Bomb: Calm down! Here, you didn’t put enough grease in this spot.
Alonzo: But my fur is going to get stuck together!
Demeter: If worse comes to worse, we can shave off the fur that gets stuck.
Alonzo: (screams)
Demi: Just kidding!
Munku: (pulling on his leather jacket) Let’s start and maybe if we’re lucky, the author will lose interest in finishing this thing.
Veroni: Unlikely, Munku.
Munku: Drat.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCENE 1
It’s the first day back to school for the cats of Meowdell High School. We meet the wise-cracking gang of queens known as the Pink Kitties (comprised of Bomizzo, Janpleteazer, Lecarty and Victorenchia). They greet the newcomer to the school, Demi Dumbrowski and press her for details on her summer romance. Simultaneously, the gang of toms known as the “Burger Palace Toms”, (comprised of Alonny, Tugnickie, Mistoody and Rogojerrie) listen as their leader, Munky Zuko, talks about the girl he met over the summer.
Vicky: Who exactly came up with these names?!
Lectra: Just sing and pray to the everlasting cat that this will all be over soon.
Demi and Munku: Summer dreams ripped at the seams...
But, oh those summer nights!
Others: Tell me more tell me more... Oh, OHHHH!
When Munky and Demi meet again, he is *way too cool* to admit that the square chick, Demi was the queen that he fell for over the summer, and ignores her.
Demi: I’m guessing this doesn’t do much for my character’s self-esteem, huh?
SCENE 2
The Burger Palace Toms are hanging out.....
Alonzo: Hey, Mistoody! Where’d ‘ya get the guitar?
Misto: I’ve been takin’ lessons over the summer.. I’ve learned the C, A, A minor, F, G, G7 chords?
Backstage Cats: Incredible!
Demi: And that’s all he learned in one summer?
Bomb: Slow learner.
Jenny: Well, I’m sure that he had other things to do besides play the guitar.
Demi: Like what?
Jemi: (interrupting) Girls, fixing his hair--
Veroni: If you ladies are finished here..
Jenny: Oh, so sorry... you may continue.
Veroni: Thanks for giving me *permission*! (sighs in exasperation)
Misto: I’ll be waitin’ by the radio.
You’ll come back to me some day I know.
It’s been so lonesome since your last goodbye....
But I’m singing as I cry-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi----
Veroni: That’s more than enough of that, Misto.
Misto: Well, you always say to really feel our characters!
Veroni: Too much, Misto. Too much....
Meanwhile, at Lecarty’s pajama party, Demi is desperate to fit in with the Pink Kitties...
Bomb: Let’s see, first we’ll have to pierce that ear of yours and.....
Veroni: G-rating! G-rating!
Bomb:.... play a nice, quiet game of Clue and then order out some pizza.
Veroni: Thanks a lot, Bomb.
Demi: Of course anyone who knows the story *knows* what happens at the party.
Vicky: That would be.. a pierced ear, cheap wine, and a ciggie-butt?
Veroni: Thanks for the reminder, Vicky!
Lectra: Hey you guys! Coreddy wrote me!
Vicky: Who’s that?
Lectra: A marine-cat. I’m engaged to him.
Bomb: Cool. Do you write him a lot, Lecarty?
Lectra: Pretty much. Heh, any time I get a present.
Teazer: Wot ya say ta a guy in a letta anyways?
Misto: I sense a song coming on....
Lectra: Oh......
Coreddy my love, I miss you more than words can say!
Others: Ah-ah-ah-ah!
Lectra: Coreddy my love, please keep in touch while you’re away!
Others: Oh, oh yeah!
Lectra: Hearing from you can make the day so much better!
Getting a souvenir or maybe a letter!
I really flipped over the gray cashmere sweater
Coreddy my love--
Lectra: Hasn’t my character ever heard that long-distance relationships just don’t work out?
Veroni: That was the 50’s.... things were different.
Munku: Judging from these clothes I’d say *way* different! What were they thinking, anyway?
Veroni: Congratulations, Munku! You just insulted over half the population!
Munku: There are that many still alive?
Jelly: And remember ladies and gentlemen, you can mail those complaint letters to....
Munkustrap
Veroni: Moving right along......
Box 8726
Jellicle Junkyard, London
72509
SCENE 3
The scene changes and we are in Tugnickie’s garage.... He and the guys are putting the finishing touches on his new car-- Creased Frightening.
Mungo: ‘Ey Tugnickie! Where’d ya get tha car?
Tugger: This isn’t any normal car! It’s Creased Frightening!
Bomb: Oh, it’s frightening alright!
Tugger: Who asked y--- why hi, sweetie!
Bomb: Don’t sweetie me, Crisco head!
Tantomile: *That’s* original!
Bomb:
It’s got a dirty coat of primer!
It’s dented in the front. Oh yeah!
The muffler’s draggin’, it’s a big hunk of junk. Oh, yeah!
Tugger: Thanks for sharing. Now, don’t you have to get somewhere?
Bomb: That’s not until the next scene.... Don’t worry your slick little head. I’ll make it in plenty of time. Now, back to my song.
Others and Bomb: Creased Frightening! Yeah!
Stuff happens here that we’ll skip over for space sake, (The next day at Cheerleading tryouts, Demi and Munky make up and to impress Demi, Munky even promises to go out for the track team, but the pushy and ditzy cheerleader, Cassy Simpox). Meanwhile, things are going pretty well for at lease one couple.....
Teazer: Why doncha ‘et mad a’ those goiys? I moien, thay call ‘ya rump!
Mungo: Ehhh. It’s alroight. I tenda thioink of it as a title! (clears his throat)
Oi.... spend.... moi.... day-e-ays,
Just moonin’ ovair you!
Veroni: Since this song could even put a bit of a strain on our PG rating... we’ll skip it. Not that that really matters though, because I doubt if many people out there could decipher what was being sung anyway....
Mungo: Thoinks a lot!
After the spat with Tugnickie over his hunk-of-junk car, ‘Creased Frightenin’ Bomizzo decides to ask Munky to take her to the dance and mocks Demi in a classic number from the show and he accepts her offer.
Bomb:
Look at me!
I’m Demi D.
Lousy with.....
Demi attacks Bomizzo for lampooning her just in time to cut off some questionable lyrics. Demi is too hurt though by the indifference of Munky and runs off crying. She stops long enough to croon a heartbreaking melody and goes on her way....
Demeter: I don’t have anything since.... I..... DON’T..... HAVE.... YOU!!!!!
SCENE 4
Everyone except Demi heads off to the dance........
All:
We Meow Together!
Like a ram-a-lamma-lamma, a-dingitty-ding-da-dong!
Remembered forever as shoo-wop, shoo-wanna-wanna,
Yippidee-dip-de-dip!
Bomb: What’s up with these lyrics anyway? It sounds like baby-babble!
Tugger: For the time, sweet thing, it was cool.
Bomb: Well, judging from their taste, (or lack-thereof) that makes perfect sense!
Munku: (who jumps all over this) And remember folks... address those complaint letters to:
Bombalurina
Bomb: Munkustrap!!!
Munku: Turnabout is fair play!
Veroni: Let’s just go straight to Act II, huh?
All: No break?
Veroni: You’ve taken plenty of them....
Box 8726----
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ACT II
SCENE 1
Demi sings (yet another) heart-wrenching song with the back up vocals by the school geeks (Pouncival, Tumblebrutus and Macavity).
Mac: Excuse me? ‘School Geek?’
Veroni: Well, you were complaining about being cast as the bad guy all the time! I figured that this is about
as far from the bad guy as you could hope to get!
Mac: Gee, thanks a lot.
At the dance, the others all boogie up a storm to the stylings of the celebrity DJ- Skimbince Fountaine....
Misto: I knew the really bad puns weren’t far away!
Skimble: So cats....
Lectra: And that really fits us quite well!
Skimble: Ahem! Throw your mittens around your kittens and away we go!
Born to Paw-Jive baby!
All: Born to Paw Jive!
To make a long scene short, they all have a lot of fun and Munky wins partnering with Cet-Cet DeCatorio.
SCENE 2
In another side-plot.....
Jemima: ANOTHER one? Boy this is getting sorta confusing!
Misto: If you think *this* is confusing, you should have been there when we did “A Triumphant Spoof”.
Jemi: I’ve heard the horror stories, and believe me- not a day goes by that I don’t thank the Everlasting Cat for sparing me that agony!
Ahem! Anyway...Vicorenchia has dropped out of High School to enroll in Beauty School, but has already quit! What will she do?
Vicky: Man! I’ve already dropped out of Beauty School... I wish I had someone to talk to and tell me what’s the best thing to do! (waits and nothing happens) Ahem!!!! I WISH THERE WAS SOMEONE TO TELL ME WHAT’S THE BEST THING TO DO!!!!
Plato: Sorry! This jumpsuit’s the hardest thing in the world to squeeze into.
Plato:
Your story’s sad to tell....
A teenage ne’er do well...
Most mixed up---!
Vicky: I asked for some advice, *not* a serenade!
Plato: Oh, well in that case I think you should go back to High School, okay?
Vicky: I know I’m supposed to be harder to convince, but I really need to use the little queen’s room... so alright, I will!
SCENE 3
Demi and Munky finally patch things up at the Tri-Light Drive-In, but he moves a little too fast for her...
Munku: Demi! C’mon, get back in the car!
Demi: I’m sorry, Munky. But just because you give me your ring doesn’t mean we’re gonna go all the way!
Munku: Demi, you can’t just walk out of a drive-in!
Demi: (screams from off-stage) Yes I can!
Munku: Ugh, I’m stuck here all alone at the drive-in!
Alonzo: There’s another song cue if I’ve ever heard one. You could try to be a little more subtle!
Munku:
I’m... all.... alone....
At the drive-in movie.
It’s a feelin’ that ain’t too groovy--
Munku: Groovy?!
Veroni: That was the hip slang of the time!
Cetera: Kinda like ‘whatever’ today!
Lectra: Whatever......
Cetera: See?!
Lectra: I walked right into that, didn’t I?
Veroni: Yeah, you did.
During a Party at Bomizzo’s, Bomizzo discovers that she might be pregnant, but when Demi tries to express sympathy, Bomizzo responds with the stinging......
Bomb:
There are worse things I could do,
Than go with a boy or two!
Even though the neighborhood
Thinks I’m trashy and no good.....
Tugger: Not bad singing, honey.
Demi: Well, if Rosie O’Donnell could sing it, it shouldn’t be too hard for *her*!
Tugger: Oooh, vicious! You insulted them both in one swipe!
Demi: I..... I.....
Demi clues in Bomizzo to some stuff about herself and come to a mutual understanding, and in the process, give Demi a whirlwind makeover. At the Burger Palace, Munky shows up in a letter sweater....
Jemi: Confusion! What’s a ‘letter sweater’?
Tugger: Have you seen those old things that your father has from when he was on a school athletic team?
Jemi: Well, yeah. But they’re usually all packed up in moth balls!
Veroni: That would be the third shot at the 50’s folks......
To please Demi, he has joined the track team. Demi shows up wearing skin tight slacks, big earrings, and a... (ahem!) Kitten-with-a-whip hairdo.
Jemi: Did you invent that to fit this?
Veroni: Read the synopsis.... It says exactly that *right* here!
Jemi: Oh.
To please Munky, she has transformed herself into a greaser’s dream date. Bombiz--- hold on... we have a whole bunch of cats who want to sing their songs in that big reprise, so we’re going to let them go....
Veroni: Make it fast!
Misto:
What’s that playin’ on the radio?
Why do I start swayin’ to and fro?
Mungo:
Oi’ll stand behind, ‘ya moonin’ fo’ever more.
Rumple:
Fo’ever more!
Tugger and Bomb:
Go Creased Frightenin’! Go! Go! Go!
Better. Now we discover that Bomizzo isn’t P.G. after all-- false alarm. She and Tugnickie make up. Happily-ever-after for everybody.....
All:
Chang-chang, changitty-chang shoo-bop!
We’ll always be together!
That’s the way it should be!
GREASE!!!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alonzo: I’ve got the shower first!
Tugger: Aww, C’mon ‘Lonzo... we were just kidding when we said the hair grease wouldn’t come out later!
(aside) We *were* kidding, weren’t we?
Demi: Well, I’m not sure! I’ll check the bottle..... Yep, says here that if it’s out before two hours, there
shouldn’t be any permanent damage!
Tugger: But we’ve been doing this thing for three.... AHHHHH get out of my way!!!
Demi: Hee-hee!
Veroni: It doesn’t say that on this bottle!
Demi: They don’t know that.
Veroni: (grins, but tries to conceal it) You are so mean.
Lectra: (bursts out laughing and soon everyone joins her)
So, will Tugger and Alonzo realize that it was just a joke? Will the complaint letters start rolling in to both Bombalurina and Munkustrap? And who really cares? And remember, the only place where this insanity lives is in.... THE SPOOFLITE ZONE!!!
