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King to B2 (A band biography parody)
Copyright 2011 Christina M. Guerrero
DEDICATION
For those who love music.
STORY BEHIND THE STORY
I wrote this after reading one too many band biographies.
ABOUT THE FIRST DRAFT
This is fiction.
King To B2 was an American blues band that formed, played one original song and disbanded between 9:15 to 9:30 p.m. on July 10, 2008 at The Sultry Martini, a blues bar just outside Davis, California.
At approximately nine p.m. on that fateful evening, 32-year-old David Brandez arrived at the club with a small group of friends, ready to have a few beers, listen to the band that was originally scheduled, and relax.
Already at the club were 38-year-old Adrian Burch -- a self-employed caterer who was celebrating her birthday with her boyfriend -- and 42-year-old Jordan “King” Cape, a theater actor from Sacramento who was drinking heavily and mourning the recent departure of his life partner.
All three, like the rest of the patrons, grew impatient at 9:05, when Feathers, the scheduled band, still had not appeared, despite the presence of their instruments, which had been sound-checked laboriously for the past half hour by a technician.
“Hey, where’s the band?” shouted an inebriated Cape.
The technician shrugged and went outside. Cape then staggered to the stage, picked up the bass guitar, finger-picked a few notes and shouted, “Anyone want to play badly with me until Feathers arrives? Any guitar players or drummers out there?”
Burch said, “I can play a little guitar. I’m not that good.”
“Then get up here! Any drummers?”
A friend of Brandez lifted up his right arm and said, “My friend plays drums.” Brandez shook his head as the patrons chanted his name, but after a few minutes he joined the others. Cape hugged him and said loudly, “Hold on! We need a band name.” After long whispered debate, Cape turned to a microphone and said, “We’re King To B2. Cuz my nickname is King and their last names begin with a ‘B.’ If you know chess, it’ll make sense. Anyway, here’s some twelve-bar blues for you.”
Since then, Cape, Brandez and Burch have insisted that they improvised “Twelve-Bar-Blues.”
Improvisational is an inadequate word for the five minute masterpiece consisting of Burch’s expert bending and hammer-ons; Brandez’s steady and meaningful beat; and Cape’s insistent, soulful bass line. They disbanded when the song ended and refused to go on tour when contacted by record label executives.
The executives were tipped off by a patron who submitted an iPhone digital video to several labels. Brandez, Burch and Cape gave permission to Carbon Records to market a single CD and a DVD of their performance. Both have gone multi-platinum.
Despite these accolades, all three King To B2 members have remained in their chosen professions.
See also:
King to B2 Official Site
What Happened That Night (A first-hand account)
Carbon Records
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