 | Prom Survival Tips |
Yes prom, it is that time in life where just about anything can happen. The first time for many people regarding many different things. Sex, drugs, booze, you name it, it can happen here at prom. I believe that prom is a challenging event and here to give you some special survival tips is your good friend Michael Jae.
Find the right person to go with
Yes this is very important because in order to have a fun time so in order to achieve this, you need to find someone fun, someone interesting, and someone who doesn’t want to talk to their damn girlfriends all night long. The thing is this is a special night, and when you get some little bitchy bitch who wants to gab all night with her girlfriends about what this person is wearing, and how that nail polish looks, it kinds of spoils the mood for the prom, and events to hopefully follow.
Get your own transportation to the Prom
I have heard from many high school students that many schools are telling students to take a bus from the high school to the hotel/banquet hall that is hosting the event. This is bullshit. First off, I do believe high school students are responsible enough to find their way to the prom. What’s more? This is an event where schools are bringing the transition from child to adult. It is a black tie affair. It is a social gathering. If a student is going to a charity event, should they get on the bus from the headquarters of the charity? Of course not. This is my opinion is all about the molding and shaping of young minds to become part of the machine known as conformity. Don’t ask questions; be a follower not a leader unless you want trouble. I remember a story a couple years back about a couple who was going to be in the school play in Algonquin, and wanted to go to prom afterwards. The school tried to stop them from going since they couldn’t get on the bus, but eventually protests from parents and media attention got them to change their minds.
Dance to slow songs only
Anyone who wants to do anything else but fuck on prom night, go to Dance Fever, OK? Prom is sex night. You can smell it in the air. People are getting laid. Whether it is the school slut, or that nice little virgin about to be deflowered, fluids will be exchanged. The more times you dance to slow songs, the more you set the mood. Guys this is important. Especially if you want to get your dick wet. I am not the romantic expert, but if you treat a woman like she is the only person on a night like this, the possibilities are endless regarding what can happen, that is unless you find the school whore. Then forget everything I just said.
Be sure to spike the punch bowl
Yes this may be old, but oh what can happen when you spike that punch bowl. Everyone will get drunk, and all that bullshit I said about setting the mood. This is the way to set the mood in an entirely different way. This will possibly lead the way to many orgies in the night. I am kidding. However there is an upside to this. If you offer the chaperones some juice which unbenounced to them has been “sweetened”, there is a good chance the teachers will get wasted as well. You can party with the teachers and if you want to kick it Mary Kay Latourneau style, you can bang one of them. Imagine your teacher talking to you about the birds and the bees while she is straddling you. And if they do get wasted, you can always blame it on them since most of them are of legal age to buy alcohol. You can blackmail them for A’s. You can borrow money from them. This is the key to your destiny people.
Get a limo with white seats
Now remember, all that Barry White may get her in the mood as soon as you get back to the limo. You need to get a limo for prom, OK? She might want to do the nasty or maybe even one of those teachers we talked about earlier. You may have an accident and it will blend in with white seats better than black. If you spooge on the black seats, the limo driver will want your balls on a plate. Prevent this by asking for a white limo. Think about this, a married couple might use the limo you got your knob polished in. Then they will be sitting in the load you let release during Prom Night.
Find a nice place to go to afterwards
Once again, if you give a woman all the attention, you’ll get special attention. Fuck going to a party. You can go to a party anytime. The Prom is really special for the girls and most of them lose their virginity on this night. Do you really think she wants you to pop her cherry in a room that sounds like a frat house? That is just so disrespectful. Unless she is a freak like that and wants to play a game of finger cuffs with you and a buddy or a girlfriend.
Use protection!!!!
This is very important!!!! USE A CONDOM!!!! You never know who the girl has been with, no matter what she says. She may say she is on the pill, but use one anyway. She could have sucked of the whole football team and caught Syphilis. Girls, insist that your man use one for the same reason. Your date could be the guy that hit it with the girl who had many touchdowns with the football team. Also, no one wants a little one to spoil his or her prom night. Save that shit for marriage.
And most important, have fun
Prom is a night to have fun and remember. Just be safe. However there is one thing you can do to avoid all this craziness. DON’T GO TO THE PROM. In my opinion, proms are stupid and I am blessed to have a girlfriend who felt the same way. Who wants to hang out with a bunch of people you can’t stand anyway? If there is a final farewell, you do it on a different night. Forget the Prom. Besides, making a woman feel special is something that should be done without having a three-ring circus like your high school prom. And to whoever wins that Prom King and Queen bullshit, will this put food on your plate when you get all old and shit? Does it look good on your resume? Or is it just a self-esteem stroke job to make yourself feel good that you are the guy and girl people play with themselves over? Thanks.
This is satire ladies and gentleman. Michael Jae will not be responsible for anyone who is stupid enough to try this shit. Have a wonderful day.
MJ
