Welcome to the Journal. Today we look at the 10 most fascinating people according to the little world of Barbara Walters and bring it down to the common level. I do believe that Ms. Walters is in no place to make these kinds of judgments on people since she is retiring. Therefore, I think I should take over the job. So here we go.
This was in no particular order by the way…
1) Karl Rove
The Most Fascinating person of 2004? Yeah he is fascinating all right. He is the man behind the whole “us vs. them” mentality that many people in this country have. You know, if you criticize W, you are a terrorist. He has helped to invoke fear in many of the great people in this nation. He is a rabble-rouser and a puppet master. If Rove tells Bushie to read a sentence, Bush will. Whether it will be note for note is a whole new issue. Karl Rove has helped divide this country by his strategy of “Bush winning the vote based on the morals and values.” Yet, my idea of morals and values isn’t by going back to the 1940’s where everything was so happy. I feel that is the direction Rove and Bush want to take the country and I think we can’t go back to that era. Too many crazy shit has happened since then.
2)Mel Gibson
If there were a most intense, or most unbalanced person for 2004, Mr. Wallace would get it. Mel Gibson is a very complex man, but he speaks his mind and doesn’t hold back so it makes people nervous. The Passion of the Christ was a reminder of Mr. Rigg’s conviction to the things he believes in. I have a great deal of respect for this man. He gave the finger to the establishment and to the majority releasing that film that had to be seen. He has always been his own man, and he does deserve a seat of Barbie’s list.
3)Google founders Larry Page and Sergey Brin
I don’t know what makes them so spectacular, but I do like Google. It is my favorite search engine. I’m feeling lucky!!!! Yeah!!!!! These guys are billionaires but they still live the normal life. Good for them.
4)Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox pitcher
So what if he was injured and his stupid team came back to win the World Series. As far as I am concerned, the Red Sox’s fan base is that of the same mentality of the Cubs fans. They are alcoholic drunks who blame their losses on a curse. I thought the Red Sox did an unbelievable job in the baseball post season, but Schilling almost blew it when they were playing New York. Curt Schilling can take a flying leap off of Fenway Park for all I care. That goes for anyone else who is a Red Sox fan too. Bad pick. Bad bad pick. I think you should have gotten William Hung for this instead. Imagine someone who rips off other songs and sings them really poorly.
5)Usher
Jesus Christ, come on. This guy sounds like so many R & B artists out there that are saturating the radio world. It is those abs that drive the women crazy. An usher is exactly what this man needs to be. A movie usher, a theatre usher, a funeral usher, for his own funeral perhaps. If he really wanted to do his “Confessions” album justice, he could have easily wrote his first single and titled it “I Suck Ass.” I like the song with Alicia Keys. I like the sample, but then Usher ruins it when he opens his mouth. Kind of like when he is on a date. I guess I have to give credit where credit is due; at least he doesn’t go after 15 year olds and shit.
6)Paris Hilton
She can make Hustler’s top 10, and I wouldn’t say a word. However, in the real world in order to be special, you must have a talent besides fucking and filming yourself doing it. She makes herself out to be such a naïve little girl but look at all the guys she kicked it with in 2004. I am surprised her and Usher didn’t hook up and do a music video for Spice Channel. Oh wait a minute; she supposedly doesn’t like black men. Then again, a dick is a dick for her you know. You cannot justify this woman’s existence to me. She’s a model, yeah so what. There are many models out there that are smarter than her, and have a more advanced vocabulary than “that’s hot.” She wrote a book. Madonna wrote children books too. She is releasing an album. I believe the world would want to hear nails on a chalkboard rather than her stupid voice. After all, many have heard her sing a song. It is a remake of Kiss’s “Uh All Night.” Just there is no music and many squishy noises.
7) Oprah Winfrey
I know I can’t believe I am saying this but Oprah is not that bad. She gave away all those cars, she lobbied against meat (that was a while ago though), she gets away with talking about sex explicitly on daytime TV, she gave away a house, and much much more. I have watched her show a couple times this year and she is growing on me. However, I will not declare my devotion to the daytime diva until she buys me a car, or produces MJP as the first renegade show under the Harpo banner. He he he.
8)Michael Moore
As much as I can say that I appreciated Fahrenheit 9/11, I do not appreciate Michael Moore as a person. The man gave the impression that he was some kind of hero going to Iraq and talking to the soldiers about their thoughts on the war, when all along it was someone else’s film. Then, he goes to France and tells them he is ashamed to be an American. If you are so ashamed of being an American, move there you sonofabitch. Don’t sit here and tell us it is your patriotic duty as an American to make a movie that produces a powerful punch and wake up call to many uninformed Americans, and then go overseas and talk about how much our country sucks. It is OK to criticize government, not to talk about the country like that. Follow the Dixie Chicks lead and say your president, not your country jackass, embarrasses you.
9)Donald Trump
No one brings more fun to the phrase “you’re fired” than Mr. Trump. I remember my first viewing of the Donald was at Wrestlemania IV at Trump Plaza in Atlantic City. I respect him immensely even though he didn’t get his marriage shit right. I wrote off the Apprentice as another shitty reality show until I met Bill Rancic. I thought he was a pretty cool guy, so I decided to start watching the Apprentice to cheer him on. Since then, it has become a guilty pleasure of mine. I feel that Trump putting his name on everything from ice cream to water is a little eccentric, but you cannot deny the brain of this man. He knows when to get into something at the right time and walk out a winner. One of my goals for 2005, is to read The Art of the Deal. He is someone I can learn something from.
10)Ken Jennings
How does this goofball make the list? He won a damn game show. So what? Many people have won shitloads of money on game shows. Remember the first millionaire on Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? Did he get a spot on Barbie’s list? This guy is such a nerd and I hate that weasel smile of his. I don’t know why I have so much animosity towards this man. I think it is because of the smile.
Honorable mention: Michael Jae
Barbara Walters didn’t mention Michael Jae because when Michael Jae is around her, she goes crazy inside. She sees a man in Michael Jae who terrifies her, so she can’t be in the same room as him. She sees herself in him. A person who asks the tough questions like she does. And most of all, she likes Michael Jae’s beautiful blue eyes. So she can’t talk about him or she will go into an orgasmic frenzy just by the mere mention of his name. (More like a homicidal rage.)
Truth be told, I can’t hold a candle to BW when it comes to journalistic integrity. However, when it comes to telling it like it is, I’m the most fascinating person in 2004, and don’t any of you fucking forget it!!!!!!
Your best friend,
MJ
