Hello friends. Welcome me back. I know it has been a while, but I have been busy. In fact, I just graduated college. I am now an official Alumni at Columbia College. Think about all the great names that have come from there. Think about all the faces. Michael Jae will be the next one you hear about and you can count on that.
Let’s take a look and some of the bullshit going on right now, shall we?
Those damn Lakers are on their way to win the finals again. It is like the Bulls all over again but a shitty type of team. that have attitudes that make the upper class look like blue collar workers. These people are so cocky and the only thing to put the icing on this cake is how confident and cocky Kobe will be if he walks on the rape charge. Kobe may be innocent, but he will be a dick about it, no question. Furthermore, Mr. “I try to play it off like I’m nice” Malone will receive his first championship ring, and that tree trunk Shaq will have more reasons to be cocky this year. Everyone picked this team to go all the way and unfortunately, everyone was right. Thanks Minnesota.
Walmart in Chicago? What is the big deal? So what if they aren’t union? This only can lead me to believe that Sam Walton’s body may be found under a floor board somewhere in some abandoned house. Just kidding. Seriously, I don’t like Walmart either. These people claim to be peaceful and they sell guns. Kind of like how GW doesn’t like to use the military, but he is proposing the deployment of more troops. Things that make you go hmmm? I could see GW and SW playing a game of doubles tennis together with the golden girls to be quite honest.
And speaking about that topic, is John Kerry our only hope to end the twisted empire known as the Bush Administration? This does not make me feel very good in our chance of survival. We are replacing one moron with another. This man is a swing set when taking a stand on an issue (Kerry) and he has that “vote for me, I’m not Bush” campaign slogan down real good doesn’t he? I ask, Mr. Kerry, when are you going to take a stand for what you believe in and stop saying what you believe we want to hear? If this guy isn’t getting his pole smoked by an intern, I would be greatly surprised.
White Sox in first, good. Cubs in third, great. Listening to moronic Cub fans boo Derrick Lee and Corey Patterson, priceless.
I apologize once again on the length of this column. Don’t worry, I have not resorted to my old Ranger ways yet. I have lots of catching up to do.
Going to Hawaii next week. Little nervous about all the terrorist warnings and what not. I am moving forward with life, and the last thing I need is some terrorist to ruin my trip over something I have nothing to do with, and kill me. It is sad that these terrorists are just as big of cowards as the politicians in office. Instead of going to the people in charge, (which by God isn’t a favorable alternative) they go after innocent civilians. Why? Because it easier for them. However, the same can be said about our lovely administration. They send young men and women to do their bidding and fight their pointless, stupid wars, and none of these people are their family members. We ally ourselves with a country who is drunk with power (Israel) and we shouldn’t be there. Therefore, just about every country in that war zone of an area hates our guts. Where do you think the “Jews and Crusaders” comments come from? If the Middle East wants to blow each other up, let them. Why should we have to sit there? Hell, they don’t even want us there. Why don’t we do ourselves a favor and save some tax money as well as them and leave? Pull out of the region completely. I bet the terrorists would leave as well. They may disagree with our way of life, but we wouldn’t have to deal with them if we weren’t in the middle east. I am not agreeing with them. I am just trying to find a way to avoid all this death and shit.
It is really a relief to see GW back off as far as the choice for the Iraqi interim president. I think we put enough idiots in power for a couple decades (Noriega, Hussein, and Bin Laden (we didn’t put him in power, but we trained him and gave him weapons.) This once again leads me to the whole “let them self destruct” argument about the Middle East. They will either come to love each other, or forever fight wars with each other. It is none of our business, and if it does affect us, then and only then we strike. Hussein may of hated us, but many countries around the world do as well. Is he evil? Yes. Should he be taken out of power? Yes. It should have been done correctly 12 years ago, case closed.
Sorry to be political, it happens sometimes. Anyone listen to the new Fear Factory and Kanye West albums? My favorite albums this year.
Kathy Hilton wants to do a reality show about how to survive in high society. How about she watches one about “parenting” because she obviously failed in that department?
Have you seen the Olsen twins all over the place? Yes you have. Don’t deny it. How many people have made bets that Mary Kate ends up in Playboy or Betty Ford just before she turns 21?
This stupid show Wildboys is completely ridiculous. Is it just me or when Steve-O lies under the elephant so it could piss on him, do you just hope the elephant trips? I think that Steve-O and Moses Alou should hook up and trade urine stories.
Sox manager Ozzie Guillen and Cub person who can’t get it together Dusty Baker are going to make sandwiches together at Subway. Maybe Dusty can get some practice for when he needs a new job when the Cubs fail at their World Series hopes again. As far as Ozzie goes, “winning is fun and fun is winning” so let’s make some subs for the hell of it.
Let’s go back to that music thing again, what the hell is up with this Lil’ John guy? What kind of crack is he smoking? You can’t understand the guy half the time, and he has some real bad teeth. Can someone please punch him?
Snoop Dogg’s wife is leaving him or she lizzle for shizzle. I bet when that whole bullshit “for shizzle” shit began, that is when she called the lawyer.
Tampa Bay is not only in the Stanley Cup, but is giving free beer away for anyone who purchases season tickets for their 2004-2005 season. I have an idea in order to raise revenue for this lucky ass franchise. Give the beer away for the hell of it. Maybe, more people will give a shit that your team is in the Stanley Cup. Besides, isn’t it hot in Florida? When do you ever see Lightning in your damn city anyway? Who was the brain surgeon that decided to bring hockey to Florida to begin with? Beer man, 5 please.
Just saw the movie “The Day After Tomorrow.” Wish I waited the year after the next to see it.
And finally, why are gas prices over $2.00 a gallon? Didn’t we invade a land that is rich in oil? Oh yeah, that’s right. That oil belongs to the Iraqi people. Even though at present time, their country for lack of a better term, belongs to us right now, we let the one thing that can benefit our country in a good way become a great way for people to start fires in that wonderful, lovely, extravagant piece of land that I am sure if you ask, you can get a time share on.
And that is it for the bashing…now the news.
First, I would like to thank the faculty and students of Columbia College for helping me to learn a lot about life and myself the past two years. Thank you to all of you who supported me. You know who you are. Since this column can pass as a whole set of Cliff Notes, I think I will let you use your imagination. If you don’t know if you should be on this list, you probably did something shitty to me. Thanks for that too.
Secondly, Mass Debate will not be the new TV show. It will be the segment of the new TV show I will have developed in July 2004. The show will include an opening rant, a debate section (called Mass Debate) , music videos, and other fun stuff such as interviews and pranks. It will blow away SRTV and it will be cool. Other big things are in the making and I will keep you up to date as they happen.
Thank you for reading my long ass column. I think this more than makes up for the time we spent apart. I will write them more often nowadays so this mess doesn’t occur again.
Peace be with you,
MJ
