Once back in the dim and distant 20th Century, when the Mandrill was initially conceived, I held the heroically foolish notion that somebody might read it. Well, three months in and still just three men and a dog in the audience. Since no fucker's listening, I feel an urge to explain myself...
WHY IS IT CALLED 'THE MANDRILL'?The title was inspired by two sources. Firstly, a story in 'Exterminator!' by the late William S. Burroughs, 'The Coming Of The Purple Better One' which featrures a mandrill baboon running for the American Presidency. Secondly, in homage to the comic genius Chris Morris, whose brilliant series 'Brass Eye' featured a reference to Queen Elizabeth giving birth to a child that resembled a mandrill "by mistake". Other than that, primates rock...
WHAT HAVE YOU GOT AGAINST MATT DAMON?
His face, mostly. He has a really punchable face, smug looking. Sorry, it's as simple and as arbitrary as that. I can't even pretend it's satire... His face irritates me.
DAMN IT YOU SUCK! I COULD DO MUCH BETTER! WHERE DO I GO TO SHOW YOU UP WITH MY SUPERIOR WIT?
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