Macavity: I have got be a bad guy again?

Ruby: He’s not exactly a bad guy. Sure, he’s a killer but so am I.

Mac: I have to play some one like you?

Munkustrap: And once again, I’m the stupid wanna be brave hero guy. Why can’t I be a bad guy for once?

Ruby: I know you’re a bad guy but it doesn’t fit into the minds of normal people therefor I have to adapt in order to get fame.

Demeter: But I don’t want to play a naive stupid girl! *On the verge of having a fit*

Victoria: Oh goodie, I’m not picked on this time.

Ruby: Not that you know of. *Evil chuckle* I just haven’t told you your part yet.

Mistoffelees: Wow! I get to play a sorta bad guy! This is so cool!

Erik: *sighs* I don’t have to play anything.

Ruby: Yes you do. I just need to find something. You can play one of the… guys in the bar! Guys at the bar are really cool, especially if they buy me drinks. *Bats eyes, hinting*

Erik: You’re not 18. What are you doing in a bar?

Ruby: Um… let’s get started.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Disclaimer: Whistle down the wind belongs to Rug and yadad I like monkeys let’s get this over with.

Macavity: The Man

Demeter: Swallow

Munkustrap: Amos

Etcetra: Brat

Ruby: Author and Poor Baby.

Alonzo: Boone a.k.a. Swallow, Poor Baby, and Brat’s father

Grizabella: Swallow, Poor Baby, and Brat’s DEAD mother

Bombalurina: Candy

Lanna: Policewoman

Old Deuteronomy: good preacher/deputy

Jenny: Edward

Mistoffelees: Earl

Victoria: Snake Preacher

Griddlebone: Annie Christmas

Gus: Charlie

Various other kittens: Various other kids

Various other adults: Various other grown ups

*************

(Setting: Inside a church where a choir is singing and Jemima is being a pain in the backside, is showing off by singing an octave higher until a window shatters and then she shyly hides underneath the pew.)

Choir: The keys to the vault of heaven may be buried somewhere in the ground.

The keys to the vault of heaven, may been seen in a pure water stream.

We’ve got to find the keys, got to find the keys

To open up the vaults.

The nights have been growing darker, even darker than sin.

We’ve got to open up the vaults of heaven the answer is there within.

Old Deuteronomy: And then Jesus will return he will walk among us. And those who fail to see him will burn in a fiery hell. Those who see him will bask in the glory and they were no longer be sick nor weak nor hungry ever again! No more pain; no more sorrow!

*Launch into overture where everyone tries to dress in broken overalls and highwaters. *

(Setting: Louisiana backwater town, Sunday, 3 days before Christmas-)

Munkustrap: But we don’t celebrate Christmas.

(Setting: Louisiana backwater town, Sunday, Church service is ending, 3 days before the Jellicle Ball)

Munku: Better.

(People are filing out of the church when 3 kids run out, laughing loudly)

Etcetra: I love Sundays!

Demeter: I love the ball!

Ruby: I love presents.

Dem: the Ball’s about sorts of things not just presents.

Munku: But we don’t give out presents out at the ball.

Ruby: That’s why it used to be Christmas. (Back to story) Ok, then the Ball’s about bonfires-

Munku: We don’t have bonfires.

Erik: Look! We want to get this over with. You’re the one who changed it the first place. So shut up before I strangle you!

Munku: *shushes up*

Dem: We can’t have a bonfire. Wood costs money and we ain’t got any. Ain’t not a word.

Ruby: I grew up in a backwater town in the north. This is a backwater town in the South. In backwater towns, we say ‘Ain’t." Plus all your accents suck. Can we get to the story now?

Dem: Now I’m afraid Santa won’t get to our house now.

Etc: But the Jellicle Leader says that if we pray hard enough we get what we want.

Ruby: I pray for all sorts of things and I don’t get anything.

Dem: *singing* I wanna be baptized. And I wanna be saved.

I wanna see the Heavyside with my own eyes.

I wanna feel the rapture. Taste the fire.

I wanna be taken some where higher.

But I’ll never be taken anywhere higher

Etc: But Demmy-

Dem: Well, I don’t!

I never get what I pray for.

I could pray for less or a whole lot more.

But it’s a sure bet.

I never get a pray for yet.

An end to the horrors of the Atom Bomb-

Etcetra: Dance with my Tugger at the next Ball!

I wanna be beautiful, sexy, and smart.

Ruby: I want a sister that doesn’t hiccup, and I wish I were good at art.

Erik: yeah. Because we all know she isn’t.

Ruby: How about I make you get killed in the end? Or chased down by a mob again?

Erik: *does not want to be chased down by a mob again, too many memories of the opera*

Ruby: *back to the story* I want to look like Sarah Brightham in every way-

Etcetra: I wanna be Rosemarie Ford or Avea May-

Dem: They should send us down some angels, we could never have enough.

We really need some money to get each other stuff.

Etc: We really should be prayin’ for dad.

It’s scary how it’s been

He was crying in the trailer last night.

No way I was going in.

Ruby: I want a yarnball-

Etc: And some lipstick

Ruby: and some catnip!

Etc: And a kite.

Dem: I just want our mother back,

If only for one night.

Heavyside had no right to take her, she couldn’t have gone.

There are things I wanted to tell her,

Things she had to know.

So I want my mother back, if only for one day…

Ruby: (pointing, as the song ends) Oh no! It’s Jenny!

She’s got a bag, I bet it’s the… wait, why would JennyAnyDots drown kittens?

Jenny: you’re the one who wrote the story.

Ruby: Oh well. She’s gonna drown those kittens!

Etc: Dear God, have her slip on a rock or Somethin’. Amen.

Dem: Hey Jenny! Got something in that sack. Somethin’ alive?

Jenny: Something that didn’t need to be brought to this planet and I’ll send ‘em back where they belong. *Tosses the sack into the river and walks away* Oh jeez, she just had to make me a mean person.

Dem: But Jesus doesn’t want kittens to die! Hold me tight, guys! *Lowers herself into the river while Etc and Ruby hang onto her tail* I almost got them. *Falls in* Help!

Ruby: Swallow!

Etcetra: We can’t reach her, the current’s too fast! *Runs down the river banks, trying to keep up with Dem* I can’t see her anymore… Dear Jesus, don’t let her- or any of the kittens- drown. Amen!

Ruby: She’ll wash out into the Mississippi! Swallow, come back!

Both: Swallow!

Demeter: *swims to the shore* My name’s Demeter, not Swallow! And now I’m all wet. I hate water. My fur was already nice.

Ruby: You’re Swallow for this play so get over it.

Dem: *opens the bag* There are no kittens!

Mistoffelees: *puts a hat of seven toy cats in there* There are the kittens.

Dem: They’re beautiful. This one’s for Etcetra, I mean Brat, and this one’s for Poor Baby.

Ruby: hey! *Sings* The runt of the liter.

It isn’t fair.

I never get first pick.

Dem: poor baby, I swear!

Erik: Poor Baby? *Everyone snickers* Poor mentally slow baby is more like it.

Ruby: I wanna call my kitten spider.

Etc: you can’t call a cat Spider.

Ruby: Can too!

Etcetra: Can not!

Ruby: Can too!

Etcetra: Can not!

Ruby: Can too!

Etcetra: Can not!

Ruby: Can so!

Dem: Shut up! *Looks across the river and then sings*

The locus are singing, the sun is red

We should have been home by now.

You know what dad said, there’d be trouble

We should have been home by now

*The bickering three begin walking home with their stuffed kittens, when they pass a group of people. They approach the youngest one*

Ruby: What’ca doing?

Victoria: Putting up a tent.

Ruby: God, can’t you even do a decent country accent, snot?

Victoria: *ignores this* We’re having a revival meeting. And there are snakes to dance with. Come only of you’re all grown up.

Ruby: Want a kitten?

Victoria: Want a surprise? *Sings*

You gotta be prepared to wrestle.

Wrestle with the Devil in a heartbeat before the moment is past.

Lanna: *dressed as a policewoman* Hey you! Knock it off. There’s a right worship but don’t get anything started. *Shoos off the three sisters*

Munkustrap: *rides up on his motorcycle, actually, it’s Gus’s but its on loan* Hey Swallow. I got a new bike.

Etc: It ain’t new!

Munku: True. It’s got a new engine, new lights, new coat of paint, looks almost new. How about a ride, Swallow?

Dem: Why don’t you ask your girlfriend, Bombalurina?

Munku: I’m asking you! Come on. You never talk to me anymore.

Dem: No, we’ve got to get home. Now.

*The three walk home and hide the kittens in their barn, or in this case, the car trunk because of the lack of time spent on the set, plus we had no money. Then they go inside the car (it’s supposed to be the house) and se their father, Alonzo, and Jenny again. *

Jenny: Hey kids. I knew it wasn’t the ball unless we had a Christmas tree. *Points to tiny cardboard cut out of a tree as the three oh and aw*

Dem: Wow. Thanks Jenny! Want some supper?

Jenny: Nope. I’m performing at the bar tonight. Seeya guys later. *Walks out*

*Everyone begins chopping down on the mouse they have*

Dem: hey dad. Why do some people wanna dance with those snakes?

Alonzo: Some people have queer ideas about testin’ their faith in Jesus. Those snakes are lethal. Keep away from those creeps. You all done now?

Etc: Daddy, if we can’t have a bonfire, does that mean no presents on the Ball night?

Alonzo: there are never presents on the ball. But for the sake of this sad story, it seems we can’t. Money’s tight. On a happier note, look at all we’ve got! Food on the table, a warm house and we’ve got each other. Though Poor Baby/Ruby doesn’t count.

Ruby: Thanks daddy!

Zo: *sings* If your mother were here, you’d know what she’d say.

"Life’s tough, don’t complain.

Your memories are always better,

Turn your face to the moonlight,

Let your memory lead you,

Open up enter in.

Open up… enter… *starts crying softly as his children try to comfort him*

Whistle down the wind.

Let your voices carry.

Drown out all the rain, light the patch of darkness,

Tough and oh so scary.

Grizabella’s distant voice: Howl at the stars

Hum when you’re sleepy.

I’ll try and hold you,

Always be thee to warm you,

How ever cold it may be.

Zo: So, whistle down the wind, for I will always be right there.

Ruby: Ma sang it better. *Is pelted with various objects* Ow!

Dem: daddy, the Preacher says that if you ask, you will be given.

Etc: Ok then, I want a sister that don’t snore, and my own room, and a nicer sister-

Ruby: And I don’t want to be called Poor Baby anymore!

Erik: She took that whole role just to say that one line.

Zo: Quite guys. Bedtime.

Dem: *sneaks out to the barn/trunk to check on the kittens. She gets down on her knees and prays* Dear Lord, the world is a rotten world for kittens with no mother. Please protect them in your son’s name. Amen.

*Suddenly…. In a clap of thunder…. *

Macavity: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! *Jumps out from the haystack*

Dem: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! *Shakily* Who… are… you?

Mac: *rubs his hands in pain* Oh Jesus Christ…

Dem: *shocked* what?

Mac: Don’t tell anyone I’m here. *Passes out form blood loss*

Ruby: *enters at that time and looks at Mac* He’s not Jesus. He’s just a feller.

Etc: But remember, The Jellicle Leader says every Sunday that He will return. Those you see him will have no more pain and no more loss and no more sorrow. And those who fail to recognize him will burn in a fiery Hell.

Erik: Put the author on that checklist!

Ruby: Oh crud, he ain’t dead. He’s asleep in the hay… *gasps* cool! He’s really got holes in his hands and feet and I never even put them there. Come on; let’s cover him up.

Dem: *in shock* I know what I’m seein’. I know what I’m feelin’, but it can’t be him. *Covers him up with hay and then sings* I have always prayed you’d come to me.

I have hoped you returned atleast.

Etc; We’ll give you shelter form the storms and the cold outside.

All you need is here with us.

We do believe, you’ve returned at last.

All three: To you we make this vow,

We believe in you

We’ll never ever tell.

Etc: Remember that Jesus can raise the dead.

He could bring Ma back.

Dem: If he only could, if it was only so.

(Fade out into bar where Jenny is strip dancing to the song "Think Pink"-)

Everyone: The horror!

(Ok, I will fix that. Jenny’s at the bar, dressed in skimpy leather clothing and singing jazz songs. I don’t want to type up the lyrics so boomonkey to you!)

Munku: Hey Bomb! We’re gonna leave this two bitten rotten town and then right up the state road. Good bye Louisiana, wait, we left London?

Lanna: Just pretend we did.

Munku: Then it’s hello Arkansas, Alabama, New York!

Bombalurina: New York? Wow, we’ll be there for Christmas Morning... or the week after Christmas morning. Munku, honey, you keep talking about this but we never leave.

Munku: I promise, baby, I do!

Erik: Oh God I’m a {explicit} bartender.

Ruby: Oh dearie. Can I please have a-?

Erik: *ignores her and points at Mistoffelees* You, what’s your age.

Mistoffelees: 21. *Everyone laughs*

Erik; Get out. There’s state police coming tonight and I don’t want you in here. They found prisoner clothes not a quarter of a mile away from here. There’s an escape criminal on the loose, and he’s killed two guards on the way. Now I don’t have anything against him but I still gotta do all this preaching for a minute.

Ruby: Here. Tantomile said drink this. *Hands him a glass* that was my experiment as a love potion. How about that whiskey now? *Cheeky grin*

Erik: yeah, baby. On the house. *Almost drooling*

Old Deuteronomy: *sings* For the sake of all the children, let’s cut away all that’s sick.

Mistoffelees: Get him down! Do it quick!

Old D: For the sake of all the children we’ll do this fast.

Make sure the dark days never last

The hunt is on!

(Scene change. Back to the barn/car trunk. Instead of cows, we have pieces of cheese because we have no money. It’s morning and Demeter is by Macavity/Jesus Christ)

Dem: Hello. You slept well. My name’s Swallow. All our names are bird names, I dunno why. Mama was just nuts ‘bout flyin’ and stuff. And here’s Poor Baby, I have no idea why we call her that. She’s 6 feet tall and called Poor Baby but her real name’s Robin. That’s Brat, cuz she is one. Her name’s Bluejay.

Macavity: Did you see me on the news? Anything?

Etc: How come you don’t wear those blue dresses anymore? Can you swim?

Mac: Did you tell anyone about this? About me being here?

Etc: I told Pouncival and Electra but they’re my friends. And I told Jemima, but she ain’t a year old. So she don’t count. God, these people have poor grammar skills.

Electra: I told Tumblebrutus when we hunted rabbits and I mentioned it to Sillabub. They ain’t gonna tell.

Mac: You mustn’t tell anyone!

Dem: I didn’t! I won’t tell, ever.

Ruby: Spider’s feeling poor. *Hands him a tiny stuffed cat, thinking it is real* I know you can make him feel a bit better.

Etc: And we brought you bread for your body and win for your blood. We swiped it from Dad but can you forgive us?

Munku: Hold on a second! Why do they believe he’s Jesus? We are cats and we’re not Christians. Why?

Mac: You always get to play the next Priest or Leader, Munku! Let some one else have a bit of glory.

Munku: *pouts in his seat*

Mac: They’ll kill me if they find me, you know that? You gotta hide me!

Dem: Shh! We’ll keep you safe. I’ll come back later. And I’ll say a special prayer for you.

Mac: *singing* There’s a prayer for the living and the dying.

There’s a prayer to soothe the savage sea.

There’s a prayer for everything

But still no prayer for me.

So many cries in the night that I try to ignore.

Why didn’t I do this?

Why didn’t I do that?

Too many broken heart too many unsettled scores.

The leader who sneers at my attempts.

The teacher and her slaps.

The other children who left me alone.

The girls I yearned to love

Are taken away in dance

The last ones left hated me

And left me alone.

The betrayers, the betrayed,

The abandoned, the afraid,

There’s a prayer everyone but me!

Say a prayer for your purest daughter

And toll the bell for your only son.

That’s the nature of the beast…

The tire in the sky

The wind in your fur

The fathers they take away

The boy sleeps alone with no one to love

That’s the nature of the beast.

*Stops singing* what do you want from me?

Dem: I want my mother back.

Mac: You want me to bring your mother back?

Dem: It’s not that difficult of a concept.

You can take something dead and make it alive again, can’t you?

It can’t be that heard bein’ the son o’ God and all.

Mac: I’ll think about it.

If you take good care of me, I’ll do that for you.

*Sings* Wait, we can take this Second Coming.

You can be my first apostle.

A ticket to a new beginning.

So innocent and trusting,

You’ll do all I ask?

Dem: I will.

*Sings* This vow I make.

I’ll keep you form the storms and the world outside

If all we’ve lost came back alive.

If all that died, did grow

If only it was so

These are the loneliest words I know.

Mac and Dem: If only it was so.

These are the loneliest words I know… *They embrace and Demeter, reluctantly pulls away*

(Setting: Bombalurina and Munkustrap are leaning on either side of the motorcycle. The street lamps glares down and it’s night time)

*Both are singing*

Bom: Another aimless day.

Munku: Another useless night.

Bom: I want peroxide hair and some neon light.

Erik: she wants to be a blonde? Huh, must be a queen thing.

Munku: We’ve got a new life waiting. I can’t wait to begin.

Both: The thing that gets me down being young in this town, that there’s no future in it.

Ruby: Sounds like the whole state of Indiana.

Bom: *stops sing* What happened to your face, Amos? *Giggles* Sorry! Amos is a funny name!

Munku: *ignores this* I told my dad I ain’t workin’ in that H-hole of a factory. And he started beatin’ me.

Bom: he hit you?

Munku: No duh. I mean, ain’t the first time. This tribe’s going crazy. Stir crazy and I’m going with it.

Bom: *singing again* I want a fine perfume. And a blue corvette. If there’s a slower death than liver here and now-

Munku; there ain’t one yet.

Bom: I need a man who knows what I’m really worth! *She tickles him with her tail*

Munku; Got me baby. Well, I don’t’ give a damn-

Jellyorum: Munkustrap!

Munku; sorry, mum! I mean, I don’t give a dang about live after Death but I need some proof that there’s life after birth!

Bom: tire tracks and broken dreams. That’s all I’m leavin’ behind.

Doesn’t matter what they lose it only matters what we find.

Both: Tire tracks and broken hearts, I don’t have a past

So many ways to stay hungry baby. So many ways to go fast.

Bom: I want a push up bra-

Tugger: She doesn’t need one!

*Lanna hits Tugger in the head (hollow echoing sound follows)*

Bom: I want some satin pillows.

Give me some real rich fool. I need some really good sweets.

I want you by my side, and all my own.

Munku: Well, I know what I want about half of being alone and I don’t want to spend another minute alone.

*They climb onto the motor cycle and ride off, while Bom does this little seat dance as you would call it. She’s wearing a short leather skirt for any interested men out there*

Bom: Those good girls never know what they’re missing, but us bad girls almost always do.

Munku: And what we’re missing most are the really good times.

Both: I want them bad and I want them now.

We were born going faster than the limits allow. I want them bad I want ‘em now.

We were going faster than the sped light of light.

Tire tracks and broken hearts, that’s all we’re leaving behind.

Doesn’t matter what we’re losing, it only maters what we’re going to find!

*Both stop singing*

Munku: This town’s to small for us baby. We’ve got to get out of here. I mean, tomorrow! I’ll meet ya here at 6:30 after dark.

Bom: And this time it’d better for real.

Lanna: Candy! You know you’re supposed to do that.

Bom: huh?

Lanna: according to this script, I have to say "You’re not suppose to flirt with a white boy in daylight" But Munku’s a cat and so is Bom and that’s racism!

Ruby: it also proves how stupid people can be about it.

Lanna: True. Are we getting into deep philosophy?

Ruby: What’s that?

Lanna: I take as a no. But Bom, you’d get on home to your family. Now. There’s a real Devil on the loose.

Adult Chorus: *sings* this was a safe area.

Now it’s not.

Danger’s on its way.

Mistoffelees: you comin’ to the Revival meetin’ tomorrow night, or are you an unbeliever?

Jemima: depends. What happens to unbelfers?

Misto: snakes bite them and they die!

Jemima: *gasps* That’s enough to make me a Belfer!

Adult Chorus: *sings* evil can spread out and darken all the day.

Etc: Hey Amos/Munku! Will you take us…?

Ruby: can you take us to the… Rebible meetin’ tomorrow?

Munku: *chuckles* Well, Swallow, what do ya say?

And how come you always turn away from me when I’m talking? We used to talk all the time when we was kittens.

Dem: that’s different!

Etc: it’s cuz we’ve got a secret! A secret only kids know.

Munku: What the secret is that?

Dem: *coldly* The only kind there is. The kind no body tells.

Adult Chorus: *hostility* You gotta be prepared to wrestle.

You gotta be prepared to wrestle with the devil in a heartbeat.

Before the moment has passed.

Or it could be your very last!

Boundaries can’t protect you.

Bolts and locks won’t do their job.

They say he killed and killed.

No mercy and no remorse.

You gotta be prepared to wrestle with the devil

Or it could be your very last.

(Scene changes into the tire where all the kittens are. Next song starts and everyone sings.)

Sillabub: Can it be true?

Electra: well what do you think?

Mungojerrie: does he ‘ave ‘ose big blue eyes?

Jemima: everyone’s whispering back in town.

Rumpleteaser: I ‘et it’s a pack o’ lies!

Pouncival: He’ll really need a bath.

Quaxo: Ya think he can drive?

Ruby: why would a cat need to drive?

Mungo: It’d be great if he was a live.

Jemima and Sillabub: The greatest story ever told!

Tumblebrutus: God, he must be hungry.

Pouncival: Bast, he’s got to be old!

Mungo: he ‘ould ‘et me mum a job or a dress.

Sillabub: he’d make us all confess.

Kitten Chorus: Think of all the things we could do with a miracle of our own.

All the other kittens would be envious.

Wow! Jesus will be on our side.

That’d make us awfully strong.

We’re long over due for a miracle.

Sillabub: The adults might try and hurt him!

We’ll do whatever it takes.

He saved us, now we’ll save him.

We’re all he has, for Everlasting Cat’s sake.

Ruby: he’d stop the teachers hitting us.

The grown ups wouldn’t act so badly.

Pouncival: We’d get more love and attention.

All: much more than we’ve ever had.

Etc: SHH! We gotta keep this secret.

Etc and Ruby: If we don’t screw up, we could save his life then.

This might be that night.

Yes that night that Kittens rule the world.

Munku: kittens ruling the world? For one night that’d be disaster!

Mungo: Not like you, adults have been doing a good job!

Kitten Chorus: This is the night when Kittens rule the world.

Yes, tonight! When kittens rule the world!

We’re long over due for a miracle.

The young are the strong.

The weak will be the first.

Magical flags will be unveiled and demons will be gone.

Innocence reins

When Kittens rule the world.

*They all snake into the barn/car trunk and sit around Macavity, on various piles of hay bales*

Electra: can you tell us a story, dear Jesus?

The walking on the water?

The feed of 5,000?

Etc: The story of Growltiger?

All: Story! Story! Story!

Macavity: Shut up!

Electra: Jesus!

Mac: *rolls eyes* Now anyone heard the story of ol’ Griddlebone?

Tumblebrutus: was that sung at the last ball?

Mac: um… no. But it will be this time. *sings*

She was a fluffy big girl.

She was from around London.

Miss Griddlebone. What a wonder.

70 pounds!

And 6 foot 5 in her bare paws.

Griddlebone.

She could drink and she could fight,

She a tiny white moustache.

She was famous around the sailors.

She was madly in love with a wild actor.

Good Gus.

But Gus never noticed her until a day what a one-day!

When she wore a very special necklace

That proved she was tough and reckless

With a bead for every ear and nose she’d bitten off as the story goes!

*Kittens go Ew! Except for Ruby who goes "sounds like my kind of girl!"*

Mac: The next thing you knew they were married.

The next year she had half a dozen kittens.

They were giants.

By the time they were 6, they were 7 foot 4 in their bare claws.

Jemima: What a wonder!

Mac: They carried Ms. Griddlebone on their shoulders.

She was beaming, like an angel.

Dem: like an angel.

Ruby: with a moustache!

Everyone: *laughing* Cuz she always wore that special necklace

That proved she was tough and reckless

With a bead for every ear and nose she’d bitten off as the story goes

Kitten: And the moral is…?

And the moral is…?

And the moral is…?

Mac: *frustrated* I don’t know!

Sillabub: Oh Jesus, you tell the best stories!

(The kittens, one by one, hug Macavity, with innocent love and Ruby nears strangles him)

Jemima: *singing sweetly* I’ve got a plastic flower so it will never die.

I’ve got a tissue box incase you need to cry.

Electra: I’ve got a pretty collar.

And a mirror too.

Jemima and Lec: I’m never gonna need ‘em. I’ll give ‘em all to you.

I’ll give you all I got to give. I guess that’s my good deed.

Etcetra: I just want to stay beside you. You’re the only love I’ll need.

Tumble: I have a great big cat toy.

Tastes like old cat nip

It brings back the memories

Of my good mother.

Pouncival: *hands Mac a glass jar*

I got a glass of fireflies they make amazing light.

Mungo: I ‘ave a four-leaf clover. I’ll bring it ‘ere tonigh’.

Rumpleteaser: And I will keep ya safe and warm and follow where you lead.

Dem: I’ll never leave your side now.

We’re the only love you need.

Kitten Chorus: No matter what we here.

No matter what they say.

No matter what happens.

We’ll be here to stay.

We can’t deny what we know.

We’re not what we’re not.

We know our love’s forever.

No matter what.

Tom Chorus: No matter what his outrage.

No matter what our crime.

He’s running

Running out of time.

Queen chorus: This was a safe area.

No it’s not. Danger on its way.

Evil can spread out and darken the night.

Adult Chorus: No matter what he’s scheming.

No matter what he’s got.

We’ll tear him limb from limb.

Kittens: if only tears were laughter.

If only dusk was dawn.

No others could love us.

But we still have you.

Adults: You gotta be prepared to wrestle.

Wrestle with the Devil in a heartbeat!

Kittens: when Kittens rule the world!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Macavity: Whew! That was really odd. The script has these weird metaphors.

Munku: I don’t follow the plot…

Ruby: *sighs and rolls her eyes* Swallow finds a man in her barn who claims he’s Jesus but really is a fugitive. Other children think he’s Jesus and don’t tell the grown-ups about it. The adults wanna beat the man to death. But the kids, in their innocence, say they will protect him from everything and the adults in their cynicism and lack of innocence, they say they’ll kill him no matter what. Meanwhile, Amos and candy say they’re going to run away. Clear?

Everyone: No.

Ruby: *sips her coffee* Hmm... What’s in this?

Mistoffelees: Mud, water, and some sugar.

Ruby: Good coffee. Wakes me up for the morning. *long sip*

Jenny: We have a problem.

Bom: What now?

Jenny: You know those lethal snakes for the snake preacher? Well, we couldn’t smuggle them in and I wouldn’t have any how. But now we don’t have snakes. Fortunately, Jellyorum has a solution.

Misto: What are we going to replace them with?

Jellyorum: Fluffy pink bunnies.

(Everyone stares in shock)

Erik: *bursts out laughing* You know, this just figures. After all of this.. the pink.. bunnies! *can’t continue, from laughing so hard*

Ruby: *looking as angry as some one who was just told a scary scene was ruined by pink bunnies* I will not loose my temper… I will not kill anyone…*starts’ turning red enough that it shows under her fur*

*Everyone quickly backs away*

Ruby: ok, that’s it. *grabs the closest object (Mistoffelees) and throws him across the junkyard* Ah, better.

Misto: *admists a pile of smoking debris* Ow. I need a big Band-Aid. A really big Band-Aid.

Lanna: *still cautious* How about we continue with the play and get it over with, shall we?

Everyone: Yes, yes!

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

*As the overture starts playing everyone is rushing around, trying to get everything set up. Ruby’s trying to magic the bunnies into being lethal rabbits, Jellyorum is a bundle of nerves tighter than Rum Tum Tugger’s dance suit, Misto is being repaired, and Gus is just watching not having a clue what is happening but is enjoying the popcorn and the smell of motor oil mixed with catnip.*

Munku: Organized chaos.

*Ok now we can begin. Lanna has stopped drinking all the cocoa*

Lanna: What? I did not!

*I don’t believe you.*

Lanna: Be that way then, you monkey.

*Ok now it begins.*

(Setting: The barn, only two people are in there and it is late at night)

Dem: *wrapping clean cloth around Mac’s wounds* Dear Jesus, have you thought about my mother?

Mac: Wait until I’ve healed. I will do my very best.

Dem: Anythin’ else you’d like, sweet Jesus?

Mac: Yes. A friend left me a package. But it’s too late in the night to go.

Dem: Where?

Mac: You know where Rising Sun is? The package is in the electrical box.

Dem: that’s four miles away! It’d take all night just to get there not to mention gettin’ back.

Mac: Take your dad’s truck.

Dem: and break the 7^th commandment? *in horror*

Mac: you can break laws if there’s a real special reason. *here’s a ringing sound* What’s that?

Dem: It’s Munkuhoney- I mean Amos. I can get him to take me to get that package. Now hide! *covers him up with hay then walks out the barn/trunk* Hey there.

Munku: *pushes a big tricycle along* don’t ask. The motorcycle was stolen so I have a tricycle. But Swalla! I saw a light and I was really hoping it’d be you. *awkward pause* Well, I came to say good bye. I’m leavin’ town tonight, and I wanted to see you one last time. *sings*

They want you to crawl but I want you to dance.

Come with me now…

Well it’s the time to say goodbye.

But if we make a pact, it’s only right to seal it with a kiss. *stops*

Dem: I’ve never kissed a boy before.

Munku: never kissed a queen who’s never kissed before.

Dem: I’m suddenly afraid

Munku: *soothing* Don’t be. Please, before I go, tell me the big secret. I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.

Dem: *quickly* You go first!

Munku: Hey, this line is stupid. I don’t wear any underwear.

Dem: That is stupid.

Munku: I really don’t wear underwear. I usually don’t wear clothes. I’m a Jellicle!

Ruby: That was a bit more information than the kittens wanted to know. Poor Baby didn’t wanna hear that.

Dem: *ignoring that* Sometimes, I hear the trains go by and I want to cry. I dunno why. I never cried when my mother died. I couldn’t, just pretended to. It’s frightening. Twisted every way, what answer can I give-

Erik: Hey! That’s My musical!

Munku: Sometimes I wanna kill myself. Pretending my bikes a red posh and drivin’ 150 miles per hour into a tree. Then nothing. Just the color black.

Dem: I feel like that too! I want to get out…

Munku: *song starts as he sings, ferociously*

When you listen in the night, you can here your heart call.

It doesn’t wait. Can stand it at all.

Why you tremble when we touch, I’ll show you want to do.

Come closer to me, like we’re in the same skin.

I need you with me.

The emptiest words you’ll ever know,

If only, if only it was so.

The loneliest words there’ll ever be,

It couldn’t have been me.

Dem: If only it would be…

It can’t be me. It won’t be me.

Munku: You’ll have to pay for it later if you don’t get it while it’s goin for free.

Believe me.

*gentle, suddenly* So come with me now,

we’ll fly away.

It’ll Heaven or damned if you stay.

Jellyorum: Stop swearing!

Ruby: Americans swear a lot. Look at me. I’m one and I swear a lot.

Dem: *singing* How I wish I could let go…

But I can’t.

Macavity: *on the other side of the hay stack*

When I listen to the night, I hear my plans fall through

One more fight I’ve lost, another I want to win.

Munku: Come with me, we’ll fly away..

Mac: What am I asking her to do?

I’ll kill him if he hurts her!

Munku: There’s a feast waiting for you, and you should really have a taste.

Dem: I think I can finally let go!

All three: A kiss is a terrible thing to waste!

Dem: No, not yet! We gotta keep this kitten friendly.

Erik: What did she mean by that?

Ruby: In the 1950’s, these people had very loose morals on… certain things.

Erik: Oh… *let’s this sink in then it dawns apon him* Oh.

Dem: Amos, take me on your bike. To the Rising Sun bar.

Munku: I’d take you to the Jellicle Moon and back without stopping for fuel.

Dem: Then we’ll make it to the bar in no time!

*Thus, they ride off really fast because their motorcycle was returned from a couple of calicos that shall remain unnamed. (Rumple and Mungo, the Satanists!) And they left the tricycle for the kittens to play with. BUT! Everyone has to go with the lovers*

Everyone: *moans* Ah, man! We gotta go too?

*Yes. They began hitch-hiking and had fun when a hippie van picked them up. Meanwhile, Dem and Munku shout with glee in their adrenaline bike ride*

Dem: SHH! We’re here. *looks both ways and scrambles behind the bar. She opens the electrical box and pulls out a long, think package. She dashes across the road then-*

Munku: Demmy, look out! *pulls her out of the way from a speeding car, that bushes by* Are- are you ok?

Dem: you saved my life… really. Munku, you saved me. I guess.. I owe you one know. *starts to cry*

Munku: then run away with me.

Dem: I can't. Even if this was a play, I couldn't!

Munku: *still thinking this is part of the play* What's the big secret?

Dem: What is I told you Jesus is in our barn? I'm in love, with the Napoleon of Cr-

Lanna: *shines flashlight on them, in their embrace* Don't move! Put your paws in there air! Demeter? What the hell are you doing here in the night? Git in the car. Now. *Dem gets into the car and Lanna shines her flashlight on Munku* Takin' advantage of young woman? Male chauvinist pig! I never want to catch you around here again.

(All 3 get into the car (actually, it's a red wagon) and drive away. Just then, a hippie van pulls up and drops everyone off)

Bom: Thanks for the ride, sweet stuff! *kisses the driver on the cheek*

Hippie: Whoa… man, the vibes form her are.. pshycadelic.

(About everyone has tie dye clothes or something hippie like on them now. The look around and realize that the scene has passed.)

Tugger: Aw, man! I was hoping to catch Lannie.

Pouncival: Well, our ride left. *Van drives away*

(Everyone sticks out their thumb to hitchhike and gets picked up by a bunch of nuns driving at 140 MPH)

(meanwhile, Demeter has been dropped off back home. She is met by Alonzo, playing her father)

Zo: Where the hell have you been to the hour of this night? I swear at my children.

Ruby: My daddy did.

Zo: Look how you turned out. *back to story* Swallow, you’d better-

Dem: I’d better what? I just walked to see those snake preachers but up their tent. They test their faith in God, why is that so bad? *runs off to her room*

Zo: *walks in the house* I just don’t know anymore. She’s growing up, ain’t she, jenny?

Jenny: Young girls do that.

(Back in town, Munku pulls up beside Bombalurina who looks angry)

Bom: I’ve been waitin’ here since 6:30! You ain’t’ goin’ nowhere on that shinny bike, chicken! I’m going to that off ramp paradise. I’m having no regrets. Ok, maybe 1 or two or three.

Ruby; She’ll regret it.

Munku: I gotta find Swallow, I mean Demeter! Something’s wrong.

Bom: I don’t care. You’re a whinny, little wanna-be. Claws on the outside but kitten down on the inside. *slugs him in the head and stomps off to the nearest bar*

Mistoffelees: *lounging on the bar* Oh god, I shouldn’t have drank that….

Erik: I shouldn’t have drunk whatever Ruby got me. She got a free drink, the wench, and now I got a bad taste in my mouth.

Misto: *raises an eyebrow* what?

Erik: Tasted like mud.

Misto: *is able to get back on track, though partly hung over* I saw Munku and Dem in the dark over by the Setting sun.

Erik: They’re taking MY customers now?

Bom: Munku- I mean Amos and Swallow, together?

Misto: Yeah. And Amos is tryin’ to be a hero. Swallow saw a man in her barn. She thinks he’s Jesus.

Bom: the escape killer!

Misto: And he’s got a gun!

(Back in the barn,)

Ruby: I gave my kitten to Jesus, and he let Spider die. He’s just a feller.

Dem: Jesus-

Mac: If Munku tried anything on you, I’d killed him! No matter what! I’ll do anything for you.

Dem: *hands him the package* Tell Poor Baby why you let her kitten die.

Mac: It was Spider’s time to go. *opens the package and reveals a gun*

Ruby: I told you he was just a feller!

Dem: poor Baby! Jesus, he’s just upset.

Mac: remember Ms. Griddlebone and Mr. Gus? *starts singing*

Ol’ Gus went out to the gambling hall. He put his money on the red and his head in his hand.

The ball landed on the red and again and again.

He won 16 times before they had found he’d been dead!

The whole time. He was dead but still a winner.

Ms. Griddlebone but a gun to her head. It was loaded, 16 bullets.

She necklace on when she fired all 16 bullets!

All her sons put her in a coffin and put it a car. It had 16 cylinders.

Then they all went out to the ocean. To see a fallen angel who’s fall been over.

A fallen angel.

Ruby: With a moustache…

Mac: there’s a time when we all gotta go. You start out fast and the end is always slow.

Ruby: You are just a feller. You can’t bring ma back! *runs out and off, and curls up in the pipe, crying*

Dem: Poor Baby, get back here!

Ruby: I asked for a Ball bonfire. I didn’t get one. I asked for answers too. Didn’t git ‘em either. No one knows what they’re talking about, no one has a clue.

Dem: Jesus doesn’t tell. I’ve been thinking, maybe we’re supposed to come up with our own answers.

Ruby: *sniff* No how no way! *runs off again, toward the snake/bunny tent*

Dem: Poor Baby, get back here!

(Scene change into the tent. The hitchhikers had made it back in time and after puking up the contents they hadn’t puked up in the car, they gathered in the tent for the plot thickening scene.)

Victoria: My Everlasting Cat, I’m preaching with pink bunnies.

Erik: *takes a good look at this and bursts out laughing again*

Ruby: I wouldn’t laugh. They’re rabid.

*The nearest rabbit bites a metal bar in half and is foaming at the mouth*

Erik: *stops laughing*

Victoria: *holds up one rabid blood pink bunny, wearing rubber gloves* Y’all know about the Devil. Test your faith. *singing, in a tempting, taunting voice*

Y’all know about the devil, don’t ya?

He’s here among you!

(One by one, different felines hop through the bunnies, many of them make through, but some fall and pretend to die, though they kept giggling through the tickling fur.)

Everyone: Ya gotta be prepared to wrestle with the devil in a heartbeat.

Till he’s cold and dead.

He’s there in the reflections, on the river and the streams.

Jellyorum: he’s anything he wants to be, but never what he seems.

Everyone: The Devil doesn’t rest!

Bom: *pushes everyone aside and takes Victoria’s spot* Y’all know about the Devil, don’t’cha!

He lying and waitin’! And he lies in more ways than one. Everytime he uses you.

That’s when love turns to hate!

*to Munkustrap who appears in the crowd* You gonna save me Amos? One more chance to prove your love?

*Pushes Demeter over and sends Dem sprawling* How about you grew up? Such a stupid gullible girl! A little angel? A little trap! Your secrets out and I don’t care.

Munku: *helps Dem up* I swear I didn’t tell. May I die and burn in-

Jelly: Munku!

Munku: Shut up! This is too important! But I didn’t tell. Oh no, Swallow!

Dem: No, oh no! *crying, for real and runs away*

Bom: The killer’s been here the whole time. He’s up in Demi’s trunk barn. He’s got a gun and he’s not afraid to use it. The killer is strong and yer all too weak!

Lanna: *takes the gun out of her holster and fires it up to get everyone’s attention* Now, we come in for the kill. Bring him and hunt him down. *to Bom* There’s a greyhound bus leavin’ at midnight. I sure as hell you’re on it.

(In the barn, Macavity and Dem, are embraced, both scared)

Dem: they know you’re here! There’s police and Scotland Yard down the road. *sobbing*

Macavity: I gotta run!

Dem: No! I can’t live without you. I need you to stay. I will keep you safe no matter what.

Mac: I’m not who you think I am. *starts the song*

Inside my eyes is the blackness of a beat.

I’m the nature of the beast.

Dem: I’m not afraid, you taught me that

Mac: you fool! Can’t you see? What if I told you that I wounded my hands to get into the hospital to make it easier to escape. And I cut my hands climbing over barbed wire. I was sin prison.

Dem: no!

Mac: I’m sorry but see! Look! It’s the nature of the beast! Look and cry.

Dem: *crying harder* Fine! If you’re not what you must be, then you haven’t a prayer form me. And I… I haven’t got a prayer.

I’ve got nothing….

Mac: *shakes her* No, don’t say that, ever!

So many things in your life that you’re bound to regret. Why didn’t I take it? Why didn’t it come true? Oh, goddess, Demeter! I love you a billion times!

Both: No one’s ever looked at me the way you do… *they passionately kiss long enough that everyone keeps looking at their watches* I will always love you.

Mac: I can’t bring your mother back.

Dem: I know. I don’t care. Just stay, please. I need ya.

(Outside the barn)

Kittens: *each one is glowing in the night’s darkness as they sing more glorified than ever as they join hands* Magical towers rise even higher.

The demons are gone, we are still strong, the night when children rule the world!

When children rule the world.

(The adults arrive and are blinded by the light)

Lanna: holy shit! This wasn’t in the script! They’re glowing in their innocence. *back into character* Git those kids out of the way.

(The barn/car catches on fire as some idiot tosses a flaming torch on it)

Lanna: oh dear. Hey Ruby I think its time to put that fire out. It’s getting uncontrolled.

Ruby: Lanna? Um, I didn’t start it. I don’t stop fires, I usually start them.

Both: *look at each other* We’re in deep shit. *frantically try to put some of the fire out*

Dem: *is suddenly, pushed through the fire, unharmed and out of the barn* No! I have to find him!

(The barn goes up in flames and starts to crumble. Cut to the next scene. It’s the next morning. Christmas Morning. The police and the family and a few others are there. The fire’s out. Zo, ruby, Etc, and Dem wonder into the barn)

Kitten’s voices: *form far off, singing* The cinders are throbbing. The sky is black.

It’s almost too late somehow.

He’s gone away but I know that he’ll be back.

And I hope that’s home by now… I how that he’s home by now. *they stop*

Zo: Sallow, that wasn’t Jesus.

Dem: But how do you know? Do you really know?

Ruby: I prayed for a Christmas bonfire and I got the biggest one of all!

Munku: Swallow- I didn’t tell. I swore. I didn’t.

Dem: I know Amos.

Lanna: not a trace. Not a trace of the killer. *assumes Mac is ok*

Etc: *a breeze ruffles her fur and she bends down to pick up something* wow. Wonder which bird it belonged too. *holds up a golden/white beautiful feather*

(All of a sudden, a big semi truck pulls up and Macavity jumps out)

Mac: Thanks for the ride.

Everyone: Macavity! You’re ok!

Mac: I would assume so. I had a wonderful time in Florida. Two weeks there do wonders for your health-

Pouncival: two weeks?

Mungo: But- you were just- huh?

Mac: Some one wanna explain something. I mean, it’s great down there-

(No on is listening. They all gaze up in the sky in awe as a golden feather lands before Demeter’s paws. The end)

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

(yes it’s true. This was the best product we got. So for some laughs.. ‘ere ya go)

----

(Scene: The snake tent as Ruby/Poor Baby edges her way the front of the crowd)

ruby: Why am I so tall now?

Erik: *stops her* Oh cherie- *attempts to kiss her*

ruby: *screams and runs* AAAHHHH!! *hides in the barn*

Zo: oh dear. The real Poor baby is a 4 foot tall little boy. She thinks she’s the REAL poor Baby and it seems the love potion hasn’t worn off on Erik yet.

----

(Scene: Bom and Munku are singing the Tire Tracks and Broken Hearts song)

Bom: *standing up on the back of the bike* Tire tracks and broken- ahhhh! *gets hit by a tree branch and falls off

-----

(Scene: Dem and Munku are riding to the Rising Sun)

Dem: Faster!

Munku: Uh-oh.. *looks at the gas gauge as the bike comes to a halt* We’re in trouble.

-----

(Scene: Dem falls into the river trying to save the bag of kittens)

Dem: Help!

Ruby: Swallow!

Etc: I can’t see her! Oh no… I really can’t see her!

Ruby: Do you think- *both look at each other and jump in the river to save the really drowning Demeter*

-----

(As the barn catches on fire, a bunch of pink bunnies get lose)

Mac: Oooooww! *comes running out of the barn with a pink bunny lodged onto his feet leaving Demeter inside*

----

(The end scene as everyone looks into the sky with wonder)

Dem: Ow! *falls down as she is hit with a really heavy rock*

Zo: Ow! *falls down since he got hit with a toy firetruck*

Etc: Ow! *falls down for no particular reason*

-----

(Scene: as Macavity and Demeter make their final embrace/kiss)

Ruby: *pops up form behind them* Eeeeeewwwww!

Dem and Mac: *burst out laughing* ruby! You messed us up!

----

(Scene: as the kittens all complain in their home they never get what they want)

Etc: Ok then, I want a sister that don’t snore, and my own room, and a nicer sister-

Ruby: And I don’t want to be called- *hiccups* Oh good one. I messed up the famous line

-----

(Scene: Bom and Munku are singing the Tire Tracks and Broken Hearts song)

Bom: *a little more cautious about standing up* Tire tracks and broken hearts-

Munku and Bom: *scream as they drive off a cliff*