Especially when these jackasses win.
This is me and Twig's VMA review. My comments will be in this color and Twig's comments will be in this color.
This is me and Twig's VMA review. My comments will be in this color and Twig's comments will be in this color.
We'll start with some comments from the pre-show:
Bono is on crack rock. What was he staring at? Kurt had to make him turn around. Will someone explain to me the mystique of Papa Roach? Hoochies in the house (Britney, Christina, Jennifer Lopez, Lil Kim)!
I hate Mc"Fag"en. Did he sleep with Britney yet? And what would Mandy Moore say about that since they are supposed to be dating? Why did Sisqo show up with Lisa Raye? Are they together?
Now, the big show:
Welllllll! Oops. Sorry. WWF moment. The Wayans must die for makin' fun of Chris Rock. But the jokes are funny. Oh. Everybody that he talked about are beating him up. They wish.
Yawn. These jokes are so not funny. Anybody else bored? Oh, my god! Marlon just showed his ass! It was there in full! In, the repeats, they are gonna blank that out.
Marlon showed his ass! I can't believe he did that! Wait a minute. Yes, I can. Britney and Justin sittin' next to each other?! Sh--whoa! I saw that! They can't deny that! Michael?! Oh, wait--that's Janet.
Janet looks good. Sounds like she's lippin' though. I just got confirmation--she is lippin'. She has like, 900 dancers. Where'd they come from?
Oh! She busted with the remix! I am officially on the floor.
I can so do these dances. That was good. I like. Dre and Steven Tyler?! Nice joke, Steven. Best Group--Blink 182. Cool. Hi, Travis.
Ooh! Edge and Christian! Sorry, I flipped channels. The Rock and Kid Rock. There's too many "rocks" in the building--Chris Rock, The Rock, Kid Rock. Best Dance--Jennifer Lopez?! Just what her ego needs. Don't show Puffy. Don't show Puffy. Damn! They showed him! I'm gonna have nightmares about teeth now!
Is Bono alive? He's babbling. I can't understand a word him and Larry are saying. All that just to introduce Rage?
Zack from Rage: "You all look beautiful, tonight." Thank you. I didn't know you cared. Well, Rage is rockin'. Tom Morello is God. They're tearin' stuff up! Yeah! Rage rocked the house.
Nice NSYNC parody. Jimmy Fallon rocks. He dressed up like Justin and everything. And he got Joey down pat. It was perfect. Jakob! Go, baby! Best New Artist--Macy Gray?! Wha?!
Consolation for not winning the Grammy. Sisqo! Comes out singin'. Damn. Were they even finished introducing him? At least, he's singin' live. Dru Hill came out! Aw, yeah! It was all of them, too! Thong Song! I can do these dances thanks to Sisqo's Shakedown. He has 900 dancers. Whoa. That one-armed cartwheel. He slid. That's it?! Was Dru Hill the surprise?! Those Dudleys are nuts. I'm watching Smarckdown, now.
That Macy Gray parody is hilarious! Did you see the look on the guy's face when she revealed her "bush"? Classic. Ricky Martin--ewwww! And he doesn't have shoes on. Feh. Best Female--Aaliyah! Finally somebody good won! Oh. She brought her brother up on stage with her. Oh. Ricky Martin sure looked pissed when he said Aaliyah's name. What? You didn't want her to win? And say her name right! It's not "A-liah", you dumb jackass son of a bitch!
Destiny's Whores and Wyclef. Feh. Kick ass, Triple H! I flipped again. Best Male--Eminem?! Oh, hell. What's goin' on on Smackdown? Whoa! Stephanie just slapped the hell out of Trish Stratus!
Stop flipping to Smackdown. Carson--ewww! Learn how to dress! I think those are the same jeans he had on for the last few weeks. The Napster guy in a Metallica shirt?! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Wake up, Lars. Britney Spears is tryin' to sing. It's not working. It's Memorex. My god! She stripped! For a split second, I actually thought she was naked! Lord!
Her mom needs to be slapped! Never would I let my daughter go out there like that! Yo, crowd, shove some dollars down her thong! She's asking for it! Well, I'm disgusted. Watch Carson rave about this. Marlon: "Girl done went from the Mickey Mouse Club to the strip club!" True.
Best Hip-Hop--Sisqo! Wow! Somebody else good won! Nice speech. Straight, to the point and thoughtful. Method Man and Redman! Wanna know how me and Twig's friendship is like? Look at those two. I'm Method Man and Twig is Redman. She never listens to a word I say. And she always sings "The Real Slim Shady" to herself.
Why are you lyin' on me? I hate Eminem. LL and Macy Gray. The G.O.A.T--September 12th. LL's strippin'! Whoo! Take it all off! The G.O.A.T--September 12th! Best Pop--NSYNC! God! I bet Justin liked being in LL's jacket. After watching this a second time, I realized that LL didn't give Justin his jacket--he took it. I would've whacked that boy in the head if he touched my shit. Now, watch all of the little teenys go out and buy The G.O.A.T on September 12th just because Justin had that jacket on.
Jim Carrey is a nut. Jim: "Thank you Keenan and Damon. I still think you're the most talented ones." Cut to Keenan in the audience. Too many "In Living Color" people in the house, tonight. He broke out in tune. Introduce Eminem already! Here we go. Eminem! He's on the streets with a bunch of Slim Shadys. They're following him! We're under attack! Take cover! I hate Carson. Watch him rave about this, too. The Way I Am. Ya'll see how Dickhead Durst is right behind Carson? They're joined at the hip. That wasn't good. Where was the surprise?
Chris Rock! Whoo! Along with Pootie Tang! He's the greatest. All dressed up like a pimp. They originated rap rock! Bow down to them Limp Bizshit! The Chili Peppers in mohawks. Time to mellow out now. They better win something other than this vanguard! Chris Rock presented them with the vanguard. I love how Chris Rock is walking in his fur. Kiedis and Chris hugged! That is a Kodak moment. If I was there, I would've taken a picture of that. Best part of the whole show.
Napster parody with Lars. Funny. I need one of those stickers. Pink and Moby. Moby making a political statement. Gore's daughter must like that. Best Rap--Dre and Eminem?! Eve should've won! She got robbed! Twig, where are you goin'?
To riot. Aaliyah and Ananda introduce NSUCK. I hate Ananda. She's such a slut. And if she says "bling bling" one more time--I don't know what I would do. I already messed up one TV throwing a shoe at it. I can't mess up another. Get on with it, already! A ballad?! They better pump this shit up right now! Wow. I'm good. Oh, my god! Those monitors! Make it stop! Goddess, make it stop! Aaahhhh! A hot boy?! No way. Juvi, Cash Money, kick their ass! They givin' ya'll bad names. You know how everyone else has 900 dancers? They have a 1000. And they're all sistas like Jerry! You could've been up there, girl! One of them like sistas or did Darren make them do that? All out of breath, eh, boys? Or are you breathing to prove you all were really singin'? Think there's enough glitter goin' around? Was that it?! What was the surprise? The sistas all over the place? The 500th episode of Total Request Live?! Oh, lord. Looks like no end in sight, either.
If I was up there, I would've had to be by Lance. I would slide up to Lance and just dance with him. I'm sorry. Jennifer Lopez and D'Angelo. Feh. Best Rock--Limp Bizshit?! This thing is rigged! Get on that plane, Twig! I bet Carson gave Dickhead a big hug and kiss. Next! Look at that guy on top of the scaffolding! "They are gonna kick his ass!" True that, Shawn!
That's Tim from Rage! Oh, my god. Make that scaffolding fall on Dickhead! Make it fall! Damn NYPD! You stopped the second best part of the show. That shit woke me up. I was half asleep.
Chicanery! Chicanery! Anyway. 98 Degrees and Toni Braxton up next. I like this bunch. They're speaking another language. International Viewer's Choice. Bathroom break!
On the for real, Toni Braxton stole her outfit out of my closet. Carson and his lovers, Kid Rock and Dickhead Durst. Feh. Mark Wahlberg did a bad intro for Nelly. Nelly and his crew doing a shortened version of "Country Grammar". They're walking through the audience. Good god, people! Get up and dance! Ya'll stood up for Eminem. Stand up for Nelly! Nelly is about to lose his pants. Dear god. At least they have Flex behind them.
Why is Sting there? Yo, Eve! That's my girl! Best R&B--Destiny's Child?! This is the Total Request Live crowd winning! This thing is rigged! Carson is sitting aroung his lovers. He made that happen. He switched the seats around. Wait a minute. Carson is also sitting around Sting and Puffy. Who did he sleep with to get those seats?!
3rd outfit change for The Wayans. DeNiro?! He has no clue why he's there. Plus, he can't read. Best Direction?! What the--anyway. Winner is--finally! Something for "Californication"! Chyna and Richard Hatch. Good thing he has clothes on. Chyna's looking like Wonder Woman. Kick his ass, Chyna! I so didn't want him to win! I had money on Rudy. Chyna just bust her pants! All that for Christina Aguilera?
Christina looks fine. Her voice is sounding fine. At least she's singing live. What's with everyone and the 900 dancers?! Cool. She had the breakers. Is it me or is she bowlegged? Why is Dickhead charging up there like he's gonna slap her? Why is he trying to rap? I thought they hated each other?! Was that the surprise?! That sucked. Dickhead had to ruin a good performance. She could've kept that.
I thought Dickhead was gonna slap her, too. I thought "we're gonna see an all out fight and I'm not there to take bets". 4th outfit change for The Wayans. Lil Kim and Big Pussy. Ugh. She looks bad. Horrible joke. Viewer's Choice--NSUCK! Duh! Look at Justin's pants. I see some crotch action. Are those pants tight enough? Can he walk in those? Tight pants equals low sperm count. Hopefully we will have no Timberlake offspring. That is if he doesn't get Britney pregnant. I hope ya'll using protection! Get off the damn stage!
The Wayans givin' respect to those who are no longer with us. Love this bit. It's hilarious! MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice--this is good! But the Spice Girls are coming back. I agree--Van Halen is nothing without David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar. Britney and Christina. Whoa. Britney's bigger than Christina. Christina is a little pixie, isn't she? Are they gonna present Best Video? They bring out Weedney--umm, Whitney Houston.
A standing ovation for Crackney--ahem, Whitney Houston. She's gonna present Best Video. What is with her clothes? Why must she always try to fit in with the young crowd? And must she bring Bobby with her everywhere she goes? Yeah. He's free. For now. Best Video--Eminem?! Who votes for this shit?! I'm out of here!
Save a seat for me on that plane, Twig! Blink 182 performs last. Hi, Travis. That is my boo right there! Glad to see ya back, baby. Tom, what are you doing with your hair? They have little people backing them up. All the small things.
5th outfit change for The Wayans and the show's over. Well, that sucked. All that hype for nothing and I think I have some people that agree with us.
Now a few comments about the post show:
Mc"Fag"en is forever on my shit list 'cause he defended Dickhead Durst. Wow. Durst must really give some good head or something. He has to if Carson keeps coming back and Mc"Fag"en defends him. Eve, girl, NSYNC did not give the best performance. I gotta give that to Janet. She broke out with the remix and everything. Plus, I can do those dances.
Dre is so trying to copy the Hard Knock Life Tour with his Up in Smoke Tour. Shut up, man. Eazy E made you. And your career would be dead if you didn't have Eminem rappin' on every single track with you.
Well, this show totally sucked. It didn't have that edge like it did last year *coughneedChrisRockcough*. Hopefully, the 2001 VMA's will be better *coughdon'thireWayanspopisdeadcough*.