NY Rock
By Brian Farrelly
February 1999

I must confess that when I went to see Shakespeare in Love, I did so with very low expectations. I presupposed I was in store for yet another bland and trite, cheesy date movie. The kind conceived by Hollywood accountants and executed by studio hacks whose only purpose is to con scores of teenage girls and their doting boyfriends into shelling out their hard earned cash to see their unrealistic ideals of love played out before them on the big screen. Going to see it on Valentine's Day without a date of my own, further convinced me that I would hate it more than having root canal while sitting through a Pauley Shore film festival.

Much to my chagrin, however, I was completely won over by the movie from start to finish. Not only is this one of the few films to come out in the past year that is actually deserving of all the hype and PR it has generated, it's renewed my hope that though tinseltown is indeed rotten to the core, it is still capable of occasionally revealing a hidden tasty nugget center once in awhile.

Although it is a formulaic movie in many ways, it is a complex equation that too few movies ever attempt to compute. Great directing (courtesy of John Madden, director of Mrs. Brown, not "Monday Night Football"), exceptional writing (contributed mainly by Tom Stoppard) and a cast of people who actually know how to act instead of just look good, make for a damn fine movie going experience. I'm sure much to the delight of high school English teachers all across the country, it also succeeds in making Shakespeare interesting again, something that hasn't been done since Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead (which Stoppard also wrote) and "The Taming of the Shrew" episode of Moonlighting. Unlike the ultra-slick, commercialized Romeo and Juliet with its over-the-top, MTV-style editing and Calvin Klein-ad cinematography, this movie actually makes Shakespeare popular again without dumbing him down for the public.

By now, the plot summary and cast rundown is familiar to all. Joseph Fiennes plays the young Shakespeare who is experiencing a bit of writers block because there is no love in his life. Enter Gwyneth Paltrow in the person of Viola, a rich and noble young woman who jeopardizes her aristocratic upbringing to secretly pursue an acting career at Shakespeare's own Globe Theater. Much wackiness and hilarity ensues during which the two do indeed fall in love, but not before their passion and their very lives are threatened by the rigidity of the harsh English society they exist in.

One of the amazing things about this movie is that even though it's entirely set in the Elizabethan era, its tone and attitude feel entirely contemporary, and it even manages to work in some sly jabs at present day evils like psychiatrists and weaselly movie producers (albeit weaselly producers dressed in frilly tights).

I can't give a review of this movie in good conscious without mentioning my personal favorite highlight of the film, which is that we finally get to see Gwyneth Paltrow's breasts. They are the Holy Grail to sexually frustrated, border-line stalkers such as myself and I hereby declare them to be the most perfect breasts in all of breastdom. Furthermore, her love scene with Joseph Fiennes is presented in an extremely tasteful way. Whereas most love scenes are entirely gratuitous, this one is truly and beautifully touching, with just the right amount of smut thrown in so that you don't feel ripped off.

This all leads me to an idea that is very near and dear to my heart and the main focus of my one-man lobbying campaign against the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (what exactly are the sciences anyway? Is some form of quantum physics involved in the movies of John Travolta that I don't know about?). I believe a new Oscar category should be added to the Academy Awards: An award for outstanding achievement in the field of on-screen nudity. As a firm believer in equal opportunity, this award will have both a female and a male category (so perhaps Harvey Keitel can finally win one of these elusive statuettes) and the men of the academy will vote for the best female nude scene and the women members will likewise vote for the best male nude scene. Someday, my brothers and sisters, my dream will become a reality. I will not give up the faith.

Well, before I get too excited, let me just recap by saying that Shakespeare in Love is indeed one of the best films of the year. It's got everything: Period costumes and scenery, superb acting, exceptional writing and funny English accents. Comedy, drama and Gwyneth Paltrow's amble bosoms. What more is there to say.