(Cats are all hanging around watching a slasher flick)

CET- Ewwwwwwww,

POUNCE- Don't go into the closet!!!

TUGGER- There she goes---

RUMPLE- YES!!!

MUNGO- Would ya' stop cheerin' for the killer??!

RUMPLE- Why should Oi? As far as Oi'm concerneed killin' stupid 'alf-naked girls is justified by the process of natural selection'. Those who 'ave the intelligence of rocks and $100,000 worth of plastic surgery should be weeded out of the gene poll as quickly as possiable with extreme prejudice!!

TUGGER- But they're nice to look at!

RUMPLE- If they don' 'ave the intelligence to survive a slasher movie they don' deserve ta' be in the sequel, do they?

BOMB- She has a point

POUNCE- I wonder how it ends?

DEM-(not paying attention) They all die except the blonde in the nighty who hacks the monster to bits with and axe but it's not really dead

POUNCE- Wow really?

DEM- Could be, what movie is this?

MUNKU- (reading over a book) Would you all tone it down a little

MUNGO- What are ya' doin' Munku?

MUNKU- I'm reading the parody actors union rules, there has to be somthing in here about making us do three parodies in a row

DANI- (entering) Funny you should mention union rules

MISTO- Why is that?

DANI- We're doing a movie parody of "Craddle Will Rock"

MISTO- I thought that was play

DANI- It was, they made a movie about the play a while ago, which is what we're parodying

DEM- Color me happy.

Even Artists Have To Eat~ Act 1 Movie Theater at dawn

Olive Rumpleton, a young queen in her twenties,

RUMPLE- I 'ope she means 'uman years

DANI- I do

DEM- If she didn't you'd be as old as Old D

skinny and waif-like, slowly wakes up. We see that her blanket is really a theater curtain and she woke up to a news reel being played on the screen behind her. She leaves the theater when a worker approches, chasing her out. Now on the street we see Hazel Demetman, a fiercly commited queen

POUNCE- We should all be commited after doing these parodies

attaching leaflets to a bulliten board. As she moves we see a well dressed man walking who brings us back to Olive

RUMPLE- Song fer' a quarter mister

MAC- What?

RUMPLE- I'll sing ya' a song for a quarter.

VICKY- Hey that's not fair! We have to sing but she gets paid to do it?

MAC- No thank you

We follow Olive down the street as she hums a poplular tune from the day

TUGGER- (singing) Opps I did it again

I played with your heart

got lost in the game

Oh baby baby

DANI- Only off by a couple of decades and NEVER sing Britany Spears in my parody

Now we see Marc Miststein sitting at his piano, trying to compose a song

Misto- (singing) I ain't in steeltown long

I work two days a week

The other five my efforts ain't required

A off camera woman's voice joins him, and fades away

LEC- (off stage) For two days out of seven

Two dollar bills I'm given

POUNCE- They're lucky this takes place during the 30's or two bucks wouldn't buy a tin of cat food

LEC- So I'm just searching along the street

For on those five days it's nice to eat

Everlasting cat, Who said let's eat?

BUSTOPHER- Oh yes let's!!!

DANI- It's part of the song Bustopher

BUSTOPHER- Darn

We now see Jerrie Silvano, a young tom, holding onto the hands of his two kittens

CARB- When's mommy comein' home?

MUNGO- In a coupla days, Churn

CARB- C-H-U-R-N

CET- What's the kitten's name?

MUNGO- Person

BOMB- Not exactly the name I would have gone with but---

CARB- P-E-R-S-O-N

CET- What's the Kittens name??

MUNGO- Antonio, you like it?

CATS- (giggleing)

MUNGO- What's so funny?

VICKY- Just you playing a guys whose supposed to be Italian

DANI- I hate nit-pickers

Bomby Flanagan, director of federal theater project, a sharp, engergetic queen walks to the entrance of the Federal theater building when she in confronted by a tom in a brightly colored beaver costume.

MUNKU- I play Orson Welles for everlasting cats sake!! Why do I have to play a beaver too??

DANI- We don't have enough toms to fill parts we, pwease Munku pwease!!

MUNKU- Fine Fine, but I'm doing this....

CATS- Under protest we know

MUNKU- (as beaver) Are you Bomby Flanagan?

BOMB- Yes Mister....

MUNKU- Beaver! I'm a Beaver

BOMBY- (amused) what can I do for you mister?

MUNKU- Get me a real part for one thing---

DANI- MUNKUSTRAP!!!

MUNKU- Yikes okay okay (back in character) I heard you would be here, I'm a playwright and I have written a Kittens play called "Revolt of the Beavers" I wonder if you would read my script?

BOMB- Of course Mr. Beaver! ( he skates away and we follow Bomby into the buliding)

MUNKU- (pulling off the beaver costume) Finally!

DANI- Oh please you only had to wear it for two minutes.

Tommy Skimshaw, a vaudeville actor is arugeing with Bomby's secrakitty, Rose

SKIMBLE- I'm not a teacher! I'm an entertainer

DEM- And for all those of you who've actully seen Vaudeville, he's using that term losely

OLD D- Hey I like Vaudeville

DEM- Point made

BOMB- What's the problem?

JELLY- Mr. Skimshaw works for the Vaudeville project and is complaining about the pollicy there

SKIMBLE- I'm supposed to tutor two not talents!

QUAXO+RUMPUS- Hey!!

BOMB- Well Mr. Skimshaw we thought that you could intoduce them to Vaudeville, maybe prolong it's life?

VICKY- Which is a very bad thing by the way.

SKIMBLE- Prolong it's life? Vaudeville will be around long after your communists are!

BOMBY- Communists?

MUNKU- Cats aren't Communist! We don't have politics!

DANI- Pretend!

JELLY- Bomby you have a meeting

Mr Skimshaw leaves, and Bomby walks upstairs with Rose following. Now we are back in the Miststein's apartment, he is singing to his wife who just woke up

MISTO-(singing) Go stand on someone elses neck while your takin'

Cut into somebodies throat

POUNCE- This is as bad as that slasher film.

MISTO- For every dream and scheme

Depending on the weather

All through the storm

You've been keeping it warm

The nickel under your paw

LEC- (lying on the bed) Who's singing?

MISTO- Moll, She's starving and thinks she feels a nickel under her foot but when she check's there's nothing there.... you hate it don't you?

DEM- Wow someone's a little self-critical

LEC- I didn't say that! I didn't say anything, I'm not even here. Go to sleep you haven't slept in three days

She disappears, a ghost, Marc leaves his apartment

POUNCE- Another ghosty parody, nobody ever dies with Dani around!

We are now in a theater and a bunch of actors are reheresing Faustus Among them is Munkuson Welles famed director and actor

MUNKU- Finally I get to do Shakespere!

DANI- Faustus was written by Marlow

MUNKU- I hate you

GUS- Cue?

JENNY- Not your line!

GUS- What's my line?

JENNY- Not your's it's Berts

TUGGER- Break time!

MUNKU- What?

TUGGER- 15 minute break, union rules

MUNKU- You wouldn't know the church of the theater if it smacked you in the mouth!

TUGGER- shut up Munkuson or I'll smack you in the mouth

POUNCE- Fight!!Fight!!! Fight!!

VICKY- Jerry Jerry Jerry

TUMBLE- Mungojerrie or Springer?

VICKY- What do you think?

MUNKU- Forget you John

POUNCE- I'm guessing that line was edited for content

DANI- Be prepared for alot of it

MUNKU- You aren't a beliver you're a worker

TUGGER- Darn right and you're not a director, you're a dictator

MUNKU- And YOU are a atheist! Worse yet, you are the mildly faithful, coin in hand to chuck into the collection plate without true belif, lusting after the end of the ceremony

BOMB- Like we lust after the end of parodies

DANI- You're all such pesimists!

POUNCE- Yeah but a pesimist is never disapointed!

MUNKU- You have aboslutely NO respect for the theater!

Through the previous diolouge Munkuson Welles, had left the stage and gone towards the back of the theater

MUNKU- I'm going Jack, Give them a two hour smoke, We'll pick up with the seven deadly sins.

JEM- Wow you're a hot head Munku

DANI- One of the things Orson Welles was known for

BOMB- Just pop 'im a Prozac so we can get on with this

Jack Pounceman, the producer who often works with Welles, and the Countess La Griz watch him storm off

POUNCE- He has his moments--

TUMBLE- (off stage) Jemdra!

JEM- Baby!!

He runs to Jemdra and they embrace next to where the Countess is and fall on the floor making wild passionate love

JELLY- OH MY!!

POUNCE- *cough* They're in love you see.

BOMB- Or in heat--

VERONI- HTML BREAK YOU SEE.

CATS- HALLELUJAH!!! (run off)