There are lines of Fiennes: Martha the filmmaker, Ralph the actor, Jake the gamekeeper, and now little Joe. He may be infinitely sexier than his ratty-haired older brother and every bit as talented, but Joe doesn't want to talk about it: "All my siblings are equally prolific and I just find it amazing that people continually want to ask me about Ralph" And the look in Joe's eye (which, incidentally, bears more than a passing resemblance to...) says very touchy subject. What Joe does want to talk about is romance, impotence, and dancing in a pair of tights.

The romance part is easy. Film directors have a habit of casting him as the guy who falls in love. His last film (Martha - meet Frank, Daniel and Laurence) saw him falling for Martha - nothing to do with his same-name sib. His next film (Elizabeth) sees him cast as the childhood sweetheart of the Queen, coincidentally played by Cate Blanchett who recently starred opposite Ralph in - oops! there we go again. And in the forthcoming Shakespeare in Love, he is Shakespeare and he is, er, in love "with a boy who turns out to be a girl - well, Gwyneth Paltrow actually." So how does it feel to play the Bard? "It's an amazing part and an amazing script. He has this writer's block, can't get a hard-on and falls in love."

And the tights? "Easily the most embarrassing moment in Elizabeth. I have to dance in tights that look like they've got a couple of giant tomatoes stuff inside them." He was relieved to find that for Shakespeare the tights were offset with a pair of manly leather boots and a tout ensemble that's not so heavy on the silly pants.

And the hard-on? I didn't like to ask.