Author: Alright . . . (And this is the part that really deserved the PG warnings . . .)

Despite the skipped over stuff, life went on. Electra pined for her lost love.

"Er, Lec?"

"Yeah?"

"Whatcha doing with the pine tree?"

All: Urghhhhhhh! Bad pun alert! Baaaaaad pun alert!!!!!

Tugger: Geez, but that was awful even by your standards . . .

Munku: Tugger, she doesn't have *any* standards . . .

Author: You're gonna pay for that, Mister . . .

Munku: You've killed off my girlfriend and ruined a chance at a nice normal relationship--anything else?

Author: I'll think of something . . .

And Munkustrap pined for Demi--who was found scared to death somewhere in the school. The police suspected that she had seen what really went into school cafeteria food. The Slayerettes knew that Mistoffelees had done it.

Misto: Sure, I'm the scapegoat--blame me--

Electra: But you did kill her in the fic . . .

Misto: Oh yeah . . . Shucks, I got the worst luck--and the worst angst in most fics . . .

Author: You can whine later. We have a *schedule* as dear Munku over there always reminds us . . .

Munku: Someone has to keep track of the time . . .

But after a lot of running around in the sub-plots that were fast-forwarded, neither the good guys or bad guys came close to eliminating each other. This was necessary for the Season Finale. There was still a disk stuck somewhere in the computer lab and it was due to be found any time soon . . . In order for this to happen, Jemima had to take over from the deceased computer teacher.

Jemima: Like anyone believes that a high school student can pass for a qualified teacher . . .

Which was either because the principal was a skinflint--

Skimble: I resent that!

Or that there wasn't any other way for them to find a disk other than by having Electra dropping a pencil twice and finding the disk when getting tuition from Jemima . . .

"Hey look! I found a disk . . ."

"It could be Ms Calendar's," Jemima said and checked it out on the convenient nearby computers.

"My goodness--it's a spell to reverse the curse and get Misto's soul back!" Jemima exclaimed after barely glancing at the screen for a moment.

"Misto must have killed Ms Calendar to stop her from doing the spell!"

Tugger: Bravo, genius-girl . . .

"The bas--"

Munkustrap: Been there, done that South Park routine already!

"Maybe I could duplicate the spell," Jemima offered cuz it was obvious that Lec still had a thing (ba-da-bing) for her undead loverboy. "We could make him good again . . ."

While the good guys were getting their hopes up, the villains were doing what they did every night . . .

Tugger: Ooooh, we get to do this!

Misto: Yeah!

Author: Uh, okay . . .

"So what do we do tonight?" Tugger asked.

"Same thing we do every night, Tugger--plot to bring about the end of the world as we know it!' Misto replied.

All: It's Pinky and the Brain! It's Pinky and the Brain--one's a genius, the other's just insane--

Author: Alright, can it people! We have work to do!

Misto: Gee, but that was fun . . .

Author: You're singing about two lab rats, dude . . .

Tugger: It's still got some universal appeal to it . . . Say, if it was like the show, who'd be Pinky?

Misto: I want to be Pinky!

Tugger: Not! I--

Author: SETTLE DOWN CHILDREN!

It just happened that some clueless mortals had unearthed several relics from some urban development site--

All: Ah, progress!

--And the oblivious inhabitants of the town dug them out and sent them to the museum. Bomba had her visions again because as it turned out--

"It's evil--it's wonderful, it'll bring about the end of the world as we know it . . ." she whispered. "There's no evil like old evil . . ."

"Remember what happened the last time we got a box that was supposed to bring about the end of the world as we know it?" Tugger asked.

Misto ignored him. "So, we should get the relic thingy, yeah?"

"Yeah," Bomba giggled insanely. "It's just screaming to be let out!"

So the Pollicles robbed the museum of a very large stone box and had supper to go. (As usual, it became another unsolved case in the police files.)

"It's a great bloody rock," Tugger said, unimpressed. "I can't wait to tell all my friends what a great bloody rock we've got. Betcha no one else has such a great bloody rock--"

Jelly: What's with the swearing?

Author: It's his persona . . .

Tugger: Besides, it's amazing how much the censors let through just cuz they're Brit expressions . . .

"It's what's inside that's the good stuff . . ."

"Why eat a cereal with nothing in the middle--"

"Thank you, Tugger! But you don't see the whole picture!" Mistoffelees said firmly and had the hench-Pollicles crack open the box. Inside was a really ugly stone statue.

Tugger seemed out to annoy Mistoffelees as much as possible. "Oh wonderful--you're collecting bad art now. Betcha no on else has such an ugly statue--"

"It's the statue of Alfalfa--a demon who's suppose to suck the world as we know it into Hell--you idiot!"

"Oh why didn't you say so in the first place then?"

While the baddies were figuring out a way to end the world as we know it, the good guys were about to receive a special visit . . .

Author: But first . . .

All: We give you a . . .

*Flashback*

*Ireland, two centuries ago . . .*

Skimble: You were Irish?

Misto: This is getting harder and harder to believe . . .

Tugger: As if any of this is believable--I mean, on one paw we have a queen who's a student by day and slays Pollicles by night, a cast of mistfits as sidekicks, a bunch of wacko but cool villains and an extremely improbable plot every week--

All: We get the point!

Two drunk cats were staggering down the street, singing . . .

Misto: Oh this is good--I was a teenage drunkard to boot . . .

One of them fell down. "Hey, Misto, I can't keep up!" Alonzo said.

Alonzo: Yikes--I got dragged in as an uncredited extra!

A beautiful lady was standing in an alley. She winked at Misto and beckoned to him--and like the drunk sap he was, he came to her.

"Hiya, what's a beautiful lady like you doing in a dark and dirty alley like this?"

"I heard that pick-up line a hundred years ago," said the lady. "Here's another old joke: I'm Cassandra--and you're dinner!"

Cassandra: What am I doing in this spoof?

Author: You're the one who turned Misto into a Pollicle. We skipped over the eppy when Misto staked you in the First Season so you didn't get a proper introduction or a chance to die so that you'll be able to return for a proper flashback . . .

And the beautiful cat turned into an ugly Pollicle who bit Misto.

(This *Flashback* was brought to you by Flashbacks Inc., supplier of wavy sequences from the past. Nausea guaranteed!)

Cassi: Thanks goodness my part is over . . .

Back to the regularly scheduled fic:

The Slayerettes had a visitor. It was Exotica the Pollicle Slayer.

Exotica: Huh?!? Alright Author, so where do I fit in?

Author: You're supposed to be another Slayer who got summoned because Lec here was dead for a few minutes in the Finale of Season One. Er, you also appeared in another two earlier eppies, but we skipped that bit too . . .

Exi: At the rate you're going, you'll have us all taking part in this insanity . . .

All: Yikes--Mommy!

"I've just came to give you this big shiny sword to defeat the demon Alfalfa. It's magic."

"Well, duh--how else can we defeat a demon if it wasn't magic?

Quickly beaming down to another part of the plot . . .

Mistoffelees was trying to wake Alfalfa. He had sacrificed a mortal and was chanting in some old language.

"Vjfjas'djles Alfafa kjsuihias sjdasldja'sldj ertu'ydoifvoz sfke'difjsd asdeghr . . ."

Translation:

Hear me, oh mighty Demon Lord of Broccoli!

Wake up!

Wake up, you lazy bum!

You've been asleep for too long and it's time you woke up and cause the end of the world as we know it!

Misto: I can't believe I'm doing this . . .

All: We can't either, but we're already this far into this stupid parody . . .

And then--

Munku: The world as we know it ended and we don't have to continue this parody anymore?

All: We wish!

--nothing happened. Misto tried again.

"We're running out of sacrifices here, Misto," Tugger pointed out after the sixth victim had been sacrificed. "And that last one was supposed to be dinner--"

"Shut up!" Mistoffelees was seriously cheesed off. "I'm gonna end the world as we know if even if it's the last thing I do! Bring me someone who knows about this occult stuff!"

And that turned out to be . . .

All: Just for the sake of making the plot even more twisted . . .

Munkustrap. At that time, our Slayer was elsewhere for some reasons unknown, leaving three Slayerettes, one Watcher and another expendable Slayer at Slayer HQ aka the school Library. Bomba and the hench-Pollicles--

Macavity: They sound like a band . . .

All: ???

Mac: I was just making an observation that's all!

Tugger: Oh well with these parodies, you can never be sure . . .

--came along and cleaned house.

Author: And the extras get to earn their keep . . .

Demi: Are there any extras left?

Admetus: Uh, I'm afraid the answer is yes . . .

Pounce: To be reused again and again whenever we need to have people beaten up and staked . . .

Author: You guys get trashed this time too.

Pounce: Darn.

After seriously injuring the Slayerettes and facing off against the other not all that important Slayer--

Exo: I don't get no respect . . .

--it was proven that ordinary hench-Pollicles still couldn't stand against a Slayer. So one of the major villains normally has to step in. Exotica didn't have a chance against a more interesting if psycho character--

Exo: This is getting insulting!

--and so it was she would up decorating the floor after Bomba hypnotized her with some of her weird talk.

Exo: Hey, I might be a bit lacking in the character appearance department, but I could take Bomb any day . . .

Bomb: Wanna bet on that?

Alonzo: Oooooh! Cat-fight! (whistles)

Most of the female cast: (glares) Toms . . .

They grabbed the Watcher and hurried off so that the bad plot could go on. But before we go on to finish this way too long fic, we have to have a . . .

*Flashback*

*England, a hundred and fifty years ago*

A nunnery . . .

To cut this flashback short, we'll just say that Bomba was about to become a nun--

Munku: Bomb? A nun?

Tugger: That is kinda hard to imagine . . .

Bomb: Hey, why not? It's not like I was always this sexy-- What's wrong with Munku?

Tugger: He looks like he's choking . . .

--but then Mistoffelees got to her first and turned her. Already a bit insane from all those visions, that really drove her over the edge and she became the psycho we all know and love today . . .

(This *Flashback* was brought to you by Flashbacks Inc., supplier of wavy sequences from the past. Nausea guaranteed!)

Normally when there are bodies lying on the floor an innocent party would step in and be accused of murder. So naturally our heroine comes back to the Library to find the dead other Slayer and her injured friends just as Principal Skimble enters.

"I knew you were no good--this time, you're expelled!" the Principal said.

With the end of the world as they knew it at hand, Electra wasn't about to argue with the Principal even though it wouldn't take long to kill an annoying character off. She ran off just a step ahead of the law because there was no way anyone would listen to a girl about Pollicles. (Turned out that there was a conspiracy after all . . . but that's next Season)

But when she got home--

All: Which was a dumb thing to do when the cops are on your tail . . .

--she found a Pollicle waiting on the front step. It was Tugger and he had an interesting proposition . . .

"Look, you want to save yer Watcher? Then you help me get ride of your ex."

"Ah ha! It's because of Bomba, isn't it?" Electra guessed.

"Well, yeah . . . Mainly cuz yer boyfriend's a bloody wanker, that's what he is!"

"And your girlfriend's a skanky 'ho--"

"She might be a 'ho, but she's *my* 'ho--bloody hell, that didn't come out right . . ." Tugger muttered.

Bomb: I'll say!

"Anyhow--to cut a stupid argument short, I want Misto to back off. And I like the world as we know it too much--cuz you've got punk music and all these Happy Meals on legs walking around . . ."

The Slayer shrugged. "Sure. What's the plan?" she asked even though some people might question the sanity of making deals with evil, sadistic and homicidal Pollicles.

Munku: We don't expect sanity any more . . .

Elsewhere in the Pollicle's lair, Munkustrap was being tortured by Mistoffelees.

"Tickle tickle tickle . . ."

Munku: This is your revenge, isn't it?

Author: Yeah--after Misto's done with the tickling, then he gets out the chainsaw!

And it was made even scarier by Mistoffelees prancing around and singing . . .

Thumbscrews and chainsaws and racks with tight manacles,

Bright shiny pliers and large Iron Maidens,

Silvery mantraps that snap with a spring,

These are a few of my favorite things!

When the straps get tight,

When the whips sting,

When you're resisting so bad,

I simply bring out all my favorite things--

And make you feel REALLY sad!

(Sung along to the tune of My Favorite Things)

All: KINKY!!!

Misto: Now I'm really getting scared . . .

Author: Of what?

Misto: Don't tell me the thought never crossed your twisted mind . . .

Author: (looks innocent)

This was enough to frighten the bravest of cats (the singing, not the torture instruments) and even Munkustrap had to scream," No! Stop it! I'll tell you!"

"I knew you'd see it my way," Mistoffelees said. "Now, how do we do this spell?"

"You--you got to do it . . . in a tutu . . . you pillock . . ."

Naturally, Mistoffelees got p.o.-ed. "Alright--no more Mister Nice Guy! Someone bring me a chainsaw!"

But Tugger stopped him from really doing in the Watcher. "I got an idea . . . call Bomba and have her do some magic thingy . . ."

"It's fun time!" And Bomba turned herself into Demi to pull the oldest trick in the book on the Watcher. It actually worked because Munkustrap was still recovering from the song and dance routine and was not in his right mind.

Author: Now this is what resurrections in TV are for!

Demi: (mutters)

"Demi? You're d-dead . . ."

Demi: Rub it in, why don't you . . .

"We aren't going to bother with small little things like that are we?" Bomba/Demi asked. "Tell me everything . . ."

"We have to s-stop Mistoffelees . . . get him away from Alfalfa . . . he's the key . . ."

"There there now, everything's going to be fine . . ." And Bomba/Demi gave the Watcher the longest kiss he ever had in his tweedy, boring life.

All: Urggggghhhhh . . . we're gonna be sick all over the floor now . . .

"Bomba luv, you don't have to be so involved in it . . ." Tugger said from where he was watching the show with Mistoffelees.

"Sorry Tuggy-wuggy--I got carried away by the moment . . ."

Mistoffelees was really cheerful now. "Great! I'm the key to it all! Let's get this ritual cracking!"

Munkustrap realized that he had been had and wished for a miracle to save the world was he knew it--and a bottle of mouthwash if possible.

Bomb: You dissin' my kissin'?

Author: No . . . let's move on now shall we?

Taking duty past the limits of friendship, the Slayerettes were researching Alfalfa and the end of the world as they know it. Even while confined to a hospital bed and being scared silly.

"Gee, what are friends for? Now this is what you do. If that jerk of an ex--whoops, I mean Misto--gets Alfalfa to wake up, you gotta stab him in the heart with a sword," they told the Slayer who had managed to evade the police so far and snuck into the hospital. 'That'll close the gate to Hell and Misto'll get sucked through too."

"That's it?"

"Yeah--we said to stab your ex and send him to Hell and you say "That's it?"?"

"I mean isn't there any other way--"

"It's hard sometimes, but a Slayer's gotta do what a Slayer's gotta do," Pounce said, not at all sorry that Misto was going to get it.

Pounce: Author!

Author: What?

Pounce: I'm a jerk! I've been a jerk most of this Season!

Author: Yeah? What do you want me to do about it? It's an important part of the plot!

"That's awful!" Jemima said when Electra had left on a mission to slay her ex. "We should do something! I know! I'll restore Misto's soul!"

"You up to this Jemi?" Plato asked.

"This is my determined face. See my determined face? We're going to do that ritual! Now!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"Pounci--go after Electra and tell her!"

"Do this do that . . . yeah, yeah, okay . . ."

Later on . . .

Quickcut to . . . Electra marching to the Pollicle's lair with a big shiny magic sword . . .

Quickcut to . . . Mistoffelees chanting and using his blood to do the waking-up-the-demon ritual . . .

Quickcut to . . . Slayerettes preparing to summon back Misto's soul . . .

Reverse to Electra again and Pouncival who has just caught up with her . . .

Tugger: These scene changes are giving me a headache . . .

"Lec! Lec! Wait up! Jemi said--"

"What? Pounce you shouldn't be here . . ."

"I'm the calvary--I'll-I'll save Munkustrap!"

"Okay and you guys run afterwards, kay? Now what did you want to tell me about Jemi?"

"Er, she said kick his butt . . ." Pounce lied and they entered the Pollicles secret hideout--which wasn't so secret any more . . .

Pounce: Now, I'm really a jerk . . . everyone'll hate me . . .

Misto: Not as much as me . . .

Electra: Or me!

Author: Enough with the self-pity session guys . . .

Quickcut to . . . Jemima's ward, the Slayerettes who could still stand up were about to do the soul-restoring ritual with candle, book, bell and stinky herbs--not that you'd find many hospitals that allow you to bring in an aromatherapy kit with the burner.

Quickcut to . . . Munkustrap who is being rescued by Pouncival . . .

Pounce: Well that's something heroic for once . . .

Quickcut to . . . Mstoffelees finishing the ritual just as Electra came in.

"Too late, lover--Alfalfa's waking up--to put an end to the world--"

"As we know it--yeah, I know the drill. Let's get on with this!" And they fought--Misto had picked up a nice shiny sword from somewhere too.

Author: I know nuts about sword-fighting, so just imagine them fighting, 'kay?

Quickcut to . . . the hospital where Jemima is chanting in bed . . .

Quickcut to . . . where Mistoffelees and Electra were still at it . . .

Quickcut to . . . the hospital where Jemima is taken over by something weird and starts pronouncing the spell correctly. . .

Quickcut to . . . where Mistoffelees and Electra were still at it . . .

Quickcut to . . . the hospital where the spell actually works and there's some lights to show this . . .

Quickcut to . . . where Mistoffelees and Electra were still at it until a bright ball of light whacked Mistoffelees right between the eyes. He dropped his sword and looked as though he was in great pain . . .

Misto: Doing this parody gives me great pain alright . . .

"Electra?" he murmured and he did not look evil any more--whatever evil looks like . . .

"Mi-Misto?" And Electra realized that her soulful boyfriend was back once more.

"Electra . . ."

"Oh Misto!"

Munku: Oh get on with it!

And they managed to squeeze in time for a mushy reunion as Alfalfa the demon opened his great big mouth to suck the whole world into Hell.

"Misto . . . I love you . . ."

And Electra stabbed with the sword.

All: Owwy . . .

Misto: Wonderful, I got killed by my girlfriend in the name of saving the world as we know it . . .

Author: Technically speaking, you're already dead . . .

Strangely enough, Misto remained standing upright after being stabbed through the heart.

Misto: Hey, being a Pollicle had advantages y'know . . .

Munku: Not like this they don't . . . *cringe* It's a song . . .

And in front of a gateway into Hell, he began to sing a very rock n' roll song . . .

Stabbed though the heart and you're to blame--

Darling, you give love a bad name!

An angel's smile is what you sell,

You promised me heaven and sent me straight to Hell.

The magic's loose--it's got a hold on me--

When this spell's a prison--I can't break free!

Wooooahhhho-you're a load crossbow!

Woooooohh--there's no where to run!

No on can save me--the damage is done!

Stabbed through the heart and you're to blame--

You give love a bad name . . .

(Rock along to the tune of You Give Love a Bad Name by Bon Jovi.)

And after all that singing, Misto was sucked into Hell and a sad scene was trivialized to the point that no one could really take it seriously.

All: Thank the Everlasting Cat!

Misto: Hey, my singing isn't that bad--

Munku: Misto, there's a reason why you don't sing very often, y'know that?

Misto: *sniff* I'm hurt . . . I'm gonna tell Jenny you said that!

Bomb: Uh oh, you hurt his feelings . . . without him around, the author might not be able to finish Season Three . . .

Munku: Oops . . . Misto--come back!

Author: Well let's get to the end of this eppy . . .

Electra could not believe that she had just sent her boyfriend to Hell. After he got his soul back too. It was enough to cause her some trauma. And so Electra left the little town of Junkyard to sort of her emotional problems even though it would cause her mother, her friends and her watcher a lot of grief . . .

Electra: Hey, I'm a teen in this fic--I'm supposed to be brash and selfish . . .

Jelly: You kids these days never think of your elders . . .

Author: Alright guys! That was Season Two! Now we can get onto Season Three!

All: Oh whoop-pee . . .