GRIZ: OK, let's get this show back on the road! WOO-HOO!

TUGGER: What's HER trip?

MAC: Maybe it has something to do with this note I found that was addressed to her.

TUGGER: You know you're not supposed to do that...oh wait, I forget, you ARE Macavity. And she DID already read it...What's it say?

MAC: (reads the note) "Dear Griz, having a blast in Bermuda. The weather is beautiful and I just have to sit near an outdoor cafe to get that great island food. However, I've stowed away on a boat to Brazil. A very attractive tom said his humans would take me there. Love, Juliet."

TUGGER: It figures!

(Anyhow, when we last left off, Brad Munkus was committed to a rest home, Cattonvale. The proprietors, Rumpmo and Grizion McKinley, are trying to get Demnet to sign some paperwork, but to no avail. Brad, Demnet, Nurse Rumplelong and Rest Home Lonzey leave the McKinleys' office.)

RUMPLE: (to Demnet) Sign the contract tomorrow.

MUNGO: For the joint 'as gone from the oven like that...

MUNGO & RUMPLE: Then the family would say

"IT'S THAT 'ORRIBLE CAT!"

MATT: WRONG SONG!

MUNGO: Well excuuuuse me! Oi 'eard a word Oi knew!

(Rumpmo bangs his face on the door as they leave)

RUMPUS: OUCH! Mrs. Munkus, just one or two details. Does Brad have any living relatives, any blood relatives?

DEM: No he doesn't. Can I take care of this later?

GRIZ: Of course. (whaps Rumpmo on the side of his head)

RUMPUS: Hey! I didn't know I was gonna get whacked around!

MAC: At least you know what I've gone through!

ADMETUS: Oh boy. Delilah had better not hear about what you're putting Rumpus through, Matt...

BANDERSNATCH: I heard the two of them talking, though. When they get to their "Carmen Sandiego" parody, Rumpus will think this is a cakewalk.

RUMPUS: WHAT?! What're they gonna do to me?!

MATT: Back to the parody at hand, please...

DEM: Why did you tell me not to sign now?

RUMPLE: Well, tha' waiy ya get the first daiy free.

(We go back to the Marriage Maze set. Bert Guschnick is with Jennily and Harropher Weiss, Demnet's parents.)

ADMETUS: Heeeere's Bert, that eternal show biz whiz, with a family connection in the thirty second quiz!

GUS: As Demnet's parents this should be really easy.

JENNY: About Brad's family?

GUS: Your last clue is...Mental Instability. You have thirty seconds.

POUNCE: Well, they're in this parody, isn't that a good example of mental instability?

BANDERSNATCH: News flash, Pounce...you're in this parody too.

POUNCE: AAAAHHHHH!!!!

BUSTOPHER: Mental instability?

POUNCE: What is "what our director is experiencing," Alex?

JENNY: *hisses at Pouncival and gets back in character* He was adopted, you know.

BUSTOPHER: Oh yeah. I had forgotten.

JENNY: Well, I hadn't. I was worried about inherited craziness when they married. I said to Janet, "What do we know about his parents?"

GUS: Which leads us to...

POUNCE: A lunch break!

MATT: POUNCE!!!!

ADMETUS: *after rolling his eyes at Pouncival* This afternoon's surprise prize, Bert, which is a delirious stay in that evergreen series "Happy Homes" with unlimited use of a new dream kitchen.

JENNY: Infantile regression?

CET: What is "what Pouncival constantly experiences", Alex?

POUNCE: Etcetera, you are SOOOOO dead. *yanks on her tail*

CET: He likes me! He likes me! He talked to me! He pulled my tail!

TUGGER: Hey, what about me?!

CET: I'm being realistic now, Tugger.

TUGGER: I can understand that, but a crush on HIM? POUNCIVAL?!

CET: Don't worry, I'll always chase you, but I'll try and mate with HIM.

POUNCE: What have I done?

BANDERSNATCH: Do I really need to tell you?

(Back on stage...)

GUS: You got it!

JENNY: I got it! I got it!

BUSTOPHER: She got it! She got it!

JENNY: Oh, I got it!

BUSTOPHER: Hey Bert, how about that, she got it!

MAC: Big deal. I've known that about Munkustrap for YEARS.

(Munkley Flavors has been watching this, and points at the screen.)

MUNKU: Ha ha. (runs back off to change back into Brad)

(Back at Cattonvale, Bert, Grizion, and Rumpmo are sitting in the office...)

GUS: She got it, she got it! They won! Infantile regression.

GRIZ: Our specialty.

GUS: Your specialty!

RUMPUS: I can't wait to begin on him. Really, Bert, I don't know what we'd do without you.

GUS: I must confess, the decision to have Brad committed was not strictly my own.

RUMPUS: No, of course. There's Demnet. But if she was so keen on getting him in here, why wouldn't she sign the contract?

GUS: No, it wasn't Demnet exactly. It was, in fact, your new sponsor.

RUMPUS: Sponsor?

GUS: Cattonvale has been sold.

RUMPUS: Sold?

GRIZ: Dear old Bert has settled everything.

GUS: Yah! You endorse his Faith Factory and he endorses your research.

ALL: THE PLOT THICKENS!

RUMPUS: HE! How dare this cat take advantage of my weakness?!

GRIZ: I don't think he intends to go that far. (laughs with Bert)

(Meanwhile, in the terminal ward, Demnet sings to Brad...who is still out cold in his wheelchair...)

DEM: If only you knew how to win some prizes

If only you knew how to play

If you could sleep nights and stop your crying

Then you might find out I still love you in my own way...

MUNKU: Let's move along, please! I have a feeling this song is going to seriously damage my self-esteem...

MATT: Well, since you just shattered that moment, Munkustrap, I guess we can move on... (reaches for the Excedrin)

MAC: Aww man! I wanted to hear Munk's self-esteem get smashed to itty bitty pieces!

NUNZIO: Like you don't do that yourself, Boss?

MAC: Good point.

(ANYHOW...we now see Demnet on the set of Happy Homes, visiting her parents.)

JENNY: Oh, my poor baby!

DEM: Oh Mom, it's Brad... (they both hug)

POUNCE: Awwwwww...*then makes the gagging sign*

JENNY: I know, I know, baby. He's gonna get all the help he needs. But in the meantime, look, for you... (hands Demnet a pink outfit. Demnet tries to talk but her mother is drowning her out, as is the TV, which is airing a Munkley Flavors fast food commercial.)

DEM: Mom, it's...

JENNY: It's just what the doctor ordered. I know, come on in. My favorite show's just started.

DEM: What show?

JENNY: Cattonvale.

(After another quick scene switch in which Munkley Flavors observes Nurse Rumplelong feeding Brad, we go back to the Weiss residence...)

MUNKU: How can I be over there watching myself get fed in the terminal ward?

MISTO: It's called an ILLUSION!

(Demnet has slipped into her new pink outfit. Harrypher is practicing his putting behind Jennily and Demnet.)

BUSTOPHER: Oh, for crying out loud, Jennily, leave her alone. She's not a kitten...

JENNY: Well, I wanted to see her in it.

DEM: It's really very nice.

JENNY: The matrerial is imported--Taiwanese.

BUSTOPHER: Darn it Jennily, she's not interested. (Demnet looks uninterested.)

POUNCE: Wow. Talk about redundant. See also "redundant".

MATT: What could I do? It was in the script.

JENNY: What are you trying to do, Harrypher...start an argument? Don't you want your daughter to look pretty?

BUSTOPHER: Who's she got to look pretty for?

JENNY: She's got a husband.

BUSTOPHER: She's got a weirdo!

MAC: No kiddin'!

MUNKU: HEY!!!

(QUICKLY moving along before another fight...and another lawsuit...breaks out...you forget, Cousin Vinnie is still around...an exasperated Harrypher decides to do some odd jobs outside and sing a song about being a Real Tom...)

BUSTOPHER: A tom should call the toss

Wear the pants

And be the boss!

A tom should be the drake

For his own darn sake...

JENNY: Okee, pulling the plug on this NOW!

BUSTOPHER: But darling, I thought you liked my singing voice!

JENNY: Oh, I do, dear. Just NOT when it's anti-feminist drivel!

BUSTOPHER: Well, just let me sing the end...

(sings) Thank the Everlasting Cat I'm a tom!

(Meanwhile, back in the Cattonvale conference room, Bert, Grizion and Rumpmo are enjoying a nice meal...)

GUS: What a meal! Scrumptious, mein liebling! I insist on the recipe.

GRIZ: Coming from a gourmet that's praise indeed. *whispers* Secrets.

RUMPUS: With Fast Food Munkley at the helm it'll probably be TV dinners from now on.

GUS: Munkley is already a TV winner as we shall see. (Rest Home Lonzo wheels in a TV set.) Cattonvale will run forever now that his interests have embraced...mental hygiene.

GRIZ: Our field.

POUNCE: GRIZ? Specializing in MENTAL HYGIENE! That's a hoot!

MATT: Would you say that if Juliet were still here?

POUNCE: Hmmm...let me think about it...YES.

(Meanwhile, in a research office, Cassie and Deutiver are discussing the movie so far.)

CASS: This one or the one we've been watching in between scenes?

MATT: AURGH! Just say your lines!

OLD D: You know, I'm convinced that it's some kind of conspiracy.

CASS: Conspiracy?

OLD D: Mm hmm.

CASS: That sounds a little far fetched.

OLD D: Oh, I don't know. Remember Lieutenant Admetus? He disappeared into that underworld series and never came back.

ADMETUS: Hey, I'm still here! I'm just doing voice-overs for this parody!

CASS: Sounds like my husband. He never came back either.

OLD D: *laughs*

CASS: Not after Flavors gave him a commercial break.

OLD D: Ah yes, Munkley Flavors. You know, I find it remarkable that his Faith Factory is being financed by an entire nation's indegestion.

(Back at Cattonvale...)

POUNCE: These sudden scene switches are giving me a headache!

GUS: Who do you think gave you the next episode? So that Demnet will be free to frontline the new Faith Factory show.

RUMPUS: We're the experts.

GUS: Who trusts experts?

GRIZ: Why Demnet?

GUS: Everyone loves the girl next door. Particularly Munkley.

MUNKU: Well, at least he got THAT part right...

GRIZ: So it seems!

(Gus and Grizion laugh hysterically, Rumpmo doesn't seem to get it.)

RUMPUS: So now I'm playing a big stupid oaf too?

(Meanwhile, back in the research lab, there's a knock on the door.)

CASS: Come in.

(It's Ralph Hapskimble and Bombacy Struthers.)

SKIMBLE: Oh, hi.

OLD D: Hi.

CASS: Hi.

SKIMBLE: Oh, I just came to give you this, Cassie. (hands her an envelope.)

CASS: Oh. Well, thank you.

SKIMBLE: You're welcome.

BOMB: Hi.

OLD D: Hi.

SKIMBLE: Hi.

CASS: Hi.

SKIMBLE: Oh, we'd better get going. Tomorrow's the big one and, uh, Munkley expects.

OLD D: Oh, you bet.

SKIMBLE: Uh huh.

OLD D: Uh huh.

POUNCE: BO-RING!

MATT: Just wait a few more minutes, Pounce.

SKIMBLE: I guess we'd better leave you young things to it.

CASS: Bye.

OLD D: Bye.

BOMB: Bye.

SKIMBLE: Bye.

OLD D: Bye.

(The door shuts. Cassie opens it and calls out...)

CASS: Oh Ralph.

SKIMBLE: Yes?

CASS: SHOVE IT!

SKIMBLE: OH YOU SHOVE IT TOO, CASSIE!

POUNCE: All that boredom for THAT?!

(Cassie slams the door.)

CASS: Alimony is just another word for rape...

JEM: RAPE?! EEEWWWWW!!!

CASS: (continues, opening the envelope...) Conspiracy is right! The Catton Dossier is...

OLD D: Closed.

VERONI: (sneaks in, dragging Coricopat by the arm, who is wearing a "We'll Be Right Back" sign around his neck) Shhhh. If we do the HTML change quick enough they'll never have to see us.

CORI: And I thought you'd already embarrased me enough.

VERONI: HUSH!!!

CORI: (flips the sign around to the other side which reads "Somebody shoot me. Please! I'll pay good money!")