Disclaimer: Ok it's a crossover to Monty Python's A Quest for the Holy Grail and I don't want to infringe copyrights because then I'll have a cow catapulted at me. There.

King Arthur- Munkustrap

Arthur’s Servant (and horse)- Macavity

Sir Lancelot- Alonzo

Sir Robin- Mungojerrie

Sir Smart Guy- Skimbleshanks

Sir Really Groovy- Rum Tum Tugger

(Will not be appearing) Sir Monkey boy- Carbucketty

Narrator- Quaxo

Magician Tim- Mistoffelees

Main Minstrel: Tumblebrutus

Various other extras and people who smack each other as they turn the pages- any other original cats from the Junkyard that I was able to kidnap

Author- The village idiot and undertaker

The village idiot- RubyFire

French Guard/guy who bugs about Copyrights/Author’s right-hand man- Erik (AKA the Phantom)

Sound board and Censor- Jellyorum

Other French Guards: Psychopaths.

Psychopaths: Johnny (from the Shinning), RubyFire (the author), Sweeny Todd (From Sweeny Todd the demon barber of Elm Street) Carrie (from Carrie), and other various crazed serial killers.

Famous Historian: Old Deuteronomy

Evil dragon: Jemima dressed in a costume

Evil bunny rabbit: The Cadbury Bunny

Munkustrap: I don’t trust Ruby… no. Not this time.

Macavity: Well atleast I’m not bad guy this time.

Quaxo: aha. I get to play the narrator.

Munku: *whispering* Do you see who else is in the script?

Quaxo: Oh no…

Author: Great! Everyone’s here! Now every one don’t worry. This time, no dies a suffering death. Arrested, battered, heads cut off and painless deaths but no one suffers… too much.

Erik: Can I ask why I am dressed like a Spanish conquistador?

JennyAnyDots: Have you ever seen a French one?

Everyone: No. Nopers. Let’s get this over with.

(Setting is Medieval England, in the dark ages, during the real King Arthur’s time... Er or pretend to be anyway.)

Quaxo: King Munkustrap was a brave and daring man. He rode across the plains of fog and smoke to ask other kings if they would join his kingdom. He rode up- Wait a second! We don’t have horses!

Author: I know

Munkustrap: (skips along, acting like he’s riding a horse, while Macavity knocks two coconuts together. He comes up a big castle.) You there! Go and find your master and tell him King Munkustrap wants to talk to him.

Electra: (dressed as a guard) What’ca want?

Munku: I want to know if he wants to join my court in Camelot.

Electra: You don’t have a horse!

Munku: So?

Electra: He’s banging two coconuts together! That’s stupid. Where’d ya get the coconuts?

Munku: It doesn’t matter! We just found them.

Electra: You found them? That’s impossible. We’re in Europe. This is a Temperate Zone.

Munku: So?

Electra: it’s cold for coconuts to grow, you dumb wit!

Munku: Maybe they migrate. Like the swallow.

Electra: No way! Coconuts don’t migrate, you stupid bitch!

Jellyorum: Electra! Now I have to use my soundboard! Bad girl, no pizza for a week.

Electra: But mommy! (Pouts for a moment) Maybe the swallow carried the coconut.

Macavity: But the weight ratio of the swallows wing beat and the weight of the coconut, the swallow would have to beat it’s wings exactly 56 times a second to carry a coconut from Africa to England.

Electra: unless it was an African swallow! But they don’t migrate do they.

Macavity: Maybe two swallows carried it-

Munku: Would you both just SHUT UP?!

Electra: (not listening) 2 swallows couldn’t because they couldn’t grab the husk.

Quaxo: And so continued Electra on her thoughts of the weight ratio as Munkustrap and Macavity sneaked by into the… dirty castled in area of the kingdom.

Author: (dressed like an undertaker, pushing a cart with corpses piled onto it, and ringing a bell.) Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

Plato: (has Gus draped over his shoulder) Here ya go.

Gus: I’m not dead! I’m getting better

Author: I heard him, I can’t take him.

Plato: Come on, he’ll be dead in a minute. Just wait.

Author: I’m busy. I still gotta get around the city and direct this {blocked out word from soundboard} script! I’ll be back around by next Monday. He’ll be dead then.

Gus: I am getting better! I won’t die!

Plato: How much will ya take? I need to get this guy off my hands.

Gus: You monkey! I will not die! I am a famous actor who’ll-

Author: (takes her heavy bell and hits Gus over the head, rendering him unconscious, then puts him onto her cart) Right then, see you next Monday.

Quaxo: At that moment, Munkustrap and Macavity rode by, and the villagers, including the undertaker and Plato, gave them strange and funny look.

Plato: Who was ‘at?

Author: Must’ve been a king. Cuz ‘e’s not covered in shit.

Jelly: Ruby!

Author: oh shut up! (continues to ring her bell and calling out for the dead)

Quaxo: Er, anyway. The King Munkustrap and his faithful servant, Macavity, .. rode… through the city where as they came and gazed apon a witch trial in the process. Actually, it was a bunch of ignorant Jellicles who had dressed Victoria up and claimed she was a witch before the smart Mr. Smart Guy, a.k.a. Skimbleshanks.

Victoria: I AM NOT A WITCH! They dressed me up like this.

Skimbleshanks: (to the ignorant Jellicle/Villagers) did you?

Pouncival: No! (pause) Ok, we did the nose. (pause) And the hat.. and the clothes.)

Skimble: So do you have any proof she’s a witch?

Pounce: She turned me into a toad! (Everyone looks at him like he’s crazy.) Well, I got better. But she’s still a witch! And we burn her!

Various Queens: Yeah!

Skimble: I need proof. Now, what are witches made of that make them burn? (Confused cats look at him strangely) What else do we burn?

Everyone: more witches!

Skimble: That wasn’t what I was looking for.

Pounce: Wood?

Skimble: Very good! Wood also floats in the water. What else floats in the water.

(Everyone thinks very hard)

Pounce: Tiny rocks? Pencils? Monkeys? Paper?

Munkustrap: A duck.

Skimble: Very good. Now, what are we going to do with a duck, which has to do with Victoria being made out of wood?

Pounce: Making a bridge out of her?

Skimble: No. We’ll see if she weighs the same as a duck, and then if she weighs the same, she’s made of wood, there for she’s a witch.

Pounce: I knew that!

Quaxo: And so, they put Victoria one the scale and a stuffed duck on the other find she weighed the same. Screaming that she was innocent, the white-ish cat was taken away by the crazed, bloodthirsty villagers. Meanwhile, Munkustrap approached Skimbleshanks.

Munku: You have proven your knowledge, Mr. Smart Guy. Will you join me in my court at Camelot where your knowledge will be more appreciated and you will get better wages.

Skimble: Ok.

Munku: I dub thee Sir Smart Guy Skimbleshanks in the court of Camelot.

Skimble: Ok.

Quaxo: And so they... rode off on their invisible horses as their servants clashed coconuts, until they came apon a big bridge. There was a big fight scene where some dude in black armor beat up and cut off the head of the dude in white armor. There was a lot of blood and fake special effects and then the fight was over. King Munkustrap approached the Black Knight.

Munku: Oh Black Knight, I’ve seen you fight and deem worthy of becoming a knight of my court in Camelot. Will you join us. (Gets no response.) You sure? Well, then I will pass you and go across thy bridge and be on my way.

Black Knight: No crosses my bridge. Now, prepare to meet thy doom! (takes out sword and tries to attack Munkustrap)

Munku: (easily blacks the blow, spins around and cuts off the Knight’s arm) Now you are defeated. Let us pass.

Knight: No way you yellow belied Pollicle! It’s a mere scratched.

Munku: I just cut off your arm!

Knight: Merely a flesh wound.

Munku: (lunges and cuts off, both legs and the other arm.) Now go away and let us pass.

Knight: Come back here you [exciplt blocked out by censor’s soundboard], I’ll bite your legs off! Chicken aren’t you. You’re afraid of me!

Quaxo: (looks worried) I am very afraid of the author, now. Anyway, King Munkustrap/Arthur traveled all over England and collected very cool knights in semi-shinning armor. These would include: Sir Alonzo, the brave. Sir Rum Tum Tugger the really groovy, Sir Mungojerrie the not-as brave as Alonzo, who nearly stood up to thew chicken of evil, who nearly poked himself with a knife in the kitchens, and almost wet himself personally at the Battle of Endor.

Mungojerrie: Endor?

Author: My script, I’ll put Star Wars in there if I want.

Quaxo: And there’s Sir Monkey Boy, Carbucketty but he’s not appearing because we couldn’t find him, or my brother Mistoffelees. (grins thinking at his secret plot to bring the downfall of his brother, which is already in action.)

Author: Now he’s evil. (sigh) I’m in love…

Erik: (scowls and pulls Ruby back) Mine. I don’t care if I hate your guts. I’m possessive.

Author: Oh go take a cold shower!

Quaxo: (warily, scooting as far away from Ruby and Erik as possible... then returns to the story.) Anyway, as the knights reached Camelot! The great and beautiful stone castle. The great Camelot!

Munku: Home!

Macavity: It’s only a model…

Munku: (scowls at Macavity) Anyway, now we can relax my knights and feats at the round table.

Quaxo: Suddenly the king had terrible images of the knights singing and dancing on the tables doing the can-can and kicking chickens around and drinking all of his catnip

Author: Actually there’s a whole song and dance thing in the move but I don’t want to type it up.

Munku: (changes his mind about going to Camelot) No, let us go on. Camelot is just a silly place.

Quaxo: Then, the clouds parted and a holy being of Devin light and holiness appeared. It was the great Everlasting cat. Ok, so it was really Demeter put into a gauzy outfit, but that’s the effect

Munku: Ok great and beautiful goddess, I am not worthy of to look at you-

Demeter: Cut the crap! I gotta job for you.

Munku: I’m not worthy my lovely demmy- I mean my Goddess, but I’ll do it.

Demeter: Being a holy being and all that jazz gets boring. And I don’t have any yarn to play with. Go and find the Magic, Holy Yarn Ball. There, and in return... um... the weather in Camelot will be perfect.

Quaxo: And so the knights went onto their quest for the magical yarn ball.

Alonzo: Man, this stink! All this searching because Munkustrap’s girlfriend had to ask!

Quaxo: As we come to the next scene, it is that King Munkustrap, his knights, and few servants, and "invisible" horses have all stumbled across a huge castle in a small forest. (raises an evil) How could they miss something that size?!

Jelly: No put downs, honey.

Munku: (calls up to the guards high in the castle) Hello! We come in peace!

Erik: (dressed as Spanish/French conquistador) ‘ello, ‘ello! What do you guys want?

Munku: We come to speak to your master of this castle. We invite him to join the quest for the Holy Magical yarn Ball. He should consider it a great honor to join us.

Erik: Um.. (thinks quickly) No, he doesn’t want. I think he’s already got one. (Leans over to the other psychopaths and whispers.) I told him we have one.

Psychopaths: (giggle and snort)

Munku: What?! Well, can we come up and see it?

Erik: No way! You’re British! This is a French castle.

Sir Skimble: What’s a French castle doing in England?

Erik: Go away you sons of a silly person! You’ll never get up ‘ere! Your mother was a toad and father was a prostitute-

Jelly: Erik!

Erik: Shut up! (tosses a bucket of molded milk at her) Now you knights, leave now or I will have to be violent! (Gives them a raspberry) Yuck.

Author: Yeah! Get out or I’ll have sing country!

Everyone: (screams in utter terror)

Author: Oh jeez, I feel loved.

Munku: Well men, if they won’t open by negotiation, then we’ll go by force. CHARGE! (Munkustrap and his men run toward the big castle waving their cardboard, tinfoil covered swords, yelling.)

Erik: Got the cowapult ready? Aim? FIRE!

Quaxo: Johnny, the ax murder form the Shinning, released the "Cowaplut" and then…

Macavity: (looks up and screams as a really big cow lands on him)

Munkustrap: Run away, run away!

Quaxo: The cowardly knights ran and screeched as they were pelted with livestock, such as living goats, chickens, ducks and the occasional human eyeball. But the knights were not completely defeated, even as the Phantom of the opera laughed and jeered and threw more goats at them. They hid over the next hill and in the small forest, building secret weapon. It made a lot of strange noises but it was still supposedly a secret. Suddenly the next morning, the French castle found a big wooden thing at their doorstep.

Psychopaths: (Ruby pokes her head out the door, with Erik above her, then Carrie, Johnny and Sweeny.)

Carrie: Oh no! It looks like the throne from the prom night!

Johnny: Carrie, don’t go shootin’ lightnin’ bolts again. We need to see what it is.

Author: I wrote the script and I’m not sure what it is! I think it’s a big Trojan Bunny.

Sweeny: You sure it’s not a rabbit? Or a meat grinder?

Author: Could be a meat grinder. Now let’s bring it in to see.

All the others: Oui, Oui,

Author: Huh?

Erik: It means yes!

(All of them drag the big wooden bunny in)

Munku: Perfect! Sir Smart Skimble, you are a genius! Now they have taken the bait, now what?

Skimble: Now Alonzo, Mungojerrie and I jump out of the bunny when the French go to bed and take them unprepared, unarmed and 100% by surprise!

Mungojerrie: Wait… who was going to jump out of the bunny?

Skimble: Alonzo, Mungo, and I…. (Realizes that all 3 of them are there. In fact all of the company is there) Oops.

Quaxo: Suddenly, a spring sounds, as Johnny lets lose the Wooden Bunny-aplult, and the knights urn away in terror as the wooden bunny land son the bandaged and wounded Macavity. They decided to move on separate ways and look for the Magic Yarn ball.

Erik: (laughing and jeering) You ass donkeys! My ruby got a better I.Q. than you did, and would have been in the negatives! Ahaha! My won face is prettier than yours is, you ugly Pollicles of Britain is! Even America is less polluted than you! (More laughing and jeering.)

Old Deuteronomy: (the word famous Historian flash across the screen) As the knights and King Munkustrap were defeated at Erik’s castle, they did give up and went along separate ways to find this make believe Magic Yarn ball-

Quaxo: As the sound of true hoof beats came closer, a knight in pretty armor rode by on a real horse and lopped off Old D’s ear. The old guy fainted and Jellyorum ran and cried as she tried to help him, thinking he was dead when he wasn’t. But Jellyorum was a person who was against bad morals, which meant everyone else’s, so she declared a quest to find out who had cut Old Deuteronomy’s off.

Author: Hmm. Act two was a bit short.

Mistoffelees: I wonder what gave you this idea.

Author: Do I have to make you play the Narrator like your brother?

Misto: (snorts) I’d rather.

Author: Good! You can play the hunchback when I write my Hunchback of Norte Dame crossover.

Misto: But you said I could do Clopin! Not fair! (Pouts)

Quaxo: (chuckles) this is the story of Sir Robin. It was originally going to be about Sir Monkey Carbucketty but that scene, according to Monty Python’s movie had to do with queens between the age of 16 and 19 and a half, playing with a yarn ball shaped beacon, maidens undressing, spanking, and oral se-

Everyone: DON’T SAY IT!

Quaxo: Sorry.

Munku: I’m not in this skit. (Sigh of relief) Just get this over with.

Quaxo: So one of Munkustrap’s knights, Sir Mungojerrie, took his minstrels and rode out on his non-existent horse. As his minstrel sang.

Tumblebrutus: (singing) Sir Robin-

Mungo: It’s Mungo, pal.

Tumble: Er, um... (Singing again) Sir Mungo was the bravest knight, you could ever meet. He’d never tremble at the Black Knight’s name, as he stumbled down the street. brave Sir Mungo! Brave Sir Mungo! looking out for troubles and the fair maidens-

Mungo: Shut up!

Quaxo: As the company moved deep into a forest of pretty clover and violets, they came apon a gruesome site.

Everyone: Oh my god! It’s a picture of Erik unmasked! (screaming and crying)

Erik: Oh jeez. I feel loved.

Author: Wrong gruesome sight!

Quaxo: Oh, right. They saw... um.. 3 knights in armor, dead, posted up against a tree with a lance? Yuck!

Author: (polishing her knives, and whistling, happily)

Mungo: Maybe we should go catch up with Munkustrap.

Tumble: But Brave Mungojerrie, you have not found the yarn ball yet!

Mungo: Well, (glances around) No yarn ball here, yep, see?

Quaxo: Suddenly, an echoing voice screamed halt! For Everlasting cat, it was a three headed Amazon Knight.

Victoria, Griddlebone, and Cassandra: Actually, we’re just sharing the same shirt. (to Mungojerrie and his minstrels) What the [expiclt] do you want?

Tumble: (sing) to fight for justice and love-

Mungo: Shut up! (to the three) Nothing. Just passing through.

Vic, Cass, and Griddle: Well we can’t do that.

Victoria: We have to kill you.

Griddle: I think that was a bit impolite.

Cass: Who cares about you, you over-grown powder puff?

Vic: Shut up you two! We’ll kill him then go have tea?

Griddle: Ok?

Cass: Ok?

All three: All right!

Quaxo: But as the three squabbling brats turned to face Mungojerrie and kill him, they found that he was gone.

Tumble: (singing) Sir Tumble ran away.

Mungo: Did not! Stop lying!

Tumble: (singing) he bowed as soon as trouble heads, he turned tail and fled. The cowardly Sir Mungojerrie!

Author: I’m enjoying this.

Erik: I thought I’d never say this but I am too. Though you’ve violated ver 20 copyrights.

Author: Oh shut the [expiclt] up.

Quaxo: Now onto the story of Sir Alonzo and his adventure. The setting changes to a very prettily decorated castle with… prettily decorated guards. The prince of the Swamp kingdom, Prince Admetas argues with his father, King Asparagus.

Admetas: but daddy, I don’t wanna get married-

Asparagus: I don’t care if you want to marry for love! You’re getting married in 20 minutes to the beautiful and rich Princess Bombalurina. I don’t care if she’s rude, crass, loud, or mean, I need the money. (Looks at the 2 guards who have flowers and pretty ribbons on them for the festive decoration)

Bombalurina: I have a feeling the author has her decorative touch to the medieval ages.

Author: Who said goat heads, human arms, and pretty flowers weren’t good decorations?

Gus: (talking to guards) now, you stay here and make sure he doesn’t leave. Got it?

Etcetra: Alright. I’ll make sure she doesn’t leave and then I’ll go too.

Gus: No. Make sure the Prince doesn’t leave after I leave, unless I come to fetch him.

Etc: Right. I’ll fetch him and make sure you don’t leave.

Gus: No, no, no! Make sure the Prince does not leave this room unless I, the King, come to get him.

Etc: Ok

Gus: Ok. (Opens the door and walks out as Etc and the other guard follow him.) Hey, what are doing?

Etc: Following you.

Gus: Stay here! (Stomps off.)

Quaxo: As the king left, Etcetera and the other guards stood there and watched Prince Admetas, as he... secretly wrote a help note, pinned it on an arrow and threw it out the window.

Author: Never said castle guards were all that bright.

Quaxo: Just then, Sir Knight Alonzo was riding his horse that wasn’t there as the coconuts clashed in the paws of his servant, Rumpleteaser, whom we are using for the sake we’re short on toms. Miraculously, the arrow the Prince threw hit Rumple though the forest was miles away.

Rumple: Ahhh! (Fake screams and puts the arrow under her arm.)

Alonzo: oh no! My faithful servant, I will avenge who ever threw this arrow. Hey there’s a message. (Takes the pieces of paper off arrow and reads it.) "Dear whomever finds this, I am locked up in a big castle tower and am being forced to marry against my will. Please help the helpless person I am and rescue me." (To Rumple) my pals, I shall rescue this fair maiden who writes this note and you will not have died in vain

Rumple: Come off. I’m ‘ot dead. Infact, I’ll ‘ome w’th ya.

Alonzo: (trying to bold, dramatic, brave, and all that crap) no! Stay here, for yea is mortally wounded.

Rumple: No, really. I’m ok. (Starts to get up but is pushed back down by Alonzo.)

Alonzo: No, I will go rescue the lady who wrote this note. (Runs off, pretending to ride a horse, while Rumple starts playing solitaire.)

Quaxo: Suddenly, our hero comes to the castle where chaos breaks loose.

Alonzo: (yells as he cuts down the first guard decorated with yellow flowers he sees, kills 3 bridesmaid, hurts the bride, nearly kills the Father of the bride, injures the Priest, kills the mime (everyone cheers) and then knocks over the cake in his bloody rampage.)

Author: I think I did a good description right there.

Erik: Yep sounds like every time you go on one of your sprees.

Alonzo: (races up the steps and breaks into the Prince’s room) Ha! I have come to rescue you!

Etcetra: Oh goodie! I can go now! (Leaves with other guard to go get something to eat.)

Admetas: Great! I got the rope ready. (Ties a rope to the bedpost throws the rope out the window and lowers himself out the window.) Come and rescue me, sir knight!

Asparagus: (rushes in) What the hell is going on here? You killed the father of the bride!

Alonzo: Well, um... er... Ahem, I can explain. I got a note from your son, thinking he was a lady and-

Gus: I can understand.

Alonzo: And sometimes, the whole knight hormones go nuts and I gotta kill a number of people. I mean, it’s just instinct.

Admetas: Come on, knight! I need to be rescued- aaaahhhhh! (Falls off rope and lands in the moat)

Gus: Er, oh well. I’m glad to cancel the wedding. Never liked the lad anyway. (Puts his arm around Alonzo’s shoulder’s and leads him back to the bloody remains of the party) I like your type. My kingdom could use more of your kind-

Bombalurina: There’s the moron who killed my daddy!

Alonzo; (hacks and kills a few of the angry people who come near to strangle him.) Er sorry. Hormones again.

JennyAnyDots: Hey! The bride’s daddy isn’t dead!

Alonzo: Ok, so he’s fatally wounded?

Jenny: No, not really. He says he’s ok.

Gus: Well, fortunate- I mean, unfortunately, the groom was killed

Rum Tum Tugger: No. (drags in Admetas) He’s getting better.

Gus: He’s mortally wounded?

Tugger; Nope.

Author: I’ll to that! (Pushes her cart of dead and rings her bell.) Give me the dead! Give me your dead! I would like to eat tonight!

Erik: Aw man. Stew again?

Admetas: (shakily) No I’m fine. But now I would like to tell you something-

Gus: Oh no! He’s going to sing ‘Living Liveta Loca’

Alonzo: Now my adventure has ended, I shall be off! (Grabs onto a hanging, handy rope and push himself off the stairs and attempt to leap out the window, heroically, but fails) Um. Can some one give me a push?

Quaxo: but poor Alonzo had to hang about the Author’s cart of death while everyone sang Spice Girls.

Mistoffelees: How many acts are there?

Author: A lot.

Misto: Do you want to be more pacific?

Author: No. Not really.

Quaxo: And so then, all of the knights met up with King Munkustrap and now, in this scene of. Scene number something. They sit in a hut of an old woman.

Demeter: First a bored goddess, then this…

Author: You want my job as an undertaker?

Dem: Heck no!

Author: Good! (Pushes her cart and continues to ring her bell) Bring out’cer dead!

Munkustrap: Oh old and wise lady, we have heard you can tell us where to find the magic yarn ball.

Demeter: (cackling) you will find the answer after to meet up with the Magician Tim!

Knights: Tim?

Dem: That’s Misto in this case. Anyway, before that, you must defeat the knights who say ‘Boogie!" Then after you talk to Misto sparlikes, cross the bridge of Doom.

Skimble: Wasn’t that in an Indiana Jones movie?

Author: He gives my state a bad name! And so does Michael Jackson.

Erik: Michael Jackson is form Indiana?

Author: Shh! That’s supposed to remain a secret. Most think he’s from New York and we hope they keep thinking that.

Quaxo: Anyway, back to the story, the knights awed in awe as the old woman disappeared before their eyes. They set out and rode into the forest, where they were suddenly surrounded by the dark knights that say "Boogie!"

Rum Tum Tugger: Haha! I am the head knight of the Knights that say ‘Boogie!" WE have caught you trespassing on our land in the forest. And we’re mad. So, you must have another quest and fetch us a… (Thinks hard)

Author: An unopened tissue box!

Tugger: Yeah! And make sure it’s not used!

Quaxo: So, the knights of King Munkustrap’s order, rode back into the village and bullied some beautiful, young, intelligent, helpless, serial killer girl into giving them a tissue box. (To Author) You don’t need to flatter yourself.

Author: (dressed as a helpless, young, beautiful serial killer girl, with a bazooka strapped to her back) Yeah? So sue me! I never get compliments from any men… or girl, for that matter, around here. (Hands Munkustrap a tissue box, kicks him in the shin and runs away)

Munku: (limping/riding the invisible horse) Ow that hurt, the little brat. (Back into character and speaks to Tugger) Oh knights who say Boogie-

Tugger: We changed our mind. We are now the Knights who say Antidisestablishmenterismists of the forest.

Munku: Ok. Knights whom… until recently said Boogie, we brought you an unopened, unused tissue box that I had to suffer for. (Rubs the big bump on his shin where the author, now giggling, had kicked him)

Tugger: Ok, you can pass.

Quaxo: And so the Knights of the Round table were let by and they hopped into the mountains where they then saw a figure blowing things up with a magic staff, and it wasn’t even Ruby this time.

Author: Oh jeez, I feel loved.

Munku: Oh great Magician-

Bombalurina: Why does he call everyone "Oh great- whom ever you are"?

Author: He’s begging.

Munku: I am not!

Bomb: Sure. That’s what they all say.

Munku: Mr. Magician, what is your name?

Misto: (raises his arms and shoots a lighting bolt into the sky, to make himself look grand.) They call me… Joe.

Munku: Joe?

Misto: Ok, I wanted a better name but I just had to be named after the Devil’s Advocate, didn’t I? I am not a bad guy!

Munku: Ok then Joe. Can you tell us where to fin the Magic Yarnball?

Misto: Did you look in K-mart? Target?

Skimble: Yep. All I found was a special on lice infected sheets.

Author: And I wasn’t notified?

Misto: Er, um well you will have to get into the Cave of Horrors, and get past the evil monster that guards it. No man has ever gotten past the damned creature since Mr. Rogers came.

Quaxo: And so, the magician and the knights rode their nervous unreal horses to the Cave of Horrors, which was covered in rotting fleshed bones, dried skulls, geysers, and the occasional mime skin.

Erik: Really, it wasn’t my fault that time.

Misto: (ducks behind some rocks and points to a hollowed out monstrous skull, which serves as the cave entrance and looks really face because it originally was supposed to be the headboard of Aphrodite’s room and being covered din pink lace and such) look. There is the evil monster.

Quaxo: And out came a tiny white bunny.

Munku: You got us all wronged up for a stupid bunny rabbit! You son of a bitch!

Misto: I am not! And besides that rabbit is evil. It can jump this high. (Trails off) He has big teeth (stops) He is really big. (Pauses) JUST LOOK AT BONES!

Tugger: just go and cut the damn thing’s head off. (Runs at the rabbit. waving his sword.)

Rabbit: (jumps at Tugger is now replaced by a dummy so to not injure the tom too much) Squeak! Squeak! (Bites the dummy’s/Tugger’s head off)

Mungojerrie: Holy shit! It bited ‘ugger’s head off!

Munku: Men, CHARGE!

Quaxo: And so the stupid knights went forward and attacked the bunny rabbit where as the rodent bit off half the crew’s head.

Munku: Run away! Run away!

Skimble: We need a plan. (Thinks) I know! The Holy Hand grenade!

Mungo: Huh?

Munku: Right oh! Sister Bombalurina, the priest! Bring us the Holy Hand grenade.

Bomb: (laughing at Tugger) I get to be a priestess, I get to be a priestess.

Munku: Ok tell me how to use the thing.

Bomb: (opens the "Cat’s Bible to how to do great makeovers") Ye shall raise the hand grenade high above thy head, having it shine in all glory of the heaven’s as when the great Growltiger did signify his almighty death-

Munku: But to the chase.

Bomb: (continuing) So raise the grenade high above your head. The pull the all mighty cross pin of splendor which saves the evil from the inside, and count to three. Do not count below or above the three. Count to four and ye shall be blown to smithereens. Count to two and it shall not work for ye and ye shall be blown up. Counting to six is out of the question. When ye has counteth to three, no more or no less, ye shall hurl the golden thing to the thing ye wants to blow up. (Slams book closed) And it the Hand grenade is also very useful when trying to cut off all spilt ends.

Knights: (all yawn and stretch as they wake up)

Munku: Thank you, (yawn) Sister Bombalurina. (Takes the Holy Hand grenade, and pulls the pin) One, two, five?

Everyone: Three!

Munku: Right! Three! (Hurls it at the bunny and the bunny explodes into a billion little pieces and everyone cheers)

(Not to far away, Old Deuteronomy is carried away on a stretcher, whole Jellyorum talks to the policemen about the whole riding by knight deal.)

Jelly: What was that?

Policeman 1: Sounded like the Holy Hand Grenade.

Policeman 2: That could be our knight and suspect right now. Let’s go over.

Policeman 1: Doughnut anyone?

Quaxo: And then all the knights went into the cave, clanking in their plastic armor under the torchlight. Finally, they came to the back of the cave. To the very last writings of Mr. Rodgers that are written on the wall of the living rock.

Munku: I can make it out. (Reading the writing) "Dear whomever you are. Will you be my neighbor? I have been in this cave for sometime with my pet Chicken and King Friday has gone to Communism. I have seeked the Yarnball of true Happiness and I am lost here. The Yarn Ball is located in the castle of… Aaaargh?"

Skimble: You sure it says Aaaargh?

Munku: Aaargh, 4 A’s, one g and one h. Yep, spells aargh.

Skimble: (hears something and looks over his shoulder) Oooooooohhh!

Munku: no, it’s Aaaargh, like the sound you make on the back of your throat.

Skimble: No! That! (Points at a strange site.)

Jemima: (dressed in a cute dragon costume, hissing and flexing her tinny kitten claws) mew! Roar! I am a mean old dragon!

Knights: Aaw. How cute!

Jemima: (sad, big eyes) I’m not scary enough?

Knights: Those eyes! Ahhh! Cannot resist! Run away! Run away! (All run out of the cave in terror)

Quaxo: She’s so adorable! Such a cute, lil’ wittle cutie lil’ baby kitten!

Author: (cough) Ahem (coughs) You’re on.

Quaxo: I am? (Blushing) Anyway, the king and his followers rode off to the Bridge of Doom, knowing they had top get to the castle of Aaargh. They came to an old rickety bridge, where Griddlebone was guarding it.

Munku: Right men. We have to answer three questions. Who’ll go first?

Alonzo: Me! Me! Pick me!

Munku: Mungojerrie, you’re brave. You go.

Mungo: I dunt wanna.

Alonzo: I’ll go! (Strides up to Griddlebone) ask me away.

Griddle: What is your quest?

Alonzo: To find the Magic Yarnball.

Griddle: What is your name?

Alonzo: Sir Alonzo the brave.

Griddle: What’s yer favorite color?

Alonzo: Blue. (Passes by and waits at the bridge)

Mungo: That’s easy! I can do that!

Griddle: (Asks the same first two questions then,) What is the Capital of Mongolia?

Mungo: I dunno. AAAAHHH! (Is thrown into the Pit of Despair, which is really a trench below the bridge that has a big pool of foam and mud.) Yuck! Foam and mud!

Quaxo: And so the knights were asked to come up one by one and all were thrown in except for Alonzo and Skimbleshanks, unfortunately. Then King Munkustrap came up.

Griddle: (asks the same two questions) What is the weight ratio of a swallow carrying a coconut?

Munku: An African swallow, or a European one?

Griddle: I don’t know. AHHH! (Is throw into the pit of despair)

Alonzo: Com’on, oh mighty king leader guy! We shall cross this rickety bridge!

Quaxo: And they took one cautious step after another while the ropes snapped and creaked, the boards bent under their weight as the pit of Despair seemed more horrendous than ever. Suddenly-

Author: INTERMISSION!

Everyone: What!?

Author: I need to get up from typing and get something to eat. (Runs off to kitchens and comes back carrying a cola can and some Oreo’s.) Ok you can go on now.

Erik: Strange and unexplainable. Cruel and unusual.

Quaxo: Suddenly, the king slipped but pulled himself up and once he had crossed the bridge, he saw Sir Smart Skimble but no Alonzo.

Policeman 1: (Putting handcuffs on Alonzo, in another scene, and searching him) Stupid run and cuts.

Munku: Oh well. We shall journey on without him and once we find the Holy Yarnball, we shall dedicate the quest in his honor. Ok, let’s move on out.

Quaxo: And so they did. They rode on even without their servants who had sneaked out for a drink at the nearest bar and ended up not remembering what their tab was. But anyway, the last 2 Knights of the Round Table came to a lake. There came a beautiful boat that seemed to have a life of it’s own as it sailed toward them since no one was aboard.

Mistoffelees: Actually, we just used a lot of string.

Quaxo: Ruin the effect why don’t you! (Sigh) Never liked him but mother always favored him over me. (Sniff)

Bombalurina: Get on with it!

Quaxo: Once the boat reached shores, Sir Skimbleshanks the supposed to be smart one and King Munkustrap clambered on aboard. The boat took them across the huge lake which was covered in where pretty mists.

Everyone: (coughing) Stupid smoke machines are out of control!

Quaxo: Finally, the boat came to the edge of a castle. The Castle of Aaaargh.

Munku: At last! Out quest has ended. We had our challenges and out tributes and our suffering but we’re here! (Calling up the castle) People in there; lend me your ears. (A sound of popping and there’s a rain of plastic ears) That’s… just… disgusting!

Erik: (snickering) ‘ello, ‘ello! Nice to see you stupid British again!

Munku: You again! Damnit! We want the Yarnball.

Erik: Too bad. You’re not getting it! Now go away!

Munku: No fair! I was just dragged through a 2 hour long movie crossover and you want me to go away? No you stupid bastard!

Erik: Who you calling the bastard! (Calling to the Psychopaths) fire away!

Munku and Skimble: (Running away as there’s a downpour of goats, ears, and the occasional human corpse.) Across the water! Quickly! (Some how the manage to swim across the water.)

Munku: (facing the castle) we shall not stand for this! We will attack!

Quaxo: Just then, thousands apon thousands of men, soldiers, cats, people came to help him. They stood tall and proud and they had stick ponies for horses this time. The Calvary had arrived.

Erik: Uh-oh. We’re in trouble!

Quaxo: Just then there was the high pitched squeal of police sirens and Jellyorum and 2 policemen popped out of the car.

Policeman 1: Right then! You’ll go back home! Nothing more to see here! I could have you all arrested for having weaponry and trespassing.

Erik: I’m a witness.

Policeman 2: (to Erik) And you! You’re still wanted in Paris!

Erik: They’ll never catch me!

Policeman 1: (puts handcuffs on Munkustrap) You are being arrested for a shooting/cutting and running away on Old Deuteronomy (Shoves him in the car.)

Jemima: (comes running out in her adorable dragon costume and holds a sign) The End!

(Afterwards…)

Munku: That was sorta strange though I enjoyed playing a part of power.

Misto: And I didn’t get killed this time!

Erik: And I got to ridicule Munkustrap and all you people.

Misto: speaking of ridicule, where’s the author?

(Silence form everyone except for the faint sound of typing.)

Misto: Oh no. She’s working on another crossover?!?

Author’s Voice: That’s right! Johnny, tell our contestant what he’s won! (Giggle) Yep, another crossover. Either Sailor Moon-

(Everyone screams)

Author: Or Hunchback of Norte Dame.

(Everyone screams.)

Author: (sighs) it’s a win win situation for me!

Back We Go!