DEM: Jeez, why the long break in between parts?

MATT: I had a lot of things going on in my life that would've made it impossible for me to direct. Plus, I was busy auditioning new stage managers.

DEM: Hopefully one that doesn't cater *specifically* to ONE cat!

MATT: But don't worry, Mistoffolees said he'd do his stuff and get me a new stage manager. Ready, Misto?

MISTO: You got it. (pulls his front paws backwards) The greatest magicians have something to learn from Mr. Mistoffolees' conjuring turn! *POOF* (a footlong turkey sub appears)

BUSTOPHER: Sorry, I wanted him to do that.

MATT: MISTO!

MISTO: OK, OK, I'll get it right this time...THE GREATEST MAGICIANS HAVE SOMETHING TO LEARN FROM MR. MISTOFFOLEES' CONJURING TURN! *POOF!*

(Three new cats appear. They are Sadie, Cassandra's goddaughter and new stage manager, Bandersnatch, who assists in the directing and keeps the kittens in line, and Kate, who assists Misto and Tantomile in running the tech board.)

SADIE: So, what are we doing?

BANDERSNATCH: Looks like "The Wiz".

KATE: Gee, ya think?

SADIE: Whatever. *starts scoping out Mistoffolees and the Tugger*

MISTO & TUGGER: Eep.

GRIZ: Let those three drool over Misto and Tugger. I MISS JULIET! *sniff*

MISTO: Don't worry, Griz. I zapped her to a nice warm place.

MATT: You didn't send her to...

MISTO: Nope, sent her to Bermuda.

MATT: Why Bermuda?

MISTO: It was as far away as I could send her without burning out the ol' magical powers.

BANDERSNATCH: But don't we have a parody to finish?

MAC: NO! GIVE ME MORE TIME! I haven't found someone to cover for me yet!

MATT: Well, it's too late now. Besides, one would think you'd be used to the cross-dressing thing.

MAC: Oh, I'll do it, but I won't be too happy about it. And you have to PROMISE me that nothing bad will happen. No anvils...no bowling balls...no bricks...no laser bolts...GOT THAT?!

MATT: (rubbing his ears) LOUD and clear, Macavity.

(So, getting back to our story...we go to the castle of Macavillene, the Wicked Witch of the West. Several background cats are pulling on something and chanting as they pull...)

BACKGROUND CATS: Oh ee oh, we owe

Oh ee oh, we owe...

MATT: WRONG! THAT'S "THE WIZARD OF OZ", NOT "THE WIZ"!

SADIE: Sheesh, easy on the ears!

SKIMBLE: Get used to it, lass.

(Anyhow, one of these flunkies--played by Mungojerrie--whips the other cats as they are pulling.)

MUNGO: Maike waiy! Maike waiy! Maike waiy for the Wicked Witch o' the West...Maike waiy for... MACAVILLENE!

(The background cats pull even harder and we see that it's Macavillene on a rolling throne. She is truly evil, wearing a ratty black dress (with a 'fat person' harness inside), and her throne is covered with carcasses, skulls, what have you...)

MAC: EXCUSE ME! I am a TOM!

MATT: Yeah, but in this parody you're a female!

MAC: Grrrrr...let's get this over with...

(into character) SHUT UP! 'Cause I'm evil with everyone today!!

SADIE: No kiddin'.

MAC: (sings) Now when I wake up in the afternoon

Which it pleases me to do

Don't nobody bring me no bad news

'Cause I wake up already negative

And I've wired up my fuse

So don't nobody bring me no bad news

(stands up)

If we're goin' to be buddies

Better bone up on the rules

'Cause don't nobody bring me no bad news

You can be my best of friends

As opposed to payin' dues

(hits Mungojerrie with his skirt)

But don't you never bring me no bad news

(Macavity is starting to get into this song, and sings in a booming voice, a la Frank N. Furter in "Rocky Tugger")

NO BAD NEWS, NO BAD NEWS

Don't nobody bring me no bad news

Because I'll make you an offer, child

That you cannot refuse

'Cause don't nobody bring me no bad news!

When you're talkin' to me

Don't be cryin' the blues 'cause

And don't nobody bring me no bad news

You can verbalize and vocalize

But just give me the clues 'cause

Don't nobody bring me no bad news!

Bring the message in your head

Or in something you can't lose

But don't you ever bring me no bad news!

(kicks Mungojerrie, which is scripted, but he's so into the song that he kicks Mungo a little too hard)

MUNGO: AAOOWWW! Watch it!

MAC: (still into it) If you're gonna bring me something

Bring me something I can use

But don't nobody bring me no bad news!

No bad news, no bad news

Don't nobody bring me no bad news

No bad news, no bad news

Don't nobody bring me no bad news

Better watch the way you place the words

That you might chance to choose

'Cause don't nobody bring me

Don't nobody bring me

Don't nobody bring me

Don't nobody bring me

Don't nobody bring me

NO....BAD....NEWS!!!!!

'Cause I ain't goin' for it!

POUNCE: Wow, Mac, for a cat who didn't want this part, you sure got into that song!

MAC: SHADDUP! Don't let this get out, OK?

JELLY: Where have I heard THAT before?

(Moving right along...obviously someone didn't get the message because Macavillene gets word that Demothy and her friends are coming to kill her, and Macavillene's stooges couldn't get Demothy's silver slippers. So she summons her winged monkeys--in this case, being played by Mac's henchcats.)

KNUCKLES: Is that you, Boss?

MAC: *sigh* Yes, it is.

KNUCKLES: Hey Big Vito, doesn't Don Macavity look like your Aunt Sophia?

BIG VITO: He kinda does!

MAC: Will you idiots just do the scene?

(So anyway, the head of the winged monkeys--played by Nunzio--comes to Macavillene, and asks what she has planned for him and the other monkeys.)

NUNZIO: So what are you gonna lay on me an' the gang this time?

MAC: Something right up your alley--couple of cats who need straightening out.

NUNZIO: Gotcha. Who?

MAC: A Scarecrow, a Tincat, a Lion, and a little brat named Demothy.

MISTO: Hey, what about me?

MATT: I needed you for the solo dance in "Ease On Down The Road". Technically, you aren't in this thing again until the end.

MISTO: Just my luck.

MATT: Sarcasm detected and not appreciated, Misto.

NUNZIO: A Scarecrow, a Tincat, a Lion, a little brat named Demothy...you don't get along with nobody, do you?

MAC: Oh, shut up, and do as I command and bring them here! When I get my hands on Demothy's silver slippers...all of Oz will kiss my paws! BWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

POUNCE: This isn't much of a stretch for Nunzio, is it?

TUMBLE: Or Macavity for that matter...save the cross-dressing thing.

NUNZIO: (says something in Italian that translates into something unprintable)

(Well, in the interest of time, we'll just say that Macavillene's winged monkeys get the job done and kidnap our four heroes, and Mistoto too. We join them a week later, where they are Macavillene's slaves, along with the other background cats. THe Lion is carrying buckets of water, while Demothy looks the worse for wear...)

DEM: Well, I *HAVE* been captured by Macavity.

MAC: And I'm lovin' every minute of it...that is, except for wearing this stupid costume!

MISTO: (reading ahead in the script) Don't worry, Mac, you'll be out of it REAL soon.

MAC: How so? Lemme read that! (Misto yanks away the script before Macavity can read it.)

(Meanwhile, back ON stage...)

OLD D: Demothy!

DEM: Lion!

OLD D: Are you all right?

DEM: I guess so. What's that old...er, witch got you doin'?

OLD D: Carrying all the water outta this place.

DEM: They got you carryin' water?

OLD D: Little mama, she got me feeling like Gunga Din. You know that lady is so afraid of water she don't even take a bath?

DEM: She doesn't?

OLD D: No. She just sends herself out to be dry cleaned.

(Macavillene enters again, laughing like a madman.)

MAC: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, well, well. I don't remember telling anyone to take five!

DEM: Oh, please, *snort* Mrs. Witch, I haven't seen the Lion since I been here!

MAC: So what? Just get back to work. I want you to scrub the floors, polish the silver, vacuum the rugs, and you DO do windows, don't you? (to the Lion) AND YOU! Get that water out of my sight...(stops and notices something) Demothy, wait! When are you going to give me those LOVELY silver slippers?

POUNCE: I think he's gotten too into the cross-dressing thing.

DEM: I can't.

MAC: I'll give you all my beauty tips!

POUNCE: Yeah, all one of them: "Stick your claws in an electrical socket for a great hairstyle!"

DEM: I'll never take them off!

MAC: GIVE THEM TO ME, YOU LITTLE BRAT!!!!

(Demothy hides behind the Lion, who actually musters up his courage...)

OLD D: Big mama, you know what my owl would say about you?

MAC: Owl? No, what?

OLD D: You're crazy!

MAC: Is that a put-down?

POUNCE: No, THIS is a put down...(Bandersnatch clamps her paw on his mouth before he can say a thing)...MMMMPH!

OLD D: No, your Fatness, it's just a...

MAC: YOUR FATNESS?! For that, I'm going to have your hide!

OLD D: No! I'm an endangered species!

(Demothy looks for something to distract Macavillene)

MAC: This time next year...

JEM: I'll have landed a juicy part

PLATO: 1950 will be my start

ADMETUS: No more carrying spears...

MATT: WRONG SONG! WRONG SHOW! WRONG WRONG WRONG! I thought we were past this inserting songs from other parodies!

POUNCE: Apparently not.

MAC: (hisses and continues his line)...I'm gonna be wearing you!

DEM: You leave my lion alone, you...you... (grabs the water bucket and throws it at Macavillene, hitting her square in the face. She starts to "melt", by pretending to sink into the ground.)

MAC: Look what you've done! You've ruined me! Water--the only thing I'm powerless against! The only thing that could ever destroy me! I'm melting...I'm melting...I'm...(something in his brain clicks and he gets enraged, breaking character)...THROUGH! AND I MEAN IT!!!! I've taken WAY too much abuse in these parodies! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! (throws the costume off, and gathers up the henchcats) AND BY THE WAY, YOU'LL BE HEARING FROM MY LAWYER!!!!! YOU PROMISED NOTHING WOULD HAPPEN THIS TIME, AND HERE I GET DRENCHED, AND BY DEMETER AT THAT!!!! AURGH!!!! (storms off, henchcats in tow)

(The background cats who played Macavillene's slaves all walk on.)

DEM: Oh Everlasting Cat, don't tell me. I've done it again.

OTHER CATS: (sing) HALLELUJAH!

OLD D: What the heck was that?

PLATO: Thanks to you, child, we're all free! HALLELUJAH!

MATT: Great song here, so no one goof it up...

DEM: And I think we'll put a lot of feeling into it since Macavity just stormed out of here!

DEM & BACKGROUND CATS: Everybody rejoice

'Cause there's a reason to rejoice you see

Everybody come out

And let's commence to singing joyfully

Everybody look up

And feel the hope that we've been waiting for

Everybody be glad

Because our silent fear and dread is gone

Freedom, you see

(Demothy and the Lion stand to the side)

BACKGROUND CATS: Has got our hearts singing so joyfully

Just look about

You owe it to yourself to check it out

Can't you feel a brand new day?

Can't you feel a brand new day?

Can't you feel a brand new day?

(The Scarecrow and Tincat enter at this point, and everyone sings)

ALL: Everybody be glad

Because the sun is shining just for us

Everybody wake up

Into morning, into happiness

Hello world!

It's like a different way of living now

Thank you world!

We always knew that we'd be free somehow

In harmony

Let's show the world that we've got liberty

It's such a change

For us to live so independently

Freedom, you see

Has got our hearts singing so joyfully

Just look about

You owe it to yourself to check it out

Can't you feel a brand new day

Can't you feel a brand new day

Can't you feel a brand new day

BRAND NEW DAY!

(Everyone is so into the song that they don't see Macavity and his henchcats re-enter. This time there are two extra henchcats with them. One is wearing a leather suit, and the other is his spoiled rotten girlfriend.)

MAC: Everybody, DON'T rejoice just yet. I said I'd be back with my lawyer, and here he is.

NUNZIO: May I present to you, Macavity's lawyer, my cousin Vinnie.

MATT: Your cousin Vinnie?!

MUNKU: HIS COUSIN VINNIE?!!

VINNIE: Yeah, like the movie. Got a problem with it?

SKIMBLE: No...this is just too coincidental. What's your girlfriend's name, Vinnie? Monalisa?

MONALISA: How'd ya guess?

SKIMBLE: Intuition, I suppose.

MATT: Well, what do you want, other than to kill a perfectly great song?

VINNIE: My client has gone through severe physical and emotional abuse in your parodies, and we aren't gonna let it slide since it's happened so many times. Now, my girlfriend, Monalisa, is an expert on cars, and she can identify the tracks of the tires to the car with which you ran my client, Macavity, over with...

MATT: I never ran Macavity over with a car!

VINNIE: Sorry, sorry, wrong case.

MATT: Look, why don't you take this up with Bandersnatch, and maybe we can settle this out of court. I've got a parody to direct!

(Vinnie does so, and we go on with our story...our heroes make it back to the Emerald City, but they don't get the Wiz. All they hear is his voice, until they see a giant mask. The Scarecrow and Lion turn the crank on the mask and it disappears to reveal a tom wearing pajamas and hair curlers, holding a microphone.)

TUGGER: Hey Vinnie, I may be hiring you soon...

DEM: Have you seen Mr. Wiz?

TUGGER: Uh...no. I haven't, as a matter of fact. The Wiz isn't here right now.

SKIMBLE: Then who are YOU?

TUGGER: Oh, well, I am...um...

OLD D: A fake!

SKIMBLE: A phony!

MUNKU: A fraud!

DEM: And how!

SKIMBLE: And you look just like anybody else in the morning!

(So what happens next? Basically, the Wiz does a whole monologue about how he was a nobody from Omaha who was also a balloon artist, among other things. He got caught in a wind storm and ended up in Oz, and insisted that they wear green glasses which they considered a "miracle".)

OLD D: But wait a minute, Mr. Wiz, there ain't no big miracle about green shades, is there?

TUGGER: The miracle, my friend, is what you allow your eyes to see through them.

*sings*

If you believe

Within your heart you'll know

That no one can change

The path you must go

Believe what you feel

And know you're right because

The time will come around

When you say it's yours

Believe there's a reason to be

Believe you can make time stand still

And know from the moment you try

If you believe, I know you will...

JENNY: Why is it I feel a sense of phoniness when the Tugger is singing this song?

JELLY: Just wait until later when Griz sings it. Then she'll REALLY turn up the diva act.

GRIZ: HEY!

TUGGER: (hisses and continues) Believe in yourself

Right from the start

And you will have brains, and you'll have a heart

And you will have courage

To last your whole life through...

If you believe in yourself

If you believe in yourself

If you believe in yourself

Maybe you can believe in me too.

BANDERSNATCH: And I believe that Vinnie and I have reached a settlement!

VINNIE: We agreed that my client will get the next parody off and he'll get all the catnip and kitty toys he wants.

MATT: B--but...we can't afford that! We have a rather large set for the next parody, which Mac was also going to be in!

VINNIE: Looks like you'll have to return it, huh?

(Macavity is behind him grinning from ear to ear)

VINNIE: My work here is done.

MONALISA: (walking behind him) Now are we gonna have a litter? You said after you won your first case we were gonna have a litter...

POUNCE: And you wonder why *I* fear commitment.

MATT: Let's just finish this off, OK?!

(Needless to say, the Wiz gives the Scarecrow some brains--really stuffing his cap with cereal--the Tincat a heart--a big valentine heart--and the Lion courage--seltzer and whiskey mixed together--and promises to take Demothy home to Kansas with him in his balloon...however there's another dance number which we'll skip and Demothy gets caught up in it, missing the balloon.)

DEM: Mr. Wiz! You left me! Now I'll bet I'll never get home! NEVER!

(A large puff of smoke appears, and it's Jennaperle.)

JENNY: Where am I?

POUNCE: In a parody that is taking FOREVER to finish.

DEM: JENNAPERLE!!!

JENNY: Demothy! Demothy! Baby! (notices the other cats) How come you joined the circus, child?

DEM: No, they're my friends. They came with me to see the Wiz, too.

JENNY: Oh, you saw him?

DEM: Yeah.

JENNY: And you got what you wanted?

DEM: Well, THEY did. But I still haven't gotten home to Kansas yet.

JENNY: Oh, I thought maybe this was Kansas.

DEM: No.

JENNY: Well, listen! Now how about Grizda? She ought to be able to think of something.

DEM: Who?

JENNY: I told you about my sister Grizda. The Good Witch of the South. She's the prettiest of all us witches. Takes after me.

MUNKU: Where can we find her?

(Jennaperle waves her magic hankie and soon we see the glamorous Grizda. She makes a VERY flamboyant entrance.)

TUGGER: Of course...of course...

JENNY: Grizda! Grizda! Grizda! It's me, Jennaperle!

GRIZ: JENNAPERLE! (they kiss)

JENNY: You sure know how to get down.

GRIZ: Well, it may be so, but it's costing me a fortune to do it.

MATT: Kind of like how it's costing me a fortune to repay Macavity for "physical and mental anguish".

(Anyhow, there's more dialogue here, and Grizda tells Demothy how she can go home...)

TUGGER: Oh boy, here we go with the diva song.

GRIZ: (sings) If you believe, within your heart you'll know

That no one can change

The path that you must go

Believe that you can go home

Believe that you can float on air

Then click your heels three times

If you believe, then you'll be here

(Demothy, the Scarecrow, the Tincat, and the Lion begin to tear up, as well as the cats watching from the side)

GRIZ: (continuing) Believe in yourself, right from the start

Believe in the magic that's inside your heart

Believe all these things

Not because I told you to

But believe in yourself

If you believe in yourself

Just believe in yourself

As I believe in you.

SADIE: That was *sniff* beautiful.

GRIZ: I think I'm gonna like her...

(Grizda is lifted up by her followers...well, really it's Coricopat and Plato pulling on suspension wires...as is Jennaperle.)

GRIZ: C'mon, Jennaperle, we got a lot of catchin' up to do.

JENNY: What a way to go! Old Jennaperle flyin' first class again! Good-bye, Demothy!

DEM: Bye, Jennaperle!

JENNY: Bye, baby! (they take off)

DEM: You mean that's all there ever was to it? Just clickin' my heels three times and I'm home?

OLD D: Ain't that something, little mama? I guess it's about time for you to go, huh? (he hugs Demothy)

BACKSTAGE CATS: Awwwwww.

SKIMBLE: You could've gone back before you even met me.

MUNKU: Yeah, before you got tied up with any of us. Honey, what a shame.

DEM: No! It wasn't a shame! 'Cause if I'd gone back...I'd never have seen you get your brains, and I'd never known whether you got your heart...and you...(starts to cry and hugs the Lion)

OLD D: Demothy, do you really have to go?

SKIMBLE: Well, logically, even if she did go, if you kept the silver slippers, you could come back any time you wanted to!

BOMB: You mean she'd have to do this parody over and over again? Perish the thought!

MATT: Way to spoil the moment, Bomb.

DEM: And I will, Scarecrow. I promise, I'll come back...but right now, don't you see... (begins to sing)

When I think of home, I think of a place

Where there's love overflowing

I wish I was home, I wish I was back there

With all the things I've been knowing

Wind that makes the tall grass bend into leaning

Suddenly the raindrops that fall have a meaning

Sprinkling the scene, makes it all clean

Maybe there's a chance for me to go back

Now that I have some direction

It sure would nice to be back home

Where there's love and affection

(The other cats start crying again, even Macavity and Vinnie.)

DEM: (continuing, her ego inflating by the minute) And just maybe I can convince time to slow up

Giving me enough time in my life to grow up

Time, be my friend, let me start again...

(The Scarecrow, Tincat, and Lion all exit, but go in the wrong direction and crash into one another. They finally get it right and walk off the stage.)

DEM: (continuing) Suddenly my world's gone and changed its face

But I still know where I'm going

I have had my mind spun around in space

And yet I've watched it growing

And if you're listening, Everlasting Cat, please don't make it hard

To know if we should believe the things we see

Tell us, should we try to stay, should we turn and run away

Or would it be better just to let things be?

Living here in this brand new world might be a fantasy

But it taught me to love, so it's real, real, real to me

And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts to find

A world full of love

Like yours, like mine...

(she clicks her heels three times)

LIKE HOME!

(Mistoto runs back onstage and pounces on Demeter, bowling her over as the lights black out.)

DEMETER: Watch it next time, Misto!

MISTO: Sorry. Guess I overdid it again.

MATT: Note to self--never cast Misto as a dog again.

VINNIE: (in tears) Matt, that was beauty-ful.

MATT: So you're retracting the lawsuit?

VINNIE: Heck no! Our settlement still stands! And besides, it gives YOU the opportunity to be a bit more creative in the next parody anyway! See ya 'round, pal! (gets in a convertible with Monalisa and speeds off)

MATT: Personal injury lawyers. Sheesh!

*THE END*

VERONI: (wanders in) Yipes. That didn't look good.

MAC: (lounging happilly) Depends on what you mean by "good". It was fine for me... Matt on the other paw....

VERONI: Oh no. No! No! No! Mac, you didn't.

MAC: (nods happilly) Good ol' legal system.

VERONI: (pouts then thinks for a moment) Wait... have you gotten the bill yet?

MAC: As in duck bill?

VERONI: As in money! Your crack-shot lawyer's probably gonna want some money comin' his way.

MAC: Even if he's Nunzio's family?

VERONI: Doesn't matter. (hands him a rather long piece of paper) I caught Vinnie on the way out. THIS was for you.

MAC: (eyes bug out)

VERONI: Oooooo. Look at all the zeros after that nine.

MAC: Shaddap.