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Steppin’ Out Swingin’ |
Many people who are reading this may or may not remember me as many of you know me as a vile, crazy, witty, cruel, antagonistic asshole. So I am back on all these lovely websites that I have not been around for a while to say what’s up and give my take on some different topics just to let people know one, I am in the loop, and two, I still got the sugar baby.
First off, you can’t keep a good team down. The White Sox are playing some better ball and are on the way to winning that World Series ring once again. So to the whole AL Central, step the fuck off. But I would love to send some love to the three teams I hate the most. First, the Twins, you guys don’t even matter so far this year. To the Yankees, you are still the most evil empire on the planet, not because your owner buys players like they were the blue light special at K-Mart, but because your fans seem to have a bigger case of roid rage than the players. Always angry all of the time, and finally my biggest shout goes to that dumb ass team up north for some reason still gets mad props from the city of Chicago, the Cubbies. For all you people who bleed Cubbie blue, that is called an STD. It is an STD that your families passed on to you in desperation as a hopeless and pathetic attempt to bond with you. The S doesn’t stand for sexual; it stands for Santo as in Ron Santo who shits out of his mouth more than his ass every time he broadcasts out of WGN. You are all in need of transfusion, because Cubs are out, Sox are in, champs are in, so that is why the White Sox will win. GO SOX GO!
Secondly, this immigration shit is getting ridiculous. Why can’t anyone just try to use the proper channels rather than hop the fence? I love our neighbors down south, but no one and I mean no one should be allowed in our country without going through the proper channels. If you are here, and your visa expires and you are getting caught in some political mumbo jumbo, fight it as long as you can before they send you off. However if you don’t want to do things right, you are slapping your neighbors in the face who did it the right way. Remember that!
Tom Cruise is going to be on Diane Sawyer Friday. No her show, not on top of her, pervert! Get the violins, wine and cheese out so we can hear about how bad Tom Cruise’s dad was to him, and how him and Katie are not breaking up, and how L. Ron Hubbard is God. First off, if Tom Cruise was my son, I would never have a chance to wear a belt. Secondly, who gives a flying fuck if MI3 boy and Dawson Creek reject are splitting, and finally L. Ron Hubbard would lose in a wrestling match to Jesus any day of the week.
Jesse Jackson is getting ready to do some special on giving people a firsthand look at the devastation that Katrina caused. Well maybe ABC News or some other shit bag network can show a special on the devastation to time wasted on Jesse Jackson; the bad effects of this nationwide disaster that happens when a camera happens to be fifty feet from the man.
As I stated in my last article, Barry Bonds is doing some reality show where he is going to give it to you straight. Well we can only hope he is straight and not going through a roid rage episode when he so call tells you the truth.
George W Bush has denied a report by a journalist there was a plot to nuke Iran in an attempt to make them give into demands they relinquish their nuclear ambitions. Bush is quoted as saying, “What you are reading is wild speculation. Which is, kind of, you know, happens quite frequently here in the nation's capital.” Yes, and it also happened in Iraq about 2 or 3 years ago as well, didn’t it Georgie boy?
Speaking about wild, Tim McGraw and Faith Hill are going on tour again this summer. I dare someone to sneak into their dressing room and make a sex tape. I am just kidding. They’re country artists, they don’t have sex. They just sing about screwing and drinking, I think, that sucked, moving on.
So Meredith Vieria will be hosting the Today show leaving all those women and Star Jones and her incredibly shrinking if you want to call that a body to their lonesome. They say take a little time out to enjoy the view. Yeah, that sounds lovely. Star Jones and Barbara Walters together, what a view! By the way, memo to Elisabeth Hasselbeck, your husband lost the Superbowl, ha ha!
The Real World, MTV’s reality romp, will be in Denver this season. For a preview, watch any other Real World episode from the last few years. I promise you can’t tell the difference.
The Bradgelina bitches will be staying in Africa where Angelina Jolie will have her baby and will have lions guarding them from the media. Hey dumb asses; do you remember what happened to Roy?
And finally my guy Ricky Williams from the Dolphins is trying to appeal the suspension the NFL handed down to him for his forth violation of the drug abuse policy. Williams said it was an herb, not a drug that showed up. Yeah that is the argument stoners have been using for the last 50 or so years to justify hitting the pipe, myself included, and it is true, so get back soon so we can see the dolphins at Superbowl XLI, I think that is how they will write it.
And that’s a wrap people. Thank you and see you soon!
MJ
