(When we last left off, we were introduced to most of the main characters in this parody except a few of them, one being Tugger Billis. He leads a group of military cats who occasionally make some of Bloody Grizzy's merchandise, but he's also a bit of a hustler in his own right...his current racket is a washing service utilizing the weirdest-looking washing machine ever. While Tugger is haggling over how much he and his crew should get paid with Bloody Grizzy, one of his cohorts, Stewplato, is arguing with another sailor, played by Cassandra's older brother Raphael...apparently this washer isn't the best thing in the world to work with...)

CATS: Are you finished?

MATT: (hisses) YESSSSSSS.

RAPHAEL: Look at that shirt!

PLATO: Take it up with the manager. (points to Billis)

RAPH: Hey Big Dealer! Hey, Tugger Billis!

TUGGER: What can I do for you, my boy? What's the trouble?

RAPH: (holding up a torn shirt) Look at that shirt!

TUGGER: The Billis Laundry is not responsible for minor burns and tears. (He goes back to negotiating with Bloody Grizzy, but is going nowhere--until he notices a boar's tooth bracelet she's trying to sell to another tom...)

Now look here, Dragon Queen--

JULIE: DRAGON QUEEN?! Tugger, I just have two words for you since you called Griz that...SNIP SNIP!

TUGGER: Juliet, it's in the script, OK? You know I would never mock, make fun of, or laugh at Grizabella.

JULIE: Oh, yeah, right!

TUGGER: (continues) What's that you got there, a boar's tooth bracelet? Where'd you get that? (points off in the distance) Over there on Bali Ha'i?

GRIZ: You like?

TUGGER: (takes the bracelet and shows it to the military toms) You know what this is? A bracelet made out of a single boar's tooth.

BUSTOPHER: The Boar's Tooth? I thought that club closed down ten years ago!

TUGGER: (hisses at Bustopher and continues) They cut the tooth from the boar's mouth in a big ceremonial over there on Bali Ha'i. There ain't a souvenir you can pick up in the South Pacific as valuable as this...what do you want for it, Grizzy?

GRIZ: Hundred dollar!

TUGGER: Hundred dollars...That's cheap. I thought it would be more. (he takes some money out of his pocket)

(One of Tugger's associates, the Professor--played by George--speaks up)

GEORGE: I don't see how she can do it.

JENNY: It's a silly little thing called capitalism.

GRIZ: Make you special offer, Big Dealer. I trade you boar's tooth bracelet for all grass skirts.

TUGGER: It's a deal.

GRIZ: Wait a minute. Is no deal till you throw in something for good luck.

TUGGER: Okay. What do you want me to throw in?

GRIZ: (whisking the money out of Tugger's paw) Hundred dollar.

JULIE: Go Griz!

TUGGER: I hope you're satisfied. I was going to get Bombalurina something cool with that money...

BOMB: I hope it's not like that silver picture frame you got me before.

TUGGER: What was wrong with that?

BOMB: Nothing...but one of YOUR ex-girlfriend's pictures was in it!

TUGGER: I told you...IT CAME THAT WAY!

(So Bloody Grizzy walks off, leaving a bunch of grumbling toms...)

TUGGER: You don't run into these things every day. They're scarce as hen's teeth.

GEORGE: They're bigger, too!

TUGGER: That darned Bali Ha'i! (looks towards it) Why does it have to be off limits? You cvan get everything over there. Shrunken heads, bracelets, old ivory...

RAPH: Young French queens!

TUGGER: Knock off! I'm talking about souvenirs.

GEORGE: So's he.

(Some of the backstage queens picked up on Raphael's remark...and realize something...)

MATT: And this is one of my favorite songs...so if anyone goofs this up, I'll use you for a rug!

CORICOPAT: We got sunlight on the sand

We got moonlight on the sea

RAPH: We got mangoes and bananas

You can pick right off a tree

ALONZO: We got volleyball and ping pong

And a lot of dandy games

TUGGER: What ain't we got?

ALL: WE AIN'T GOT DAMES!

MUNGO: We get packages from 'aome

POUNCE: We get movies, we get shows

PLATO: We get speeches from our skipper

MISTO: And advice from Tokyo Rose

TUMBLE: We get letters doused wit' poifume

MAC: We get dizzy from the smell

TUGGER: What don't we get?

ALL: YOU KNOW DARN WELL!

TUGGER: We have nothin' to put on a clean, white suit for

What we need is what there ain't no substitute for...

JENNY: Although I can think of plenty of tom substitutes.

JEM: Ewwwww!

TOMS: There is nothin' like a dame

Nothin' in the world

There is nothin' you can name

That is anything like a dame!

ALONZO: We feel restless, we feel blue

POUNCE: We feel lonely, and in brief,

We feel every kind of feelin'

GEORGE: But the feelin' of relief

CARB: We feel hungry as the wolf felt

When he met Red Riding Hood

ALL: WHAT DON'T WE FEEL?

PLATO: We don't feel good!

MISTO: Lots of things in life are beautiful, but brother

There is one particular thing that is nothin' whatsoever in any way shape or form like any other!

ALL: There is nothin' like a dame

Nothin' in the world,

There is nothin you can name

That is anythin' like a dame

Nothin' else is built the same,

Nothin' in the world

has a soft and wavy frame

Like the silhouette of a dame!

PLATO: (lowering his voice) There is absolutely nothin' like the frame of a dame!

(As soon as they finish singing...a group of nurses in 1940's workout gear, including Demmie, runs by them. A leader-- Jennyanydots--is calling out the instructions)

JENNY: Hut, two, three, four! Get...your...excercise!

(The toms, naturally, can't take their eyes off of the queens.)

VICKY: Can't we rest a while?

JENNY: Come on, you nurses, PICK IT UP!

(Demmie, however, drops out of the line, and picks up laundry that Tugger did for her. He's got a major crush on her, and his attitude changes in a scene which we'll skip for time's sake...so anyway let's skip ahead to the entrance of Lt. Joseph Skimble. Bloody Grizzy has also re-entered and they notice each other...)

GRIZ: Hello.

SKIMBLE: Hello.

GRIZ: You make trouble for me?

SKIMBLE: Huh?

GRIZ: Are you crummy major?

SKIMBLE: No, I'm even crummier than that. I'm a lieutenant.

GRIZ: Lootellan?

SKIMBLE: (laughs) Lootellan.

(he walks away from her)

TUGGER: Hiya, Lootellan. New on the rock?

SKIMBLE: Just came in on that PBY.

TUGGER: Yeah? Where from?

SKIMBLE: A little island south of Marie Louise.

PLATO: Then you been up where they use real bullets!

SKIMBLE: Uh huh.

GRIZ: (who has been scoping the Lt. out all this time) Hey, Lootellan. You darn sexy tom!

MISTO: Oh boy. Here we go again...I'm having "Sunset Meow-levard" flashbacks.

MATT: Mistoffolees, chill it...Bloody Mary isn't the one that Lt. Cable goes out with.

MISTO: WHEW!

VERONI: HTML break all...

MISTO: (heads for the exit)

VERONI: Where are YOU going?

MISTO: Uhm... seeking out shelter until the page change is over?

VERONI: Nice try, but you know that this is a perfectly safe change of pages.... you'll see.

CORI: Last time you said "you'll see.." Munku and I became "You're a Good Tom, Munklie Brown" wallpaper.