Season Four...dawg!Here is the start of Season IV's cast. The new people don't get much air time, but that's perfectly okay with me. They're so young which just makes it even worse that the multi-season fools who stuck around are so much older. It's kind of like the kiddies playing in the nursing home. But all of them still sport those great "Zoom approved" sneakers. Thank goodness for Payless Shoe Source and their supa-fly sneaks bay-bay! Oh yes, and let's not forget K-mart for their blue-light Chapter 11 specials on the seven outfits needed to make up the wardrobe for the cast. Oh yes, and there is no token fatty which kind of ticks me off. No, not kind of ticks me off, it DOES tick me off. We are a nation of differences, and there ARE obese children. Very few shows include anything but anorexic super model wanna-bes, and now Zoom is joining their ranks. Hey, here's an idea... bring back Buzz! Long live the Yellow Submarine!
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Aline
Yuck... this chica brags that her cat loves to listen to the toilet flush. I have a few questions about that. For one, how exactly did you figure that out? Does that mean that you invited your cat to sit in the bathroom with you while you were using the facilities? That's just disgusting. I should seriously report you to the ASPCA if that's the case. And does that mean you flush the toilet to simply entertain your cat? That's a waste of water. Water wasters like you make me sick! And did you know mommy and daddy have to pay for every time you flush the potty? It's called a water bill. Five year olds don't know much about paying the bills though I guess. However, Aline does have a mean sense of style. Her hair for example. I mean, how many times did you have to stick your finger in the light socket to get it look like that? Yep girl, beauty is pain. |
Estuardo
It took me a while to figure out if Estuardo had braces or just really bad teeth. I'm going to chalk it up to his teeth. It looks like the kid has been delving into the chewing tobacco for at least 5 years. And considering that he is about 5, that's an awful long time to be chewing. Please, please, please Estuardo, run to the nearest mini-mart and pick up a gallon jug of bleach and swish with it. Some may tell you it's unhealthy, but I say it will do wonders for those teeth of yours. You'll thank me later, I promise. |
Garret
Garret's the token local yokle. His whole facade screams "HICK!!" He reminds me of those people that sit on their porch and wave at the train for entertainment. Obviously he needs to be from some where in the Boston area to be on this show, but I just don't care. He's a hick! The haircut, the ears... oh those ears. His ears are like the token fatty of the season. It would be too childish and easy to make Dumbo jokes about them, so I won't. I just wish he was born a few years earlier. He would have been such a beautiful addition to "The Waltons"...yes, there is something very "Little House on the Prairie" about that boy.
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