 | The Hooligan Hopscotch |
1-So the autopsy on Terri Schiavo has been performed and it appears that she had no chance to make it. Gee doc, tell us something we didn’t already know. I guess many people who were protesting in front of the hospital, and some of the dickhead politicians out there who said, “she had a chance” will now realize that they wasted a week in their lives that they will never get back. Nice work, morons.
2-Apparently, Jessica Simpson’s “good girl” image went down the toilet with her latest video, “These Boots..” shows her in a bikini and now every 12-year-old boy’s walls are guaranteed to be white, so parents, no need to paint. Any hoot, I wonder what father Joe Simpson thinks. Is he ejaculating like them 12 year olds? After all, it was him in an interview with GQ that said, “my daughter has double Ds and those suckers keep popping out.” Well said, Dad. Well said.
3-The Patriot Act finally may strike the clause that allows government to check bookstore and library records of anyone walking the face of the United States, but George W Bush says he will veto any kind of legislation that will alter the controversial bill. It is a shame that we can’t veto the president. I mean here is a man who talks about morality, and we are letting a child molester go free on ten counts. More on that one later. Can we say we are a society based on morals and values when shit like that happens?
4/5- R. Kelly has really lost his mind. His new music is really creepy and weird. Have you heard the new song when he talks about the guy coming to the closet? Maybe he can whip out his dick and piss on him like he did to that girl in the video. That will show him.
6-Carl Everett from the White Sox obviously has many issues. He hates Wrigley Field, which is acceptable, hates gay people, which is questionable, and hates fans, which puts him in the receptacle. He claims in Maxim that “fan is short for fanatic and it is proven that 99% of the fans don’t even know what they are watching.” Hey Carl, who do you think pays for the tickets during those games you play? Even if they don’t know what they are watching, you are getting rich off these people. So why don’t you have a Coke and smile and shut the fuck up.
7/8-Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are knocking boots. Oh boy. The media is going to have a field day with this one. First off, Tom Cruise needs to be killed by one of the aliens in “War of the Worlds”, while Katie Holmes needed to be gangbanged by a swarm of bats. (There is my cheesy ass summer blockbuster joke for this journal.) Katie Holmes was with Chris Klein for a long ass time. She claims to be a virgin, but those two never kicked it. Come on now. She was a life long catholic, but now she is going to be a scientologist. What did Tom say to her? “If you are not down with scientology, fuck you. I mean really fuck you.” Well, I guess that is what Katie did right Tom? You cradle robbing crack head you! You are old enough to be her father, Jesus!
9-WJMK otherwise known in Chicago as “Oldies 104.3” but changed the name 3 times because they didn’t know who they wanted to market to has become Jack 104.3 FM. What I want to know is, who the hell is Jack? Is he the guy talking between songs and spots? Is he the evil overlord who threw Dick Biondi to the dumpster?
10-And finally, good ol’ Michael Jackson. Only in America can a man like Jackson, who supposedly is an icon, moonwalk away from ten charges that have damning evidence against him. So what if the accuser’s mother was a scam artist? The point is that many of Jackson’s employee’s saw the freak show give kids alcoholic beverages, he has been accused of this before, and he thinks there is nothing wrong with sleeping with children in the same bed. The fact that the jury was too star struck to see past Jackson the celebrity makes me want to puke. I can’t believe the idiots that flew to America from around the world to sit in front of the courthouse to cheer this pedophile on were cheering the verdict. I ask them, as well as the jury, the next time Michael Jackson has his famous slumber parties there; will you find a way to get your kids to go there? I mean after all, you all worship the man like he was God, so I can totally not see him fondle your children, or take showers with them, or the other sick shit that was said during the trial. May God have mercy on all your souls if he is reported molesting another child. And because of you guys, you just opened the door for other child molesters to walk as well.
And that will do it. Season premiere, two and a half weeks and counting. Bye bye.
Laters,
MJ
