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Amazing Grace
Copyright 2016 Christina M. Guerrero
DEDICATION
This is for My Love. Rest In Peace, my dear.
STORY BEHIND THE STORY
My Love.
ABOUT THE DRAFTS
Draft Number One: Repetitious repetitions repetitiously.
Draft Number One: Repetitious repetitions repetitiously, a bit more understandable.
This version of the hymn "Amazing Grace" was unexpected.
As I sat there and worked, I listened.
And wept.
The version was also the purest I have ever heard: just a piano and a few more instruments as soft accompaniment.
The purity extended to my memories and my grief.
As I listened, it was only the two of us, as it had been for too short of a time.
I wept at his absence. I remembered his smile and his eyes. I remembered his presence and his words.
I remembered all of him, and all we could have been.
I remembered the day I could have chosen everything but him ... or everything I had ever wanted. On that day, I knew it did not matter what the outcome would be. I wanted to be with him. Only him. No matter what would happen I would grow from it.
I wept because the natural order of things is to meet someone, determine if you'd like to be a couple, finalize that, and begin your life together.
I wept because that was interrupted.
I wept because it was both of our faults: because we were two shy people getting to know each other. Because we were enjoying the chase. Because we were slowly but surely getting closer to saying something.
I wept because I knew almost from the beginning that I wanted to be with him.
I wept because there came a day that I simply wanted to move forward together with him. And the two of us ... a little bit broken but still quite strong ... could assist each other through whatever time we had left together.
I wept because we were together ... in memories, in our past ... in spirit.
I wept because I was happy. And sad. And happy.
I do not know for a fact what happens after death. But I believe we can come back from time to time in spirit, and check on our loved ones.
I believe he was with me as I listened to “Amazing Grace” -- more than he has ever been before. I believe he was there, offering a shoulder, and his love, and his tears, and his happiness too.
I believe he knows the triumph of my love for him.
RIP.
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