EXTREME SPORTS
There's nothing quite like the sheer adrenal rush of snowboarding naked down a vertical cliff at three in the morning onto a big spike. But it's not for everyone. I knew a couple of guys who tried it, came back with limbs missing, Jessies! So what we have here for you today is a list of some of the other extreme sports you might want to try...
HOT POOL
You take an average, normal pool table and you set it on fire. Then you set both players and their cues and all the balls on fire. The aim is to complete a frame before your skin falls off! ADRENALIN!!
SHARP SOCCER
Played with the same rules as ordinary girls soccer, but with massive knives strapped to your boots! And the ball is made of sodium, so it burns the goalkeeper! ADRENALIN!!
EXTREME TENNIS
Again, a variant on the traditional pansies' game of tennis. The traditional court is dispensed with in favour of an airtight glass tank of half the size. The two players are sealed in for the duration of the game. Racquets and balls have been replaced with Desert Eagle pistols. Players, who are stripped naked and bilndfolded, shoot at each other over a pile of broken glass until a bell sounds and a thousand hungry sewer rats are released into the tank and the air is shut off. ADRENALIN!!!!
These are just some of the many new and exhilarating sports out there! So keep pushing it to the max!
ADRENALIN!!
About the Author: Tristram Kent is 28 years old and lives in a hospice in Stoke Newington, North London. His ambition is to "be like the dudes on the Pepsi Max commercials", shrieking and waving soft drinks about.