humourous
comedy lists archive page
There comes a point in
the composition of any purportedly humourous venture when its
creators simply run out of steam, and switch on a kind of comedy
auto-pilot, a fail-safe device, which has been proven so because,
normally, the idea has been thieved from elsewhere. We at the
Mandrill wish to carry on this fine tradition of plagiarism
born of desperation, so here is the Comedy List page...
issue 2 -Feb 2000
TEN THINGS
I GOT UP TO WITH MY BESTEST PAL EVER HUGH 'HEF' HEFNER LAST WEEKEND
1) Went to Toys 'R' Us,
looked at AT-AT Star Wars vehicle.
2) Looked at ladies.
3) Fought over custody
of double ended lightsabre (Hef won).
4) Played 'Slaps'.
5) Had a look in Hef's
dad's dirty books box.
6) Dressed up as pirates.
7) Fought over custody
of cutlass (I won).
8) Bought a bottle of
Diamond White and got pissed in the park.
9) Vomit on Hef's WWF
T-shirt.
10) Did stunts on our
BMX bikes with Mag wheels and everything..
TEN 'LIFE-LINES'
THAT FAILED TO MAKE AN APPEARANCE ON 'WHO WANTS TO BE A MILLIONAIRE?'
1) Pull my finger
2) Phone a pheasant.
3) Touch the milk.
4) Lick Tarrant.
5) Punch a pensioner
6) Glare at a bear.
7) Put it on.
8) Bash the Bishop.
9) Milk Tarrant.
10) Bribe the typing
chimp.
issue 3 - march 2000
10 POPULAR OFFICE TIME-WASTING ACTIVITIES
1) Stealing pens from
co-workers desks and replacing them with frozen snakes.
2) Guessing the sex of
passing birds.
3) Whittling an ape sculpture
out of fudge.
4) Replacing all the Tipp-Ex
with little bottles of dove spunk.
5) 'Milking' boy doves
in order to perform 4).
6) Bullying anyone who
earns less than you.
7) Sulking about 'a bad
pie' you ate last night.
8) Ninja Fighting displays.
9) Paperclip fucking.
10) Spitting and using
strong language.
10 THINGS HULK HOGAN KEEPS IN HIS
HANDBAG
1) Ladies' hair grips
2) Signed photo of Red
Rum
3) Linda Lusardi's phone
number ("The Lurve Connection")
4) Wonder Woman mouse
mat
5) 1953 Rupert Annual
6) Pavement LP
7) Tallow
8) Special Time Travel
Helicopter (like Sport Billy)
9) Minstrel piss
10) Snooker mags
POPULAR NAMES FOR DOGS
1)
Spitfire
2) Snog Donkey
3) Crack Habit
4) Jeremy
5) The Pub
6) Only Fools And Horses
7) Laramie
8) DJ Sexmaster Nude
9) Birthday Magic
10) Ruth
Back
to life, back to reality