undefined
By: Kate Butler
Author's Ramblings: I got a suggestion for another funny
self-instertion fic. So, here we go.
Disclaimer: Sailor Moon is not mine, and we all know that. But Sayda
belongs to Misty Coats, and I'm borrowing her for a second. (This is
because Sayda sells things, like diffusing marbles and cookies.)
Super Man is not mine, Batman is not mine, Spiderman is not mine, and
Wonder Woman is not mine. 'The Product Information Channel' is not
mine. SuperKate IS mine.
"I wonder what it's like to be a super hero..." --Matchbox 20
"I'm bored," sighed a blonde haired teenager, leaning back in
the large plush couch. Her hair was done up, with a bun on either side
of her head, and everyone in the audience recognized her as the one,
the only Sailor Moon. Well, today, she was just Usagi, and she was
*bored*. There was really nothing to do in downtown Tokyo on a Tuesday
in the middle of summer vacation. Minako and Ami were both out of town
visiting their respective realitives; Makoto was spending the week with
her best friend; Rei was doing a complete temple overhawl for her
Grandfather.
So Sailor Moon--erm, Usagi Tsukino--picked up the remote
control and switched on the T.V.
It was then that an auburn-haired teen girl with horns and
wings appeared on the screen, a big, friendly smile on her face.
"Hello, I'm Sayda. Are you sick and tired of being klutzy and
ditzy? Are you embarassed because other Super Heroes think you're a
whimp?"
Usagi readied the remote. "I hate info-mertials," she yawned,
thumb looming dangerously close to the 'channel up' button.
"You touch that dial," shot the character on the screen, "and
I will make you sorry that you were ever born!" Her eyes flashed red
for a brief moment as she pointed directly at the teen's chest. "I'm
half-dragon, you know, and I can do whatever the heck I want!"
Drawing her knees to her chest, Usagi smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, Miss..."
"Sayda." She crossed her arms over the black T-shirt she wore.
"Don't you even listen? Kids these days..." She 'tisk, tisk'-ed her
tongue and shook her head slowly from side to side. "Now, will you
please pay attention to my message?"
The blonde grimaced and sighed deeply. "I suppose," she told
the dragon/girl in a shaky voice.
Clearing her throat, Sayda continued. "My name is Sayda, and
I help run the 'Super Hero School of America'. It's a nice place. Very
nice. And we're accepting applications." She winked a long wink. "What
do you say, Sailor Moon?"
"How'd you know that?!" shot Usagi, azure eyes growing wide.
"No one knows that..."
"Like I don't watch anime," laughed the other teen with a
broad smile. "So, you in?"
"I guess," sighed Usagi with a half-smile. "I guess..."
*
The brunette leaned back in the desk chair, hazel eyes skimming
slowly over the computer screen. "Good, good, good... Nope, 'i' before
'e'..." She retyped a few letters and slouched back into the seat.
"Good, good, good...mmm-hmm..."
"Kate?" came a voice.
Toppling backward in the chair, the teen sprung to her feet
and shot a stern glance at the co-owner of the school. "Sayda!" she
scolded, knotting her brow and sweat-dropping. "Don't do that!"
Sayda shrugged and offered forth a stack of papers. "This is
for you," she grinned. "And your class is here."
Looking around the room, the taller teen blanched. "Why do we
host the school in my house?" she softly asked, neatening the videos
next to the VCR.
"And why did *I* have to threaten Sailor Moon's life just to
keep her on the Product Information Channel?" Sayda dusted off one of
the end tables and straightened the couch cushions. "It's all relative,
S.K."
Rolling her eyes, the brunette tossed her ponytail a bit.
"Let them in," she told her friend with a slight grin. "I'm ready."
F
ive people, all in variously colored costumes, filed down the
stairs and looked nervously around the room. It looked like your
average suburban livingroom, complete with a T.V., a VCR, a huge
stereo, and a rather large array of video game systems. "Wow..."
breathed the smallest of the group, her golden hair drawn into a high
ponytail instead of in its usual style. "I've never seen a house like
this before."
The tallest, a man dressed in a tight blue-and-red body suit a
wearing a large 'S' on his chest, rolled his dark eyes. "Where'd you
dig her up? Mars?" he asked cynically.
"Shut up, Super Man," commented the man in a hardened black
body suit and a black cape. "You've always been so judgemental. Your
head is the size of Metropolis."
Making a face, the tallest man sunk into the green, marroon,
and gold couch.
"Lazy, too," put in a woman in a short, bathing-suit-like
outfit and a large amount of armor. "I don't know which is worse. And
teasing this poor girl..."
Usagi pouted. "I'm not a poor girl!" she shot, sniffling. The
others looked blankly at her, and she held out her henshin brooch.
"See?" she asked hopefully, the gold item shining in the bright lights.
"I'm Sailor Moon!"
"Who?" asked the last man, whose oddly decorated costume
somehow allowed him to hang from the ceiling like an insect.
The two school-leaders and the blonde sweat-dropped as the
red-and-blue garbed man said this.
"Come on," Sayda finally said in an exasperated tone, her left
eyebrow twitching as she broke the nervous silence. "Let's begin. My
name is Sayda, and I am one of the co-owners of this school."
"With me," smiled the brunette, stepping into the lime light.
Errr... Hang on... ::Switches on lime light:: A-hem... "I am SuperKate,
the defender of justice."
Usagi blushed. "That's not FAIR!" she whined, stomping her
foot. "I'm the CHAMPION of justice. Everyone's always stealing MY
lines!"
SuperKate and Sayda looked at the tears welling in their
student's eyes and promptly covered their respective ears.
"WWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!"
*
About an hour later, Usagi had been sedated and all broken
glass was being cleaned up by a strange blonde girl with a ladybug-
spotted cape on.
"I thought," muttered SuperKate with a grimace, sorting through
the last few applications while the four non-gagged (hey, how else do
you sedate Usagi?) heroes bickered amongst themselves, "that you were
getting the fifth-season Sailor Moon, Sayda..." Her tone was cold and
accusing.
The dragon girl sweat-dropped. "Well, about that," she sighed.
"Ran into Setsuna-chan and we got to talking and I accidentially got
a first-season Usagi with a fifth-season broach..." Sighing, the
dragon shrugged. "But Setsuna-chan told me that she'll probably be
pretty good... She ditzes out a lot, but she does know everything that
happens during seasons one through five...a sort of omnipotent Sailor
Moon..."
"Setsuna-CHAN?" asked the brunette incredulously. "How in
Heaven's name do you know her so well?"
Sayda winked slyly. "We've all got our secrets."
"MY outfit is the coolest!" announced the dark-haired woman,
idly twirling her shield on one finger. "What other uniform gives you
cuteness AND utility?"
The man on the ceiling looked about ready to cry. "That's not
fair!" he shot in annoyance. "I've got a cute outfit! Just not so
useful..." He shot a short stream of white, sticky stuff across the
room, recieving a very stern glare from the taller of the two teachers.
"But I have Spider Sense..."
"Bat Sense," argued the man in all black, "is much cooler."
The man in the body-suit and tights looked offended. "Now,
WHO here is faster than a speeding bullet..."
"*Ammm wooo aboow Mooom fowew?" attempted the teen, nearly
choking on her gag.
(*And what about Moon power?)
The person in the ladybug cape slung the garbage bag full of
glass over her shoulder and shot an icy glance at both Sayda and
SuperKate. "You guys are so mean," she muttered in annoyance.
"Chibi-Uuuuuuuuuuusa..." cooed the brunette sweetly.
The strange blonde made a face and ran screaming from the
room, never to make an appearance in this fic again.
"Now, that's enough." SuperKate sat on the edge of a rickety-
looking brown table and swung her legs absently. "We're gonna take
roll call and then rush out to the 'obstacle' course," she announced
merrily.
Her auburn-headed counterpart watched the table shudder with
every movement of the teen's legs. "Kate...."
"Wonder Woman?"
The woman in the tight bathing-suit armor grinned charmingly
and bowed deeply. "At your service, Miss SuperKate."
"Suck up," muttered the one in black.
"Super Man?"
Smoothing his body-suit, the man with the 'S' on his chest
smiled sweetly and folded his hands in his lap. "Here."
"You are such a girl," commented the one on the ceiling.
SuperKate giggled at this, kicking the table absently with her
heels as she did so. Sayda grimaced.
"Kate....."
"Batman?"
Nodding, the man in black closed his eyes.
"Spidey... Erm, Spiderman?"
The one on the ceiling winked.
"Sailor Moon?"
"*Gah meh da el oowd ooof disst tin!" she struggled, trying to
pull the gag off with absolutely no resolve. It was stuck like glue
which, ironically, Sayda had left within SuperKate's reach again.
(*Get me the Hell out of this thing!)
SuperKate leaned back, the table still shaking. By this time,
the dragon child (heh heh, Misty's email) had given up on warning her
friend and was rolling on the ground, laughing her head off. The
caped heroine looked down at her friend with concern before sighing and
turning back to the group. "Anyway, out of curiousity, how many of you
have ever been laughed at before?"
Usagi raised her hand proudly, and then--seeing as none of the
others had raised theirs--withdrew it and sulked.
"Well, you all will understand how poor Sailor Moon feels,"
she smiled, pulling her knees to her chest. "By the end of this week,
you'll wish that you've never been born. You'll *hope* that you'll die
a slow, painful death. For this--" a wicked smile crossed her face,
followed closely by an all-out smirk "--will be much, much worse."
Regaining the composure she had lost (rolling on the floor
laughing her butt off at SuperKate, remember?), Sayda brushed herself
off and pointed up the stairs. "To the 'obstacle' course!" she
announced.
SuperKate tried to jump up, but the table collasped beneath
her.
"Shimatta," muttered the brunette.
*
"Now," SuperKate instructed, pulling her letterman jacket
closer around her body, "I want you all to dive in."
The four un-gagged heroes all voiced their complaints.
"It looks cold!"
"It's the middle of winter!"
"You're a masticist, aren't you?"
"Are you kidding?"
"God, no!"
"It'll frost my armor!"
Usagi, peering into the dark waters of the swimming pool,
shrugged bravely and raised her broach above her head.
"*Mooom hisum fowew... mafe uf!" she announced, sticking both
one hand and the little object high into the air.
(*Moon Prism Power... Make Up!"
Nothing happened, and she sweat-dropped.
Sayda rushed forward and whispered something quickly into the
heroine's ear. The sweat-drop vanished, and the blonde smiled and
cleared her throat as best she could.
"*Mooom edurna... mafe uf!" she attempted.
(*Moon Eternal... Make Up!)
Like magic...wait, it WAS magic...the girl changed into a
young woman, a cresent moon adorning her forehead and a rather
clashing, hideous fuku (Note: my opinion is mine, but Eternal SM's
fuku is sooooo ugly!) upon her lithe body. She smiled broadly, and
then proceeded to wink at the group. Testing her mouth, she relized
one thing--the gag was gone.
"Shimatta..." muttered both Sayda and SuperKate in unision
as Sayda poured some hot tea into to thermoses.
"I'll jump in!" announced Eternal Sailor Moon. "I can withstand
any amount of cold weather!"
Thus the competition between heroes started.
"Me first!"
"No, me!"
"She can't be the STRONG babe! I'm the strong babe!"
"Plastic is insulating, right?"
A large crash was heard as Super Man, Batman, Spiderman, and
Wonder Woman jumped into the pool, followed by the sound of cracking
ice.
From her spot atop the ladder, Eternal Sailor Moon looked down.
The water had not been water at all, but really a block of ice,
cleverly masked under a large illusion. Squished, super-deformed
charactitures of all four heroes sat atop the ice, waddling around
cutely.
"Kawaii!" smiled the blonde, stars in her blue eyes. "But what
does that prove?"
SuperKate sipped her tea with a slight smile. "Lesson Number
One," she told the teen. "Never under-estimate your enemy."
"Especially," added in Sayda, "when they wear a towel as a
cape."
The brunette wacked her friend upside the head with a large
purple rock.
*
"Now," SuperKate said, folding her arms over her chest and
leaning back on the garage roof. "Lesson Two."
Spitting out the third tooth of the morning, Batman made a
face. "No dirty tricks this time?"
Ignoring him, she continued. "You will each run around the
yard and pick up silver darts like these." She flashed five tiny
weapons. "You will then throw them at Sayda, who will be flying above
your heads."
The auburn haired girl turned a slow circle in the sky. "I
don't like this lesson!" she whined loudly to below. "Why don't you
fly up here?"
The brunette shrugged. "Ready?"
All five nodded.
"Go!"
While Wonder Woman, Super Man, Spiderman, and Batman ran around
in circles (literally--my backyard doesn't lend itself for many other
figures!), Sailor Moon stared up at the teacher. She was lovely, flying
so gracefully in the air with ease...
It was then that four loud thumps sounded.
SuperKate stood in the middle of the group of other heroes,
rubbing her hands together. Sprawled about the yard were the others,
all looking dazed with 'swirly' eyes. The heroine grinned and Sayda
coasted down to join her.
"Lesson Number Two," explained the dragon, "is to not let
yourself get too caught up in anything other than your mission."
"Or else," smiled SuperKate, "you get your butt kicked."
*
"This," whined Batman, "is nothing but a bunch of rotten
tricks."
The five students stood on one side of the yard, with their
teachers on the other. Between them was a massive black pit, spanning
the width of the yard and leaving a good thirty feet of darkness
between them and their instructors.
"Lesson Three!" announced Sayda gleefully as SuperKate bowed
her head and began chanting softly. "Get across the pit... Well, as
soon as Kate's done with this spell..."
"Spell?" asked Eternal Sailor Moon.
"Spell." Sayda winked as SuperKate waved a large purple crystal
above her head and finished the enchantment.
"What's it do?" inquired Spiderman, looking nervously into the
pit.
The brunette looked up from her folded hands. "Suspends your
super powers."
The five looked at one another and all began argueing about
what action to take.
"We'll throw each other across?"
"What about the sucker that gets stuck on this side?"
"Too bad for him."
"Guys..."
"You are such a fatelist, Wonder Woman."
"Shove it."
"How about we beg for mercy and double tuition?"
"Whimp."
"Guys...."
"There's a way... They're not that evil."
"Dirty tricks. There IS a catch."
Dropping out of the arguement, the blonde Sailor Senshi looked
carefully across the pit at the two teachers. They were smiling at her
sweetly, and she felt something well up in her.
They had faith in her. The others were all acting like real
heroes and she--through luck--was passing.
Sighing, she closed a pair of bright eyes. SuperKate wouldn't
let her hurt herself, right?
Right?
And, thusly, Eternal Sailor Moon launched herself into the
air, shouting "bonzai!" as she sailed (pun!) above the dark abyss and
landed before the duo on the other side. SuperKate's grin was almost
evil as she looked at the four on the other side of the pit.
"Lesson Number Three!" she called to them. "Don't believe
everything you're told!"
*
Super Man looked at the tiny deck of cards in his hands. "I
always hated school," he muttered, furrowing his brow.
"Lesson Four," SuperKate smiled, sitting in a lawn chair, "is
to figure out what my favorite card in the deck is."
They all looked at one another and began sorting frantically
through the five identical 'Sailor Moon' themed playing card decks.
Sayda looked wary. "Are you sure this will work?" she inquired
under her breath.
"Why wouldn't it?" she replied casually, helping herself to
a sip of tea. "I designed this class so that..."
Wonder Woman stepped forth. "The Queen of Hearts," she smiled,
flashing a card with Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Mask on it toward the
teacher. "For you are romantic and royal at heart."
"No! The Ace of Clubs!" Spiderman showed everyone his choice--
a card with a pink-haired child on its face. "For you are the master
of justice, which is held up using weapons!"
"The joker," Super Man assured them, holding out a card with
Tuxedo Mask's face on it. "For you are quite the character."
Batman showed them a card with Zoisite on it. "The Queen of
Spades," he announced. "Because you are regal and obviously vengeful."
The last heroine flipped slowly through the deck, biting her
lip thoughtfully.
"Sailor Moon?" Sayda's face grew worried.
"The three of clubs," she softly breathed, showing a picture
of a young, silver-haired queen. The woman held a crystal, and a sad
expression was upon her pale face. Two tiny cats sat before her, and
their faces--much as hers was--were lined with tears. The scenery
behind her was of a ruined kingdom.
SuperKate's breath caught in her throat. "Why?" she choked,
staring at the card.
"Well, Queen Serenity's face is so bittersweet," she informed
them all, recieving chuckles from the other students. "And she's
obviously sacrificing herself for the life of someone else." She
pointed at the black cat in the foreground. "And look at Luna..." A
tear flew down her cheek. "It's just... I think it's a better reason
than theirs..."
Nodding, the teacher took the card and placed it back in the
deck. "Correct," she smiled. "For it is not the question that's
important--it's that you believe in your answer."
"That," Sayda solemnly informed them, "is lesson number
four."
*
Spiderman grinned. "Last lesson!"
"Five." SuperKate looked up from her book. "Answer the
question truthfully." She closed the volume and scanned the room.
Eternal Sailor Moon had become Usagi again and she knew--oh Kami, she
knew--that the girl would be three times better for the last lesson
than Sailor Moon could ever be.
"What," prompted Sayda, "would you do with a million dollars?"
Batman was first. Throwing the ebony cape behind his square
shoulders, he smiled smugly. "Give it to charity."
Going next, the dark-haired woman nodded in agreement. "I'd
have to agree," she smiled, folding her hands in her lap.
"Yep." Spidey winked.
"Kawaii!" screamed SuperKate with starry eyes.
Super Man made a face. "They took my answer," he complained
loudly.
Usagi rested her chin in her hand. "Well," she sighed, glancing
at the two teachers. "I'd first give Mamo-chan some money for college,
because education is so important to him. Ami, too." She sighed. "Then,
I'd give some money to Rei, because the temple could use a little
work. And I'd help Mako-chan get a restuarant started, and I'd give
Minako money to become an idol, and... Ooh! I'd give Haruka, Michiru,
and Setsuna money to put in little Hotaru's trust fund..." She made
a face. "And I *guess* I'd give Chibi-Usa a bit of allowance, the
little spore..."
The others all laughed at her. Their voices, in fact, drowned
out the two teacher's soft-spoken words.
Almost.
"Correct," they said in unision.
Freezing, four sets of adult eyes stared at them.
"This," sighed SuperKate, "was two lessons in one..."
"Lesson Number Five," Sayda grinned, "is to always tell the
truth, no matter what happens."
"And six," the brunette informed them, "is that there are
three things that even super heroes can't defeat."
All eyes were on the friends as they smiled sadly, standing
in very similiar positions.
"What are they?" asked a shocked Wonder Woman.
"Friendship, unity, and the power of love."
*
"Wonder Woman?"
"Fail."
"Super Man?"
"Fail."
"Spiderman?"
"...fail..."
"Batman?"
"Fail."
"Sailor Moon?"
Looking up from her grade notes, SuperKate stared at the
five reportcards that her companion was filling out.
The girl had done every lesson correctly. Not one snafu
occured throughout the course, and she had even seemed to learn
something. And, though neither of the sophomore instructors would
admit to it, everyone knew the truth.
She was bound to suceed from the very beginning.
"Sayda?" A soft question broke the silence.
"Hmmm?"
"Repeat the question."
"Sailor Moon?" came the half-dragon's voice.
SuperKate smiled broadly.
"Pass."
*
Waking with a start, Usagi stared blankly at the T.V. Had it
all been a dream? She stared as the FBI warning and the appropriate
disclaimers rolled across the screen. The little 'Product Information
Channel' logo appeared in the bottom corner.
"I have to cut down on the milk shakes," she sighed, reaching
idly for the remote. "I'm going nuts."
A face flashed on the screen. "Usagi, are you really going to
change the channel BEFORE you get your grades?"
Blue eyes flew to the television and the blonde smiled. "Hey
Sayda!"
"That's more like it!" The girl pushed a strand of auburn hair
behind her ear. "Now, you'll never guess what!"
"What?"
"SuperKate's over her crush on Spiderman!"
The Japanese teen laughed pleasantly, a wistful sigh ending
her good-natured chuckles. "I miss you guys already," she commented
softly, mostly to herself.
"We'll be back to haunt you eventually," shot the brunette,
popping into view. "Don't you worry your air-head about it!"
Sweat-dropping, Sayda sighed. "Some things never change," she
mumbled.
SuperKate winked. "Who would want them to?"
A thoughtful silence filled the air as the blonde stared at
her two American friends, and a tear found its way down her cheek.
"I'm going to miss you guys."
"Hey, now," SuperKate shot, looking concerned. "You can't cry.
You passed!"
"What?"
"With flying colors!" chimed in the dragon-girl. "I couldn't
have done better myself!"
"I could have," muttered SuperKate under her breath.
Staring at the screen, Usagi smiled. "Well, thanks..."
"Don't thank us," prompted Sayda.
"Thank yourself," finished SuperKate.
The T.V. clicked off.
*
Usagi woke with a start (again). Sitting up in bed, she
stretched and looked at the crescent moon that alit the sky. "Wow," she
muttered to herself. "What kind of a dream was that?"
Indeed, it had been odd. A hero school? With a caped teen and
a half-dragon? But Sayda and SuperKate's faces were far too real...
"I need to cut down on the midnight snacks," she muttered,
rolling over in bed and placing one hand on her pillow.
It was then that she felt the piece of paper in her hand.
Opening her blue eyes once again, she broke the seal and read it
once, twice, three times--just to make sure that it was real.
'Hey, SM!
We're more real than you think, kiddo.
Just rember--you passed. We both knew you'd do it.
And, by the way...
Lesson Number Seven: Things are not always as they seem.
-SK and Sayda'
Smiling, the blonde leaned back in her pillows. "I miss you
guys," she thought aloud.
Another line added itself magically to the end of her note.
'We miss you, too.'
*End*
Thanks to Misty for letting me use Sayda!
The strange blonde who cleaned the glass was SuperLadyBug, the
fictional version of Christina Gifford who belongs (tee-hee) to
me.
All the SM playing card faces DO look as they are discribed. I have
one.
Smile!
Kate
