Who could ask for more? Don't lie, Carson. You are a whore.
Does anybody else remember that Cardigans song but me? I like old stuff. What can I say? Anyway. Guess what this little section is about? That's right. Carson Jones Daly (what the hell kind of name is that? He's got three last names for his full name).
This came to me one day as I was watching Total Request Live. I watching to see where Incubus landed (I don't even think they were on the countdown; I gotta vote). Carson was plugging the hell out of Papa Roach. Why? I don't know. If anyone can see the mystique of Papa Roach, drop me an email. Watching him plug the hell out of Papa Roach got me thinking--is Carson Daly a whore?
Let's add up the facts. He works for MTV. MTV sucks the ass of whoever is popular. People like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, NSYNC (personally, I think those boys are giving MTV some checks), and other people who don't deserve to be popular. Total Request Live is the highest rated show on MTV. No chance of that show eeeeeeeeeever (sorry, Jericho moment) being canceled. Since Total Request Live is the highest rated show, musicians and record companies race to get their videos on the show, ergo instant popularity.
Now, certain people get hyped. There are the usual suspects, that rap/metal hybrid, and the rap that is fortunate to cross over. And Carson sucks the ass of all those people. You should see him when Fred Dickhead is on. It's sickening. He swoons. Ever seen Carson swoon? It's not pretty. I still have nightmares. But it just comes to the conclusion that Carson is indeed a whore.
First customer, Fred Dickhead--satisfied. It worked. Limp Bizshit has a following. Second customer, Kid Rock. Another satisfied customer. Nine million albums sold. And guess what? They still maintain a relationship (have you ever heard anyone else on TV call Kid Rock "Bob"?) Carson got more and more customers (Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Korn, Blink 182) until he got a whole arsenal. They're frequent visitors, too. Getting their new video premiered on the show then showing up on the countdown the next day (as I type this, I am still waiting for Orgy's new video to show up on the countdown).
Carson's got a couple of new customers: P.O.D (even asked for a cameo in their new video which I'm damn sure is gonna happen), Papa Roach (how good is this "Broken Home" video, really and what is up with him calling them "P-Roach" if that's not the gayest thing I've ever heard), and Eminem. Look at all those people I've just named. Success everywhere! If it weren't for Carson, Total Request Live, and MTV, they would be nowhere.
What's up with that? Carson must really give some good head or something. So, for all of that, I think Carson's a whore. In fact, he's looking for more customers. That Lil Bow Wow he keeps raving about. Don't even think about it, Carson. That boy is only 13. You just stick to being Fred's bitch.