My body pressed to him

And then he started speaking

The name I heard him speak…was Jekima

Yes, I know that this was years ago

But when moonlight fills my room, I know

You are here…still

Yes, stiiiiiiiill

I still belieeeeeve

I know as long as I can keep believing, I’ll live

I’ll live

Love cannot die

You will return, you will return

(In America, a queen sits beside Christoffelees in bed-Victellen, his wife.)

Bomba: Why, that two-faced--!

Cilla: Okay, we really need to find room in our budget for a sound-booth.

Munku: Oh? We don’t have room in the ol’ budget for a vending machine, but we have room for a sound-booth?

Cilla: If you all weren’t such potty mouths, we could use our funds for something important-like real props.

Misto: Wow, you mean we wouldn’t have to use bananas anymore?

Cilla: Yeah, that’s what I was shooting for.

(Anyhoo, we discover that Christoffelees never told Victellen about Jekima.

(Next, we see that Thugger has forced the Skimbleneer to bring him to Jekima. He still wants Jekima to marry him, but Jekima still resists.)

Jemi: There is a secret that you don’t know

If you want the reason, I will show you now

(She shows Thugger exactly why she can’t marry him-she has a son!)

All: (collectively gasp)

Macavity: Where have you guys been? That’s old news!

Cilla: Get onstage, Mac.

Mac: Slavedriver.

Jemi: Look, Thugger-this is my son!

Jenny: (whispering to Jelly) No genetic resemblance whatsoever.

Jemi: He keeps me alive

Tugger: You must see how it is when you’re my wife

Having that child of his brands us for life

No alternative! This kitten cannot live!

(bursts out laughing as he imagines Macavity as a kitten)

Jemi: NO!!!

You will not touch him

Don’t touch my kit

He’s what I live for

He’s my only joy!

(Jekima pulls a banana (surprise, surprise!) on Thugger. Thugger doesn’t leave Macavitam alone, so Jekima shoots him.)

Jemi: With a banana?! (cracks up)

Cilla: Alright, alright. Enough cracks at the bananas, okay?

(Outside, the street pageant continues.)

All: This is the hour

This is our laaaaaaand!!

****END ACT ONE****

Cilla: Alright, Skimble. You have another song here. Remember our little talk on dirty words? Well, keep that in mind, ‘kay?

Skimble: Yeah, sure, sure.

If you wanna die in bed, follow my example

When you see a cloud ahead,

It’s time to show your class

Hit the door before they make a target of you’re a-

Cilla: I really hope you weren’t considering saying that word.

Skimble: Touchy.

If you wanna die in bed, in times of revolution

All: One more dawn, one more day

ONE DAY MOOOOOOOOORE!!

Cilla: Wrong musical, wrong musical! Okay, I guess we better cut the rest of this song.

Skimble: You cut almost all my songs!

Munku: And you’re complaining?!

(Suddenly, Jemi bursts in, with Macavitam in tow.)

Jemi: Skimbleneer! Thugger is dead!

He was going to kill my baby, and I shot!

Skimble: You did what?

Who is that?

You’ll be followed, get him outta here, goodbye!

Jemi: We must leave!

Macaitam and I!

We must set out for America tonight!

Skimble: Oh, right!

Just like that!

Tell me how, while you’re at it, tell me why

Jemi: I hear the voice of my soldier, telling me to bring

His son

Misto: This is such miscasting, it’s not even funny! Macavity doesn’t look like either Jemi or me!

Demi: If she could make Tugger and I being brother and sister believable for West End Story, she could make anyhting seem possible.

(Anyway, the gist of it is, the Skimbleneer decides to get tickets for the three of them on a boat to Bangkok, and then to the U.S., because Macavitam is American by birth, and so now they can get into the U.S. He goes out to arrange for this, and Jemi sings to her lovely mute son about her devotion.)

Jemi: I don’t want to sing this to Macavity.

Mac: And I don’t want to listen, so can we just skip it?

Cilla: Weeell…no.

Jemi: Darn! It was worth a shot.

You didn’t ask me to be born-you

Why should you learn of war and pain?

To make sure you’re not hurt again

I swear I’d give my life for you

Mac: *sniff* Really? I didn’t know ya cared!

Jemi: I don’t, dimwit! She’s making me sing this.

You can be who you want to be-you

Can choose whatever the Heavyside grants

As long as you can have your chance

I swear I’ll give my life for you

No one can stop what I must do!

I swear I’ll give my life for you!

(Jekima, Macavitam, and the Skimbleneer join a crowd of Vietnamese on a boat to Bangkok, and then, they hope, to the U.S. of A. Back in the good old U.S., Atlanta to be precise, Munkujohn (remember him?) is holding a conference to raise awareness for the children of Vietnamese and American soldiers, that were born during the Vietnam War. He has invited Christoffelees and Victellen, but refused to tell them why.)

Cilla: Munku, if you decide to mess with this song, just rememeber, stripes always make for nice fur coats.

Munku: *gulp* I take it this is one of your personal favorites.

Like all survivors, I once thought

When I’m home, I won’t give a darn

But now I know I’m caught

I’ll never leave Catnam

War isn’t over when it ends

Some pictures never leave your mind

They are the faces of the kittens,

The ones we left behind

They’re called bui-doi

The dust of liiiiiife

Conceived in heeeeeeeell

And born in striiiiiiiiife!

They are the living reminders

Of all the good we failed to do

That’s why we know, deep in our hearts,

That they are all our kittens, too

Alright, that’s enough of that.

Cilla: WHAT?!?! Since when do you make the decisions around here?

Munku: Since you can’t make me.

Cilla: (advances towards him menacingly) Wanna bet?

Misto: (breaking in quickly) Okee, folks, I think now is a good time for an HTML break. Wouldn’t want to scare the readers too badly.

Pounce: A little late to think of that.

Cilla: Ten minutes, y’all! No longer, got it? Not you, Munku! I think you and I need to have a little talk about respect!

Bomba: R-E-S-P-E-C-T…!

Demi: Better make a run for it before she really gets going!