Twiggy: Let me go! Somebody help me! HHHHEEEELLLLPPP!!!
Twiggy's screams were drowned out by the hip-hop music that was blasting. Joey, Justin, and Jerry walked out onto the dance floor. Joey walked up to Chris and turned him around.
Joey: What do you think you're doing?
Chris: Dancing. What? I can't do that or something?
Joey: No. Not with Baby.
Chris: And why not?
Joey: Because she's mine.
Baby Hugs: Hold up! Didn't nobody lay claim on me. I ain't anybody's property!
Choo-Choo: Amen.
Baby Hugs: Alright?
Choo-Choo: Mm-hmm.
Justin: Word.
Jerry: For real.
Baby Hugs: So Joey, you have no right to say that! I am not yours. I'm not even Chris'. I am just dancing with Chris. I can dance with whoever the hell I want to!
Choo-Choo: Preach.
Justin: Damn straight.
Jerry: Yep.
Baby Hugs: Okay?
Choo-Choo: Tell it. [Choo-Choo claps]
Justin: Go on.
Jerry: Right.
Baby Hugs: Joey, step off. Chris, let's dance.
Joey: No! [Joey grabs Baby] Dance with me! You haven't done that, yet!
Chris: Sorry, Ass, but Baby is dancing with me! [Chris grabs Baby]
Joey: I don't think so! [Joey grabs Baby and kisses her, but Baby counters and turns the kiss into The Tongan Death Grip]
Chris: Tongan Death Grip! Tongan Death Grip! The Tongan Death Grip!!
Choo-Choo: Baby! Come on. Let him go. [Baby lets Joey go and he falls back onto Justin]
Joey [with raspy voice]: You love me, don't you?
Baby Hugs: I didn't want it to come down to this, but you left me no other choice...
Baby pulls out her BB gun and aims it at Joey; the music stops; screams and gasps are heard all around the dance floor. Choo-Choo tries to calm everybody down.
Choo-Choo: That's not a real gun. It's an air rifle.
A patron: Oh! It's a BB gun!
Choo-Choo: Yeah.
Baby Hugs: Yep. And I'm gonna shoot Joey.
Chris: You'll shoot your eye out!
Baby Hugs: No, I'm not.
Jerry: Baby has about ten BB guns. She's an expert at it.
Baby Hugs: You should see me when I'm paintballing.
Joey: Those paintball thingies hurt.
Baby Hugs: Shut up!
Joey: Those BB gun thingies hurt.
Baby Hugs: Shut up!
Chris: Yeah, Baby. Take Joey out.
Joey: Do not encourage her, Chris! Baby loves me. She won't hurt me. And she's just playing. She doesn't know how to use that BB gun.
Baby Hugs: Psssh!!
Choo-Choo: Her favorite movie is A Christmas Story and that's because she could relate to Ralphie's plight to get that BB gun.
Baby Hugs: "Sons of bitches! Bumpuses!"
Joey: Ooh! Baby, no. I'm sorry. Please accept my apology. I'm sorry I claimed you. You can dance with Chris. Just come back to me when you're finished.
Baby Hugs: Nope. Not good enough. [Baby is about to shoot, but Jerry takes the BB gun]
Jerry: Enough! I'd rather you use The Tongan Death Grip on him.
Baby Hugs: Okay.
Jerry: No!
Joey: Why do people always want to hurt the ones they love?
Baby Hugs: I don't love you!
Jerry: Where's Twig?
Justin: I thought she was behind you. Where's JC?
Chris: They're probably back at the bar.
Choo-Choo: No one is back at the bar.
Joey: JC and Twiggy are together somewhere.
Baby Hugs: Where, Jackass?
Joey: I don't know, Beloved.
Baby Hugs: What the fuck---
Choo-Choo: Shush. Are they---
Justin: Could be.
Jerry: Are they where?
Justin: There's a room in the back where people go to get their sex on.
Joey: Yeah! I was gonna take Baby back there!
[Baby applies The Tongan Death Grip on Joey again; Choo-Choo pulls her hand away from Joey's throat]
Joey [with raspy voice]: Third time.
Justin: Let's go see if they're in that room.
Baby, Chris, Choo-Choo, Joey, and Justin head to the back to the room. Jerry, still holding Baby's BB gun, turns around to go but stops and looks up at the balcony towards the DJ table. Lance was leaning over the balcony with a smile on his face. He saw everything that went down on the dance floor. Jerry smiled and walked towards the back to join the others.
JC dragged Twiggy down a long, dark hallway. He opened the door to a room and playfully threw Twiggy in there. Twiggy landed on top of a bed. JC stood in front of the door with his arms folded and a smile on his face. He looked sort of like this. Twiggy hopped up and charged at JC.
Twiggy: Get out of my way!
JC: No.
Twiggy: Let me out of here!!
JC: No.
Twiggy: Listen here, you little spaced out crackhead---
JC: Cute. I love that little feisty side.
Twiggy: Where the hell are we?! Are we in the same place?!
JC: There are rooms in the back. I had to take you to the room farthest in the back because I didn’t want the guys to interrupt us. They call this “The Pit”.
Twiggy: “The Pit”?! There’s no way that this is a pit! I’ve been in a mosh pit. I know what it’s like. That was the greatest concert experience of my life.
JC: The only moshing that’s gonna be done here is between you and me.
Twiggy: What?! That’s it. Mama never told me there were gonna be days like this! I’m done. I’m through. I’m out!
Twiggy knocked JC out of the way and started banging on the door, screaming for someone to help her. JC grabbed Twiggy by the waist and pulled her away from the door. She countered with a low blow and a super kick.
JC: Whoa. That was cool. What was that?
Twiggy: That was a super kick. I have a whole lot of other moves, too. Like this! [Twiggy gives JC another super kick] You like that? You want more?
[Twiggy goes to give JC another super kick, but he catches her leg; Twig tries to go for an enziguiri, but JC throws her onto the bed]
JC: Enough with the games. [JC jumps on top of Twiggy] That sure was fun. Where did you learn all of those moves?
Twiggy: I used to train to be a wrestler.
JC: Really? Do you still train? [JC starts to caress Twiggy’s face]
Twiggy: No.
JC: Why not?
Twiggy: An injury forced me into early retirement.
JC: Oh. You should really get back into it. You’re pretty good. [JC starts to kiss Twiggy on her neck]
“Maybe I should,” Twiggy thought to herself. She just lied there on the bed as JC kissed her on and around her neck.
[Meanwhile, back out in the club, Baby, Chris, Choo-Choo, Jerry, Joey, and Justin were walking around in the back trying to find Twiggy and JC]
Joey: They’re not here.
Jerry: They have to be around here. They couldn’t have just vanished.
Joey: Yes, they could. Like how I can just vanish with Baby.
Baby: Get away from me. Tongan Death Grip.
Joey: Oh. I can't touch you, but Chris can?
Baby: Yeah.
Joey: Why is that?
Baby: You’re creepy.
Joey: And Chris isn’t?
Choo-Choo: You two sound like a married couple. You sound like my parents. Where’s Twig when I need her? She would’ve had a dig right there.
Jerry: We’re trying to find her.
Justin: Here we go. They should be in here. [Justin opened the door to the room they were standing in front of—no one was in there. No JC and Twiggy in sight]
Jerry: What the—they’re not in here!
Joey: Since they’re not in here, me and Baby can go in---aaahhh! [Baby has locked in The Tongan Death Grip]
Chris: Kick his ass, Baby! Kick his ass!
Choo-Choo: No. No. Let him go. How many times do I have to tell you he needs his voice? [Baby let Joey go and he fell back into the wall]
Joey: I love her!
Chris: But she doesn’t love you. She loves me!
Joey: She loves you not!
Choo-Choo: No matter what you do, she’s never gonna be with you. She’s into what she’s got. She loves me, she loves you not…
Jerry: Are we all gonna break out into song, now?
Chris, Choo-Choo, and Joey: No.
Baby: Good. ‘Cause I hate that song.
Jerry: Where the hell are Twig and JC?
Justin: Maybe they left. JC looked like he wanted to be alone with Twiggy. He probably took her out for a walk or something. You can't get romantic in a club atmosphere.
Jerry: Are they gonna be coming back?
Justin: Why wouldn’t they? JC is not gonna hurt her. Why do you seem so worried?
Jerry: It’s not Twig I’m worried about. It’s JC. She might kill him!
Justin: You’re kidding, right? [Jerry shoots Justin a look] Oh, my god. We have to find them!
Choo-Choo: Stop! Twiggy can fend for herself and if JC comes around all battered, we know what happened. Either she whupped his ass or they had rough sex.
Joey: I would love to have rough sex with Baby.
[Baby tries to get Joey with The Tongan Death Grip but Choo-Choo held her back]
Choo-Choo: You all, I didn’t come here to look for two hot-blooded people who wanted to find some time alone. I came here to get my party on. Let’s go back out to the club so I can meet some women!
Justin: You heard Choo-Choo. I’m with him.
Chris: Yeah. Baby owes me a dance.
Baby: I sure do, don’t I? Come on, let’s go. [Baby and Chris walk by Joey hand in hand; Chris sticks his tongue out at Joey]
Joey: He better get his hands off of her! [Joey stomps off after Baby and Chris]
Choo-Choo: I need a drink.
Justin: Me, too. I’ll buy it for you.
Choo-Choo: Thank you. [Justin puts his arm around Choo-Choo and they walk off together]
Jerry: Good god. [Jerry shakes her head and follows everyone]
Once Jerry made her way back out onto the dance floor, she’s noticed that everybody had scattered--Joey was watching Baby and Chris on the dance floor and Justin and Choo-Choo were sharing drinks at the bar. Jerry was standing in the middle of the dance floor, watching everybody when she felt arms wrap around her waist. She turned around to see Lance standing behind her with a smile on his face.
Lance: Would you like to dance?
Jerry: Yes.
Lance took Jerry’s hand and they went out onto the dance floor. Meanwhile, back inside the room, things between Twiggy and JC were heating up--
JC [still kissing around Twiggy’s neck]: Your hair is so red. Is it your natural color?
Twiggy: Yes.
JC: Oh. Too bad our children will have dark hair.
Twiggy: “Our children”?! Oh, no! I'm out of here! [Twiggy throws JC off of her and heads for the door, JC slides in front of her and blocks the door]
JC: You can't leave, Twiggy.
Twiggy: Oh, yeah? This will make you get out of the way! [Twiggy pulls out her stun gun from parts unknown]
JC: Ooh. [JC quickly takes the stun gun out of Twiggy's hand and tosses it]
Twiggy: Where'd you throw my toy?! You bastard!
[Twiggy tries to claw at JC, but he grabs Twiggy, picks her up, and gently places her on the bed; he slowly climbed on top of her]
JC: I want to make love to you.
Twiggy: Well, I don’t. You don’t want any of this. You can't handle this.
JC: Sounds intriguing. I'm up for the challenge. [JC starts to kiss around Twiggy’s neck again]
Okay. This sucks! Perfect, Twiggy, girl. You have a boy band member wanting to have sex with you. Don’t give in. You don’t want this on your conscience. No matter what he does—-do not give in! Your knees will stay permanently locked.
[Twiggy tried to kiss JC's neck, but she stopped herself]
You stupid! You almost gave in! Don't do that again! See? JC noticed that. He just smiled at you! You better keep those knees locked, girl. I wonder if there's a move that I can do to get him off me? The Walls of Jericho? No. He has to be standing up for that. The Sharpshooter? No. He has to be standing up for that, too. The Texas Cloverleaf? The Maple Leaf? Nothing. As much as I hate Be-Noit, but what about The Crippler Crossface? No. I have to be on top of him for that. Damn! Nothing can work. Wait a minute! The Tazzmission! I can lock in The Tazzmission. But how? Oh, my goddess. Now his hand is going up my skirt. Ow! I think his hair just cut my neck. It's so pointy. Like something shocked him. Now he is taking off my boots. And he's kissing my legs. At least he knows what I like. Why am I combing my fingers through JC's hair? Why am I moaning? My goddess. I'm getting into it. Don't give in. Don't give in. Don't give in...
[Twiggy and JC started kissing heavily. Clothes were being ripped off of each other]
So, I lied. Click-click. There goes the knees.
