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Eleven
Copyright 2015 Christina M. Guerrero
DEDICATION
This is for me, my Lord and my God.
STORY BEHIND THE STORY
Malpractice and distress.
ABOUT THE DRAFTS
Draft Number One: Not happy with that one.
Draft Number Two: Not happy with that one, either.
Draft Number Three: I like this one the best.
I touched the fabric, just as I had four and a half years ago, in 2011, in a branch of the same store on a different continent.
For a moment I was severely distressed, as I had been during all of 2011.
Then I calmed myself, and my past self, with the following message, sending it back in time to the other store:
“Stop everything you are doing, go home, go to bed, and do not get out of bed until you have slept eight to ten consecutive hours. After that, have a regular bedtime and wake up time.
“Cease doing anything that will interfere with getting regular sleep.
“You will have to restrict your activities to work, home, and taking care of your tiny household. Do nothing else. You may have to get the law involved to protect you, but after that, you will be able to heal what needs to heal.
“Find a trustworthy doctor -- one who will listen -- and propose what you intend to do, and ask for guidance. You have enough intelligence and education to figure out a solution to a couple of issues. For the rest, remain silent, because the medical field has changed since you were a child. Some doctors do not listen. Avoid them, and find one who will, when you are ready to tackle the other issues.
“You are doing everything else right. Your life is beautiful and wonderful. Your household is in good working order and everyone else is healthy, happy, and engaged in constructive, productive activities. You are on the right path. Don’t stray from it. You have accomplished everything you have put your mind to, and even though things are not the best currently, there are ways to continue on the path you want to be on, without having to give up what you hold dear to your heart. Anyone who tries to convince you otherwise, is not on your side, and should be avoided.
“You are a kind, gentle, thoughtful, honest, generous person. Anyone who does not hold that view, is not on your side, and should be avoided.
“Keep at it. What you want to do. Cease doing what you DON’T want to do. Focus one hundred percent of your time on what you WANT to do. The results and the rewards will be exactly what you want, and so much more.
“And ... he is out there. You will recognize him, as you have always known, since the dawn of your own time, what to look for. He will recognize you, and you will recognize him. Please tell him how you feel before it is too late. .”
Then my little speech was over.
For a moment I looked at the fabric, remembering my anguish in 2011 when I touched similar fabric in that other store: being in terrible physical pain all the time, and never finding comfort or relief ... suffering through an ominous day that has had serious long-term side-effects ... losing more of my words -- words that had already been compromised by aphasia -- and for a long time not understanding why ... hating my days: days that should have been filled with fun, constructive activities after my daily work was finished.
In order to take care of those issues: all I had to do was to stay home, and sleep, and heal, when I was not working or engaged in the business of maintaining my tiny household. That was all that was necessary. Problems mostly solved.
I squeezed the fabric. There was sorrow and sadness over the intense suffering of 2011. But I still smiled.
Then I walked away. My loved ones were waiting.
They needed me, and I went to them, smiling, and stepping away from all of that darkness and into the beautiful, golden presence of my life.
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