"Is my hair really receding that much?"
- The Arts & Cheltenham Festival

"Let's just say we've had to miss quite a few minutes of rehearsals because I've been locked in the loo weeping."
- Referring to the cast playing ping pong during rehearsals of 'Real Classy Affair' and getting sorely beaten.

"Many guys on the set questioned my sexuality. I just told them it was a moment of fleeting thought."
- Referring to kissing Gwyneth Paltrow when she was dressed as Thomas Kent in SiL.

"I still loathe 2B pencils and rulers!"
- Fondly reminiscing about his job at a graphic design studio.

"I feel so inferior. If you have anything under a 42 chest, you're not allowed into Miami."
- Referring to the legions of South Beach bodybuilders.

"I am waiting for the one original journalist not to mention him."
- Ralph who?

"I can't remember. I don't think I was."
- Asked whether he was really naked whilst filming the love scenes in SiL

"We were basically naked when we were in bed together and I was sort of like a little teenage girl going 'I don't want to take off my clothes.' She just sort of calmed me down. But I am definiyely shy. I'll take a sword fight any day."
- When asked if he is equally uncomfortable having to contend with the nude lovemaking demands of both SiL and ETM

"Or maybe I'll just buy the bags and fill them with secondhand gear"
- about Christmas shopping at Barneys

"Being the youngest makes you long for more of a voice. You find that voice early in theatrics of the kitchen. I was the one screaming, 'Hey, where is my food?'"

"I love the period and the clothes, because men dressed up like peacocks. I'd put on my Levi's at the end of the day, thinking: 'I shouldn't be dressed like this. I've just had sex with the Queen of England.'"

"No, I'm not... (pause) but I could be. I wouldn't tell you if I was, so I could be lying. After all, I am an actor..."
- Responding to the question "Are you married?"

"I love London, although it can be really noisy here. Where I was looking for a flat recently, the estate agent found one he said was next to the Westway [a dual carriageway that runs into central London]. And it was - the bedroom was THERE and the motorway was THERE [holds out hands to indicate a space of about one foot]. And the estate agent actually said, "What you have to do is shut your eyes and imagine you're next to the sea. Unbelievable."

"It's not that they deny it. It's just that they were never asked."
- Mock-innocence about the fact that both his characters in SiL and ETM forgot to tell the women in their lives that they were already married

"Naff marketing. Roll on the beer gut and bald head, I say. The character parts."
- About him being a heart-throb

"My upbringing was a mad, messy, noisy,chaotic adventure. As a kid, you adapt to anything. And I see my family as close friends as much as siblings. But I was a bit of a tearaway."

"That was shaved off for the theatre and it's crazy because it hasn't grown back. The make-up artist said "Oh, pluck it out and it'll grow back." Every time I look in the mirror I think "I'm gonna have to sue her."
- About a largely absent right eyebrow

"I liken it to being naked on a beach when everyone else is in their swimwear. They feel embarrassed for you, but you feel liberated."
- Um, Joe, where do you usually go swimming? ;-)

"I was a bit wild. But I'm tamed - now."
Q: So we'll never get to see the dangerous Joseph?
"Well, maybe, if I have one or two vodkas too many..."

"I remember a time in Ireland, when we had moved there at the age of 4, I think we were camping with my mother and father, and, um, Jini told us, it was an early, wonderful, beautiful, misty morning, and Jini told Jake and I to go and wash in the stream. It didn't really appeal to 4/5 year olds, um, too much. And so she, in order to invoke us to do this she said we should play out the roles of Adam and Eve, and we took the bait, and thought this was rather glorious and wonderful, so we ran off bounding down through the, down the meadow to the stream, but only moments later there was a God almighty row, and a terrible fight broke out, and it seemed that there was some confusion, or an issue rather with the casting because neither of us wanted to play Eve. And, I guess that was the first moment in our lives when we discovered how to fight for our individualism."
- About being a twin

"I guess there is a romantic hidden in here somewhere. I hope there is. But don't ask me what the most romantic thing I've ever done is. I don't know. I do know the most romantic thing that someone has ever done for me. They cooked me pasta..."

"...I was a real horror as a child... I'd beat up my sister, until one day she hit back and that was a real shock. I sort of side-stepped adolescence after that."

"I'd love to do a play where the people in the front row don't mumble all the monologues under their breath while you're playing it... maybe we should ban Shakespeare for five years so people forget what it's about."

"I think we're going to bring back the big-ass pants."
- Referring to the oversize knickers he wore in his last two films.

"It was in the middle of nowhere. When I arrived at this wild place in the hills, I was met by a young Buddhist novice who recognised me from 'Shakespeare'. Not something I gambled on. I was a bit depressed."
- About his visit to a Buddhist retreat in Canada.

"The worst experience I had was wearing a jockstrap and not much else for 'Troilus and Cressida' at the Royal Shakespeare Company - very uncomfy, and it doesn't help the voice, either."
- About the joys of period costume.

"Well, I'm lazy about shaving. It's so boring. I've just come back from India and some of the facial hair there is incredible - big moustaches that are waxed at the ends. I like beards."

"There were seven of us, so I always had a good pick. Although I didn't wear my sisters' clothes - it was a bit early to cross-dress."
- About having to wear hand-me-down clothes as a child.

"I've never really been one for using corny old chat-up lines. Most of the time I just fall head-over-heels in love and agonize over girls from afar, without them ever knowing that I existed. The few times I have used a chat-up line, I've just blurted out, "Gis us a snog, then," and just hope the girl didn't mind."

"I don't go for a particular look in a girl - I just wait for their spirit to connect with mine. There's a voice that speaks to me, that rings out from her soul to mine. I know that sounds really hippyish (er ,yep) but it's true."

"I could identify with him by the fact that he is a sinister, bruised romantic. Who isn't?"

"Yeah, there have been some rather wonderful interpretations - quite full of imagination. But it's not an ordinary name so it's up for grabs."
- About his surname

"Oh, you've put me on the spot. I want to say something really romantic, like I bungee-jumped off a bridge for a woman saying, "Will you marry me?" Is that good enough? The truth is, I'm really boring."
- What's the craziest thing you've ever done before?

"I looked at him as a leech - as someone who needed copy. Rather like you guys! You need copy. That's what you want. You're drawing it from me!"
- To a roomful of journalists

"Maturity and wisdom has a certain something. You get that in older women, I suppose."
- About Helen Mirren, his costar in A Month in the Country

"If she's in need of assistance, then I'll help out - to the bitter end."
- When a woman drags you out shopping, do you help her choose her clothes or do you wander off and tell her you'll "meet her in electricals"?

"I don't tend to hang out much with other actors, and the ones I do get together with don't tend to be the telly-out-the-window types. The extent of my bad behaviour stretches to eating a few grapes in the supermarket when I'm doing my shopping. It'd be kinda difficult to make a good headline out of that, so I'll have to start getting a little reckless really. Maybe I should get some lessons from Oliver Reed."

"Perhaps losing your temper is just a symptom of where you are in your life. No, I haven't had therapy! But I've read a lot of books, so I can talk cod psychology when I need to. Such as in interviews."

"I'd be swearing like mad, hanging out of the window with my beard flying. And then I would give them Benediction."
-About the time he was playing Jesus in Son of Man

"I chuckle inwardly. A lot."

"I think villains are generally misunderstood. They are a kind of bruised romantics."

"And now that I have lots of nieces and nephews, I've become Uncle Joe, who does all the party tricks. So no time for shop [talk] for me, I have to do hand tricks with coins, make things disappear, and things like that. And to tell you the truth, I love doing that. It's great when you can fool a two year old!"

"No, I haven't had therapy! But I've read a lot of books, so I can talk cod psychology when I need to. Such as in interviews."

"If my agent told me something was 'damaging', I would almost certainly do it just to spite him anyway."

But Seriously...

"I've always believed that you shouldn´t want to mend a broken heart, because that´s someone you dont´t want to forget. Scars can be good."

"I think what I discovered from an early age was the joy of the written word. I just found that life enhancing, that you could hold hands with poets from different centuries, different ages, different backgrounds, and they would take you places that you never really knew or understood existed."

"I've got a vendetta to destroy the Net. To make everyone go to the library. I love the organic thing of pen and paper, ink on canvas. I love going down to the library, the feel and smell of books."

"Look not upon this picture, but look upon the work. Through the work, I will live. And that's the kind of joy of being an actor."

"I guess I never felt it was possible to do the thing you love. Acting didn't seem like work to me, it was what I was passionate about. I suppose I felt I should pursue something such as art, something that didn't have the same importance to me."
- about once considering of making drawing his career

"Have men changed for the world? Or has the world changed for men? I don't know. You become a man from a boy, so I've been so absorbed in leaving teenage traits behind that I haven't really discovered how the world might have changed for men."

"I was quite isolated for about six months. It was important to get away and clear my head, with my passion intact and focused. And becoming an actor was like a strange thing that happens when you're picked up by the scruff of the neck and plonked in the right place."
- about restoring a 12th century villa in Tuscany

"I don't read reviews. I can always spot an actor who's read his reviews, because if they're good, he's swaying about the stage, and if they're bad, he's changed his performance. He comes in limping or something."

"When I’m on stage, I feel that I’m with my family. I feel that’s my purpose in life and I know who I am to a degree."

"I love to explore other countries, and that all on my own. Loneliness is a essential part of my desire to travel. There lies great freedom in it."

"People have said: "You came out of nowhere." But you look at most actors, including me, and I guarantee it's taken years of hard work to achieve what you have. "

"Jake is doing what he passionately believes in, as we all are. That is the common thread: pursuing our passions and all throwing our guts into what we believe in. We are all very close. I have grown up with them, they're like best mates."

"I know more about the characters I play. That's awful, isn't it? I seem to be able to invest more time in dissecting others' thoughts and motivations than in looking at my own. But maybe, in doing that, I can reveal parts of myself."

"The theater brings total strangers together to share a space. They can choose to look anywhere they want. In a film, you (viewers) are directed, you are led. You're not as free. What I love about the theater is realizing the potency of an empty stage."

"I'm completely grounded within myself. I find the infringement of so-called stardom grotesque. It's something I never bargained for."

"My childhood was mad, bad and wonderful. It was mad because we moved house so many times. I always tend to exaggerate about this, but I think the final count was 14, so I grew up in various parts of the West Country, Ireland and London. It was a wonderful upbringing with lots of dogs, outdoors and adventures. There were masses of books everywhere and wonderful paintings and hardly any television. Everything you could want as a child."

"Heart-throb? Not at all, not at *all*. If I had enough influence, I'd keep myself well away from all that and just do what I love, which is the work. There's a danger of the work being overwhelmed if you get too much attention when you're still new."

"I think we all know just how it works, the whole publicity machine. I'm hugely cynical and sceptical about it all, to tell you the truth. I've seen enough, I feel like I've been around enough, just to recognise how hollow it all is and to separate what I do from the hype that goes with it. It's kind of nice but it's not really representative of the way I feel I am or what I'm here to do. It's important always to question and not to go along with the wave of success just for the sake of it. It'll probably backfire on me, though, and I'll never work again."

"It's never been that personal, but I have been followed a couple of times. I was on holiday, and these two ugly MUPPETS were by the swimming pool, and then they sat behind me at dinner. In retrospect, I remember thinking: 'How fucking low can you get - sitting behind someone at dinner, and listening in?' And they took photographs and all that. It makes the whole press relationship more strained. There are wonderful journalists out there who you should trust. But you don't because of muppets like them."

"I don't believe everything that is said about me. I just want to work."

"I have a huge respect for this process, for publicity, for its potential and its actual impact. You respect it because it is so grotesquely powerful. It can penetrate far into people's lives, readers' lives, or the subject's life - it spreads all around the world. And its power is such that it can overwhelm you. There are certain areas that I keep private. I don't talk about my political beliefs or my personal life and I don't use interviews as counselling. I don't work out my problems or feelings in public, because whenever I read an article where somebody does that, I find it excruciating."

"No matter how principled you think you are, you can twist your principles to suit yourself, you can use them as you wish. And at the same time, they can use you. You can really believe in a dogma, follow it to the letter and then find it has resulted in you acting in a repellant way."

"It's because I respond to the written word, I think. With film, the whole picture is not necessarily on the page - that's why the director is so important. With plays, it's all there, in the words."

"Danilov lives very much in his head and in his books, It's a lesson to us all to get involved in reality and not just observe life, to actually live and breathe it. This is one of the downfalls and tragedies of Danilov and was an aspect I was drawn to."
- About his role in Enemy at the Gates

"Hidden in every young individual, there's creative potential - it's up to us to nurture it. Support the young and they will be part of a process that will have a knock-on effect for generations to come. I think that's unique and special."

"The danger is that people become too familiar. There should be a distance, and it's hard to negotiate that. The more success, the more press. And when I say familiar, I mean the audience becoming too familiar with me in a kind of role, with my face, with my life story. I want to see a character on the screen, not the personality of the actor. So I need to keep a distance."

"Acting is my pathway to personal knowledge, really, I guess, ultimately. It's an exploration of the human psyche. To write with the quill of Shakespeare, to walk in the heels of Danilov, it lends an understanding about what drives us."

"I think it's foolhardy to have a plan. There's a Russian joke - 'How do you make God laugh? Tell him your plans.' So, taking that on board, I live in the present."

"Yes, I enjoy studying philosophy. If there is a voice other than the dogmas, it is Krishnamurti's voice. I have a great respect and admiration for him. I have also studied Tibetan Buddhism, but only out of curiosity and to get information. I do not follow or practise any religion, philosophy or dogma."

"Having security is vital. Although I never had that from school, thankfully I had it from my home life which, although it was bohemian than unusual, was a stable strong environment."

"I still listen to that inner voice, it means that I never make the obvious choice. I'm not ruled by the neurosis of the business - I'm ruled by my beliefs and passions thanks to my parents, from whom I've got this image of pillars of strength and wisdom."

"But it would be naive to think journalists are not going to ask me about myself. You have your job to do. I'm OK with it and I try to be honest. No-one has told outright lies about me. It's the sloppy things that creep in, like reading about my father in the past tense, that drive me mad."

"I withdrew after 'Shakespeare in Love' and went back to the theater, to what I know. I went back to what my initial voice was, which was to find a range and freedom and a creative energy. If that meant not following up with a typical leading-man role, then that's what it is. I'm an actor, and whatever speaks to me I will do."

"I was in this guy's office in LA two years ago and he said: 'Love your work, Joe, love your work.' I'm thinking, wow, he came all the way to catch me as Christ in Son of Man at the Barbican. I asked what he'd seen me in and he replied: 'Nothing' - without a flicker of irony. I thought, OK, that's how it works."

"I like a woman to be at ease in whatever she's wearing. I like a woman to feel sexy. You pick up the presence of someone who is very happy with herself and what she's wearing. It's not so much the clothing. Heels? I love heels. It's not a fetish, but there is something very sexy about them."