~A Love So Rare~
When she awoke she lay in the Garden of Ambrose. Such beauty she had not seen till this day. The sight of raindropped roses of the deepest garnet caught her eye as she made an attempt to stretch after this nap that seemed like years. She would have believed that she had been in this land since birth, if it werent for the lushness of the garden. Such flowers could only grow a season or two before losing their tender scent and young skin until another of the same family would take their place.
This garden had enchanted the girl and she felt in her heart a deep yearning to find out where she was, and who had taken her from her bed that evening.
It was still night when she had awoken. The brightness of the overwhelmingly large moon looked striking against the darkest night sky she had ever seen. The girl's name was Lilith, named after her mother who had died several years ago. The girl disliked talking about this incident with anyone she newly met, perhaps even though she felt a strong desire to gain knowledge of it.
The girl seemed drawn mysteriously to the majestic scenery of the garden and was almost caught in its beauty when she noticed a young man perhaps the age of 18 walking towards her slowly. "Ah, Lilith, have you woken from your slumber" the boy said with enthusiasm. " Do you yet know where you are, or for that matter who I am, do you care to know at all?" The girl moved back almost in a panic. The boy seemed to be illuminscent against the glow of the moon. The pallor of his skin was unlike any human she had seen and his eyes were a deep golden brown, caring yet inhuman at the same time. " Did you bring me here" she stuttered frantically. "Yes my dear, you are smarter than I thought". The boy's voice was strong and sincere but a joking smile came upon his face which seemed almost devious. "Why, Lilith..... the boy was interrupted.. "HOw do you know my name" she inquired. "Do you not take me for a gentleman", he said," do you think I would awake a lady from her dreams without knowing at least her name?" "Allow me to introduce myself, I am Damien Xavier II." The boy was adorned in a large silver cross with the words "A simalacrum ad Crepusculum" engraved on it's arms. His hair was long, a little past his shoulders . It looked as though the wavy locks of hair could have matched the softness of the rose petals of the garden. He took the lady's hand and kissed it softly, almost casually as if he'd done it a million times before. "Tonight will be the feast of Emaziah and you are invited, my dear, said the boy." The contrast of his dark brown hair on his deep purple suit was shocking, and the white shirt underneath seemed to be the exact shade of his skin. The boy was a vampire of some sort. That she knew. " Look on me not as a stranger, but rather as some sort of aquaintance, as if in your dreams you had seen me but are only meeting me for the first time on this evening." "Ah, look at the roses aren't they lovely?" The girl smiled softly. The boy had picked a rose of the purest white and handed it to her gently. "And look at the Angels! How magnificent in all their majestic splendor!" It amazed him how the mortals admired the Angels, from the most ancient statues to the the murals in their 15th century churches. He longed to have such beauty as they did. A tear rolled down his cheek as he stared at the stunning masterpiece between the roses.
"Lilith my dear, I have brought you here for a variety of reasons." "You are in the Garden of Ambrose." " In my mortal years I had often spent my time here lingering about old literature and the beautiful angels." "But that time was centuries ago." "I havent been mortal in 600 years." "Ambrose was who brought me into this life I now live. In our time, word of Ambrose would circulate through the towns, leaving men to get their weaponry and the women to run to their children and seek shelter." " Ambrose was feared, the ancient Lamia, or Vampire, by all the townspeople." There was indeed a time in which the people had been so afraid that they refused to leave their homes after nightfall in fear of being attacked by the beast." " Oh but he was not a beast at all." " In fact he was the kindest creature you would ever meet, damned yes, but evil? No." Tears continuously rolled down his face but now he was only weeping. "Forgive me, my lady for I should not be alarming you this way. YOu know what I am, and I know this because I have been watching you for years. " You knew we existed, I felt it in your glances and I felt it when I would hear gently your words of prayer at night, begging your God to be merciful on us." "I know how your mother died, Lilith." " And I know who took her." " I watched the whole event from start to finish, I begged Azazel to stop..... "Azazel, she interrupted, who is this Azazel? The killer of my Mother!" BY now she was outraged. "Please, Lilith, let me continue...."I knew of your mother, the gentle soul who took care of you and your 3 brothers all on her own. A strong woman indeed." The boy sighed. "Please allow me to tell you of why else I brought you here, I promise to tell you more about Lilith later."
The girl was now in tears. Azazel? WHo is this demon who had taken her mother's life? And to think that she had prayed for the lost souls. She was disgusted, utterly disgusted. "COntinue then....." "YOu must understand, Lilith, I have seen all the saddness a mortal life holds. I have seen the brutal deaths, the incurable diseases and the many deaths of friends and loved ones." I had glimpsed you mourning your Mother at her funeral bed 15 Thanksgivings ago. I saw the pain in your father's eyes. Those eyes that seemed to burn with love for your mother, his first and only love. I felt his pain, it haunted me for what seemed an eternity. I was destined to find Azazel, to destroy him for the selfish demon that he is. I searched for years, from the rainy days of Paris to the highest peaks in Asia. But I had not found him. The saddness enveloped me until I could no longer bare it. I had watched you suffer as a young girl by the abuses from your drunken uncle and I saw you grow into a beautiful young lady. "Oh, Lilith, it seemed as though the ticking of the clock would drive me mad, reminding me of your mortal life. A life that wouldnt last forever, no matter how many years I was there by your side and watching you." "Lilith, I will tell you why I brought you here." " I couldn't bare to see the pain in your eyes when you thought of your mother at Sunday mass or to feel the evocative sadness beheld in your dreams." " I had to offer you a release. A release from the pain of the mortal life and the tick-ticking of your life's clock as the years went by. He took her hand into his. "My love, my lady, I brought you here to offer you the dark gift.""Here at Ambrose's Garden, on the same night 500 years ago, under the same yellow moon under which I was born, there is to be an initiation" "I mentioned before the feast of Emaziah..... " YOu see, my love, all the immortals of the world know of my love for you." " They have seen me watch you grow and learn with every hour, and every passing day. "They offer you this celebration as they hold the love I have for you dearly. " As I am their brother, they welcome you to be their sister." "I only wish you will accept this gift and share eternity with me, my Lilith, and share in my love for you, a mortal...... a love so very rare."
~Led into despair~
When I feel this tormenting dance sucking me in pulling me into this painful void of loneliness and confusion I dream of twilight I dream of an end to the aching I dream of a release.....
When I feel my heart caving in on all sides my soul being torn like a hungry wolf I see no happiness I see no satisfaction I see no beauty....
And when I glance into the inner being
and its welcoming, open gaze
the melody of the soul, heart and emotions
as it were meant to be...
When I look to the past, where I often left an imprint of my love
And realize it is gone
And know there is nothing much for me to do
I feel everything and nothing at once.
~In Lament~
"I'm watching her fall", he said, in lament of his lover's pain. And all the stars seem to regret ever dwelling in her eyes. Mourn,it will make no difference, he promised her they would meet by night.
"Am I not calling for you," he said, holding roses black as night. "Have I not abandoned my heart to rebellious emotions?" He watched as the sea melted into a swirl of twilight abyss. "I cannot put into words my love for you, and how my soul will not allow such poetic language to flow from my voice... not the way it was intended to be.
Yet he promised they would meet by night.. With flowers and lace in their palms. Holding onto each other as the dove holds its purity Without doubt.
For is it possible that our hearts can trust another's words Enough to sell our souls, like the gluttons we have been.. On our eternal search for love, light and being .. which without agonizing sacrifice we shall never achieve. And all the while, as the night proclaims its love for the day.. And the marriage of nightengale and beast is reflected in the rivers of time.. Wandering and dreaming are we... perhaps incapable of identifying life's most sacred and precious gift... This, the gift of rebirth within another, we shall seek until our souls find new doorways.
Yet he promised they would meet by night.
~A Million Years~
Falling hearts upon falling loves.... And souls in lonesome flight Lamenting the agony Of another winter gone by Without the presence Of the undying spirit Felt so deep in its veins
And as all the world passes by
Hand in Hand
Like Butterflies....
Upon the wind
Upon the sky
Lamenting the years that passed us by
~Orchids of Spring~
In emptiness she admires the glare of Luna through the sea.. With heart in hand and soul in wandering.. Yet the voices she heard were misleading And the rose's scent was much too sweet To comfort a lost and forlorn soul.
On the banks of that shore, in solitude, she weeps.. But the tears are hidden from the eye.. Things sought after seemed much too out of reach. In calling for an entity of love, she lost herself To the softness of the wind, and the orchids in spring bloom.. "I cannot explain," said she.."I cannot speak without a voice in which to release the words and I cannot reach such a voice until I break from this field from which lovers mourn and children break innocence."
"I am afraid I have no path on which to travel, and the gates from which I emerged have locked behind my back."
In surrender, she abandoned it all on that night...
To the softness of the wind and the spring orchids.
~Regression~
So many words go unspoken
When all we do is miss, regret, fear and wish...
That perhaps all that ever could be, is hidden within time..
Unexposable by our selfishness and doubt...
By none other than ourselves.
~In Dreaming ( a moment in Heaven)~
In dreaming, my love... I met you.. Walking in the sand, a brief glimpse of Heaven I found your hand in mine...somehow it must have gotten misplaced.
In my slumber, my love... I felt you.... Sweet scent of roses and a touch of rain... The way you smiled... You know it was infectious.
In my deepest sleep I heard you, my love... A voice sweeter than the night.. And more precious than the song of the dove.
And in waking, my love... I lost you...
Somewhere in the subconscious..
So far away, untouchable..
But you still wander about...
While I watch you..
Through a mirror in my soul...
Till the day you fall like burning leaves..
Back to where you belong.
~Standing of the Beach With Nothing More Than the Faintest Memory~
All days contain no sunshine When all there is left Is the sorrow and pain, Regret, tears and longing.. For something lost, that I thought had found me...
And the nights they have no moonlight Not as they had before No stars, no wishes, no believing a thing in the world...
To think that all of this has come of a mistake...
A quickly spoken word...
A gesture, mearly a thought at all..
And to think that it has emptied my soul...
The pain is unbearable.
~Aching (watching my mind fall)~
Watching my mind fall
Is the most unidentifyable thing
It is undescribably painful..
These pains I must feel...
Feeding on my heart..
While sensibility tells me to forget..
And the soul tells me to regret..
And all other senses leave me dumbstruck..
In this paradox of confusion and hurt.
~Love's Sadness~
Sadness knows nothing...
Nor do I
Of embracing
Nor kisses on the brow.
And love knows nothing
Of tears
Nor weeping with head tilted toward distant shadows.
But let it be known
From the depths of the bluest oceans
To the air beyond our reach...
That love know'est no misery greater than the loss of love itself..
So...
Love, then, does know of such weeping and tremors of the heart..
But only when that love is absent.
~A Cold Whisper~
A cold whisper... a touch of winter
Reminds me of the saddest things..
Tears and Frozen hearts clear ice
And memories of years past.
A shivering touch... a glimpse of love's death
And of things that could've been...
Pierce my soul like a beam of shock
As he claimed the words would pierce his heart.
Rivers of teardrops and regrets fill my head
As I linger about this room in confusion.
An old familar face appears only to grant more sorrows.
He passes... and a few sweet words are remembered.
They pass as quickly as they came...
And off I part... with death in heart..
And whipers start aflame.
~The Lover's Star~
Once.... upon midnight hour and sky lit by stars
A night so bright the rose blooms danced and spirits rejoiced
A star was gazed upon... by two longing souls
And so in harmony the they spoke...
"Why is it that stars shine bright, moon's face so pale and Angels flight that I shall Be alone Tonight, without My love, my destiny."
"For never was any star so stunning, as the love-lit eyes of my lover unknown...
And let it not be asked by any fool so childish, so blind of heart
How a lover unknown be seen of the eye..
For it is clear to see that in the fire of that star, that star which finds the eye of a man, and in it's Irreplaceable glare so bright, lonesome hearts can see their destined
Lover and such men shalt not look twice upon that star... and feel the joyous laughter in the presence of The hearts of their future kindred
For a soul shalt ne'er have capability to bear such pain... if only for a short while
To know that their dear, their keeper of the heart, has yet to journey into their lives... but only into Their Hearts... for that short while, in which Lovers gaze up into the sky and wish it be true, that their joy can become eternal.... only with the touch of their soul match.
And so.... upon nights like these in which such lovers weep rivers of sadness... far longer than the life of a man and more innocent than a child's touch... All the skies seem to collapse in mourning, so very afraid of reflecting a man's fate within the fire of it's brightest star.
~Deceptive Voices~
You used to remind me of petal-soft daydreams..
Floating aloft rivers of countless memories.
The crystal clear smiles of you and your remains,
Lying amongst amethyst adversaries and
Coveted cruelties.
Remembered and untouched, dancing with dewdrops..
On Lily-thin tabernacles preaching your Declarations of love.
Countless ways and countless times
You've spread and spoke your lies..
Again, and again, fulfilling your promise
Of deceit
And opposition
To my rumoured heart of gold.
~The Night Will Not Prevail~
Here
Alone
Deafened by your songs
And blinded by your cry
I sit
Mercylessly
In pain
Withering amongst the raindrops
And swaying to the beat of your
Unkind heart
Like plastic dancing in the wind.
But the night will not prevail
In playing upon my soul like a demon aflame.
You
Are an undying entity
Filled with lies and controversy
Your mind runs like wild horses
Misled by affairs of the past
That twist and turn in your mind's grave..
You walked with angels through a garden of tears.
Oh, as you rise and fall I stand here alone
I feel cold wind howls through the
Warm Summer sun..
I watch you move
I stalk your voice
I dance to your songs
I play with your mind
Or, so I have been told?
~Petals~
Death, upon roses' shed skin..
Recall souls passed over..
In lament, undoubting..
Smiles of the boy nextdoor..
Or lack thereof..
Never seemed so cruel.
~Time~
A sigh upon a thousand losses
A tear upon a death..
Wil'st thou remember me?
When body bids farewell?
And spirit wishes none of earth's guilty pleasures
But seeks eternal existance in the mislead paradise of a moon kissed night in the arms of your effigy?
For time, a deceitful object that..
Knows nothing of love,
nor tolerance,
nor patience...
Must not give reason for the loss of my eternal light, my darling.
Curse'ed Nachtangel ( Never feel warmth again)
Touch the heart, feel thy breath Falling in spirals of grace and horror... Cursed are thou upon wings of angels, You'll never feel his warmth.
Upon thy night, a beast of gold Came o'er .. Flying.. Howling his calls of sadness and confusion With 3 thorned crucifix and eyes of stone.
Never now
And never again
Feel thy grace in patterns of softness
Through rivers of darkness
Ye shall travel
And feel thy warmth nevermore.
Floating Aloft Daydreams
"One last kiss", she calls, blurring silence.. "A tender touch," but only a cold embrace. Time stands still in admiration.. Admiration of her being.. Her effigy.. Her echos of love.
Graveyards and lilies rise in dignity Any memoirs of old feel the lover's spell. Aching passion for the past hours Spread it's wings... but wearily.
Icicles dance in winter solstice Spring rain rejoices but for none.. They will feel the agony.. She will feel the agony.. As roses shed their thorns, Rays burn ashes on the banks of the sea.. And every song will pierce the lover's ears.. As did the pulse of her lover's voice.
Calling and calling She floats amongst centuries She falls unto moments never shared in his arms. Indeed his arms melt stone into gold and tears into joy.. And his smiles mend the crevices of ancient castles of old.
She shall never feel his grace
His tender flesh upon her brow
And fall within the centuries, my love.. my being, my very self...
For I shall never be warm again.
Like Rain From the Treetops
Whirling emotions like a broken-necked bird
Come flying down upon trees of hopelessness
Spiraling.. Tears fall out like rain from the treetops
Death is not an occurence when mind bids its farewell..
The mind has parted its sanity..
Too many hours gone bad
In recognition of one's own faults
Which one can never make up for
The hour is still and the minute is racing..
Through shiny blue teardrops that fall like rain
From the treetops.
An Empty Search
If, for once I could succeed in seeking you.. To find you Perhaps it would calm the tides in my heart And end this discontentment of the mind
You would mold the warmth of your loving embrace Softly into my heart And Skillfully seal all the empty voids in my soul... A soul that breathes only to find you And your graceful unseen path Which has left footprints of yearning onto my being
Always calling with your soft breath of immortality Reminding me that "love never dies"
And you... as an effigy Have all the power and ability All the intensity and magic To build inside a dwelling for centuries' generations
And only then would the sunmake its rise over the fields
Which whisper our love for countless miles
Only to reach me, conclusively thereafter
Israel
In remembrance of you Deep sweet eyes similar to the dark of your skin Pain took hold of me and refused to release Its grasp upon my lonesome soul Taunting me with guilt and sorrow Endlessly... To remind me of the sunset in your eyes And how, at one time You were mine You and your foreign beauty
But I let you pass.. I bruised you..
As did the others, regrettably
Only When Time Stands Still
Nothing earthly holds me As still as the timeless ticking of your soul.. And eyes
Yet the minutes rage through each of the 24 Piercing every other moment in its' grasp
With aqua colored footsteps and translucent skin Tearing gaps where emotion once sealed each wound
But still not a single emotion touches my soul And continues its feel through my back Like the silver shining stab of loneliness
Contradictions
This as every other day Opened with loss Closed with wishes And returned to the back of the mind to repeat its ferocious cycle
And the rain fell much harder than it did on the others And the sun shone much more as well
Contradictions are the highest extent of our intelligence When the rose's petals are no match for the sharpness of its thorns
"And drift upon my days," said he "And melt away my nights With dreams of love and completion To sculpt my morning into a smile."
Refusal by the stars Forces fate to fingerprints Said to control their own destiny
My heartbeat beckons your awakening Still I exist Plain and distraught Without you... 'Makes you contemplate existance
I'm tired of feeling February tides When last March has not yet come to completion
And where is he? Opportunity is knocking But my mind has chained each door shut
So put your palm to my heart And feel its unsteady beat Then come to me now To hold me in your lilac arms And kiss my tears away
To Wish Upon the Impossible
There are dreams in your eyes which are difficult to release They hide so deep Only glisten on the surface And taunt me with guilt
I'm so sorry for all I have done And I cannot come to realize The great gift I once had And how with cruelty Uncertainty I have thrown it all away And reassured your doubt in me forevermore
I can stare deeply into the rubies which dance in a flame Or fall away Into the sadly certain darkness which embraces The heart of me
Or I could look deeply into the soul of your words So seldom they are And write you Endlessly
But you will not return to the heaven from which you previously descended And you will never return to the loving arms of The garnet roses which open and close in your mind As does the day As does the night
In these flowers are kept the secrets of your passions which Enclose me deep Though the pains of your past hold me in frustration Murderous men holding axes of ignorance While you watch as a child Rainbows turn to massacres
Be still, my love in assurance that No awesome sunrise Could ever compare To the softness of your smile Or the many colours of your fingertips When love is caged and concealed Within Middle Eastern moons As they rise over evenings of equality Within your heart and mind
I am wishing upon the impossible When my heart begs your revisit deep inside
I wish you the love, which you cannot have
And the existence you never beheld
My love, I wish you all I could not give
To you
Ode to Love and Deception
She watches the sun rise over fields of burgundy Soon the two fade To a warm, crisp crimson Like the melting together of two hearts That burn for each other
His persona melts While icy blue moons Appear to exist in recollection Of the summer which had been colder than snowfall
Then he asks me to write him a sonnet And he begs me to tell him a lie And all the words seem to fade to gray Where once They were as a painter's palate
Lovers seem to draw the strongest gusts of wind From winter trees While embracing in the warmth of a sunrise At a bus stop
How I long to feel that warmth A touch, a tender embrace But if it were offered by any other than you I would have to decline
Perhaps I have been romancing the stone When smiles are given to the utmost apathetic
We're feeling pressures from unknown sources
I'm watching the snow Fall tenderly Without you And it feels colder than death
Still He Holds Eternally My Heart
He stands strong As a lamppost
And in watching the night he seeks Contentment; he watches as we fall like kamikaze sinners
Why must confusion introduce itself to Kind and gentle hearts To those which bloom lilac in May
And prey upon the mind of moon tides Which, with magnificent magnetism Blanket sand with ocean Nightly and without cease
He captivates me with simple gestures
He holds in beauty Purity In bouquets of smiles and aspired dreams That have blown like sweet spring wind into Mine eyes Only to draw happiness from their corners
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