POUNCE- (comes running out from one of the rooms)AAAAAHHHH! MY EYES MY EYES!! AHHHHH!!!

MISTO- What?? What??

MUNGO- (runs out from the back room smoothing his fur, holding onto his pants and blushing profusely)

RUMPLE- (runs out pulling her costume on) Don' ya' knock?

POUNCE- Well I didn't think you two would be dancing the horizontal tango!!

JENNY- Well I never! In a place with kittens present! Kids could be reading the parody!!!

MISTO- Hey Mungo, your shirt's on backward

MUNGO- (Laughs nervously)

JEM- Hey Jenny what's the horizontal----

JENNY- SEE what YOU did!!

RUMPLE- 'Ey, it was romantic song!

DANI- What's going on? Why is everyone back so early?

BOMB- Mungo and Rumple were--- ( Jenny covers her mouth)

JENNY- Let's just get on with the parody before the kittens are scared for life!!

DANI- Uhm...okey, Places everyone!!

TUGGER- Thanks alot Jenny.

(To recap, Milky-white just died as the baker and his wife had just needed one more object to lift the spell, the baker gives the remaining bean to his wife and tells her he'll find another cow if she'll find the shoe. The clock starts to strike the second midnight)

GRIZ- TWO MIDNIGHTS GONE!

BOMB- (runs by) wanting a ball is not wanting a Prince!

TUGGER- (follows her) Near is better then far but still isn't there

ALONZO- (echo) near is better then far but still isn't there

JEM- Great it's totally use-less advice time again.

BOMB- The ball---

TUGGER- So near!

ALONZO- So far!

JENNY- You can never love somebody else's kitten---

LEC+CET- Two midnights gone!

JENNY- The way you love

ALONZO- So far!!

JENNY- Your own!

JEM- The greatist prize can often lie at the end of the thorniest path!

ALL- TWO MIDNIGHTS GONE

TWO MIDNIGHTS GONE!!

(The cast clears the stage and Griz drags Cass across to center, the witch had found out about the Prince visting Caspunzel)

GRIZ- What did I clearly say?

Children must listen!

CASS- No no please!

GRIZ- What were you not to do?

Children must see!

DEM- This is not positive reinforcement

CET- At least Cass gets lines now insted of just "ah-ah-ah-ah"

CASS- NO!

GRIZ- And learn!

Why could you not obey?

Children should listen

What have I been to you?

what would you have me be?

Handsome like a Prince??

POUNCE- Is Griz gonna cross dress now, because I'd like to be elsewhere---

GRIZ- Ahhh But I am old

I am ugly

CATS- (start cracking up)

GRIZ- (glares at them)

POUNCE- Again we go with the " You said it, not us" defense.

GRIZ- I embaress you!

CASS- NO!

GRIZ- You are ashamed of me!

You are ashamed

CASS- I was lonely in that tower... heck all I had to do was brush my fur!

DANI- That's not in the script!!!

CASS-It should have been, it's a pretty dumb hobby

DANI- Fine fine, I give up! ( grabs her headphones and listens to the Buffy CD she borrowed from Kel)

MISTO- Hey she's not listening!! Quick RUN!!

DANI- Uhm Misto, the volume is only turned up to 4 so I can still hear all your nice little dialogue

MISTO- Darn.

GRIZ- Was I not company enough?

CASS- I am no longer a kitten! I wish to see the world!!

GRIZ- Don't you know what's out there in the world?

Someone has to shield you from the world

Stay with me!

Princes wait there in the world it's true,

Princes yes but wolves and and humans too!

Stay at home

I am home

Who out there could love you more then I?

What's out there can I not supply

Stay with me

stay with me

MUNKU- Caspunzel refuses to stay with the witch, who chops off Caspunzel's long fur and banishes her to the desert

POUNCE- Ohhh dessert yummm

DANI- DES-ERT, fuzbrain

POUNCE- Opps my bad

DANI- You're as bad as Bustopher.

MUNKU- Caspunzel's Prince, trying to escape the looney sorceress, falls and is blinded by bramble and thorns.

ALONZO- BOMBS AWAY ( jumps out from the tower and lands in the bramble) OWWWWW

DANI- Oh please Lonz, it's just a bunch of fake weeds!

ALONZO- Owww, these aren't fake!!( motions to the thorns sticking all over him) I look like a cactus!

DANI- Aghhh great what else could go wrong??! *sigh* Medic?

(George, Bill Bailey, and Plato come out and load Alonzo onto a streacher)

DANI- Get him back by his next part!!

GEORGE- Gotcha!

MUNKU- Well now that that was botched up pretty well, Jack, returning from a second trip up the beanstalk, encounters Red Jemmy Hood.He shows her the golding egg from the magic hen and tells her about the pollicles in the sky. Red Jemmy Hood is skeptical.

LEC- Ha, who wouldn't be? I'd be calling the men in white coats and telling them Misto's gone bughouse.

MUNKU- She dares him to go get the harp--- which of coures he preceds to do. Bombarella hobbles on, clearly wearing only one shoe.

BOMB-(sits down in the middle of the stage)

He's a very smart prince,

He's a prince who prepares

knowing this time I'd run from him

He spread pitch on the stairs

DEM- So every single guests get caught on his steps like fly paper, nice idea Tugger.

TUGGER- HEY I didn't write it!

BOMB- I was caught unawares,

and thought...well he cares

POUNCE- Nothing says " I love you" more then gunking up someone's shoes.

BOMB- this is more then just malice

better stop and take stock while

your standing here stuck on the steps of the palace

You think, what do you want?

You think make a desicion

Why not stay and get caught?

You think well it's a thought

What would be his response?

But then if he knew who you were

when you know that you're not what he thinks that he wants

CATS- Okeeey---

POUNCE- What'd she say?

BOMB- Then what if you are

What a Prince would envision?

Although how could you know who you are 'till you know what you want

which you don't

So then which do you pick?

Where you're safe out of sight

And yourself, but where everythings wrong

POUNCE- Like in a parody!

BOMB-Or where everythings right

and you know you'll never belong

And whichever you pick do it quick

'cause your starting to stick

to the steps of the palace

There's alot that's at stake

but you've stalled long enough

'Cause your still standing here stuck in the stuff on the steps

Better run along home

and avoid the collision

MISTO- How exactly do you do that if you have tar saturated shoes?

BOMB-even though they don't care

You'll be better off there where there's nothing to chose and there's nothing to loose

So you pry up your shoes!!!

Then out of the blue

and without any guide

You know what your desicion is

which is not to decide!

SKIMBLE- This lass should really learn how ta' make up her mind!

BOMB-You just leave him a clue---

for example a shoe

And then see what he'll do

Now it's he and not you who is stuck with the shoe

In a stew

in the goo...

And you've learned somthing too

something you never knew

On the steps of the PAAAAALLLLLLAAAACCCEEEE!!!! ( stands back up and starts to leave as Rumple enters)

RUMPLE- Oh 'ello! Back from another ball?

BOMB- Hey! Stay back! I am not giving you my shoes!

RUMPLE- I need your shoe to have a kitten!!!!

BOMB- (raises a eyebrow) Uh-huh---

RUMPLE- I'll give you a magic bean for it!!

BOMB-(interested) A magic bean? Nah! ( throws it away)

LEC- At least someone in this play isn't stupid

JEM- Uh Lec, that was a magic bean and that means a beanstalk will grow from it and...

DANI- HEY!!! ( shoves a lollipop in her mouth) Kittens say the darndest things

SKIMBLE- I can't belive i have to play the steward, ( from behind the trees) Your Majesty Sir there's somthin' in the glade there!

BOMB- AGH it's the steward and the Prince!! I can't run in these!!

RUMPLE- 'ere take my shoes you'll run faster!

BOMB- Thanks!! ( tosses her Golden slipper to her) You can have this (runs)

POUNCE- She just should have tried that first!

RUMPLE- YES!!

SKIMBLE- (coming into the glade) I'll take that! (takes the shoe)

RUMPLE- NO!!!

TUGGER- Where did you get that shoe?

RUMPLE- ( bowing) a young maiden in a ball gown your majesty!!

TUGGER- Which way did she go?

RUMPLE- (points the opposite directions from where Bombarella really went) She went thataway.

TUGGER- Thank you, ( runs off and the steward leaves the shoe)

RUMPLE- YES!!!! ( grabs the shoe and runs off)

MUNKU- Suddenly a tremendous THUMP is heard which reverberates throgh the forest. There is a dead Pollicle in Jack's back yard---

CATS- Ewwwwww

MAC- Now that's one thing that's hard to get out of the carpet

DANI- And how would you know this?

MAC- No reason, No reason at allll---

MUNKU- The pollicle had tried to follow Jack down the beanstalk but the tom had choped it down. Elsewhere, the baker now returns with another cow, which appears as white as milk, but is really made to look that way using flour.The witch tells the couple to fetch the dead cow---

DEM- Ewww nasty, what are you going to do with a two day dead cow?

POUNCE- Get it a boquet and take it out for a nice dinner?

DANI- You're deranged

POUNCE- Thanks.

MUNKU- The witch brings the cow back to life and they feed it the items. It still doesn't give milk.

MUNGO- What 'appened?

GRIZ- You did somthing wrong!

RUMPLE- Us?

MUNGO- We got what you needed!

GRIZ- The fur..... where did you get the fur?

RUMPLE- Pulled it from a maiden in a tower why?

GRIZ- I TOUCHED THAT FUR!! I CAN'T TOUCH THE INGREDIENTS!!

MUNGO- You could 'ave told us that!!!

JEM- Oh No! That would be way to easy and save us time!

DANI- You are now abusing sarcasm.

(Luckily the mysterious tom comes to the rescue and tells them to feed the cow corn silks. The witch reveals the the mysterious tom is really the bakers father)

DEM- What is this, a fairy tale soap opera?

(But as the cow gives milk the mysterious tom who, having fufilled his purpose in of helping his son out keels over and dies)

MUNKU- ( walking around the stage) Aghh ahhhh aghhhh Errrrr agghhh eeee urggghhh

DANI- Die already!!!

MUNKU- (falls over) Urgh

DANI- Thank you! Now get into the narrator costume!!

MUNKU- (after a quick costume change) The witch drinks the potion returning her to her former beauty

(the stage is filled with smoke and flashing lights and where Griz once stood, Dem replaces her)

DEM- OOOOooooohhhhh!!!

MUNKU- But looses her powers

DEM- (snaps her fingers in a "Darn" gesture)

MUNKU- The baker wife becomes pregnent, thanks to some nifty padding

RUMPLE- Hey Mungo love do Oi look loike Oi'm 'aven a kitten?

MUNGO- *gulp* To much!!

BOMB- Toms! Always a afraid of commitment.

MUNKU- A now wealthy Jack is reunited with Milky-white, Bombarella marries the Prince, Caspunzel discovers her prince wandering around in the desert and restores his sight with her tears, on the other hand Lecrinda and Cetrinda are blinded by pigeons for their mean, wicked and pretty much just plain naughty ways.

LEC- ( wearing dark glasses) We weren't that bad!!

CET- (wearing the same glasses) I can't see you Tugger!! Where are you??

TUGGER- Hey, can we keep them this way?

MUNKU- And everyone got what the deserved

MISTO- I feel a song coming on---

DANI- Yeppers!!

MISTO- I hate being right.

BOMB- I never thought I'd wed a prince

TUGGER- I didn't think I'd find perfection

BOMB,TUGGER,MUNGO+RUMPLE- I didn't think I could be so happy

MUNKU- And it came to pass that all wrongs were righted, the kingdom was filled with joy and happiness, and those who deserved it were sure to live a long and happy life, Ever after

ALL- Ever after!

MUNKU- Journey over

POUNCE- Really???????

DANI- No, we still have to do the second act

MISTO- But he said---

DANI- He lied

MUNKU- Thanks Dani

DANI- No problem, always willing to turn the blame.

MUNKU- All is mended

but not just for today

but tommorow and extended

ever after

ALL- Ever After

MUNKU- all the curses have been mended

the reverses wiped away

All is tenderness and laughter

ever after

SKIMBLE- Or at least untill the next parody

ALL- Happy now and happy hence

and happy ever after

MUNKU-There were dangers

ALL- We were frightened

MUNKU- And confusions

ALL- But we hid it

MUNKU- Insane directors

ALL- But we put up with them

DANI- HEY!! THAT IS DEFINATLY NOT THE LINE!

ALL- And we reached the right conclusions and we got what we deserve!

LEC- I was greedy

CET-I was vain

LEC- I was haughty

CET- I was smug

LEC- It was fun

CET- We were happy

LEC- But we were blind

BOTH- We went into the woods to get our wish and now we're really blind!

DEM- I was perfect, I had everything but beauty

I had power

I had a daughter like a flower

In a tower

Went into the woods to get my wish and now I'm ordenairy!

Lost my power and my flower

LEC,CET+DEM- Unhappy now Unhappy hence, Unhappy ever after

TUGGER- Complain complain complain.

ALL- Go into the woods were nothings clear,

where witches ghosts and wolves appear,

into the woods and through the fear

You have to take the journey

Into the woods to

lift the spell

Into the woods to loose the longing

MUNGO+RUMPLE- Ta' 'ave a kitten

BOMB- To wed a prince

MISTO- To get the money

JELLY- To save the house

ALL- To kill the wolf

to find the father

to conquer the kingdom

to have,

to keep,

to get---

CASS- Again we're just tossing out verbs.

ALL- to bring

BOMB- To go to the festivel!

ALL- Into the woods and out of the woods---

MUNKU- To be continued!

ALL- And HAPPY EVER AFTER!!

( beanstalk starts growing up behind the cast and curtain closes)

CATS- (collapse onto the stage breathing hard)

DANI- Nice job

TUGGER- *gasp* Inter... *gasp* mission?

DANI- Yep, ten minutes! GO

CATS- (scramble off the stage and RUN)